


Burn Out

by Serpent_Tailed_Angel



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Can't Spit It Out, Caretaking, Comfort/Angst, M/M, Romance, Sickfic, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 125,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4397561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpent_Tailed_Angel/pseuds/Serpent_Tailed_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is shocked and confused by the news that, thanks to a rare disease, Natsu will never be able to fight again, but the one who has the hardest time understanding is none other than Natsu himself. Unwilling to accept his condition, he finds himself at odds with the guild, and with Gray in particular, in trying to assert his freedom to continue living as he had before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something Feels Wrong

Usually, Natsu was more than eager to fight. Usually. For whatever reason, as he looked into the arena, he found himself feeling anxious. Even a little queasy, as if the whole building they were fighting in was on wheels. Something about the whole situation was off, but he couldn't even begin to say what. Nothing looked suspicious. There were no unusual smells. No one acted out of the ordinary. For no reason he could discern, Natsu simply felt something was wrong.

He glanced at Gray, waiting beside him at the arena's edge. The two of them had agreed to join the tournament last minute to pay off the fines they'd incurred destroying a pier. It was a small scale event with a modest reward for the victor, but they didn't need that much to pay the town back. Natsu had enough at home to pay his fines immediately. But Gray had claimed to be broke after having paid his rent earlier in the week, and the tournament was a team event. And paying for the damages with money from a quick, easy few rounds of purely for-fun fighting meant that his saving could be spent on food instead,

Gray glanced back at Natsu with a conspiratorial grin. They'd blown through the first three rounds of the tournament that morning, and lucked into the first match of round four. Whoever won the second match would have a much shorter resting time before fighting the two of them in the finals, giving them a good advantage. He looked confident. How annoying. Natsu was so certain that someone was wrong, but when Gray wore that smug grin, it seemed like he thought everything was smooth sailing.

"It looks like the twins are going to win," Gray said. "Whatever magic they're using, it clearly works better when they're in contact. We'll want to keep them on separate sides of the arena. You take the one in red spandex. I'll fight the one in blue. That way, we don't have to worry about our magic clashing with one another either."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Geeze. Coming to a fight like this in spandex. What weirdoes."

Gray had lost his shirt during the first round, and his pants in round three. Both were somewhere in the room, grabbed by some audience member or another. He wouldn't be able to get them back.

"You're not one to talk."

Gray put his hands down over his crotch to feel for his boxers and, should they be gone, protect his modesty. To his relief, he felt fabric.

"Well, anyway, I'm giving you the easier of the two to deal with. Don't screw this up."

"As if."

Natsu returned Gray's grin, even though his stomach twisted as he said it. Something was wrong. Something was really, really wrong and he had no idea what.

He still hadn't identified it when the match ended. The twins, as Gray predicted, had won. They were allowed a five minute break before their next match, and while the two of them drank and stretched and waved to the audience, Natsu and Gray climbed into the arena.

Gray grabbed the corner nearest where they sat and held on tight, signaling that he planned to keep his opponent on that side of the arena. Natsu nodded in understanding and leaned back, waiting for the twins break time to end so the fight could get underway. He wanted the match over with. Some primal instinct was making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and he wanted to run home and crawl under the covers and hide until whatever was bothering him vanished.

The twin's time ran out. The referee ushered them back up on stage, and the two settled into the corner opposite Natsu and Gray. They were, Natsu noticed, already holding hands. But their magic was short ranged. They would need to cross the arena to land a blow.

"Stay put," Natsu muttered. "I'll separate them when they charge at us and send the blue one your way."

"Alright."

The referee raised his hand. The match would begin in seconds. Natsu tensed, readied himself to spring…

And froze.

The referee swung his hand down, signaling the start of the match, and the twins charged at them.

Cursing, Natsu bolted forward. He wouldn't meet them right in the middle like he'd hoped. Something about his stance hadn't felt right, and his kick off into a dash wasn't as powerful as he wanted it to be, but he could worry about that later. For now, he just wanted the fight to be over with fast.

He kicked Red's arm up, then whirled around and slammed the same foot into Blue's back while, at the same time, grabbing Red and shoving him away. Their grip broke easily. From the sudden chill behind him, Gray created some manner if ice barrier to keep them apart. Natsu trusted him to handle the blue twin, and jumped after the red without a single glance back.

His next punch missed, as did the third. Red dodged his blows with a casual air that only made Natsu all the more frustrated with his inability to land another hit. The man was hardly taking a step back with each swing Natsu took.

"Did you really beat all the other competitors?" Red asked.

"Sure did. I'll beat you too."

"You couldn't beat a plywood wall, with that aim."

Considering he was in the tournament in the first place for breaking a lot of far sturdier wood, the insult itself had little impact on Natsu. Missing again, however, drew a frustrated growl from his throat.

"Hold still!"

"You _must_ be joking."

Natsu lunged once more, and Red kicked out, knocking Natsu's feet out from under him. His attempt to catch himself failed, and he threw his hands out to break his fall. His palm hit the arena floor, and slid out from under him. Crashing completely to the floor, Natsu had only a moment to recover from his faceplant before he had to roll out of the way of an attack. He'd never identified an element that the twins used. They seemed to simply shoot waves of magic from their hands.

"Looks like your aim isn't so great either."

"As it stands, I have fewer misses from—"

Natsu kicked Red's legs out from under him before the man could finish talking, which he would have found to be satisfying payback, except that Red managed to steady himself after only stumbling a few feet.

Jumping back to his own feet, Natsu grabbed Red before he could ready another spell, cloaked his hands in flame, and pulled his arm back to punch.

Something felt wrong.

He froze, flame dispersing. Dread seizing his stomach. Something felt _horribly_ wrong.

"If you're done—"

He punched, and faulted the lack of fire for the attack having no effect other than to startle his opponent out of his sentence. No matter. Up close as they were, there was no dodging. Natsu took in a quick gasp of air and spat flames at the man in a half-baked fire breath attack, then tossed him aside.

It was a small scale contest. All of the opponents had been small fry. When he glanced over at Gray, much to his annoyance, he was that his teammate was already finished with Blue.

"You took your sweet time."

"You took the easy one."

Gray raised an eyebrow, and Natsu remembered him saying that Red was weaker. Whatever. Red hadn't given him any challenge anyway.

They collected the prize money, split it, and counted out how much would go to paying for the damages for the job they'd finished the day before. Natsu gave his portion of the payment to Gray, who hopped on a train back to the port town to pay off their debt. With a bit of what was left, he stopped at a vendor's booth near the train station, buying meatballs for himself and Happy. The ride back to Magnolia would make him sick, but he'd missed lunch, and he felt tired. Whatever was still nagging at the back of his conscious, telling him something wasn't right, he thought that eating might make him feel better.

It didn't. It made him feel worse riding the train back, and at one point he had to open the window and stick his head out to vomit.

Just as he'd hoped, when he got back to Magnolia, he went straight home. Having lost the meatballs, he was hungry again, and cooked himself a fast dinner before washing off, crawling into bed, and falling asleep immediately.

-o-

When Natsu woke up the next morning, he felt fine. Everything felt fine. The horribly wrong feeling, whatever it was, had gone away.

He still had a little of the prize money. He decided he would buy takoyaki. Maybe, if Gray was back from repaying the town for the damage they'd done, he'd rub it in Gray's face that he had takoyaki and Gray didn't. It was going to be a good day. He could feel it, he was sure.

He could no longer feel anything off. It would be a while before he noticed anything was wrong again, and far too late before he realized that it was something wrong with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess Inhuman kind of gave Natsu a fair deal of attention, but other than that, I don't think I've really written a fic focusing on him before. I've only ever written fics giving heavy inclusion to any manner of manga protagonist before because when I want to write about Lucia, it's hard not to match him with Haru. I'm not sure why exactly, because this premise was originally going to be for a Stingue fic (based off a drawing I saw on pixiv of Sting crying, which I'd thought was an ideal size for a cover and came up with a premise that such an image would be a good match for, although I would never have screwed up the nerve to ask to use it). I decided on a whim to make it revolve around Natsu, and while it was going to be Nalu at that point, at the key moment where things were set in place for Nalu to be end game, I ended up writing in Gray's name instead. So... that happened. I've never really read Gratsu fics before and only started looking at art for it since starting this project. Hopefully that I don't have anyone to unconsciously mimic in how these two would interact romantically will help make this a fresh read.
> 
> Chapter one borders on being a prologue, so I'll have two up shortly. After that, updates will be at random. I have something other than an update schedule pushing me to keep writing, and I really don't like the time constraints of a schedule, so having a self imposed one seems a little silly. I'll try not to make anyone wait to long for an update, though.


	2. The First Attack

It was several months before Natsu next noticed something was amiss. Things had been quiet, and all the jobs they'd taken, at Lucy's insistence, had been on the lighter side. Rounding up bandits or suppressing a single monster. Nothing their team couldn't finish in a few hours.

Erza was the one who finally declared she was itching for a challenge and grabbed an S-Class quest. When Lucy protested, she claimed that Natsu and Gray both more or less counted, since one of them probably would have been S-Class had the last trial not been interrupted. This wasn't enough. Erza then pointed out that after they divided up the pay, the reward was enough to keep Lucy from having to worry about rent for half a year, and Lucy stopped complaining. Gray and Natsu, who were both eager to prove that _they_ were the one who would have won the S-Class trial, took no effort at all to convince. In the end, only Wendy begged out, insisting that she would take a smaller mission with a few other members who might depend more on her healing abilities.

On the train ride over, they reviewed the plan. Their mission was a fairly straightforward one. A large number of monsters had emerged in the foothills on the far side of Mount Hakobe. Several other guilds had already tried to fight them, and claimed that it took their whole team just to take out one. But as Erza pointed out, those teams lacked Fairy Tail wizards, and as Lucy pointed out, in the foothills, there would be nothing that the team needed to hold back and refrain from destroying.

"You hold back when there's something we aren't supposed to break?" Gray asked, since Natsu was out cold from motion sickness.

"You _don't_?" Lucy shook her head in disappointment. "Geeze. No wonder you two are always causing trouble. At least you won't have the chance this time."

To give Natsu a little time to recuperate, when they reached the last town before the foothills, they took their time with lunch and asked around for information about the monsters. From that they learned that their plans to hire a carriage to cover the remainder of the trip wouldn't work, as no one was willing to head out that way.

"Guess we have to go on foot," Natsu told everyone. "Hey, Sorry Lucy."

"You don't look that sorry."

And she never looked that sorry when dragging him onto a vehicle, but Natsu was happy enough to get out of the carriage ride not to care. Carriages were even worse than trains. Lately, it seemed like it took him even longer to recover from being forced onto a vehicle too. He'd almost turned down lunch because his stomach was still churning a whole hour after they disembarked.

He didn't see why the other three were so upset about having to walk the rest of the way. It wasn't like it was _that_ far, and since Erza had suspected they might spend a few nights camping in the foothills as they cleared out monsters, it hardly mattered that they had to stop for the night two thirds of the way there.

Close as they were to the site of the reported attacks, Erza insisted that they take turns guarding the camp. She went first, then Gray, then Natsu. After that was supposed to be Lucy, but Natsu felt energetic enough to keep up watch, and if Lucy had to get up early, she would probably complain a lot more throughout the day. Natsu took her watch too, and woke her just a little before the others so Erza wouldn't find out.

"Thanks," Lucy yawned and dragged herself out of her sleeping bag. "Now turn around. Keep watching for any monsters."

"But it's light out."

"Turn around. I need to get dressed."

Blushing, Natsu looked back out towards the foothills, and lamented having such good hearing. He could hear Lucy's small huffs as she struggled out of a pajama top that was slightly too small, and was keenly aware of exactly when he would get the best sight, should he glance over his shoulder. But that would get him slapped, and Lucy yelling at him might wake Erza. Then he would be slapped by _Erza_ , which was a serious punishment to try and avoid.

"Can I turn back yet?"

"Hold on."

"Lucy, you're taking too long."

"I said hold on! I've almost… there! It's safe to look."

Natsu turned back around and glimpsed over her outfit. Too short skirt. Heels. Tight top. He couldn't imagine fighting in that. In all honesty, he was impressed with how well Lucy could manage.

"Well? How do I look?"

"You look like Lucy. C'mon. Let's get the others up."

-o-

After a quick breakfast they set out again, and encountered their first monster before lunch time. Erza made short work of it, and ordered that the four of them split up and begin to clear out the area. They rejoined for lunch, split back up to fight again, and after rejoining once more to make a campfire dinner, set up camp for the day.

Gray boasted about how many monsters he'd slain, and Natsu fired back with a higher number. To maintain their pride, neither dared ask Erza for her head count, and let her instead focus on roasting s'mores.

Something pricked at the back of Natsu's neck. Some vague sense of wrongness that he knew he'd felt some time recently, but couldn't recall when. But Gray was laughing about how well he'd done that day, and Lucy was blushing and reading a book intently, and Erza, who had the keenest sense after Natsu, was drooling as she watched her marshmallow turn brown. If none of them thought anything was amiss, then until the feeling became any worse, Natsu decided to dismiss it. He had been up since almost midnight. He was getting tired. If all his better rested friends noticed nothing, he was probably imagining it.

He ignored the sensation.

"Erza," Gray said, "If you have that much sugar, you'll never be able to fall asleep."

"Is that so?" Erza tried to recall how many marshmallows she'd eaten, and could not. "I'll take watch first, then. Unless any of you want it."

"I'll take the last shift," Gray told her. "Natsu, Lucy, you two work out who's second and third."

Natsu considered telling Erza he wanted to go first. Uninterrupted sleep was a nice thing. But he'd already been up since a little past midnight, and when he glanced at the still rolled up sleeping bags sitting a few feet away, he wasn't willing to offer to go any longer than he had to without crawling into one.

"I can go second," he decided.

Since she had gotten out of watch the night before, Lucy refrained from complaining that she hadn't been given any choice at all with what shift she would take.

They rolled out sleeping bags not long after, and Erza stayed up to continue roasting sweets while everyone else got ready for sleep.

No sooner had Natsu shut his eyes than did Erza suddenly stand, dropping her marshmallow into the fire as she drew her sword.

"Incoming!"

Gray leapt from his sleeping bag and readied a battle stance. Natsu and Lucy were still struggling to get out of their bags when the first attack hit, sending the two of them rolling several feet.

"Dammit!" Flames igniting around his body, Natsu burned his way out of the bag and scrambled to his feet. "Who did that? You're gonna pay!"

He scanned for any suspect looking beasts, but none of them paid much attention to him, instead striking at Gray and Erza, who had been in a better position to fight.

Well… fine! If none of them were obviously guilty, they could all share the blame. Wrapping his fists in flames, Natsu kicked off to rush the nearest monster…

And promptly fell flat on his face.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asked, having finally wiggled her way out of her bag. "What did you trip on?"

"Must've been a rock," Natsu muttered, although that wasn't the case at all. He'd leaned forward, attempted to jump, and not kicked off hard enough. How had he not kicked off hard enough? It felt like he'd put as much force as normal into that kick. It was a move he pulled all the time. Messing it up like that was just embarrassing!

Now wanting to repeat that mistake, Natsu decided to run at the nearest monster instead. He swung as he got close, but missed. The thing didn't even dodge, and he missed. Hissing in frustration, he swung with his other fist and hit, but the monster didn't budge. It felt like hitting a brick wall with a pillow. The target didn't so much as wince, and Natsu's fist bounced harmlessly off.

Had he been putting real force into that, it would have knocked the monster over. Or at least made his own fist sore. That neither took damage meant that… that… that he hadn't punched hard? But it had felt like he was putting his all into it. Just like it had felt like that first punch would hit, and that his attempted leap would get him airborne.

Something felt really, horribly wrong, and Natsu went rigid, unable to ignore the sensation any longer.

"Natsu! Stop messing around!" Erza snapped.

"You don't need to tell me twice." He took in a deep breath, feeling fire well up in his belly. "Roar of the—"

Sharp pain exploded in his head, and he doubled over. The roar attack, rather than blasting a cone of flames that would have incinerated the beast right in front of him, was reduced a few sad wisps of flame and smoke mixed into his choked gasp of pain.

The world tilted and split itself in two. When Natsu managed to raise his head to look back at the monster, he couldn't tell if it was above him, or below. He saw it raise two right arms back to strike him. Did it have two before? He realized he needed to dodge, but even shifting the slightest bit made the tilting worse, and he didn't know whether to move left or right.

Someone cried out for him. The noise was muddled, but it was probably one of the girls. The monster's fist connected with his head then, and he lost consciousness before he was able to figure out who it was screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the last were both a little shorter than what I usually like to write, so I didn't want to put either of them up alone, really. But at the same time I don't like posting two chapters at the exact same time, so have them half a day apart.
> 
> Like I said before, this fic was originally going to be a Nalu. The moment that changed is just a tad big after this. I'm not sure I'd have included that bit where Natsu takes Lucy's night watch otherwise, but... I don't really mind that it's there. It still works good as a friends moment, and serves it's main purpose—which was to help tire Natsu out.
> 
> Next chapter is where the plot really kicks off, so look forward to it.


	3. Just a Headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was trying to hold off until Wednesday to put this up, so I won't run out of stuff to post too soon, but then I noticed that there's some Gratsu event that day, and I don't know why, but I've never really liked participating in stuff like that. I wore tie-dye to school every day all through middle and high school except for on spirit week's tie-dye days.

Natsu's head ached when he woke up, and it was hard to focus his thoughts. He was in a room, which was strange, although it took him a moment to realize why. They had been camping. He had no business being in a room when they were more than a day's hike from the nearest hotel.

The room looked familiar, but it was the scent that allowed him to finally ID his location. It smelled like the guild hall. He was back home. In the guild infirmary? Other than the headache, he didn't feel that bad.

He sat up and surveyed his surroundings. Rain was striking the window hard and fast, distorting the view outside as water ran down the glass. The pounding of rain on the roof was oddly relieving, even though noise didn't typically sooth headaches. The crash of thunder nearby made his temples throb, though. He heard nothing from beyond the infirmary door, but could smell Gray and Gajeel.

Recalling the vertigo he'd felt the last time he was conscious, Natsu got out of bed slowly, and took a few cautious steps before determining that whatever had so disoriented him was past, and that his current headache was due exclusively to being struck in the head.

With that settled, he strode out of the infirmary. Having failed so miserably, he could already hear Gray's gloating, and he wanted to get it over with. The sooner Gray shut up about how he screwed up, the sooner he could focus on doing something that would blow Gray out of the water.

Aside from the two he'd smelled, no one else was there, likely on account of the thunderstorm. Gray and Gajeel sat near the bar, discussing something quietly enough that Natsu had trouble making it out over the patter of rain. He attempted to creep closer and hear what it was. After all, the only reason anyone might hold a conversation bellow a _dragon slayer's_ hearing threshold was because they didn't want a dragon slayer to overhear. But before he was close enough Gajeel heard a wood board creak under Natsu's foot, and looked up at him.

"Hey. Salamander. Back among the living?"

Natsu froze like a deer in the headlights, searching for an appropriate response that was neither too humble to recover from nor too cocky to get away with after losing a fight.

Before he could come up with something, Gray looked up at him, and his shoulders sagged in relief. "We were starting to worry you wouldn't wake up."

"I wasn't unconscious that long," Natsu protested. Not that he had any idea how long he'd been out. Long enough to get him back to the guild hall, at least. A day's walk from where they'd set up camp to the nearest town, and several hours for the train ride. Then long enough for everyone to either go home despite the rain, or an extra night, with everyone holding off on coming the next day because of the rain.

At least two days.

"Three days is a long time to be unconscious," Gajeel said.

"Three days?"

Gray nodded. "Gramps said we were gonna take you to the hospital if you didn't wake up today."

"It was just a bump on the head."

"Your fighting sucked before that thing hit you."

"Did not."

"That blow to the head must have jumbled your memories," Gray said.

"Maybe you gave yourself brain freeze, because I think you're the one misremembering."

Gajeel grabbed Gray's arm and spun him back to face the bar before he could come up with a retort for that.

"Lunch," Gajeel said. "You haven't eaten in a few days now. There's a lunch for you in the kitchen."

"Oh? Great. I'm starving." Natsu spun towards the kitchen.

"I'll get it," Gray insisted, getting to his feet. "You sit. You were unconscious for three days. If I have to tell Erza that we let you run around and knock yourself out again so soon, I'll make sure you don't wake up next time."

Natsu snorted. "Don't threaten people if you're worried about them."

"Who said I'm worried about you? I don't want to deal with Erza. That's all."

"Sure. Sure." Natsu moved to duck out of the playful swat he anticipated as Gray passed by, but the ice mage made no moves at him.

"Sit, Natsu."

Stunned to see Gray treat him delicately, more or less, Natsu obeyed, dropping to the nearest bench.

When Gray returned with a bento box that smelled like Lucy, Natsu asked, "Where's Happy?"

"Wendy's dorm." Gray returned to his own seat. "He wasn't happy to hear we were planning to take you to the hospital. Pantherlily suggested that spending the night with Carla might help cheer the little guy up."

"Where's Pantherlily?"

"Home," Gajeel answered. "The only reason _we_ came in this weather is because we were assigned to keep an eye on you, and carry you to the hospital if we needed to."

Again with the hospital stuff. "I wasn't hit that hard."

"You were unconscious. For three days. That's a bad sign."

"I feel fine."

Gray raised an eyebrow. "You do?"

"My head hurts," Natsu admitted. "But it's not as bad as before, and the room isn't spinning, so I'm pretty much back to normal."

Gray looked too interested all of a sudden, and he'd already looked more interested in Natsu than the roset liked. "You were dizzy when you woke up?"

"No. I just had a headache."

"You were dizzy before you were knocked out, then."

"Yeah. But it's over now."

"How dizzy?"

"It's not a big deal."

"How dizzy, Natsu?"

"Answer, Salamander," Gajeel put in. "We still have to drag you to that hospital kicking and screaming if it looks like you might pass out again."

"It was _nothing_ ," Natsu insisted. All their questions we keeping him from eating the lunch Lucy made, and he could smell all the hot sauce and cayenne pepper she'd added to make it deliciously spicy for him. "I took Lucy's watch on top of mine the night before. Then I fought all day. I was tired."

Though when he thought of it, it wasn't nothing. He had felt something off. And even before the pain in his head and the vertigo, he hadn't been able to put as much force into his actions as normal.

"You're sure it was nothing?"

Being tired could make it harder to attack at full force. And hospitals smelled awful with their sick people and chemical cleaners and weird, suspicious drugs. "I didn't get enough sleep. That's all."

-o-

Porlyusica had claimed, apparently, that he likely had a concussion from the blow he'd taken to the head. Since Gray and Gajeel were both instructed to treat him like someone with a serious concussion whether or not he acted like he did indeed have one, Gajeel walked Natsu home. Gray, in the meantime, went to the girl's dorm to fetch Happy.

Before they split ways, Gray shed his raincoat and passed it to Natsu.

"You'll probably do a better job than me of keeping it on."

Natsu grinned. "I can see that."

"And it wouldn't do for you to soak yourself and catch a cold."

"I don't get sick."

"Three days," Gray reminded him. "We're playing it safe with you until Gajeel and I aren't responsible for your wellbeing."

He wasn't joking. The two of them insisted on handling Natsu with kiddie gloves. When Natsu finished his lunch, Gray had taken the container back to the kitchen for him. One of them stood by his side when he stood, and when he walked, they had both positioned themselves so they could catch him if he suddenly collapsed. Gajeel even ignored all of Natsu's jibes on the walk home.

This was going to get old fast.

Thankfully, once Natsu was inside his own home, Gajeel seemed to think it was no longer his job to keep an eye on the fire slayer. "Don't fall climbing into your hammock," he ordered before shutting the door and leaving Natsu on his own.

Finally free of his guild mate's overbearing behavior, Natsu went directly to a set of weights he had sitting in the corner of his room. His head hurt was all, and a few curls would work his arms, not his head. After such a weak punch fighting that monster, he felt like he needed to do _something_.

Counting while working out wasn't a habit Natsu was into. He could go long enough that he didn't bother with keeping track. Trying after his injury, he lifted the dumbbell around twenty times, and only knew the rough number because it was so alarmingly low. But after that, his arm felt like jello, and he couldn't bring himself to lift the dumbbell again.

He switched arms, and achieved roughly the same results on his left. Moving the dumbbell back to his right, he could only lift it twice more before he lost his grip. The heavy metal crashed to the ground, barely missing his toes.

Naturally, this was when Gray knocked on the door. "Natsu? You didn't fall, did you?"

"Don't be stupid! Of course I didn't!"

"I'm back with Happy."

"Door's unlocked."

Gray stepped in, followed by Happy, who rushed past him and into Natsu's arms.

"Natsu, don't scare me like that again!" Happy cried.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm fine, see."

Natsu's shoved all thoughts of weights aside and gave Happy the biggest smile he could.

"You still have a giant bandage around your head."

"I do?" He hadn't noticed anything wrapped around his head. What with the headache and all, there weren't many sensations up there other than that constant, moderately distracting throb.

"You're _not_ okay," Gray decided.

"No. No, I'm fine." Natsu reached up and felt the bandage. "I must be accustomed to it, if it's been there for as long as I was asleep. Has it been there that long?"

Gray shrugged. He was pretty sure someone had changed out the bandage once or twice, but _something_ had been there for the past three days.

Truth be told, they hadn't rushed Natsu back immediately. When Natsu had been knocked out, they left him to sleep while they fought off their attackers. When he didn't wake up after, Erza decided he must have been tired. Since Lucy then confessed that Natsu had taken her watch the night before, they decided it wouldn't be the end of the world if he took the night off. It wasn't until mourning, when they still couldn't rouse him, that they began to worry. Even then, they didn't decide they needed to get him home until breakfast wasn't able to get him awake. He'd been without bandages for a fair portion of the time he was unconscious.

"You aren't going to stay, are you?" Natsu asked. "I'm fine. And if anything goes wrong, Happy's with me."

"Well…" Gray looked around at the pig sty that Natsu lived in. The home had no shortage of hazards for a person who had just been unconscious three days with a head injury. But Happy was responsible enough. And Natsu was a stubborn son of a bitch when he felt like it. He might do himself more damage throwing a fit over how people worried about him than he would if left to take care of himself.

"Alright. Happy, you keep an eye on him. The second something's amiss, you either drag him to the hospital, or come tell me so _I_ can drag him there."

Happy saluted. "Aye, sir!"

Nodding in satisfaction, Gray grabbed the doorknob, and was on his way out when Natsu called out, "Wait!"

"Hm?"

Natsu glanced around, amazed with himself for having lost something so fast in the clutter of his home. After a moment he spotted it, and pulled Gray's rain coat out from under a chair that had fallen on its side.

"Here. Even if you lose it on the way home, it should keep you dry for a while."

Gray laughed. "I'm already drenched!"

Grinning, Natsu lit up in flames and stepped over to Gray. "Hold still then. I'll dry you off."

"That's unusually generous of you."

"You brought Happy home. This is just a thank you."

"Natsu, I'm wet too," Happy pointed out.

"So come over here. I got enough heat for both of ya."

Happy considered it a moment, and decided he would rather dry off naturally than get too close to the human torch. Especially when said torch had just woken up from a head injury and didn't notice their bandages, and might not be reliable as someone who could maintain focused control of their magic.

Once Gray was dried, he pulled on his rain coat and left. Natsu waved, then told Happy he was going to go wash off.

"I _smell_ like I haven't bathed in three days."

"It's been four. We camped one night before you were injured."

"Ha ha. Right. See if we have anything to make for dinner. Here's hoping we don't have to run out for groceries in the rain."

"Aye!"

Natsu kept his smile up until he made it into the bathroom. Safely in private, he sighed and slumped against the door, letting himself slide slowly to the floor.

"I'm fine," he told himself. "It was a little head injury, is all. Once I finish recovering from that, I'll be fine."

The only magic he'd done was to make a little fire to dry Gray's clothes off. There was no reason for him to feel so worn down all of a sudden. But despite that, he hardly felt like he had the strength to crawl into his tub.

Still, he was fine. A little time to rest and recover, and he would be good as new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I've ever explicitly mentioned this before, but I kind of made the word "roset" up to describe a pink haired male. "Rosette" being a pink haired female. It doesn't work as well as bluenette does, but I wasn't really sure what other word to use.
> 
> Realistically, I can't justify the bandages. If whatever blunt trauma wound he received didn't warrant bandaging initially, then I don't see why one would be added later. But I like the idea of his team brushing the injury off completely at first, and of Natsu not being alert and oriented enough later to notice he's bandaged, so let's ignore that.


	4. The Second Attack

For the next two weeks, Natsu gave excuses. It was easy at first. He could claim his head still bothered him, or that vehicles made him extra dizzy. Having been unconscious for three days meant people fretted over him far more than he liked, but it also meant they were more than happy to let him rest if he insisted that he wanted to.

After enough time had passed that he could no longer make up an excuse about his head without worrying people over how long it had been an issue, he got creative. He told his team mates that he and Happy had plans to look for a cave in the woods, then hid his scarf and spent the day pretending to look for it so Happy wouldn't wonder why they didn't go cave hunting. On the day Wendy went out of town to visit Chelia, he pretended to come down with a cold that was _just_ bad enough for him to want to take it easy for a day. No one could ever tell the difference between his normal body temperature and what most people considered feverish anyway. Once, he even bribed Cana to give him a phony card reading about how disaster would strike if he went out on a job that day.

Throughout, he felt off. He continued to test his ability to lift the weights lying around his house or cast simple spells. At first he noticed himself recovering. He could cast multiple, stronger spells in quick succession. He could lift weights long enough that he would lose count. But when he paid attention he could tell he wasn't _really_ returning to normal. He could only use half as much magic as before. He couldn't lift as much weight. When for most of his life he'd gone to sleep at night because the rest of the world did rather than because he felt tired, by the end of the day Natsu now always felt exhausted.

Ideally, he wouldn't have gone back to work until he was all better with none the wiser. He seemed to be on the road to recovery, after all. And since Wendy and Porlyusica had surely looked at him while he was unconscious, the most he saw himself accomplishing by mentioning his problem was to have everyone worry for no good reason. The guild's healers hadn't found anything wrong, so nothing was wrong. Probably. He just had to finish recovering from that head injury.

After two weeks he still didn't feel quite his old self, but he had run out of food money, and Gray was starting to tease him about being chicken after his last fight ended the way it did, so it was time to get back to work.

He wanted a light job. Something fun, with fighting, but not too far away. He hadn't attempted travel, but he was worried it might wear him out to need to ride a train to get to their client. And there couldn't be too much fighting. He didn't want to overexert himself in battle. The absolute last thing he needed was to collapse in front of an enemy and be knocked unconscious for three days again.

He found the perfect job for that. A request to suppress a gang of bandits only one town over.

Gray and Erza instead insisted on a job chasing a dark guild out of an abandoned manor three hours away by train.

"It shouldn't be too much more work," Erza told him when he complained about the distance. "The pay is more than four times what your job offers, too. You said you were running low, right?"

So they ended up on a train. Natsu, mercifully, found himself passing out early in the trip, stirring briefly whenever the train stopped in a town or outpost. He felt wobbly when they reached their destination and got off, but by the time they'd stopped to eat and set out from there to find the dark guild, he was back to normal. Something felt wrong, but other than that he was fine.

Something had also felt wrong right before he damn near collapsed fighting those monsters the other week. Natsu decided not to discount the feeling this time. If the feeling worsened, he decided he would back off from the fighting and admit to his team that he wasn't fully recovered. Even if it had everyone handling him with kiddie gloves again, or worse, if they took it badly to learn the issue had lasted so long. It was better than a repeat of how the last job ended.

"We can split up," Erza declared as they walked to the old manor where the dark guild had taken up residence. "I'll attack from the front. Natsu, you break into their base from the back. Gray, Lucy, you two will take the sides."

"And me?" Happy asked.

"You're with Natsu."

"How about groups of two," Natsu said. "Until we know what these people are capable of."

Lucy looked over at him, suspicious. She wasn't wrong to wonder what was wrong with him. He wasn't exactly known for being caution. But he wasn't fully recovered, and that nagging sense of _wrongness_ wouldn't leave him. He wasn't the cautious type, but he'd been unconscious for three days earlier that month after a head injury and had yet to fully recover, and there were limits to how reckless he could be.

"That's not a bad idea. Alright. Lucy and I will go in the front. Natsu, you and Gray can take the back together. How often do manors have side exits?"

"Some have multiple hidden tunnels," Lucy, the girl who grew up in a large mansion, reported.

Erza cursed. "We don't have enough people to cover those…"

"Well… we wouldn't know where those tunnels come out anyway, if they even exist," Lucy pointed out.

"True, but still…"

"It'll be fine," Gray assured her. "These people will probably be pushovers."

They spent the rest of the walk discussing plans they knew they wouldn't follow. Lucy was the only one who ever really stuck to plans, but that didn't stop Erza from making them. She was going over what do to in the various circumstances where they might encounter the dark guild master—who used the same Titan magic as their own master—when they reached the top of a hill and the manor came into view.

"It's huge," Erza muttered.

"It's surprisingly modest," Lucy muttered in response. As the only one with first-hand experience with upper class life, the other three had nothing to go on but her own word.

"Remember the plan?" Erza asked.

"Nope," Natsu grinned. "Let's smash the place."

Gray laughed. "Now _that's_ a plan. Come on!" He grabbed Natsu's arm. "Attack from the back, right? Let's go!"

Erza yelled after them about the dark guild master, but Natsu didn't pay her much heed. Even if he hadn't felt like he was at full strength, he'd begun to itch for a fight while putting off work. He might not have fully recovered, he might have planned to back off if that feeling that something wasn't right intensified, but he was looking forward to being back in action.

He and Gray didn't make it all the way to the back of the manor before someone launched from a side window and lunged for them. Gray stopped to intercept, creating a shield while Natsu dashed around the two and charged at the building.

One flaming punch took down the wall, revealing ten more mages inside. Instinct told Natsu to run. He was still recovering, and ten mages was a lot when magic wore him down easy. Pride told him to keep going. Gray got the first opponent, and if Natsu left the next ten for him, then Gray would never let him hear the end of it.

Luckily, Gray had been right, they were pushovers. Only one gave Natsu any trouble, and even if their water magic was good for blocking his attacks, they weren't able to do any damage to him.

Nonetheless, he was panting when he finished off the last of them. It hadn't occurred to him to keep track of exactly how much magic energy he had, and he was beginning to regret that. It felt like he had almost used up his stores already.

The dark guild was supposed to be almost a hundred and fifty members strong.

"Natsu?" Happy circled around him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. That water bastard was tougher than he looked," Natsu lied. He would admit to not feeling perfect if it got to truly hinder him, but he still had some fight left, so he wasn't to that point yet. "How's Gray doing?"

"Fine, thank you," Gray said, walking up to them. Peering around the ice mage, Natsu couldn't see what had become of his opponent. He didn't see Gray's clothes anywhere either. Sometime between when they had split and when they finished their battles, Gray had gone from fully clothed to shirtless.

With Gray watching, Natsu couldn't admit to having any trouble with such small fry. He forced his breathing to steady, and followed the ice mage into the next room.

He did his best to be subtle about holding back, trying not to make it obvious that he let Gray take larger groups of opponents, while he fought one or two people at a time to conserve his energy. In the distance, he could hear Erza fighting too. He hoped they met up before his strength gave out. It had to be good for him to get back to work, he reasoned, but this was a little more work than he'd needed to start back in with.

It occurred to him that he might want to tell Gray that he still wasn't feeling one-hundred percent after all. By the time they'd cleared three more rooms, his legs shook from fatigue. Two more opponents. He decided. He would take out two more opponents, and then he would tell Gray he needed to stop. More, if he lucked into fighting someone who used fire.

Naturally, he then found himself faced with three people.

Fine. He'd said two to be cautious. He could take out three if he had to. He could take them out fast.

He drew breath to use his roar, but stopped short of spitting out fire. That nagging sense of wrongness was growing overwhelmingly strong, and all of a sudden he couldn't help but remember exactly which spell he'd been attempting when the last fight he'd been in had suddenly gone horribly wrong.

But Gray was watching, and Natsu would rather take out a few last enemies then call it quits than he would chicken out in a fight against people who would normally be easy for him.

"Roar of the Fire Dragon!"

He didn't get to see the results of his attack. The same pain as before burst in his skull, even sharper than the last time, and he collapsed.

-o-

He never fully lost consciousness. Not really. He saw blurry doubles, and since he couldn't make out what he was looking at and the brightness hurt his head, he shut his eyes, but he was still awake. He could hear Happy and Gray saying things. Lot of things. Loudly. He tried to tell them to shut up, because they were making the pain in his head worse with all that noise, but it came out as more of a garbled moan, which only made them say more things.

Eventually, the pain in his head dulled enough for him to notice other sensations. The aching pain in the rest of his body, for example. At some point, he became aware of the fact that Lucy and Erza were there. He didn't know when they got there, but it was nice to have them there. Where exactly 'there' was, he couldn't say. He realized he'd been moved, but when he cracked his eyes open for a moment, the setting didn't look familiar. Granted, everything was still blurry, spinning and tilting and sometimes splitting into doubles. For all he could tell, his friends might have brought him home.

He lost the ability to pay attention again when nausea rose up in him. Had he been put on a train, or was whatever was wrong with him making him physically ill? He couldn't tell.

That passed after some time, and Gray carried him on his back. During the trip it had been too hard to keep his eyes open, but he was growing more alert. He could recognize the scents of Magnolia, and half the time when his teammates spoke, he could make out bits of what they said. It was mostly about him. They sounded worried, which was nice. He'd gotten to be a little worried himself, so it was good to have people looking out for him. That their being concerned for him was a given was something Natsu was too disoriented to realize.

Finally, he was set down in a bed in what smelled like the guild's infirmary. Home and safe, Natsu decided that even if he felt too awful for it, he should probably sleep. Wendy was there, and Porlyusica too. They'd fix things. He wasn't going to hide that something felt wrong anymore, and they would fix him up and have him good as new in no time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu doesn't strike me as the most prideful person, but he also seems like someone who would try not to lose face in front of a friendly rival, or someone who would push themselves a little harder than they know they should. The setup for his condition was based on that second one. The barriers preventing him from getting help sooner were based on the first.
> 
> Anyway, apologies for this chapter being, on some level, a repeat of chapter two. There's a specific reason I wanted this to happen twice before they figure out what's wrong and I promise it'll be relevant later.


	5. Suraci's Disease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was already written by the time I posted the last chapter, and I promised on tumblr that I'd get this one up fast, so here you go.  
> (Btw, this is the chapter where I was originally going to start nudging the story towards Nalu, but deleted Lucy's name and changed it to Gray's at the last second.)

"It's chronic."

"Like time magic?"

Porlyusica shook her head. "A chronic illness. It doesn't go away."

Natsu scowled at her. "I'm not sick though. I don't have a fever. It's just that I get tired. Ever since that time I was hit in the head, I've gotten tired easy."

"Is that when it started?" she asked. "I've never heard of a case of Suraci's Disease starting so late in life, but from what I've read, children who don't exhibit symptoms at birth usually have them come on gradually. Your injury was less than three weeks ago. The accounts I've found describe it as taking months between when patients notice anything and then the first attack hits. Sometimes as much as a year."

"I was fine before then," Natsu insisted. "It's only since the injury that I get tired easily. What do you mean it doesn't go away? I can still fight, right?"

Ignoring the questions, Porlyusica asked, "Was it the injury that caused your fatigue, or did fatigue lead to the injury?"

"I didn't get hurt because I was tired. I got a headache, and that monster took advantage of it to attack me."

"A headache like the one that knocked you out yesterday?"

"W-well… yeah." Natsu looked away. "But I can still fight, right?"

Porlyusica hesitated before saying "The disease is usually apparent at birth, and infants can't survive more than a few weeks with it. Older children developing it is rare—unheard of, at your age—and there haven't been many effort to make a drug for it, but treatments exist. There are other options that people have found. Herbal remedies that help keep up one's energy, and exercises. Therapy that can slow the disease's progression. Maybe even reverse some of the damage."

"I don't have a temperature," Natsu insisted. "I'm not any warmer than normal. And I haven't been around any sick people either."

"It's genetic," Porlyusica told him. "You were born with it. It's not a matter of catching it from anyone. You've always had Suraci's, and it was just a matter of time before it took effect. It's strange for you to develop it so late. I wonder what stalled it? Or maybe the gene responsible for the condition was inactive, and something triggered it?"

Natsu scowled at that. Obviously he had no idea why he'd developed the disease now, much less why the it didn't kill him as a baby, but Porlyusica had said that not everyone developed it then, so that didn't really matter. And regardless of how or why this problem had emerged when it did…

"What remedies am I supposed to use to cure it?"

"It's _chronic_. You can't cure… Oh, forget it. I'll write up a recipe for you. The herbs are easy to purchase over the counter, and it doesn't take much effort to brew them into a tea. You'll want to take it first thing in the morning. If you feel weak at any other point throughout the day, have another cup. Don't take any after dinner. It's important that those with Suraci's Disease be well rested, and the brew can disturb your sleep schedule if you have it too late in the day."

"And if I take this tea, I'll get better?"

Porlyusica sighed. "In a sense, yes. So long as you properly maintain the condition, you can reverse some of the damage done by Suraci's. But Natsu, when you have an attack like the one you suffered yesterday, the disease advances. You need to pay close attention to your symptoms. I know you've always pushed yourself well beyond your limit before, but attempting that now will only make you weaker."

Natsu didn't respond, so she folded her arms and leaned back, watching him, waiting for some acknowledgement. It was an important enough point that she refused to leave until she had confirmation that he'd heard.

It took a few minutes of waiting in silence before Natsu turned back to face her and, after another minute, met her eye. "Don't push myself," he repeated.

"Because of the attack yesterday, you might feel weaker for the next few days. The tea will help. I'll brew some for you in a minute. And I'll give you a set of exercises to do that will help you maintain a reasonable level of physical ability without exhausting yourself. Don't resist help. The last thing we want is for you to suffer another attack attempting something that a friend could have done for you. Understand?"

Natsu clenched his fists, imagining himself sitting obediently while Gray or Gajeel or Laxus did something simple for him, laughing about how easy it was. Or worse, pretending it was no big deal that they had to do it for him when it really was easy.

But then he imagined himself sitting around the guild forever while everyone else was able to run off on jobs and help in fights. He could suffer through a little acting helpless if it meant he could get back to work after.

"Understood."

-o-

Porlyusica set to brewing tea in the guild's kitchen, and while she waited for the tea to finish, wrote down her instructions and recipe for Natsu.

Most of the ingredients were cheap, but one of the spices cost a bit more. It occurred to her as she estimated the cost of the tea she was recommending him that fighting was how he made his living, and that it was highly unlikely he would be fighting again before the years end. Not if he was serious about managing his condition, at least. Maybe never, depending on the severity of the previous day's attack. Probably never, and certainly not at the level he used to.

She was straining the tea when Makarov stepped into the kitchen, and waited for him to shoo Mira away and shut the door.

"He isn't dying, if that's what you're about to ask."

Makarov's shoulders sagged in relief. "So it's nothing to worry about."

"I never said that." She hadn't realized she brewed so much tea at once, and began searching the cabinets for a jar to store the excess in. It would be good to have some on hand at the guild. "I would advise you take him off active duty, and make sure his team knows he isn't to take jobs with them. Not unless I say he's fit for work again. If he needs money, have him work here. Give him something simple. Record keeping, perhaps."

She paused after saying that, and they both looked at one another in disbelief, knowing that there was hardly a worse task for Natsu to be in charge of.

"How serious is this?"

"It's Suraci's Disease. It causes deterioration of one's strength and senses. If he isn't mindful of his condition, he'll get weaker. And an attack like yesterday's can permanently damage his sight or hearing, if he has a particularly bad one. I've never heard of anyone with the disease managing to learn magic before they fall ill, but I would expect it hinders that as well. In advanced cases, patients become too weak to take care of themselves. Can't support themselves well enough to stand. I've even heard of incidents where senses begin to shut down completely. So take the idiot boy off active duty before he triggers another attack."

Makarov grimaced. More than anyone else in the guild, Natsu loved to be in on the action. To fight. A condition that sidelined him permanently would be heart breaking. "You can't do anything to cure it? Suppress it?"

Porlyusica sighed and shook her head. "If caught early enough, before the first attack, it can be managed with little difficulty. There are records of people diagnosed with it who go their whole lives without any inconvenience from their condition beyond that they need to keep up treatment."

She'd shaken her head, but Makarov held on to hope. "Did we catch it in time?"

"No." She scowled at him, knowing that he knew Natsu had suffered an attack only the day before. "By his account, it sounds like this was the second attack he's suffered, which means we're starting treatment for him later than most. We didn't notice the first because he took an injury in battle immediately after."

She found the jar she was looking for, and slammed it down onto the counter. The glass base cracked from the force, and she stared stupidly at it a moment before resuming her search.

"Then I'm surprised anyone can discover this in time to treat it," Makarov muttered.

"It's not hard. Not if the patient _reports_ it when they feel something off. Natsu likely noticed something, but dismissed it. He didn't tell us about the first attack, after all. That's no fault of his own, really. The ones who catch the disease in time have the luxury of knowing their family's medical history."

Behind an old, rusting Dutch oven, she found another suitable jar. It was collecting dust, so she turned the sink faucet on and grabbed soap to wash with.

Makarov watched her clear the jar, then pour a sharp scented tea into it. It was rare for Porylusica to make any of her remedies on site, and to see her do so now made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. But she said Natsu wasn't dying. What other urgent reason could she have for making something for him then and there, rather than returning to the comfort of her own, nearby home to do her work?

He didn't need to ask. She grabbed one last ingredient to add to the tea that wasn't being stored, and handed Makarov a mug of her brew. "Keep an eye on that boy. He worries me. I don't trust him to take his condition seriously. And make sure he drinks all of that. It will help him feel better, and reduce the likelihood of another attack while he recovers from this last one. I would like to give him something stronger, but Suraci's isn't a common condition by any means. Nothing in my books mention a more effective mixture, and I haven't heard of any groups developing a medicine that treats the symptoms more efficiently. He'll have to make do with this."

"The concoction you put in the fridge… Should he always have that around noon?"

"If he asks for it, bring him some. And make sure to warm it first," It didn't _need_ to be served warm, but Natsu would likely learn fast that it tasted better that way. And the less incentive he had to use his magic, the better. "I suppose I should make a copy of the recipe for you as well?"

She looked to the papers. She'd already written down a fair amount, and she wanted to get back to her home already.

Makarov followed her gaze, and reached up onto the counter to grab the instructions. "I'll have Erza copy the recipe. Thank you for coming out as soon as he woke up."

"You say that as if I was here fast enough."

He had no good reply to that, and rather than acknowledge that they hadn't acted in time, focused his attention on the papers she'd written up. There were exercises, he noticed. Things Natsu was supposed to do to help keep recover strength he might have lost without wearing himself down. Good. That would give him some goal to work towards. Although… Natsu would have the good sense to only do as much as instructed, right? Makarov worried that given the chance, Natsu might do more than Porlusica's instructions said, thinking that doing twice the work each day might halve his recovery time.

Porlyusica must have glared the rest of the guild into submission and avoided questions as she left, because when Makarov stepped out of the kitchen, a barrage of questions exploded from everyone in the room. Was Natsu going to be okay? What sort of virus did he have? When would they be able to go on jobs with him again? How serious was the situation?

Makarov shut his eyes and tried to tune the noise out. He couldn't blame them for worrying. It had alarmed them all when Natsu's team had burst into the guild hall the evening before, Gray caring an unresponsive Natsu in his arms. By the ice mage's account, he'd collapsed without warning, despite no one having struck him. Makarov inspected him for curses, and Wendy had checked for any diseases. She found that something she was completely unfamiliar with was wrong, but what exactly it was and how to fix it had been beyond her.

Porlyusica had been summoned then and there, but until Natsu woke, she said, she couldn't tell any more than Wendy had.

He opened his eyes and searched the crowd for Erza, spotting her in a back corner of the room. As the one who'd told Natsu to separate from her and fight while he was in less than perfect condition, she had taken the blame for his collapsing on herself. Considering that Natsu had apparently been hiding his health issues for some time, Makarov hoped she could realize sooner or later that she'd done nothing wrong with what knowledge she had.

"Erza." She looked up at him, and he held the papers above his head so she could see them. "Copy these. Give the recipe to Mira. Keep the exercises on your…" Erza might encourage Natsu to work more than he should. "Give the exercises to Gray."

He couldn't think of anyone closer who would not only definitely tell Natsu when enough was enough, but also force him to stop if need be.

"Yes, Master."

The crowd parted for her without needing to be told, and she took the papers from him.

"How is Natsu?" She asked before turning away.

"Sick," Makarov responded. "He'll have to go off active duty for some time."

"I see."

Mercifully, she left it at that. The questions from the rest of the guild resumed, but a sharp glare from her silenced them.

Thanking her mentally, Makarov made his way across the room to the infirmary.

Inside, he found Natsu staring at his hand, flexing and relaxing his fingers, then stretching them back slowly. The dragon slayer didn't so much as glance up when the guild master entered.

"Is your hand bothering you?"

"There's been a few times lately where I thought I threw a good punch, and no one even flinched," Natsu told him. "Is that the tea the old lady mentioned? It smells nice."

It was a moldy color between green and brown, and the scent was too sharp for Makarov's tastes, but it was good if Natsu liked it. He would be drinking it often, and for a long time.

He offered the tea up for Natsu, who took it and drank with no further prompting. He set the glass by his feet when done, then stood slowly, sat, and rose to his feet faster.

"There." He grinned. "The way the old lady was talking, she had me scared."

Porlyusica had been right to worry about how he'd handle his condition.

Clearing his throat, Makarov said, "Natsu, I've decided to take you off active duty."

"Oh…" He blinked. "Well… alright. Last time my head started hurting I didn't feel like I could work for a little while after anyway. When do I go back on?"

"When you've finished recovering." If, technically, but Makarov didn't want to say anything to illicit protest.

"Gotcha." Natsu glanced down at his hand, flexing it again, then turned to face the bed he'd been sitting on. Crouching down, he slid an arm under the mattress and attempted to lift it. It barely budged, and the effort made him gasp.

"Stop that!" Makarov snapped. "What are you doing?"

"Just checking," Natsu muttered. He needed to know how badly he'd been effected this time, didn't he? He didn't have that feeling that something was wrong yet, so there hadn't been any danger of triggering another attack. Why was Makarov so short with him?

They were all going to be like this, he realized. He had collapsed without warning, and now he apparently had some permanent disease that had put him in danger twice while on the job. Gray and Gajeel would probably be waiting outside the infirmary again, telling him that they could either let them walk him home, or drag him to the hospital. Wendy would constantly check up on him. Lucy wouldn't just tell him not to break things. She would tell him not to do _anything_.

He paled. If he'd known this would happen, he'd have let them take him to the hospital after the first attack. They were going to fret over him either way. Why had no one warned him that he might end up with some weird sickness?

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"I should have said something sooner."

"You're the one suffering for it. You don't need to apologize to me. Are you alright standing? You don't feel tired?"

"I'm fine." His stomach twisted thinking of how many times he's said that in the past month without being fine at all. But he really wasn't tired. "How many people are here right now? In the guild hall?"

"Everyone who's in town. They're worried about you."

That's what he'd been afraid of. "Can I go out the window?"

Makarov looked at the window to the infirmary. It wasn't too high off the ground, but…

"Best not. We don't want you to hurt yourself. Are you unable to face your own comrades, Natsu?"

He'd meant the words to be challenging. To rile Natsu up and make him storm out into the main guild hall, face everyone, and prove he wasn't afraid to look them in the eye. Instead, Natsu reacted by refusing to meet Makarov's eye, gaze going down to his feet.

"Natsu?"

"I could hear them just fine from here. Can you answer their questions for me?" Natsu asked.

"Are you—"

"I'm _fine_." The words came out more forcefully than he'd meant them too. "I don't want to answer their questions. And I don't want them telling me how not to hurt myself either. I'm staying here. I'll go home when everyone's gone."

The urge to smack Natsu and tell him to face everyone was strong, but Makarov fought it down. Facing things without hesitation was par for the course with Natsu, and if he wasn't jumping at the chance to do so, something was wrong. Of course something was wrong. He'd just been told he had a chronic illness and might not be able to fight again.

"Alright. I'll have Gray stay and walk you back."

"I don't need _Gray_ escorting me."

"It's only temporary, Natsu. Once we're sure the walk isn't too much for you, you can come and go on your own."

-o-

Despite Makarov's words and the incessant worried whispers that Natsu had heard through the infirmary door, he still hoped he wasn't going to handled so delicately that he wouldn't be allowed to walk home on his own. He'd even sent Happy on ahead with the excuse that someone needed to get dinner started and Gray would be there to look after him.

It wasn't fair to be upset with them for worrying about his wellbeing. He tried not to look too disappointed when he finally left the infirmary after regular guild hours and found Gray was indeed waiting at the bar for him.

"How are you feeling?" Gray asked.

"They didn't kick you out before locking the place up?"

Gray held up a key. "I'm handling that tonight. I've gotta give these back to Mira tonight if I don't want to come bright and early to open the guild up for everyone too, so let's get this over with quick—Ah. I mean… let me know if we're going too fast."

He watched Natsu carefully as he attempted to repocket the keys, then, to Natsu's relief, had to look away to find where his pants had gone so he could access their pockets. Even though Gray was the one wearing absolutely nothing, Natsu felt naked under that gaze.

"You're well rested, I take it?"

"Yeah."

"Alright then." Gray stood, buckling his pants. "Let's go."

He was still missing his shirt, but he would be able to get it when he came back in the morning.

Natsu had half expected Gray to interrogate him on how he felt on the walk home, and was relieved when Gray didn't do anything more than to instruct him to speak up immediately if he felt less than perfect. Since he wasn't being grilled on a diagnosis he didn't fully understand himself, he decided to risk skirting the edge of the subject and asked a question that had been nagging at him since he woke to Porlyusica hovering over him earlier that day.

"What happened after I collapsed?"

"I carried you out of there," Gray told him. "I couldn't leave you unconscious in enemy territory. Happy told the girls what happened, and I left ahead of them. They caught up before I made it back to the guild. Not sure if they finished off our target or not." He shrugged. "I guess Erza and I might need to head back out and take care of that. Can't leave a job half done."

"And Lucy?"

"She could stay with you. Someone ought to. At least while we adjust to… _this_."

"I don't need people staying with me. If she wants to go out on a job, she should."

Gray paused a moment, assessing Natsu. He didn't look tired. Makarov had gone over what Porlyusica had said with him in such a way as to stress that Gray was to be on alert for even the slightest hint that Natsu wasn't feeling his best, but so far he seemed alright. Leaving him in Magnolia alone while the rest of his team resumed work felt mean, but Natsu would be off active duty for some time to come, and they couldn't skip out on jobs forever.

"We don't know what your condition is after what happened yesterday. Gramps asked me to see how well you handle the walk home," Gray decided to tell him. "If I think there's some concern with you making the trip on your own, then his orders are for one of us to stay and help until you've recovered."

Natsu growled. "Do I look like I can't _walk_? I'm not an invalid!"

Gray gave him a level stare, and in an obnoxiously even voice, replied, "And we'd like to keep it that way."

Huffing in indignation, Natsu stormed past him.

Gray considered telling Natsu to slow down and not wear himself out, but that might make Natsu angrier, and angry Natsu would fight him. Even if Natsu wasn't able to put up a physical fight, which Gray didn't know for sure was the case, he could resist warning to handle his condition cautiously. If Natsu felt the need, then he ought to slow down. Gray hoped.

As it was, Natsu did slow down. While it disgusted him to admit it, he felt his legs getting tired, and couldn't keep up his pace without giving away that he was wearing himself down over so little. Porlyusica had told him his strength and energy would drop thanks to his disease, but he hadn't realized she meant _walking fast_ would take so much out of him. His legs felt like lead, and they were only half way to his place.

That was ridiculous. He spent the whole day in bed. There was no good reason for such a short walk to be tiring.

He slowed, trying to make it look less like he could no longer move fast, and more like he was giving Gray a chance to catch up. When Gray did catch up to Natsu, he slowed as well, falling in step with the roset as subtly as he could so it wouldn't be obvious that he was letting Natsu take it easy.

Natsu's house was a fifteen minute walk from the guild. It took them over half an hour to get back. When they did, Natsu let himself in, and didn't bother to invite Gray or tell him to leave. Instead, he walked straight to his couch and flopped over on it, giving his tired legs a rest.

"Finally."

Gray didn't want to bring the subject up again, but Makarov had given him a job. "Was the walk hard on you?"

It shouldn't have been, and Natsu blushed. "I don't feel weird like right before I got those headaches, so I'll be fine to go to the guild on my own and back."

"Then why the 'finally'?"

Natsu glared at him.

"I only ask because you swore you were fine _last_ time."

That made Natsu flinch, and he looked away.

"Natsu."

"My legs are a little tired," he admitted. "I really don't feel bad. That was just…" A lot of walking. He wanted to say it was a lot of walking, but it wasn't. He walked that much every day. There was no reason for his legs to be tired. "I don't think I'm going to collapse again, walking that distance. It should be fine."

"I'm going to get sick of the word 'fine' real fast, aren't I?" Gray sighed. "I can't even tell if it has any meaning when you say it."

"Well, since I'm _fine_ now, you can leave," Natsu growled. This was exactly what he'd wanted to avoid by leaving the guild once everyone had gone home.

" _Fine_. But I'll be back in the morning. If you're tired from walking that little, I don't want you going out on your own."

"I don't need an escort, Gray."

Gray scoffed and grabbed the door. Before slamming it behind him, he shot Natsu a cold, hard look and said, "Don't be a brat. We're worried for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, chronic doesn't mean life long. It just means long term. I think the specific definition is lasting more than six months. Chronic illness has a nicer ring to it than lifelong illness though, in my opinion, and many chronic conditions are lifelong, so it's not inaccurate, just imprecise.
> 
> I came up with the details of the disease prior to learning Zeref's backstory, then set the story aside in favor of another project. By the time it caught my interest again, the story behind E.N.D. was known. Originally, Natsu was only supposed to be about five or six years past the normal age of onset, with Igneel being the reason he didn't get sick earlier. After that reveal, I preferred the idea of the disease being why he died when he was little, and Zeref's tampering being what held it off for so long. Of course, since Natsu doesn't know that, it's never going to be explicitly stated. There was just some room for anyone who knew about his having died to figure out this fic's explanation for why.
> 
> Spoilers for you anime only peasants, by the way.


	6. (Not) Adjusting

Much to Natsu's annoyance, Gray was there first thing the next morning. But that turned out to be something of a blessing.

"I forgot to give you this last night," Gray told him, holding out a recipe for Porlyusica's tea. "You're supposed to take this daily, right?"

Natsu nodded absentmindedly as he skimmed over the instructions. "I don't have all of the ingredients…"

"I can go with you to buy some."

Remembering why he'd gone out on that job to take down a dark guild, Natsu grimaced.

"You're broke, aren't you?"

"Maybe I can convince Gramps to let me go on an easy job. Something in town that doesn't make me fight much." That would be okay, right? Taking it easy. Not traveling too far. He ought to be allowed to do basic work in the general area.

"He told us you would be helping around the guild," Gray told him. "Mira was going to look for tasks you could help her with."

"Oh."

"Here. Give me that." Gray snatched the recipe from Natsu's hands. "I'll buy the supplies for you, just this once. Porlyusica said you need to take this stuff, so I can't make you wait until you get a paycheck working around the guild before you start taking it. You make yourself breakfast. I'll be back soon."

"I don't have anything to make breakfast with." He'd been planning to get breakfast at the guild, though now that he thought of it, he wouldn't be able to afford one. Makarov had brought him lunch for free while he 'wrapped his mind around the news', and since Happy had cooked up the last of their food to make dinner. He really had no idea he was going to eat until the next time he was paid.

"Then I'll buy eggs too. You wait here. If walking home tired you out last night, then you are _not_ going anywhere on your own on an empty stomach."

Natsu growled and tried to step out, but Gray pushed him back into his house with far more ease than Natsu liked.

"I mean it."

Gray shut the door, and when Natsu tried it, it wouldn't budge. That didn't make sense. His door didn't have a lock on it. Going over to his window, he saw that the whole front of his house was now encased in ice.

Now what? He was willing to bet he could break the door down, but he would have to pay to have a new one put in. Or build a makeshift replacement. The back window was stuck shut, and he wanted to break it even less. It was right above his bed, and cold air would get in throughout the night if he took it out.

Makarov had another job lined up for him, so Natsu decided he could risk breaking the door. Not that he had anything he wanted to do while waiting for Gray to come back with food, but he hated to think that he could so easily be trapped. That Gray wanted to keep him in only made him more determined to get out.

Fists ablaze, he positioned himself in front of the door and punched. The door bounced slightly, and pain jolted up his arm. Nothing broke. He barely even left a scorch mark on the door.

Natsu started stupidly at that mark. His flames should have been hotter than that. His punch should be been stronger. It had all _felt_ so much more powerful.

This was what had happened to him while fighting. This… this… _disease_ wasn't just tiring him out faster. It was making him weaker, and the added drain everything had on his body made it feel like he was still putting as much work into what he did.

Fine. If a punch like that wasn't enough, he'd use twice the power. Even if it _felt_ like way too much, it should be just right.

He set his fist on fire again, reared back to punch, and—

"Natsu?"

"Eh?" The flames dispersed. "Happy?"

"What are you doing?" Happy asked, sitting up in bed and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Uh… I'm… going outside."

"Can't you open the door normally? We don't have the money to fix it yet."

"Gray sealed it."

"Why would Gray seal our…" Happy trailed off, the memories of yesterday coming back to him. "Why doesn't Gray want you going out alone? Did he have to carry you last night?"

Natsu scoffed. "No! I can still _walk_. Walking isn't hard. I might have been a little tired at the end of the walk, but it wasn't a big deal."

"Then are you planning to do any walking before we go to the guild?"

That gave Natsu a pause. Happy had been nice enough not to point it out, but if walking to and from the guild was tiring, then he might not be able to wander around the area before heading out. At least not before he got to work on that therapy that Porylusica had said would help him recover.

"Nah. We can wait until Gray comes back with breakfast stuff."

And the ingredients for that tea. He would need to make sure to have that exactly as often as instructed. He wanted to get back to taking jobs as fast as he could.

He passed the time waiting for Gray testing his new limits, and wasn't happy with the results. He couldn't lift a fraction of the weight he used to. Generating flames hot enough to do much more than boil water was exhausting, He already knew from the door that his punches were weak, and taking a few swings at the air, decided his kicks weren't in much better condition.

The tests had worn him out. He had crawled back onto his hammock, and couldn't be troubled with getting out when he heard a knock on the door. It was Happy that let Gray in.

"You okay?" Gray asked when he spotted Natsu. He tried to make it sound casual, so Natsu tried not to be annoyed.

"Mm."

"I got eggs. How do you want them? Scrambled? Fried? Omelet?"

"Soufflé."

"Scrambled it is."

Natsu wasn't so weak that he couldn't make his own breakfast, but he wasn't sure Gray would take his word for it, and being pushed back by Gray so easily earlier that morning had been humiliating. Thinking of it made him blush with shame, and he pulled his blanket over his head to hide his face.

"Are you going back to sleep?" Happy asked.

"No."

"I can come back later if you aren't up for going to the guild now."

Natsu hesitated in responding. If he lied and said they should do that, he might be able to slip out and walk on his own when Gray was gone. Or he might be trapped inside a frozen over house again.

"Natsu? Do you want me to come back later?"

"We can go after breakfast," Natsu murmured.

"Speaking of which," Gray pulled the cleanest looking plate he could find from a precariously perched stack and dumped the scrambled eggs on it. "Eat up. I'll get that tea started for you."

Neither spoke while Natsu ate. From time to time, Gray would glance down at the fire slayer, making sure he didn't look like he might keel over. Natsu was too focused on his food to notice, testing the weight of his bites to make sure he wasn't so weak that he couldn't even lift his own food to his mouth. Once he'd assured himself that there was no need to worry on that front, he picked up the pace with his eating. The aroma of the spices for his tea was filling the room as the water heated up. He wanted to hurry and be done with his eggs so Gray would have nothing to tell him to finish first when he asked for the tea.

"This stuff smells terrible," Gray muttered to himself.

"You think?"

"You like it?" Gray asked. "With your nose, I figured it would be too much."

"It's nice," Natsu said. "It smells kind of spicy. But it tasted creamy yesterday."

"The last step is to mix in cream, so no wonder." Gray pulled the tea of the stove and looked around for a clean mug. Seeing none, he grabbed one to clean.

"Can we go soon?"

"Soon. Natsu, you did nothing the past two weeks. Why did you not take that time to clean this place up?"

"I know where everything is, so it's as clean as it needs to be."

Gray shook his head in disbelief. "You're impossible."

"Is that tea ready? I want to hurry up and go."

"Hm? Oh. Just a second." He poured it into the mug and mixed the cream in. "Here. Drink up."

Natsu took the mug and happily downed his tea. "Okay. Guild time."

"You sure you can manage the walk?"

"It's a stupid, short walk. _Of course_ I can manage it."

-o-

Natsu needed to sit down first thing when they reached the guild. He stopped at the first table, plopped down, folded his arms over the table's top, and rested his head between them. That meant he didn't notice the curious looks from his guild mates, or the warning look Gray shot them.

He still heard Erza ask, "How is he?"

"Not awful." Which wasn't the same as saying 'good'.

Since it meant everyone would direct their questions to Gray instead of him, Natsu feigned sleep. He kept his head down, listening to everyone interrogating Gray on just how bad his disease was affecting him. He'd rather not have to tell everyone all the things he couldn't do. With the hesitant way Gray spoke, he must have thought he was doing a good job of softening his responses, but Natsu thought he was being alarmist. It was a relief when Erza interrupted to insist that, actually, Natsu ought to be able to go on jobs with them again soon.

"He recovered from the first attack fine."

"No he didn't. He collapsed on the very next job he took."

"But he took out several dozen men before that happened. Give him a few weeks to recover again, and he'll be alright to work again. We just need to take lighter jobs and carry a little more weight until he's back to normal."

"Erza, Natsu wore himself out _walking here_. It's going to be more than a few weeks."

Natsu bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood in order to keep himself from protesting that. He wasn't _that_ worn out! Even if he was pretending to be asleep. And Erza was right. He'd been on the mend after that first attack. If he'd only had a little more time to recover, he doubted the second would have happened.

"Well, let's leave him alone for now," he heard Lisanna say. "If the walk here was tiring for him, then he can rest for a bit."

"We should probably move him to the infirmary. It can't be comfortable to sleep in that position," Lucy said.

Natsu took that as his cue to stir. He'd spent all of the day before hiding in the infirmary. So long as people weren't going to try and start too many conversations about his diagnosis, he had no desire to spend another day hiding in a back room. After all, what was the point of even coming to the guild if he did that?

He lifted his head and yawned, then rubbed the sleep from his eyes before giving everyone a tired smile. That the smile was tired wasn't something he'd done deliberately, but it went with his act. And given a few weeks he was sure he would be well again, especially with the tea and the exercises, so he didn't let himself think about it too long.

Mira returned his smile with an enviably bright one. "Good morning."

"Morning."

"The master says you're helping me starting today. Shall we get started, or would you like to rest first?"

His legs still felt a little tired…

"Let's go." Natsu stood.

"If you aren't up to it—"

"It's just work around the guild. I can do that." Makarov already wasn't letting him go out on jobs until further notice. He wasn't going to let Mira bar him from helping around the guild too. Besides, he had to work somehow. He needed the money.

She took him back to the kitchen first.

"I'm not sure how much magic you can use right now. Does it wear you out to keep things warm?"

He would have loved to tell her no, but he could see eight plates of breakfast food lined up to carry out to other guild members, and given his testing earlier that morning, wasn't certain he could handle producing enough heat for that and still have the energy to stand.

"Kind of."

"We'll wait on that until you've had some time to get back to your old self, then." She handed him a plate. "This is for Jet. Come back for the next once it's delivered. If you need a break, don't hesitate to sit down and rest. The point of having you work here was to give you time to recover, so don't overwork yourself."

At the start of the month, Natsu would have laughed at anyone who told him not to overwork himself carrying plates one at a time. After delivering a third person breakfast, his arms were starting to shake, and he sat down in the back of the kitchen to give himself a few minutes to recover.

Twice more he got up to deliver a few meals before needing to rest again. His legs ached as if he'd run a marathon, which was the most annoying part of it. Mira had been kind enough to let him carry Droy's third helping of breakfast, saying that they should test him with a little heavier of a dish if they could. When she finally started up a conversation on his condition, he found he was barely bothered by it.

"Is it that things feel heavier, or do you not have as much energy? It's energy, isn't it? You've been unusually mellow this morning."

"It's both. It feels like I'm lifting a lot of weight, or putting a lot of force into things. But then I see I'm not holding that much, or that my grip is loser than it feels."

"Was it like that after the first time you collapsed too?"

"It wasn't as bad. I still couldn't do as much as I should be able to, but I could do more than I can now."

"Well, you didn't fully recover before you had another attack. Let's be careful not to overwork you so things don't get any worse. However," she handed him a knife, "I still intend to keep you busy. If you don't use muscle, you lose it. Help me cut these cucumbers. Our cook doesn't come until lunch, so any prep work we can have finished for her will help her get everyone's meals in time."

"Oh! About lunch…"

"Were you planning to order something?"

"I'm broke."

Mira's knife paused only a moment before she resumed her quick, thin slices of cucumber. "Well, we'll see what we can do about that. I'm sure we can let an employee eat for free while he's helping in the kitchen, but if not, we can work out a plan to subtract the cost of meals from your pay. If that's the case, lunch today is on me. What did you do for breakfast?"

"Gray bought some stuff."

Mira watched Natsu as he made a few clumsy cuts, then studied Mira's automatic hand motions and tried to imitate her slices. The cucumber he cut off came out too thin, and he held the knife at the wrong angle, so it slid out of the cucumber when it was only half way down as often as it didn't. He looked intently focused on mimicking her work, and there was no shame on his features for having taken charity from Gray.

"Do you have to pay him back?"

"He didn't say to."

"That was nice of him."

"He also cooked. It was alright. He made that tea good too."

"Oh!" Remembering Makarov's instructions, Mira pointed to the fridge, "We have some stored, if you need it. Are you tired now?"

"I'll manage."

"It wouldn't be much effort to heat it up."

Natsu shook his head. The tea had been delicious, but Porlyusica's instructions had been first thing and then as needed. Good as it was, it was medicine. He didn't want to be overly reliant on medicine. "Can I eat the slices that come out wrong?"

"We need enough to make salads," Mira scolded. "Wait until we're done. We'll use the oddly shaped ones last, so you can have whatever's left over."

He grinned. "I'll hold you to that."

-o-

He hadn't needed to take a break and rest while cutting, and eating the leftover cucumber and tomato slices that he hadn't been able to get right had Natsu in a good mood. The warning look Mira gave everyone as they came out of the kitchen, keeping them from staring too openly, helped keep that mood from dampening too. He'd helped with tasks around the guild once or twice in the past, and it was easy to convince himself that he was only lending Mira a hand because she needed one, rather than because simple tasks around the guild were about the limit of his capabilities.

They ended up in the records room beneath the guild. Mira had been tactful in telling Natsu that she would be the one climbing the ladder and carrying books down without telling him that she was nervous about what might happen if his grip on the ladder wasn't strong enough.

The two of them started off working near the front of the room. Mira scaled the ladder and tossed books down one at a time for Natsu. With a table right beside them it was easy for him to catch them and set them down. But as Mira moved further and further along the bookshelves and further and further from the table where everything was to be stacked, Natsu found himself having to pick up the pace. He could easily hold two books. Three was pushing it. So he would catch two and rush back to the table, then hurry to catch the next one from Mira.

For all her effort to keep from overworking Natsu without seeming overbearing, Mira had become caught up in the task. Pulling out old records for monthly review was a monotonous task, and one she'd learned to do without giving much thought to. Usually, Elfman was the one to catch books for her, and he could hold a whole shelf's worth. She didn't even realize she was working too fast until she heard books clatter to the ground.

She looked back to see five spread across the floor. The seam of one had come apart, and pages were everywhere.

Natsu trembled slightly as he bent down to pick one up. He'd only lifted it a foot off the ground by the time Mira was down the latter to make sure he was alright. He paused, stared at the book, then released it, watching it fall back down.

"Sorry." Mira picked the book up for him. "I wasn't paying attention."

"It wasn't your fault," Natsu told her, which only made her feel more guilty. Because it certainly wasn't Natsu's fault, and there was only the two of them that could have been at fault.

"I'll pick these up. You can rest a minute and—"

"I'm going home."

"Stay. We'll have lunch soon."

"There's some food left over from what Gray bought," Natsu said as he stood. "I can cook. Sorry to leave that mess for you."

"But—"

"I feel weird. Like how I did before those times I collapsed," Natsu lied. "So I should rest, right? Happy can carry me back."

"Oh… Okay."

Unsure whether or not he would care for any help, Mira decided to watch until Natsu had ascended the stairs out of the records room, ready to run and grab him if he collapsed. When he shut the door behind him, she took it as a sign that he was done seeing her for the day. Someone else from the guild would have to make sure he was alright.

-o-

Up on the main floor, Natsu surveyed the guild hall. Everyone had gotten into the swing of things, and only a few glances were now cast his way. He forced a smile and kept his steps slow, steady, and deliberate. It helped him keep the trembling under control, and to look like he was doing exactly what he was supposed to. He didn't feel like one of those awful headaches was about to come on again, but running back and forth and carrying all those books, he did feel drained.

Happy was sitting beside Gray. He couldn't call one without getting the other's attention. And he really, _really_ didn't want Gray smothering him just then.

He hesitated a moment as he passed the kitchen door, remembering the tea. But taking time to warm it up would give Mira time to come after him an apologize for overworking him again. Because carrying a few books now qualified as overworking.

He picked up his steps as he passed the kitchen, and slipped out the front door without a word.

The plan had been to get home without anyone reminding him of how much effort that had become recently, but it wasn't working out. His legs didn't want to move. He felt fatigued just standing. He had to stop on a bench only a block from the guild, and while he was resting, he discovered that he hadn't been as successful in sneaking out as he'd thought.

"Hey." Gray's shadow fell over him. "You needed fresh air, or are you going home?"

"Fresh air."

He didn't look up, but he heard Gray's sigh of relief. It would be a nuisance to have to stop what you were doing to walk a sick person around town, wouldn't it. Natsu's throat constricted.

"Alright. You take it easy."

"I am," Natsu said, and the moment Gray was back inside the guild hall, he got up and started walking towards his house again.

Gray must have decided to peek back out at him, because he heard a cry of "Hey! Natsu!" from behind not too long after.

He didn't want to deal with it just then. He didn't need Gray hovering over him like he might fall apart at any minute. His legs felt heavy, but Natsu gritted his teeth and took off running.

Two blocks down the street, he tripped. He didn't know what his foot caught on. Most likely, it had been nothing at all. He threw his hands out to break his fall, but the force needed to stop one's self was more than he'd remembered it being. His arms gave out, and he crashed to the ground.

"Natsu!"

A growl rose in his throat as he tried to pick himself up. He was tired. His body hadn't been up for running, which was stupid. He'd hardly done anything. There was no good reason for being so worn down when he hadn't even had a chance to work himself up.

And something felt wrong.

The second he noticed that vague sense that something was off, Natsu froze. This was the feeling that had preceded both of his attacks, and Porlyusica had claimed that Suraci's Disease got worse each time an attack happened.

Even if there were supposed to be ways to reverse the damage, he was only halfway through the day and already so worn down that he was afraid of what might happen if he tried to stand. He couldn't risk another attack. Not for a reason as petty as avoiding Gray. He didn't want to get even worse.

He was blinking back tears as Gray caught up to him.

"What was that for, you idiot?"

"I can get home on my own."

Maybe Gray could tell from the tightness of his voice how constricted his throat felt, with Natsu trying not to break down emotionally on top of physically, and tried and failed to be encouraging. Maybe Gray was an asshole and decided to prove a point. Natsu decided it was the later that had Gray stand over him, waiting a minute to see if Natsu might manage to rise to his feet, before saying "Good job with that."

Natsu ducked his head down so Gray couldn't see his face. "Shut up."

"Look, no matter how much you want to, if you can't…" Gray trailed off, seeing a drop of water land on the street beneath Natsu.

"I just need a little break. Then I can do it. I'm fine. Go away. Please."

Another drop.

Gray bit his lip, unsure what to do now. Natsu's pride wasn't an easy thing to leave a lasting mark on, but if he'd reduced the roset to tears, he might have succeeded at that as well. An important part of getting Natsu to agree to the restrictions his condition put on him was to not make him feel restricted. But if he couldn't walk he couldn't walk.

After weighing his options, Gray squatted down in front of Natsu. "Get on my back. I can carry you."

"I don't… need…"

"Put your chin on my shoulder and pretend to be asleep, and I'll tell anyone who asks that you drank too much or something. No one else in the guild needs to know you fell. Your head doesn't hurt, right? You're not in the middle of another attack?"

Natsu hiccupped, cheeks burning from the shame of having gotten so weak that Gray's offer sounded appealing, and rubbed one of his eyes. "I… I don't think so. My head doesn't hurt."

But it might soon, Natsu realized, if he tried to do too much on his own. Gray had already seen him, and turning down Gray's offer would only result in more people seeing him on the ground. With the guild only a few blocks away, it was only a matter of time before someone else who knew about his diagnosis saw him sitting there. He hated himself for it, but he put his arms over Gray's shoulder, and let Gray grab his legs and hoist him up.

As per Gray's instructions, he feigned sleep as he was carried home. They were stopped twice. Once by someone Natsu couldn't recognize from sound and smell. Once by Levy. Gray made up a story for the first of a fight he'd won that ended with him being required to drag the idiot he knocked out home. For Levy, he said only that Natsu fell asleep, ought to be somewhere more comfortable, and the infirmary bed was occupied.

It wasn't until they were a little past the town's edge, with no one else in earshot and Natsu's house in site, that Gray spoke to him again.

"You sure you didn't have another attack earlier? I swear, my heart missed a beat when I saw you on the ground."

"I tripped," Natsu admitted. "If it'd been an attack, my head would have hurt."

"It's just a headache?"

"It _really_ hurts," Natsu mumbled, opening his eyes halfway to look at his house. Feigning sleep while tired might not have been a good idea. But Gray could set him in his hammock, and then he could rest. Resting sounded so nice.

"Hurts how?"

He could humor Gray's conversation a little longer. It would up his chances of being set in the hammock if asked, rather than dropped on his couch. Natsu wasn't sure he could drag himself from one to the other.

"It felt like someone set off a chain of bombs in my head. It hurt too much to stand or focus. I saw doubles, and everything tilted and rocked like I was on a…"

"A what?"

"A boat," Natsu muttered, feeling a little queasy at the thought.

"And you don't feel any of that now?"

"No. Just that strange feeling."

"What strange—Whoa!" Gray almost dropped Natsu as he fumbled to open the front door. "What strange feeling?"

"The one I got both times before I collapsed." Natsu paused, thinking about it as Gray carried him in. "But I got it a few times before we did that monster hunting job and nothing bad happened then. Oh. Put me in the hammock."

Gray had been positioned to set Natsu on his couch, but was more than happy to oblige that request if it meant Natsu kept talking. "I'm going to sit you down here, then pick you up in a better position for lying you on something that unstable."

"Okay."

"So you had this feeling before?" Gray prompted while he changed positions he carried Natsu in.

"Yeah. A few times. Before the monster hunting job, I never thought much of it." Natsu scowled, not at thoughts of his condition, but at how Gray picked him up princess style. "I think the first time was when we did that two man tournament. Maybe."

"Maybe, huh?"

"Maybe."

Gray set Natsu in the hammock, careful to make sure he didn't tip out of it on one side or the other. "Well, you get some sleep, alright? I'll tell Happy to come back. Don't you dare try and go anywhere on your own again. None of us want you to have another attack."

"Aye, sir," Natsu muttered. Whatever would make Gray go away so he could sleep.

"Good."

Natsu was snoring before Gray reached the door, and since the flame brain was asleep, Gray decided to linger in the house a few minutes. He didn't know how long Natsu would need to sleep for, but he pulled out a can of tuna and mixed a quick salad with it for when the idiot woke up.

On his way out, he stopped to look over at Natsu one last time. Something about hearing that the first time Natsu felt any symptoms of his condition being when Gray dragged him into a small, quick tournament made him feel bad. It was silly, because Natsu's condition would have developed anyway, but Gray felt at fault.

"Sorry," he muttered to the sleeping boy before shutting the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked this chapter. This chapter was fun. I don't know why, but Natsu is my favorite character to see cry.


	7. (Not) Recovering

Natsu was forced to admit that he needed to do less powering through his condition. Trying to power through it was what made his condition worse. He hated it. Taking everyone's overbearing concerns to heart, telling Mira she was working him too hard making him carry two plates at once, and going into a back room with Gray after lunch to run through all the lame exercises from Porylusica's suggested therapy. He even hated having to take his good tasting tea twice a day, and an extra time if he felt tired. It was emotionally exhausting, giving in so thoroughly. But the physical exhaustion if he didn't was too much, and having been found by Gray in such a pitiful state the day after his diagnosis was simply humiliating.

It paid off. Even if he hated it, it paid off. Three weeks after Gray carried him home, he finally got Gray to admit that not only did he seem to be doing better, but he no longer needed an escort in case anything went wrong.

"You still shouldn't run," Gray had tacked on to the end of that admission, which killed any joy Natsu might have felt over being allowed the freedom of walking to the guild on his own again. He knew he still wore himself out too fast running. It was just plain mean of Gray not to let him take a moment to enjoy that he was on the mend.

But even if he was still sick, even if he still couldn't run or fight, Natsu couldn't help but grin the next morning when he woke up, thinking of how he would be able to do something all on his own again for the first time in almost a month.

He slipped out his hammock quietly, careful not to wake Happy, and made himself breakfast in a hurry. He remembered the all-important note to leave for his buddy, explaining that he was going on ahead because he finally could, and almost forgot to brew his tea.

He'd woken up earlier than he'd thought, he realized as he stepped out onto the dirt path that led up to his house. Gray had been getting up even earlier, so that he would never have to wait to go when he was ready. Natsu would have been grateful, except he knew Gray did that less out of courtesy and more out of a lack of faith in Natsu's patience. And it was such a nice morning that he doubted Gray suffered in getting up and coming out at the crack of dawn.

The guild wasn't too rowdy yet when Natsu arrived. Most everyone was still getting ready to head out, if not still in bed. Makarov had opened up the building for the morning, but Mira had yet to arrive. Without her to assign him work and no bar fights to make Natsu's heart ache as he had to watch from a distance rather than get in on the action, he seized the opportunity to peek at what jobs were open.

"You're off active duty," Makarov called out to him as he stopped in front of the bulletin board.

"I know. I know." He waved dismissively to the guild master. "I'm just looking."

He was getting better. Soon, hopefully in the next month or two, he might be able to take a job again. Erza, Lucy, and Wendy had been going off as a three man team to take care of their expenses, and there had been one or two occasions where Gray had taken a quick job, leaving his escort duties to Mira for the day.

Now that he didn't need someone standing by all the time, Natsu realized, those four could go back to working together, and he would be the only one missing from the team. He hoped they didn't do anything too fun while he was out of commission.

Even if he couldn't fight, he wanted to be there…

"Natsu, is it alright for you to stand so long?" Makarov asked.

"Of course it is!" Natsu huffed. "I've only been here a few minutes."

"Working for Mira, you'll be on your feet much longer. Take a moment to rest."

"I'm _fine_ ," Natsu declared. Gray had been right. That was a word that he'd come to say so many times that everyone, himself included, was getting sick of hearing it.

"Sit, Natsu."

Grumbling, Natsu sat down on the floor and stared up at the board. Suddenly, being able to take jobs again felt much further off. He bit his lip, trying to think of some way he could get back with his team before then. Even if they still spent time with him at the guild, it didn't feel the same when he couldn't go out and travel with them.

"Hey, Gramps?"

"Is something wrong?"

" _No._ Would it be okay if I went along with someone on a job?" Natsu asked. "Not to work. I would only watch."

Makarov scowled, thinking over the implications. A job nearby might be possible. Natsu could walk to his house without concern now, but he certainly couldn't go on a long hike shadowing someone else at work. They hadn't tested putting him on transportation since the diagnosis, and there was the risk of his motion sickness aggravating his condition too. Not to mention the high odds that Natsu might give in to temptation and attempt to join a serious fight if he was allowed to go out with someone else on their job.

"I'll consider it."

Natsu's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"You'll have to prove you can handle it first. I won't have you running off only to collapse again. And I would want to approve which jobs you can follow along with others for."

"Haha! Thanks, Gramps." Natsu stood. "Mira should be here soon, right? I can get started with all the breakfast supplies."

Makarov nodded, avoiding eye contact. It felt wrong not to voice all of his concerns when Natsu so clearly wanted to get out of the guild hall. For as irritated as Natsu always was with people worrying about his health, for as excited as he'd been the previous evening, hearing Gray say he'd probably recovered enough to walk around town on his own again, Makarov hadn't the heart to remind Natsu of Porylusica's prediction. He might be able to recover somewhat, but likely not enough return to active duty.

It would have been rude to say it, but it wouldn't be fair to the other guild members to have Natsu come along when, in all likelihood, he would only be a load. And it would have been cruel to tell Natsu he couldn't even _watch_ others do the work he missed.

But then it might just be cruel to let Natsu go along on a mission, and to continue to fantasize about work he wouldn't ever do again.

-o-

For the first time in far too long, Gray slept in.

When he'd first declared Natsu unfit to walk to the guild on his own, he'd been playing it safe. Natsu hadn't collapsed going to or from home. He'd made it all the way to his destination before opting to take a break. It was only because everyone at the guild was so worried about him that Gray had decided that an escort wouldn't hurt. And maybe his own memory of watching Natsu collapse without warning had made him a little cautious too, but he hadn't expected Natsu to ever face any incident should he try to get anywhere on his own.

Seeing Natsu on the ground the next gay had chilled him in a way he hadn't known he could be. It had only been two days since Natsu had collapsed in the middle of enemy territory, and thinking that his team mate had suffered another attack so soon had made Gray feel physically ill.

At least it was in Magnolia, he'd told himself. At least it was near the guild. They could get him help immediately. There would be no looking over to see some enemy about to take advantage of Natsu's weakness. No fighting to pull him from the fray. No horribly stress, putting him in a vehicle when he was already weak and hoping that the hours that ticked by getting him safely home weren't going to make whatever had made him pass out all the harder to get taken care of.

That relief upon seeing that Natsu had only fallen over had quickly faded and sent another chill through him. How sad was it that someone falling and being unable to get back to their feet could be considered a good thing? How could Natsu be so careless with himself when he could very well have died on that last mission, had Gray not turned around and seen him in time? How could Natsu be so careless with himself back home as to let himself collapse in the middle of the street?

Even though Natsu had behaved himself ever since being carried home, Gray had been sure to be up well before the sun every morning. Natsu couldn't be trusted with himself, and looking after him was within Gray's capabilities. If he chose to leave Natsu on his own and something happened, Gray wouldn't have been able to forgive himself.

But after three weeks, Happy had cornered him, insisting that Natsu was getting better, and that he needed everyone to relax around him because he was getting fed up with all the coddling. Fed up Natsu was likely to act out. Natsu acting out was likely to involve magic. Using magic was likely to trigger another attack. It made Gray anxious to leave Natsu on his own, but he _was_ getting better, and it beat making Natsu feel the need to rebel.

He had been up late after bringing Natsu home one last time. Worry over what might happen without him there kept him awake well into the night, and it was almost noon by the time he finally woke up.

Purely out of habit, Gray went to check Natsu's first. The dragon slayer and his cat were both gone. If Natsu had collapsed anywhere, Happy would have brought him in. Most likely. With that concern temporarily resolved, Gray went back home and dressed. After a quick brunch, he then set out for the guild.

It was business as normal when he arrived. The new normal. Their team was split, trying not to notice that one of their members wasn't with them. Erza and Cana were talking about boys, Lucy and Levy talking about boys with much less confidence, and Wendy actually talking _to_ a boy, although the way she and Romeo chatted, she didn't seem to be thinking about boys. Natsu was carrying lunch orders.

Gray sighed. Even if Natsu had started smiling again once everyone stopped asking him if he was alright, it was depressing to see him handling such a dull task. But at least he'd made it to the guild alright on his own.

He seemed especially cheerful that day. Almost as happy as he'd been before being forced to go off of active duty. Gray had just eaten, but when he took a seat at a table with Gajeel and Juvia, and Kinana stopped by to see if he wanted to order anything, he asked for a salad knowing that Mira would send his food out with Natsu.

"Gray! Gray!" Juvia waved her hand in front of him, trying to draw his attention from the roset who tripped carrying Droy's lunch, but managed to catch himself before he fell. "Juvia thinks this is a good time for us to go on a job together. Now that you don't need to stay in town, there _must_ be something that we can do at the beach."

"No."

Going to the ocean with Juvia was an idea that gave him goose bumps. He didn't doubt for one second that getting into the water would get him secretly felt up by her. And he still had to help the flame brain with his physical therapy. Granted, he could easily pass the task on to someone else, but Gray wanted to stay and keep an eye on Natsu, if he could.

Juvia was still begging him to reconsider when Natsu brought his salad out.

"You look good today," Gray said as Natsu set the plate in front of him. "Feeling better? Or did something happen?"

Natsu's grin widened. "Both. Gramps says I might get to go on jobs again soon."

Gray felt the blood drain from his face.

"O-oh. Not… um…" Natsu's face fell, seeing Gray's horror. "I'm not supposed to do any actual _work_ still, but he was going to think about letting me tag along and watch. I miss being out with everyone."

That was… not _as_ worrisome, but Gray still felt nervous imagining Natsu out by a battlefield. He was recovering from his last attack. He could walk just fine. But could he run without falling? If someone saw him watching from the sidelines and attacked, could he get himself to safety without making his condition worse again?

Natsu watched for some sign of Gray's approval, until it occurred to him that he didn't _need_ Gray's approval. If he'd had the strength too, he would have fought Gray over that stupid mandate that he have an escort, and if Gray wasn't on board with him tagging along on jobs, then too bad. He wasn't the one whose world had been confined to home, the guild, and the road between the two for the past month.

Granted, Gray's approval to go with _Gray_ on missions was still kind of important. He needed it if he wanted the whole team back together.

"Good for you," Gray finally forced out. "Don't get yourself so worked up thinking about it that you can't go along when the time comes."

Natsu stuck his tongue out at Gray, then turned and stormed back to the kitchen.

"Do ya need to remind him constantly?" Gajeel asked. "Seems like a good way to make him throw a fit."

"You've hardly interacted with him at all since we found out, so you wouldn't know. Trust me. Without the reminder, he'll forget."

Watching Natsu handle everyone's lunches, Gray felt like, maybe, Natsu could do with a few more reminders. The idiot was practically running around getting orders delivered at first. Even when he finally slowed, probably because the energy drain caught up with him, he kept going without break. For anyone else, Gray might expect a little more than that. From Natsu, Gray wanted less. Even if it grated on Natsu's nerves to have to stop and rest, Gray felt a cold, twisting dread in his gut every time Natsu did more than Porlyusica's instructions had advised.

Granted, it had been a few weeks, and Natsu's health had improved. Maybe it was time to have Porlyusica assess him again. Surely Makarov would think to have that happen before letting Natsu follow along on someone else's job.

Gray poked at his salad, but didn't think to take a bite until Natsu disappeared into the kitchen one last time and didn't come back out. Good. That meant Mira had convinced him to take a break. Or at least switched him to a task where he would be less active. Inactive Natsu was still something Gray was adjusting too, but it beat Natsu passed out in pain.

Natsu had only said that Makarov was thinking of letting him tag along on other people's jobs. Hopefully, Makarov would think better of letting Natsu risk himself like that.

-o-

Makarov was still thinking about it, and leaning towards giving his approval, when he pulled Gray aside shortly after lunch and asked that he fetch Porlyusica.

"Natsu's doing better, don't you think?" Makarov asked. "I'm sure he needs some changes to his therapy to reflect that. And it wouldn't hurt to have her assess what he is and isn't capable of at this point."

Unless Porlyusica's assessment wasn't exactly the same as Gray's, he expected it to hurt an awful lot. Either Natsu was going to be crushed upon hearing he couldn't do as much as they'd first thought, or she would give the go ahead for him to do more, which would stress Gray out to no end. For as much as he wanted Natsu to recover and be back to his old, obnoxiously hyperactive self, whenever he remembered seeing him crouched over on the side of the street, crying, unable to stand and afraid of triggering another attack…

But orders were orders, and he needed to trust that Porlyusica knew more about how to handle Natsu's condition than he did. Gray went out and brought her back to the guild, and to both their annoyance, Natsu was asleep when they returned.

"He was excited today," Mira told them. "I had to bully him into taking a break. It finally caught up with him about ten minutes ago."

The suggestion that they wake him was on Gray's lips when he remembered why that wasn't a good idea.

"Has he been taking his tea?" Porlyusica asked.

"I don't know about today, but he's had it every other morning," Gray assured her.

"And I've made sure he has it with his lunch," Mira added.

"Is there any left over from today's lunch?"

"We have enough to last a few more days."

"Heat a mug for him," Porylusica ordered. "He should be able to stay awake all day, if he's taking care not to overwork himself. So long as he can, he needs to have a regular sleep schedule. Get him up, give him the tea, and give him five minutes to fully wake up. If he has the energy for it, I'll see how he's doing. If he doesn't, then he isn't doing well, but do try to keep him awake until he's had dinner."

Mira went to reheat the tea while Lucy went back into the infirmary to wake Natsu. After a few failed attempts, she called Gray in. Natsu stirred a little when shaken violently, but even when Gray succeeded in waking him, he only muttered something that sounded like it was probably a request to be left alone and went back to sleep.

Giving up, Gray picked Natsu up princess style and carried him out to the main guildhall, setting him on one of the tables.

He hadn't shaken Natsu as hard as he could have. Ever since Natsu had been diagnosed, Gray had been afraid to get rough with him. He was more than a little shocked when, upon hisl laying Natsu gently on the table top, Porlyusica whacked Natsu in the face with a broom.

"Gah!" Natsu catapulted up into a sitting position, only to fall back down when his hand slipped out from under him. He hissed in pain, clutching the back of his head where he'd hid the table, and rolled over onto his side.

"Is… is it alright to do that?" Gray asked.

"Not so hard that it makes physical activity more difficult for him," Porlyusica said. "Are you awake?"

"Ow… yeah…"

"Stand."

Reluctantly, Natsu slid to his feet and stood, one hand still on the table for support. His legs, Gray noticed, shook slightly.

Porlyusica noticed as well. "You pushed yourself too much today. Can you recognize the signs that you're in danger of an attack?"

"Yeah."

"Do you feel any warning signs."

Natsu glanced away, then looked back, not meeting her eye this time. "Yeah, but it's not that strong yet."

Gray grimaced. Someone should have reigned him in earlier. What was Mira thinking, letting him work like that?

"We might want to do this tomorrow, then," Porlyusica said with a sigh.

"Do what?"

"Assess you, you stupid child." She pointed to a table two rows away. "Walk to that table. We can at least see how well you can hold up for the rest of the day."

Finally catching on to the situation, Natsu drew himself up, let go of the table, and walked unsteadily across the room. When he reached his destination, he sat. His mouth was drawn in a tight line. Everyone watching could already guess what Porlyusica would say.

Mira returned with his tea, and the older woman held off on giving her verdict until Natsu drank it.

"Gray, you've been escorting Natsu to and from the guild, correct? You said this only stopped this morning?"

Gray nodded.

"I was here when he arrived," Nab, who had been at the request board all day, called across the room. "There was nothing wrong with him when he got here."

Porlyusica considered this a moment. "Very well. I'll come back early tomorrow to see how he's doing before he can wear himself out. So long as nothing happens, he should be fine to come here on his own, but if he can't get through the day without wearing himself out, then that's that. Gray, until I say otherwise, continue to help Natsu with the return home."

"Yes, ma'am!" He said it loudly, so as to drown out Natsu's protest.

"Be back tomorrow," she told Natsu. "When you arrive, sit. Wait for me. You're already wasting my time making me come a second day. Don't make me come three times."

Natsu glared down at his feet and grumbled an affirmative.

She turned and left then, and everyone who had been hovering, watching, or who had sat at their tables and pretended not to watch resumed what they had been doing before she arrived.

With everyone's attention off the two of them, Gray took a seat beside Natsu, who scowled at him before returning to glaring it his feet. Like it was there fault he couldn't walk steadily or something.

"It's not that bad."

"I should be able to walk that distance on my own."

"You can. You made it on your own this morning," Gray reminded him. "That's an improvement. You're getting better. You might not be recovering as fast as you'd like, but you're recovering. So cheer up. You're already doing better."

" _Doing better_?" Natsu looked back up at Gray. "My legs almost gave out under me walking ten feet. Because I tried to deliver meals without taking a break between orders. I'm not going to feel any better until I can punch you as hard you deserve for thinking _that's_ better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a really distinct memory of my Natsu shimeji sitting down and looking displeased with me when I wrote that broom scene.
> 
> Other than that, I don't have anything particular to comment on. I suppose I could mention that I'm honestly empathize more with Gray, however the two come across in this fic. Working as a caregiver myself, I've had my share of patients who do stuff that's too dangerous our counter intuitive to their already declining health. Reasons vary from dementia to caring more about pleasure than well being to trying to maintain independence. It's stressful as all hell to be responsible for the safety of someone who falls whenever they stand, but who never calls you for help because they always want to try and stand on their own.


	8. Needing a Change of Scenery

When it came time to take Natsu home, he acted as though those bitter remarks had never happened. Gray didn't know if Natsu was trying to move past it, if he was looking to get out of owning up to his actions, or if he had genuinely forgotten what he'd said. It didn't matter one way or the other. Before the diagnosis, they had fought often enough that Gray took no offense to threats of violence.

It was everything Natsu had said leading up to that threat that left Gray feeling unsettled.

Out of respect for Natsu and his desire to have some independence, Gray gave him a chance to walk home without support. For the first two blocks past the guild hall, Gray walked a few steps behind Natsu's side, letting Natsu try and prove to himself that he could still make the trip just fine, but making it easy to catch Natsu, should he fall.

Natsu hadn't fallen since the first time Gray found him on the ground, but more than once over the past several weeks, he'd started leaning on Gray for support during the trip home. It was only after he'd managed a week without needing to that Gray had decided Natsu was probably fine on his own.

Now, watching Natsu stumble, Gray realized he'd been hasty in saying that. Natsu was still sick. He was still quick to wear out. He might be doing better, but he was right, he wasn't in good condition yet. People who were in good condition were physically capable of walking home after work.

After two blocks, Natsu stumbled, and Gray reached out to catch him without waiting to see if the roset might be able to catch himself.

Natsu, it seemed, hadn't been any more confident in himself than Gray had been. He didn't protest the act. Gray bit his lip upon realizing that. Natsu needed reminders to take it easy while he still had energy. No one needed to point out to him that something was wrong.

"Are you alright?" Gray asked. "Do you still feel… um…" How did Natsu describe that feeling he got when he felt like he might trigger an attack? "Do you still feel strange?"

"A little," Natsu admitted.

"Should I carry you?"

Natsu looked around. Most of the civilians on the street walked by without paying them much heed, but a few stared. It had been over a month now since he'd caused destruction or other such trouble that he often did, and almost a month since his diagnosis. Plenty of time for people to notice something was off, and for word of what exactly that was to spread. He didn't want them talking about how his condition was so bad that he'd turned to _Gray_ of all people for help. Hell, he didn't want to turn to Gray for help for no reasons other than that it meant getting help from Gray.

"I can manage." The feeling of something being wrong wasn't too strong. If he felt an attack coming on, he would give in to Gray, but until then he wanted to do whatever he could for himself.

His legs felt so tired though. In the end, he let Gray put one arm around him and help hold him up as they walked.

"I wasn't tired at all this morning," Natsu said. "I made it all the way to lunch without needing a break."

"Take one anyway," Gray told him. "It's because you pushed yourself that you're tired now."

"But I didn't _need_ to rest."

"Yes you did. If you didn't need to rest, you would be fine to walk home on your own now. I know that pushing your limit is your thing, but with your condition, it's not a good idea. Go a little easier on yourself."

-o-

Natsu was still pouting when they got home, and yelled in protest when Gray tossed him onto the couch before looking to see if there was anything he could make for dinner.

"Gray!"

"Oh, good. You restocked. I was worried I'd have to run out and buy you groceries again."

"I can feed myself!"

He could. And Gray had noticed that either Natsu or Happy had thought to set up a chair by the kitchen counter in case Natsu couldn't stand any longer while cooking. But he'd already come all the way to Natsu's, and it seemed like a waste to leave so soon.

"Did you cook my lunch today?"

"No. Mira did." Natsu scowled, thinking it over. "I made the salad."

"Then I'll make something for you in return. And we'll call it even."

That something was a lot more than just a salad. He made a full meal, mixing what leftover meat and vegetables he found in the fridge in a stir fry. While this went on, Natsu rested on the couch, alternating between nodding off and, when Gray called out to remind him to stay awake, bickering with his house guest for the sake of something to do.

When Gray had finished preparing dinner he offered to bring a plate to Natsu, but the roset pushed himself up and retrieved his own meal.

"Don't force yourself."

"I'm walking five feet to pick up my own dinner."

"I thought ten feet was hard for you earlier."

Natsu scowled.

"Just saying."

Dropping back down onto the couch, Natsu stabbed at his stir fry with a fork and said, "No one's making you say anything about it."

"Well, what do you want me to do? You don't tell us anything about how you feel unless we twist your arm, and if today was anything to go by, you don't think to work within your limits unless we make you."

"I didn't have an attack," Natsu argued.

"The point isn't to avoid and _attack_! It's to recover! Which means you shouldn't overwork yourself period!"

Natsu grumbled, but looked away, unable to refute this one. He could argue that Gray wasn't the one stuck around the guild, sure, but that didn't diminish Gray's point. He was sick. He needed to take it easy. He got that. Really. It was just… hard. It was hard when everyone else was fine. When he showed up and they all went about business as normal and all his friends could still go off on jobs while he was stuck in town. Not even town. Walking to and from the guild had been tiring enough after the last attack that it was the only travel he'd done since.

When Natsu didn't argue with him further, Gray dished himself up a plate of stir-fry and made a mental note to buy Natsu groceries later to make up for eating food that Natsu had bought for himself. When he had the money for it. Having spent so much time watching over Natsu instead of working, he was hurting for cash.

Gray settled in leaning against Natsu's door, and only just took his first bite when Natsu asked, "Are you guys… do you have a job planned?"

"There's always the possibility that I'll show up tomorrow and Erza will tell me to go somewhere, but otherwise no. Why?"

"I want to go somewhere."

"We already told you no tagging along until—"

" _Anywhere_ ," Natsu insisted. "To the cathedral. Or out in the woods. Or you could help me break into Lucy's house. Happy buys all our groceries and I haven't even gone to the store in a month. It doesn't have to be part of a job yet. I just want to go _somewhere_."

Now it was Gray's turn to have no good protest. Natsu was right. Aside from the guild, he hadn't been able to go anywhere since his diagnosis. Particularly with Gray hovering over him whenever he stepped outside. Taking him on a job was far too risky for Gray's liking… but taking him around town sounded perfectly safe. There weren't many threats that could come at them in Magnolia, and an abundance of benches to stop at, should Natsu need a break.

Technically, Natsu was supposed to show up at the guild for work the next day, but realistically he wasn't needed. The arrangement was mostly an excuse to make Natsu feel like he was doing something, and to give him an allowance to keep himself fed without making it too obvious that he was a charity case. Gray could leave a note explaining the change of plans at the guild on his way home, if Mira and Makarov were gone when he returned.

"Yeah. Why not?" Gray said. "I'll come by tomorrow morning. We can go wherever you want around town."

Natsu grinned, and Gray felt a stab of guilt, realizing just how restrictive he'd been for Natsu to be so happy with the thought of walking around town.

"I'll hold you to that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter. Mostly setup for next one. I guess I could have included that at the end of the last chapter, but it…I don't know… It didn't feel like it fit. Anyway, I'm sure Porly will be thrilled when she shows up tomorrow and finds out Natsu didn't bother to stop by the guild.


	9. Out For a Walk

Gray held true to his word. The next morning Natsu got himself up, made breakfast for Happy and himself, and set out for the guild when the ice wizard ambushed him only ten feet from his house.

Natsu's immediate reaction was to bristle. The last time he'd gone around town, he'd done so by himself. Technically with Happy, but Happy wasn't there to help him. He was there because he was always there. The part of Natsu that still hadn't accepted his condition, which was a large part of him, resented the idea that Gray thought he needed an escort to buy groceries and wander around town.

Pretending not to notice that Natsu wasn't happy to see him, Gray said, "Where all did you plan to go today?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. I need something for dinner, and I thought it might be nice to buy lunch, but that's about it."

"How about the park first?" Gray suggested.

Natsu couldn't quite keep from sounding tart when he asked, "Why? Because it has benches?"

"Because it has a path to walk on."

"Oh." Natsu paused. "Yeah. I should be able to walk that much. And I'm not carrying anything. Happy, does that work with you?"

"Aye, sir!"

Gray's efforts not to look like he was hovering as they walked across town didn't escape Natsu's notice. Nor did the way that whenever his step faltered, Gray tensed to spring forward and grab him. It made Natsu scowl and focus harder on walking steady, and the fact that this was something that required focus at all only frustrated him more. But it beat having Gray insist the walk side by side, or worse, that Natsu sling one arm over his shoulder for support.

They almost made it to the park when disaster struck. This, mercifully, was not any health related disaster. Natsu didn't know what he would do if he'd collapsed on such a simple walk. Gray would probably lock him up at home for the rest of his life.

No. The disaster had nothing to do with Natsu. In fact, the disaster was quite pleased to keep Natsu as far away from itself and all things Gray as possible.

"Gray! Juvia heard you were going shopping today and came to help!"

Natsu heard a yelp, then a thump, and looked back to see that Gray had been tackled to the ground, and was struggling to get out of Juvia's arms.

He wouldn't lie, it was nice to see _Gray_ be the one to struggle with what should have been a simple task for once. But Gray _had_ helped him when he struggled a great many times the past few weeks, and even if Natsu didn't really want the help, there were times when it had been… well… helpful. So he decided he could lend Gray a hand.

"You should let him stand. I need him to be able to catch me if my legs give out."

Juvia froze, a brief flash of guilt passing over her features before she had the chance to register that Natsu was in no danger of collapsing in the next few minutes. In the time it took her to realize that, Gray took advantage of her distraction to drag himself out from under her, and readied a spell to put up a shield if it looked like she might tackle him the ground again.

"Gray, where are you going?"

"Does it matter?"

"It does? How can I enjoy our date if I don't know what it is? Or… could it be… are you planning to surprise Juvia?"

"This isn't a date! I'm just escorting Natsu to the park!"

"Ah! Gray!" Juvia cried, seeming not to hear, or perhaps pretending not to hear Gray dispute her. "Juvia would _love_ to walk through the park with you."

"Well, too bad I didn't offer!"

Despite his refusal, she ended up tagging along. Well, tagging might not have been the best word. It was more like she physically attached herself to Gray and he had no choice but to pull her along with them.

Natsu walked ahead, careful not to get so far that Gray would throw a fit, but not staying as close as Gray liked him to be. Happy was still at his side, ready to help if needed. And besides, it was nice to not have someone stand three feet away from him, tensed like they thought he was about to fall. Maybe seven feet wasn't a huge difference, but it was something.

To show Gray that he _could_ be responsible with himself and that it would be _totally fine_ if he tagged along on a job, Natsu didn't walk ahead forever. After wandering halfway around the park, enjoying the scents and scanning for fun distractions, Natsu took a seat at a bench and gave himself a moment to rest.

He expected Gray to sit behind him, and to make the offer to help him stand if he needed it. (Not that he ever did. Usually.) Instead, Juvia dragged Gray off into the bushes. Natsu watched his teammate disappear beneath the leaves, and despite Gray's protests and his own want for more freedom, he couldn't help but feel a little abandoned.

"Too bad Mira isn't here to see this," Happy said.

"What's to see?"

There was certainly quite a bit of fussing to hear, but not much to look at, with Gray and Juvia hidden in the bushes. It sounded like Gray was fighting to keep his clothes _on_ , while Juvia was talking about hers kept slipping off.

That bothered Natsu, for a number of reasons, but whatever happened between Gray and Juvia wasn't his business. Whatever he thought of it, that wasn't the reason he decided to butt in. The real reason he interrupted their… whatever it was they were doing, was much pettier than that.

"Gray!" Natsu called. "I want to stand."

"Juvia has seen Natsu stand on his own plenty of times," a voice answered back.

"I want to be up all day. That means I have to 'pace myself' or something. So help."

Why exactly he was insisting upon this, Natsu couldn't say. Less than twenty seconds ago, the possibility of Gray offering to help, much less insisting, had irritated Natsu. Now it irritated him when Juvia emerged from the bushes and said, "Juvia will help, but Gray can't be left alone too long."

"Gray's been helping me," Natsu told her. "He can help now."

They stared one another down, both trying to figure out why it mattered so much to Natsu that _Gray_ be the one to pull him off the bench, and in that time, Gray extracted himself from the bushes, pulled up the pants Juvia had yanked down, rebuckled his belt, and stepped between them.

"Let's get you up."

Natsu held out a hand and let Gray help hoist him into a standing position, wondering all the while what damage he must be doing to his 'I can totally follow you on a job without getting in the way or getting hurt' image by asking Gray for help so early in the day.

Gray, mercifully, didn't seem to take it as a sign of weakness that Natsu had asked, babbling on about how it was good of Natsu to pace himself until they had taken a few steps forward, at which point he whispered, "Thank you."

It was soft. So quiet that even without his sharp hearing, Natsu wouldn't have picked it up. Why Gray might be thanking him, Natsu couldn't guess, until Juvia called out for them to wait up, and that she knew Gray was shy but he didn't need to leave her behind on their date. Realizing what Gray thought he was doing, which, for all Natsu knew, _was_ what he was doing, Natsu grinned. If Gray took all of his requests for help, or reminders that he needed it, as excuses for Gray to get out of Juvia's grasp, then maybe when the time came that he _genuinely_ needed the assistance, he could try and pass it off as more covering for Gray. It wasn't usually his M.O. to insert himself between couples, which Gray and Juvia must have been for as often as Juvia insisted on it. Regardless, Natsu found himself oddly satisfied with the idea of keeping the two apart for the day.

After the park he wanted to go to the market, but Gray and Happy talked him into saving that for last. Happy on the grounds that they would have to carry everything around for the rest of the day, and Gray giving vague statements of agreement in between telling Juvia that he was _not_ going to the mall with her, and would not carry her clothes.

Instead, they went to pay a visit to Lucy's where things didn't quite go as planned. Natsu had hoped to climb in through her bedroom window, like he usually did when she was already there, but that window was on the second floor, and he wasn't about to delude himself into thinking he could climb on his own. It didn't look like it would be too tricky with help. The hard part was _getting_ that help.

"I'm not lifting you up there," Gray told him. "We can use her front door."

"But it'd be fun. If you just made some stairs leading up to her window, it would hardly take any effort at all."

"Aside from forcing the window open?"

"She doesn't lock it."

"I'm not doing this. Besides, those stairs would be _ice_. What if you slip?"

"What _if_ I slip?"

Gray threw his hands up, growling in frustration. "No stairs!"

"Fine. Happy."

"Natsu, we use Lucy's door all the time when she isn't home. Let's go that way today."

"But if you carry me—"

"I might drop you while I'm opening the window."

"You've dropped me from higher before."

Happy shook his head. "That was when I knew for sure that you could make the landing."

"I can still do that! It's only one—"

"Natsu?" Natsu flinched and looked up to the window he'd hoped to sneak in from. The one Lucy was now leaning out of. "Hey. I didn't know you were coming over. Give me just a second. I wasn't expecting guests."

Seeing that it was too late to sneak in, Natsu grudgingly submitted to Gray and Happy's insistence that they take the front entrance, sulking all the while about how both of them were too worried he'd hurt himself doing something he always used to do.

"If it's so scary to let me walk up a few stairs, maybe you should just carry me," Natsu said, mostly for the sake of being a brat. No one thought he was likely to slip on regular wooden stairs.

What Gray _did_ think was that without an excuse to walk up those stares, Juvia was going to drag him back down them and demand he not go into another girl's room. Ignoring that Natsu was obviously being sarcastic, he swept the fire slayer up princess style and carried him up the stairs, expecting to be swatted in the face a few times by Natsu's flailing and protesting. To his surprise, this act was met with no resistance.

Natsu, who hadn't really expected to be picked up in such a fashion and needed a moment to get over the shock, was used to warmth. It was part of the whole fire wizard thing. The warmth in his cheeks when he felt Gray's cool arms around him, however, was not one he was used to, and he found himself staring blankly at Gray's chin while he tried to make sense of it.

Gray carried Natsu all the way into Lucy's room, waiting just a moment to let Happy in before shutting the door behind him, and grimacing at the wail that emanated from outside.

"I need a break," was the only explanation he gave for that.

Natsu was set down at Lucy's desk while Gray went back to lock the door and, for good measure, pulled his shirt off and lined the crack along the floor with it. Since Lucy seemed to have fled into the bathroom to prepare herself for their arrival and Gray was busy making sure she didn't have too many visitors, Natsu decided to occupy himself by picking up her story and seeing what all she'd added since the last time he broke in and had a chance to read.

It had been a while since he'd had an opportunity to catch up, he realized. Lucy rarely finished more than ten pages between his visits, but he had over a hundred to get through now. He'd realized it had been a long time since he was active. In fact, being restricted as he was, it felt like an eternity, but seeing this little portion of Lucy's life that had gone on without him, Natsu felt a twinge of nausea. This _was_ something that had gone on without him. He'd been there at the guild with everyone else, but in a way, he'd been gone, and everyone else's lives had gone on without him.

"Hey! Who said you could look at that!" Lucy cried, snatching the manuscript from Natsu's hands. Stunned as he was, he offered up no resistance.

Out of habit, Lucy lifted a foot back to kick the scoundrel who dared look at the book she'd been writing, but remembering Natsu's situation, stopped herself. Alongside transportation, taking a beating wasn't something they'd tested Natsu's tolerance for, but it seemed like a given that it would do his health no good.

"Just… don't take my things without asking." She huffed and turned away expecting Natsu to innocently ask why she was writing something she didn't want anyone to read, like he usually did when she caught him with her writing. When no protest was made, she glanced back, and saw him staring blankly at his hands.

"Natsu...?"

"You wrote a lot…"

Lucy wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to that, and while she stared, trying to come up with something, Natsu stood and turned to Gray.

"I want to go."

"We just got here."

"I don't care. I don't want to be here anymore." He hadn't been to Lucy's in too long, and she'd gone about her home life all the same. "We need to find a place to get lunch."

Lucy grabbed his arm. "Hold on! You haven't been here in too long. I had something on the stove, if you're hungry."

Natsu glanced back at her as blankly as he'd been looking at his hands, and she shivered.

"I'll let you read," Lucy said. "I promised Levy, but you can read my story, if you want. Sit down and read it, Natsu. I'll finish lunch and we can all eat together. I haven't missed coming out of the shower to find someone waiting for me, but I've missed having you over."

Lucy's home life had gone on without him… but it didn't have to. Natsu managed a smile for her, and let her gently push him back into the chair.

"You're not allowed to tell me _anything_ about it," Lucy insisted when she handed the manuscript back. "I still want to hear from Levy first."

Natsu almost told her that this allowance should apply to all future visits as well, since sneaking in and reading her book behind her back was now beyond him. Then it occurred to him that, at present, trips to Lucy's still probably required Gray escort him. He wasn't sure how many times he could ask Gray to walk him around town while still feeling as if he was getting better. There was the option to ask that Lucy bring her writing to him, but that still felt defeatist, and would also be pushing it when she had only let him read period to make him stay for lunch.

"Thanks," he said instead, and went to work relocating his page.

"You actually like my writing?" Lucy asked.

Natsu looked up at her, confused. "Of course I do. You wrote it."

Blushing, Lucy said, "Well, if that's all it takes, maybe I can write something _for_ you. Zaleon often wrote stories based on his adventures as a wizard. How about I write about the jobs we go on. It would be like you were there."

"Except I'm not, and I'm going to notice my absence from your stories."

"Then I'll write them like you _were_ there," Lucy declared. "And I'll even do it specifically from my perspective, so you can see through my eyes what a pain it is to have to do damage control after you lose control and wreck half a town."

Gray cringed, both he and Natsu thinking that this sounded like a wonderful way to rub salt in the wounds left by having to stay behind. But Lucy was still blushing and fidgeting and looked like she was sincerely trying to offer something to make him feel better, and until he had permission to tag along on work, it was the next best thing to being there.

"Don't write me into it, but sure," Natsu told her. "I think I'd like to read that."

It would absolutely hurt, seeing what everyone's lives without him looked like. But then at the same time, it would kind of feel like he wasn't missing out on what they all got to experience while he was home sick. The adventures and the fights and, most of all, the time they spent together without him. Too much happened without him now.

Positively beaming at her first request from a reader, Lucy gave Natsu a thumbs up before going to attend to the soup she'd been cooking, leaving Natsu and Gray alone together. Or rather, leaving Natsu to read, and Gray to try and find some way to occupy his time with Happy.

Natsu pretended not to notice when Gray asked, at a low enough volume that their hostess wouldn't hear, "Does Natsu like Lucy?"

He bit his lip so hard it bled to keep from protesting when Happy, rolling his tongue, said, "He lllloves her."

-o-

After lunch, they bid Lucy farewell and left her house. Juvia reattached herself to Gray's arm, promising never to let go again, and Happy settled into Gray's other arm, complaining that he already walked a lot, but didn't want to make Natsu carry him. This, much to Natsu's annoyance, sent off alarm bells in Gray's head. "You aren't getting tired, are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Coming from you, that means nothing."

With a growl and a glare, Natsu gave the full report. "I feel more tired than I did when we started, but I sat for a while at Lucy's, and I don't feel like I need to stop again yet. My legs aren't wobbly, and I don't have that weird feeling I get when I'm in danger of having an attack."

"In that case do you want to pick one or two more things then call it a day?"

"I can manage more than two things."

"The point is to work within your limits, not to work yourself to exhaustion."

Natsu scowled at the idea that walking around town counted as exhausting work. When Juvia pulled herself closer to Gray and began making plans for what they could do around town once Natsu had returned home and was no longer demanding Gray's attention, that scowl only deepened.

Why did she have to show up anyway? This was supposed to be a day where Gray helped him feel like things were returning to normal, and walked around town with him just in case things weren't close enough to normal yet for him to manage. She kept trying to drag Gray off and acting like it was such an imposition that Gray wanted to help. Granted, Natsu had yet to _need_ Gray's help, for all the times he'd requested it, but the whole situation still irked him.

She wasn't making enough of a scene for Gray to take anything Natsu did as an attempt to rescue him from some deed of Juvia's, and after claiming to be fine, Natsu couldn't fake weakness. Gray already thought it meant nothing when he said he was fine. If explaining that he was fine became a thing Gray similarly dismissed, Natsu would never be able to argue for his freedom again.

Gritting his teeth, Natsu decided to sacrifice that second activity Gray thought he might be up for, turned in the direction of Magnolia's market square, and took off running.

It was only mid-stride that he realized how stupid a move this was. Half the point of the trip had been to prove to Gray that he could be trusted to manage his energy. And even if Juvia kept subtly, or not so subtly, insisting that he was in the way, there was no good reason Natsu could think of to dislike that she was taking Gray's attention. In fact, there was a good reason he should appreciate it. Less of Gray's attention on him meant more freedom to do what he wanted without someone overbearing insisting that he take it easy.

Despite all the arguments he came up with to stop, when Gray called out for him to wait, to not exert himself, to come back, Natsu doubled down and ran harder.

Weakened as he was by his disease, he wasn't as fast a runner as he'd once been. He only managed to outrun Gray for a few blocks because surprise had given him a head start. After that, he felt his vest tug as Gray grabbed it, and shed it with a speed that would have impressed his pursuer. Were he in better health, this might have led to a clean get away. In his condition, twisting out of the vest mid-run threw Natsu off balance, and he stumbled a few steps before crashing to the ground.

"What the _hell_ , Natsu?" Gray demanded.

Good question. What was he supposed to say to that? That he was jealous of all the attention Gray was trying not to give Juvia?

"Natsu, why did you do that?" Happy asked. "You knew you shouldn't have."

"I wanted to run," he said lamely.

"No running."

Pushing himself into a sitting position, Natsu tested putting weight on one of his legs, and determined that he likely wouldn't do much more walking for the day. With no protest or eye contact, he held out a hand so Gray could help pull him up off the ground.

"I mean it, Natsu. You can't just take off because you feel like it."

"Can we go shopping now?"

"I'm not done. You're sick. I know you hate to admit it, but you're sick and you need to pay more attention to your health. I can't watch you collapse like you did in that mansion, Natsu. Not again."

"Are you done now?"

Gray pursed his lips. "I have expressed everything I wanted to, but I don't think I've said enough."

"Running bad. Do nothing and nothing bad will ever happen. I got it. Can we—Woah!" Natsu took a half-step to keep himself from falling over sideways. "Can we go shopping before I hit my limit. I haven't been able to buy my own groceries for a month. You can scold me all you want over dinner."

Grumbling, Gray put an arm around Natsu's waist and steered him towards the shopping district. On occasion, as they walked, he would make a comment about how stupid it had been to run, or how Natsu wasn't bearing enough of his own weight, and if it got to the point where he had to be carried, then they were going straight home. He didn't comment at all on Natsu's implication that he was going to stay for dinner, although he did vehemently deny Juvia's claim that they needed to make reservations for a dinner date. Whether that meant he intended to come home for dinner with Natsu or hadn't noticed the hint at all, Natsu couldn't tell. He hoped it was the latter. He couldn't think of any reason why he might really _want_ Gray there, and he certainly wasn't in the mood for a scolding while he ate.

They were nearly to the shopping district when Natsu's legs gave out completely. With one arm around Gray, and one of Gray's arms around him, Natsu didn't fall so much as slump against his friend's side. Gray, already used to supporting a fair chunk of Natsu's weight, held him firm and lowered him to the ground so they could switch into a carrying position.

"If you hold me like some helpless princess again, I'll set you on fire," Natsu warned.

"I'd like to see you try," Gray said, rather than point t that Natsu was, indeed, helpless. "How do you feel?"

Natsu hesitated before saying, "Kinda weird."

"How so?"

"I don't know. Something feels wrong."

Gray went stiff, recognizing this as how Natsu phrased the sensation that struck him whenever he was in danger of having an attack. "Let's skip shopping for today."

"But—"

"Do you absolutely need groceries?"

"No, but—"

"Then it can wait until tomorrow, okay? I promise, I'll take you first thing tomorrow, and we can go to the guild after that. Let's go home for now and I'll make your tea for you. You didn't have any with lunch."

There was a sort of desperation underneath the firmness of Gray's words that made Natsu reluctant to keep arguing, and he looked away. Gray was, as much as it pained Natsu to admit it, right. He shouldn't have ran so far, even if it was only a few blocks, and he hit his limit early. It was all stupid and frustrating and he still wasn't really sure why he'd felt the need to make Gray fret over him. He _hated_ Gray fretting over him. It pissed him off even then, being told that he couldn't buy his own groceries for another day.

But he wasn't going to give himself another attack when he was on the mend. He didn't want to be left out of everyone's lives even longer than he had, and if he had an attack again, Lucy might finish her book before he had another chance to read it. He couldn't pretend he wasn't in danger of an attack.

Gray knowing that the risk was there also meant he couldn't argue about what he should or shouldn't do. He had to prove he could be responsible with his health.

"Fine." He was so sick of that word. "We can go home. But you have to take me out first thing tomorrow."

Relieved to have Natsu agree so easily, Gray smiled and told him, "Will do."

As a reward for good behavior, Gray agreed to carry Natsu piggy-back instead of princess style. He bent over for Natsu to put his arms around Gray's shoulders, scooped up the fire slayer's legs, and lifted up.

"Gray! Juvia wants to be carried too!"

"My arms are kind of full. Sorry."

Gray couldn't see Natsu stick his tongue out at Juvia, but Happy spotted it and, mistaking it for simple teasing, snickered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a very strong inclination to mostly focus on the illness, but I'm trying to slowly transition into Gratsu stuff. After all, the illness is going to be there forever and ever, and there's only so much interesting stuff that can happen with it. The Gratsu stuff can be expanded on. It seems like it'd be insensitive to not give the illness a little time when it's new to them, though, so it gets more focus up front.
> 
> That aside, I don't know how much it showed, but I really don't like Juvia. I've hated Gruvia for a while, and it's so rare for Juvia to act independently of the ship nowadays that I've stopped liking her too. (It's mostly her contribution to the pairing that makes me hate it anyway.) I tried not to engage in character bashing. I'm not sure how well I succeeded. I feel like if I wanted to write her in a negative light, I'd write her the same way Mashima does, but then I also suspect that, realistically, I would over exaggerate the parts of her that grate on me. Honestly, ever since I lost interest in her I've just tried not to include her in fics period, but for how I want this story to go, I kind of need her.


	10. Permanent Damage

Gray felt guilty.

It wasn't fair of Natsu to resist his health precautions. It wasn't fair of Natsu to act so hurt whenever he was reminded that he couldn't do something. It wasn't fair of Natsu to worry Gray by taking off running for no reason other than that he wanted too when he couldn't. He _couldn't_. And he knew he couldn't.

It wasn't fair that Natsu be sick either, but Gray didn't know who he should blame for that. Natsu's parents? The subject of the man and woman who brought him into the world had never come up, and Gray suspected Natsu couldn't even begin to guess who they might be. Blaming someone for Natsu's condition was too hard. Blaming Natsu for constantly worrying Gray with how he handled his condition, however, was easy.

Nonetheless, Gray felt guilty. Natsu made him sick with worry, but those hurt looks whenever Gray had to tell him he couldn't do something were too much. It had caused Gray physical pain to see Natsu suddenly become so dejected at Lucy's that he wanted to leave immediately, and that look that flashed across his face when she offered to pretend he was still with them on their adventures…

Even worse was telling Natsu they had to wait to go shopping. That was the one stop on their trip he knew Natsu had been really desperate to do, too. Why exactly hadn't made sense to Gray at first. He'd have thought Natsu wanted to see Lucy. Whatever exactly was between them, he knew Natsu was in the habit of hanging around her house, and hadn't been able to in weeks. It wasn't until Gray made it back to his own home, after bringing Natsu back, making him tea, and then agreeing to cook and early dinner in order to keep Natsu off his feet, that it hit Gray. Buying groceries was such a basic, day to day task. Natsu had wanted to do something normal that anyone capable of taking care of themselves ought to be able to pull off. And Gray had told him that he wasn't able to do it.

No, Gray told him to wait until later to do it, and then told him they couldn't once later arrived. Because he'd let Natsu grow too worn out on other things.

In light of that, Gray made a point of showing up at Natsu's at the crack of dawn the next morning. After so many trips back and forth to Natsu's since they'd learned of his illness, Gray had ended up with a spare key, and let himself in while the slayer was still asleep. He had brought his own supplies with him, and set to work making breakfast for when Natsu woke up.

As soon as the bacon began to sizzle, he heard Natsu stir, followed by an alarming thump. Spinning around to make sure everything was okay, Gray saw Natsu on the floor, his hammock rocking back and forth.

"Did you fall out?"

"Mmf."

Gray bit his lip to resist telling Natsu then and there that he _really_ needed a mattress. The last thing either of them needed was to start the day off with a battle over more changes Natsu needed to make for his health.

"Is that bacon?"

"Yes. I'm brewing tea for you, too."

"Oh." Natsu sounded less than enthused. "Do I have to have the tea."

"Yes. It helps with your condition. Remember? I thought you liked it."

"Maybe the first three-hundred times," Natsu said as he picked himself up off the floor. "You guys keep pushing it on me over and over… Where's Happy?"

Good question. Gray looked around, finally spotting the cat still asleep in the hammock. How did he manage that when Natsu rolled out of the thing?

"There. Natsu, whether you like it or not, you have to drink it. It helps you get through the day."

Natsu scowled.

"Tea, or me carrying you home before lunch because you ran out of energy?"

"Tea," Natsu grumbled. "But I could make it more than half a day."

"If you say so, but let's not test that." Gray pulled a mug from the cupboard—now that he was over at Natsu's so often, he tried to keep the dishes clean, if nothing else—and poured tea into it. "Drink up. The bacon will be ready in just a minute."

Natsu grudgingly took the mug and nursed it, watching Gray as he did. He'd taken stock of what all was in the fridge the day before, making plans for what to buy in anticipation of being able to buy his own food again. Bacon wasn't something he'd had on hand. Not that he minded bacon, but the awareness that Gray had brought his own food over bothered Natsu. He wasn't broke. In fact, he suspect Makarov was overpaying him to follow Mira around and lend a hand with her chores. Gray cooking for him already made him feel too dependent on others. Gray bringing him food strayed into handout territory.

Of course, bacon was bacon. He wasn't going to say no to bacon. He wasn't crazy. But he would buy his own bacon, and then ask Gray to cook _that_ if he felt like letting himself in and cooking again.

When Gray grabbed a plate to dump the bacon into, Natsu lifted Happy from the hammock and brought him over to the couch. Gray, likewise, brought the bacon to the couch. Natsu lacking a dining table, they all ate there.

"We can't be out for long. Mira'll be upset with me if I miss too much work."

"I'll tell her I dragged you out," Gray said. It sounded dismissive, but it chilled Natsu's insides.

A month ago... no, two months ago now. He'd spent all that time pretending things were fine after his first attack. Two months ago that excuse would never have flown. They would have had to say they'd gotten into a fight. Now Gray could pretend he was forcing Natsu to go here and there. And he _could_ force Natsu to go wherever he wanted. He'd forced Natsu to skip grocery shopping earlier, then had him go home.

He was at Gray's mercy. It wasn't that he doubted Gray's mercy, but…

"How much longer is it supposed to take for me to get better?" Natsu asked. "I thought Porlyusica said it would only be a few days. It's been a month."

Gray's hesitation made Natsu's already cold insides tie in a knot.

"Gray?"

"I was told you might not. I mean, not completely. Gramps made it sound like you could still improve. Just not to the point where you used to be."

"That's stupid. You can always improve."

"Healthy people can always improve," Gray said before he could think better of it. Natsu blanched, but now that he'd gone there, he might as well drive the point home. "Natsu, something is physically wrong with you. I know you want to go back on jobs with everyone, but do. Not. Push. Your. Self. The last thing any of us want is for you to overestimate what you can do, have another attack, and end up capable of even less."

"I'm not _incapable_ ," Natsu snapped.

"I didn't say you were."

"You said I could end up capable of _even less_. So you think there are things I'm not capable of now."

"I think you can't make a whole day without overtaxing yourself," Gray told him. "I think you can't run without collapsing. I think you couldn't make it out of bed this morning without falling. In fact, I don't think you should even _have_ a hammock. Or at least not one hung so high off the ground."

Happy raised a hand in protest, but whatever he'd meant to say to break the two up, it was lost underneath Natsu's snarl.

"You already get to control everything I do while I'm awake. Mind your own business with where I sleep."

"It's not safe."

"It's _comfortable_. And with all your stupid restrictions and everyone going off on adventures without me, it's just about the only comfort I have."

This time, Happy spoke loudly enough to be heard. "Natsu, that's horrible!"

Natsu flinched, and looked down to his little buddy. His little buddy who had stayed behind with him, helping him manage around the house without telling him what he could or couldn't do, and offering support and encouragement while he worked on his exercises or talked about all the things he planned on doing. One day. When he was able to again.

Happy looked more wounded than he'd felt, hearing Gray say he couldn't even get out of bed right.

An apology jammed itself in Natsu's throat. So surprised was he to realize that he'd said something to hurt Happy, and when some selfish part of his still felt like he ought to be recognized as the hurt one, that he couldn't quite recall how to say he hadn't meant that all of Happy's support and companionship meant nothing.

Seeing Natsu hesitate to correct himself, Happy took off, flying out the window and out of view.

"Natsu? If you want to wait for—"

"I'm going to the guild," Natsu said, pushing himself up. "I don't need you to walk with me."

"Didn't you want to buy groceries?"

"Maybe later. Bye."

If he wasn't helping Natsu buy food, then the guild was Gray's next destination too. Now, however, he needed to add a detour. He imagined Natsu wouldn't believe him if he insisted that they both happened to be headed the same way, no matter how much sense that made. To pass the time while he waited for Natsu to get to the guild on his own, he decided to search for Happy.

Before stepping out, he adjusted Natsu's hammock, lowering it just an inch. It wasn't much, but enough gradual changes and maybe Natsu could adjust to it at a safer height. He wouldn't push the issue again just yet, and maybe raise it with Porlyusica first, but Natsu really ought not to be sleeping in it at all.

Happy had flown through a window leading into the woods, so Gray started his search by heading out that way. He didn't expect his efforts to produce any results, wandering through the forest at a leisurely pace and glancing around for any spots of bright blue. It was more something to do while he gave Natsu a head start, so he was surprised when, ten minutes into his half-assed search, he tripped right over the cat he was searching for.

Happy squeaked when Gray fell over him and nearly took off again, wings out and stretched for takeoff. Upon seeing who had quite literally stumbled upon him, he paused.

"Natsu couldn't have come after me if he wanted to, could he?"

The woods were full of tripping hazards, and soft and uneven ground. To the best of Gray's knowledge, Natsu's cooperation thus far with his recovery meant he hadn't tried wandering the woods without an escort. He didn't know how well Natsu could handle walking any terrain rougher than a road, and shook his head. If Natsu was capable of going out into the woods, it was still a bad idea for him to do so without Gray with him.

"What did he say after I left?"

"Not much. I think he was frustrated with himself."

"He's frustrated all the time now."

"I'd believe it. Want a lift?" Gray asked, holding and arm out.

Happy considered it, then took Gray's hand and allowed the ice make wizard to pick him up.

"Gray, will Natsu really never get better? He hardly ever smiles anymore, and I bet he would if he could go back to how things were."

"All I know is what Gramps told me," Gray said, setting off towards the guild. "They don't think he'll ever fully recover, and either way he needs to be careful not to make things worse."

"He hates being careful."

"He'd hate being bedbound more."

"Is that why you don't let him do anything? Because you're afraid he'll end up unable to get out of bed?"

"I don't keep him from doing _anything_."

"But you tell him not to do things when you aren't around, and when you are, you tell him to stop doing things, even when he isn't tired." Happy flopped over against Gray's chest. "It's really tiring. He gets upset when he's told he can't do something anymore, and we get home and he tries to go about the day like everything's normal, but then he finds something that he isn't able to do and he gets upset. I tried doing things for him so he wouldn't be able to find out he didn't have the energy to handle it himself, but he noticed, and now he gets upset whenever I try to help."

That contributed tremendously to Gray's guilt over not letting Natsu buy groceries. But still…

"Can we join you on missions again soon?" Happy asked. "I can help Natsu get away if anything goes wrong. I know he can't fight, but he'd feel better if he could be there."

No. Just thinking about it made Gray nauseas. "That's for Porlyusica to decide. If she gives the go ahead, then we can take lighter jobs from time to time that he can tag along on."

"I hope she will."

Gray hoped she wouldn't.

-o-

When he stepped into the guild hall, Natsu couldn't quite bring himself to return the smile Mira flashed him. Not when Gray said he was never going to be better and Happy hated him for being such a burden and not showing any appreciation. Not when he still couldn't buy his own freaking groceries or sleep in a hammock without someone telling him it wasn't safe.

But he tried. He forced the corners of his mouth up in what, to someone who didn't know him, might have passed as a smile, and walked right by her into the kitchen.

"Did something go wrong?"

"Kind of."

"What happened?"

"I collapsed on a job and woke up to the news that I have some weird disease."

Deciding against asking what specifically had him upset, Mira said, "Porlyusica stopped by yesterday to reassess you. She wasn't sure if she should be annoyed or not when she heard you took the day off to see the town with Gray. Do you want me to go get her now? She thought it was a good sign that you were able to be out and about again. Nothing went wrong yesterday, right?"

He'd fallen, and had to resort to letting Gray carry him home. He hadn't been able to buy his own bacon. He still didn't have his own bacon, and Gray was bringing his own over because he didn't think Natsu could get bacon by himself in his condition. If he'd just walked alongside Gray like he was supposed to, if he hadn't run, then he wouldn't have fallen and he'd have his own bacon and Gray wouldn't have come over to cook for him before going shopping and then no one would have said he couldn't sleep in his hammock anymore. Why had he taken off running anyway? Because he didn't like that Juvia was getting attention? How stupid.

"It went fine."

"Really? Or are you just saying 'fine' again?"

Natsu didn't answer.

"I can handle breakfast today," Mira told him. "Go ask Master about records, and find the papers he needs. "I'll bring Porlyusica over during the break between meals."

Natsu had already grabbed a spatula and was poised to begin scrambling eggs for whoever ordered them—someone always ordered eggs. For one horrible moment, he thought maybe Mira didn't think he was capable of _that_ either. Then he realized she was offering him a task that would give him time alone. More than that, offering him that chance to do something by himself. He would be completely unsupervised in the records room, assuming Makarov didn't feel the need to watch him. How long had it been since he did _anything_ without someone watching to make sure he didn't suddenly break down?

"Let me know when she's here," he said, dropping the spatula and making a b-line for the door.

Makarov raised an eyebrow when Natsu went up to him and asked about records, but didn't tell him not to handle it on his own. Happy was still mad at him, and Gray still thought he couldn't use a hammock, but he could sort through papers without anyone worrying about him, and Natsu found himself grinning as he let himself into Makarov's office and opened the first filing cabinet. He was so excited to do something completely by himself that the task almost wasn't boring.

His excitement didn't keep it from being an almost not boring task long. Natsu found himself yawning, eyes drifting to the window often, as he continued to sort through papers. Erza was in trouble with the council, and he had to find letters of commendation to try and guilt them into giving her a more lenient sentence. Some bank wanted the payment for a loan, and he had to find the contract because Makarov was sure they were demanding too much. Lots of tedious flipping through files, skimming them to see if they mattered, then going back to flipping. By the time Porlyusica arrived, he found himself wishing he'd stuck to supervised tasks with Mira.

Not that carrying orders and helping her move books around was much more interesting. This would be his life, if Porlyusica backed Gray up.

No. No it _absolutely_ wouldn't be. He'd improved. He made it to the guild and did work on his own for half the morning, and come evening he was going home on his own whether Gray approved or not. He was getting better, and sooner or later he was going to go back on active duty.

With that in mind, he happily dropped the stack of papers he'd been sorting through upon Porlyusica's arrival, and followed her into the infirmary without protest.

Shutting the door once Natsu was inside, Porlyusica asked, "How are you feeling? You haven't done too much yet today, have you?"

"I walked here and looked at a bunch of papers."

"I take it that means no?"

Because a short walk could count as overexerting himself. "I'm fine."

"I've been informed never to believe you when you use that word."

"I'm not tired," Natsu insisted.

"I heard you spent all of yesterday walking around town. How did it go?"

"Fine."

" _Natsu_."

She needed to know how he was doing. Her job was to make sure he was on track, and if he lied about his progress, he would never know for sure if her saying he was getting better really held true.

"It went well at first. We went to the park and I sat for a bit while Juvia and Gray fooled around in the bushes—"

"I don't need _those_ details. Were you tired, or did you want to enjoy the park?"

Neither. "I wasn't tired. Gray was on my case the other day about pacing myself, so I stopped for a while. We went to Lucy's after and stayed for lunch."

"Lucy lives on the second floor, doesn't she. How well did you handle the stairs?"

"I… don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Gray carried me up them."

"Why?"

Why indeed. "Because… I asked him to," Natsu said lamely. It didn't really help, but he pulled his scarf over his nose in the hopes that it might cover that he was blushing. Not just because he had done something so pathetic. Recalling being in Gray's arms… How frustrating. Why would he feel like that when Gray had upset him so badly that morning?

"That's not the question I was asking, Natsu."

"I wasn't tired. Really. Juvia wouldn't have let him into Lucy's place without an excuse, so he carried me up the stairs."

"And if I ask Gray later, he'll tell me the same."

"Yes." He'd also tell her that he didn't think Natsu was fit to sleep in a hammock, or how fast his legs gave out when he tried to run, and that he didn't think Natsu was ever going to be well enough to take jobs again. "You don't trust me."

"I spoke with several people around the guild yesterday. Makarov. Mira. Nab. People who are always around to see you at work. They all agreed that you like to downplay your difficulties." She paused. "Sit."

Fists clenched, Natsu stomped over to the infirmary bed and sat for Porlyusica.

"Now stand."

He obeyed.

"Hm. Good. You had to grab something for support whenever you stood the last time. Lie down."

Natsu blinked, realizing that he was being tested, not made to take it easy, and did as he was told.

"Good. Now sit back up. Mira tells me you also went to buy groceries. Did you have any trouble carrying the bags?"

"No." Natsu had never been so conscious before of how he used his arms to push himself off his back. Was that the normal amount of effort it took, or was he trying too hard? He was losing the ability to tell, and that was more terrifying than the idea that he might have trouble sitting up. "Gray thought we should do that last, so we didn't have to carry the food everywhere, but then he said we had to go home without even looking at what was for sale."

"I assume there was a reason for that."

"I felt funny."

"Funny? You mean that sensation from before your attacks?"

Natsu nodded. "I feel weird. Like something's wrong, but I can never figure out what. It just feels… I don't know… wrong. And it feels more and more like that until it has me worked into a panic, and when it's at its worst, my head starts to hurt. But it wasn't that bad. It was only bugging me a little, and Gray decided to call it a day."

"Good. The second you feel that way, you should stop and rest. Don't push yourself. Never push yourself. Nothing good can come from pushing yourself when you have Suraci's. How much weight can you lift?"

Natsu thought of the weights lying in his room. They weren't that heavy. At least, not compared to what he'd managed before he was sick. He couldn't lift them that many times before his grip failed him. "I don't know."

"Could you get down and give me a push up? Just one."

He could not. Natsu got himself into position for one, bent down, and couldn't push back up. After a moment of fighting it, his arms gave out, and he fell the last inch to the floor.

Mercifully, Porlyusica said nothing about this, instead telling Natsu, "Come with me. We'll test how well you can take stairs."

He had been up and down the stairs leading into the basement plenty of times in the past month, but he followed without complaint. Stairs were something he could do. He wanted Porlyusica to see that he could still do things.

She sent him up the stairs to the second floor, then had him come back down, ordering him to go quickly at first, and then demanding he take them slow when he missed a slip and nearly tumbled the rest of the way down. His guild mates pretended not to watch, but he heard one hiss in disappointment when she ordered him back into the infirmary. Unable to help himself, Natsu glanced in the direction of that noise—which he identified as coming from Cana—and when he did, noticed Gray at the door.

Porlyusica was going to speak to him next, and get the opinion of someone who watched Natsu all the time, and Gray was going to say he couldn't do anything.

Swallowing back a lump in his throat, Natsu sat down on the infirmary bed again without instruction while Porlyusica shut the door.

"I should have asked. Did you do anything after visiting Lucy, or was that where you tired yourself out? What did you do while you were there?"

"I read. And I would have been fine to go grocery shopping after."

"Would you have?"

"Yeah. I just… Gray made me mad," Natsu said, rather than admit that it hadn't been anger, nor that it hadn't necessarily been Gray who evoked the emotion, whatever involvement Gray had in him feeling that way. "I ran away, and that wore me out."

"How far did you run?"

Only a few blocks. No more than he'd been able to run his first day working around the guild. "A little ways."

"You don't know the exact distance?"

"No."

Gray was going to tell her. Gray knew he'd collapsed after running the same distance both times, and he'd tell her that there'd been no improvement.

"How often do you wear yourself out without running."

Gray was going to tell her. He walked Natsu home every night, and he knew the truth.

"By evening, I'm always worn out."

-o-

It worried Gray when Porlyusica came out of the infirmary without Natsu, but she brushed it off.

"He wanted a moment to himself before returning to work. I have some questions for you. Come with me. I'm told you're the one who worked with him the most."

She took him into Makarov's office. The desk, and portions of the floor, were covered in papers, and Gray felt his stomach lurch when he realized that Natsu had been sorting through them. The task looked painfully boring to him, and to Natsu it could only be worse.

But around the guild he was safe. There were fewer temptations for him to overexert himself, and nothing to try and attack him when he wasn't able to fight back. As distressing as it was to see what the disease had reduced Natsu to, it still didn't match the horror Gray felt seeing Natsu at that dark guild's mercy.

"I'll be to the point with you. Tell me what you've seen with him. Where has he improved? What can he do? What can't he?"

"He can't run," Gray said first, which made Porlyusica raise an eyebrow. Had Natsu pretended otherwise? Gray was almost tempted to exaggerate Natsu's deficits, if only to counter any exaggerating Natsu might have done of his capabilities. "Every time I've seen him run, he's fallen after going only a short distance. I've had to carry him after, because he's worried about an attack."

"When all have you seen him run? Has it improved over time."

"I don't think so," Gray said honestly.

"How much improvement have you seen? He can manage the walk to and from the guild on his own now?"

"To the guild, sure. But I was mostly with him as a precaution in the first place. I don't think I could tell you how much improvement I've seen is actually improvement, and how much of it is Mira learning to work within his limits. He manages around the guild, but when it's the two of us, he does stupid crap like running for the sake of running, and wears himself out in no time at all."

"I'll speak with Mira about how well he manages work, then. Since I have you here now, tell me anything you can think of. How capable is Natsu around the home. What went wrong, or right, on your outing the other day?"

Gray tried to answer, but too many ideas clashed at once, and what came out of his mouth was an unholy and utterly incomprehensible hybrid of three different sentences. After an awkward pause, he cleared his throat and said, "I'll write you a list."

-o-

It wasn't like Natsu didn't _want_ to sit in Makarov's office and bore himself to tears looking at papers, but at the same time he was pleased to see Porlyusica rope that area off to ask people how he was doing. Gray went first, naturally, and Natsu made a point of sitting by the jobs board and pretending not to notice when the ice mage stepped out. He had no doubt that Gray told Porlyusica some alarmist version of only his bad moments.

Mira was interviewed next, then Makarov. They might both offset whatever Gray said. They haven't spent the past month hovering over him and acting paranoid about his condition.

Well, that wasn't completely true. Natsu couldn't name a single guild mate who hadn't at least tried to covertly watch when he struggled with something simple—carrying multiple plates at once, most often. Too many guild members also asked him how he was doing, or if he needed a break. Mira had mandated breaks, at times. Makarov scolded him when he spent too long staring at the request board.

But no one was as bad as Gray! And if they gave Porlyusica reports that showed Gray was exaggerating, then she'd know not to take him seriously. No one _should_ take Gray seriously, Natsu thought. Telling him he couldn't even sleep in a hammock! Really!

Okay. Maybe the hammock was a little hard to climb in and out of at times… but he'd _always_ slept in a hammock. Gray didn't get to tell him how he could and couldn't _sleep_.

Since Makarov was held up with Porlyusica and couldn't get on his case for it, Natsu let his attention shift towards the job board. There was a mission to catch a gang of thieves in a port town that looked like it would be a blast. There was no way he'd be allowed to go on it before someone completed the job. Makarov would stop him. Or Mira. And if he snuck past them, Happy would probably beg him to stop. Assuming Happy was ever on speaking terms with him again. Natsu saw his buddy sitting with Gray and Erza, and wanted to go and apologize…

Then he saw that Gray was watching him, and Natsu huffed and turned back to the board.

There was a job to catch a three man band of rogue mages only two towns over. None of them sounded all that powerful, but it was still a job involving some action. If he could persuade his team to take that job, if Porlyusica said he was in good enough shape, then maybe he could tag along. Maybe he could actually be a part of his team again.

It didn't look like an exciting job, but it looked the most promising of all the jobs he let himself get his hopes up for. Natsu was fighting back the urge when Makarov and Porlyusica finally stepped out.

"Natsu!" Makarov called out. "What are you doing over there?"

"Reading."

"Just reading, huh? Never mind. Get in here." He gestured not to his office, but to the infirmary.

Rolling his eyes, Natsu stood and walked back into the room and sat down on the bed without further prompting. At this rate, he expected Porlyusica to take until dinner time to finish her assessment.

To his horror, when the two followed him into the infirmary, Porlyusica stopped in the door and said, "Gray. Happy. You too."

No one disobeyed Porlyusica, and seconds later the two of them were scrambling through the door.

Natsu tried to turn and look away from Gray, but a soft paw on his arm made him look back. Happy stood at his side, looking up at him in anticipation. He gave the cat a hesitant smile, and ruffled the fur on the top of his head. Happy, in return, beamed, and Natsu knew that all was forgiven. Except he hadn't said he was sorry, so there shouldn't have been any forgiveness yet.

"So?" Gray asked the second the door was shut.

"Natsu seems to be doing better," Porlyusica said. "By Mira's judgment, his stamina has improved, and in the long run, I don't think that he'll be unable to perform any normal tasks in his day to day life."

She ended on a note that said there was a 'but' to follow that, and everyone waited silently for her to get to it.

"That being said, the extent of his recovery isn't promising. The bulk of a patient's progress is made in the days immediate following an attack. Natsu may continue to see gradual improvement, but I would expect certain damages to be permanent. I would expect that he won't be lifting much weight in the future, and that he certainly won't run. I've no interest in personally assessing the strength of his attacks, but if Gray would be willing to assist me, we can test it tomorrow. I would like to check first thing, before Natsu has even expended energy coming to the guild. Although given his performance today and what I've been told from everyone he's worked with, my expectations aren't high.

"There's no record of a Suraci's patient with magic, so it will be interesting to see what improvement he has or hasn't experienced there. I'm told he's hardly cast any spells in the past few weeks, but it's still worth looking into. That being said…" She paused, glancing to Natsu, then focusing so on Makarov with such ferocity that she was clearly trying to pretend the two of them were alone in the room. "Given his limitations in mobility alone, I don't expect Natsu can ever safely return to active duty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That isn't really news so much as "that thing I said would almost certainly be the case definitely is" but since Natsu was kind of banking on it not being the case to the point where he pretty much disregarded the most likely outcome, and because no one knew to what extent the damage would stick, I feel it still gets to count as a horrible shock. At least to him. Anyone who read the story summary saw this coming before the first time he collapsed.


	11. Comfort Food

Gray wasn't an idiot. After setting Natsu off first thing in the morning, he knew that there wasn't anything comforting he could say that wouldn't sound completely false.

The roset stared at the wall, pale faced, deaf to Happy's concerned questions and uncertain assurances. Whether or not he heard Makarov and Porlyusica talking on the far side of the room, debating whether or not he could shadow other guild members and what type of work was safe to watch, or whether he should even carry on as part of the guild instead of finding some other workable trade.

The real issue, Porlyusica thought, wasn't what Natsu was or wasn't capable of. It was the possibility that he might be forced to push himself too hard, should a job go wrong, and that he might thus induce another attack. "He already can't run. What if he can't walk unaided after the next one? What if it starts attacking his senses? You really think it's worth that risk? Just to let him watch others do what he can't?"

Ah. No. He was definitely listening to them. Gray saw him flinch when she said that.

"Let's give him some time alone." Gray suggested. He made a point of giving only Makarov and Porlyusica a meaningful look when he said it, and while it got the two of them to notice Natsu's distress and nod in agreement, it also made Happy climb off of Natsu's lap and jump down to the floor. He'd thought Natsu would have appreciated the cat's company.

Makarov shut the door, heading for his office to continue his debate, then stopping and saying to Gray, "The whole guild doesn't need to hear it yet, but your team might like to know."

Because one of their members was never again going to be a proper member of the team. Gray had expected as much, but some part of him hadn't been willing to fully process that when it was only a prediction. When Porlyusica hadn't yet looked over Natsu's recovery. They were going to be short a member.

Natsu was done with active duty forever.

Gray could only imagine what must have been going through Natsu's mind, having heard that. He found himself reeling at the thought, and he wasn't even the one who'd been told the cornerstone of their life was gone.

What would Natsu even _do_? Anyone with one working eye could see he wasn't happy with the work to be found around the guild, but that was the only guild work he was still fit for, and Gray couldn't imagine Natsu _not_ being a part of the guild. Had Porlyusica really meant it when she said he should look into another trade? What other skills did Natsu even have, if not magic? It was his livelihood. It was his _life_.

No wonder Natsu had been so frustrated with him, telling him he couldn't do anything. Gray hadn't ever stopped to fully consider what he was forbidding Natsu from.

He told Erza, although he didn't pay much attention to the exchange. He knew he ought to tell the whole team, but he didn't think to gather them all together, and the mere thought of saying it all more than once was too draining.

What if they'd known sooner? If they'd been on the lookout for any signs of the disease before anything went wrong. If they caught it before the first attack, if Natsu hadn't skipped out on sleep and worn himself down fighting those monsters, then maybe he could still go with them on all of their jobs. Or at least most of them. If they'd at known what happened after the first time, he might still be able to do easier jobs. He'd held his own against a few opponents back then.

Was Natsu thinking about that? Gray hoped he wasn't beating himself up over failing to tell anyone about his symptoms. They'd had no way of knowing to be on the lookout for them. It wouldn't have hurt for him to admit that the job they picked after his first attack was more than he was able to handle, but none of them would have guessed things could go so wrong if he pretended he was okay.

Gray sat at a table away from the rest of his team, trying to ignore as they discussed how horrible a development this was. Natsu could probably hear them from inside the infirmary. Unless the disease _had_ done sensory damage, and Natsu's senses had been so sharp before that they didn't recognize a deficit yet. Was there a subtle way he could test that without making Natsu think he was looking for more weaknesses?

He wasn't sure if he hoped Natsu's hearing had suffered or not. On the one hand, it would be hard to lose that as well. On the other, it couldn't be easy to hear every last thing the guild whispered about you. Gray could already hear a few guild members who overheard his team talking about what a shame it was that Natsu hadn't mentioned anything was wrong before things got too bad. Surely, they thought, he would have realized something after the first time.

What if Natsu heard that? What if he believed it? Gray knew he'd been the one to insist they give Natsu some time alone, but he hadn't meant _completely_ alone, and he couldn't stand the thought of Natsu sitting by himself, listening to Fried and Bickslow discussing how he should have done something about his health before the second attack.

Finally, unable to take the thought anymore, Gray stood and marched over to the infirmary, opening the door and drawing breath to tell Natsu something, anything, to assure him that whatever else might be said of the situation, it wasn't his fault this had happened.

Natsu was gone.

The window was open.

For a moment Gray could only stand there, stunned. He'd been told that Natsu asked to leave through the window after first learning he was sick, presumably not wanting to fact the guild when he might be asked about it. It had never occurred to him that Natsu really might do just that. Honestly, he'd half suspected Natsu couldn't, which was silly of him. Natsu wasn't quite _that_ weak.

Not yet. If he did anything reckless, he might be.

Turning back towards his team, Gray strode over and plucked Wendy up, carrying her back to the infirmary with no explanation beyond, "I need to borrow your nose for a moment."

The girl squeaked, but made no protest. When he brought her back to the room, she took one look, and understood immediately.

"His scent is still strong. It won't be hard to follow him."

"Thanks."

They followed his trail out the window and down the street, where Wendy had to stop and bend down to sniff the road. The town, used to such antics, mostly from Natsu, politely ignored her behavior, and the two made their way through the streets without much incident.

More than once, they came to a false stop. If the trail Wendy picked up was anything to go buy, Natsu stopped at the cathedral first, making it to the front door before changing his mind. That didn't surprise Gray. It looked like a good spot to run to with a problem, but Natsu wasn't exactly the sort who prayed when things went wrong.

The trail led through a bakery next, where the baker confirmed seeing Natsu linger in the window so long that he nearly offered the boy a pastry. There had never been an official statement about Natsu's condition, but he was one of the guild's stand-out members, and most of the townspeople had noticed something amiss after a month of him acting subdued. The specifics weren't common knowledge, but that Natsu's health was in decline was something that far too many people had deduced.

"What as he looking at?" Gray asked.

The baker pointed out a berry sweetened cake, and Gray bought a slice.

From there, Wendy led them to the river, and here Gray was relieved to see Natsu. Not just because it meant they'd found him, either. They'd traversed across enough of the town that he'd worried about the possibility that Natsu had worn himself down without anyone to look after him.

He didn't raise his head as Gray and Wendy approached, curled up at the water's edge, knees held against his chest and hiding his face. Gray sat beside him and silently held out the piece of cake.

Natsu didn't take it. Didn't even lift his head or acknowledge their presence.

Unsure what else to do, Gray asked the most painfully obvious question he possibly could. "Are you okay?"

The response was muffled by his scarf and legs, and was distinctly un-Natsu-like in its phrasing, but Gray was certain he heard, "Given the limitations to my mobility? No."

Gray and Wendy exchanged looks, unsure what to say to make the situation sound better than it was. Anything that crossed Gray's mind was either dismissive, or offered false hope.

Wendy, to Gray's horror, went the second route.

"Don't be discouraged, Natsu. Maybe when Porlyusica sees your magic, she'll change her mind."

Not likely. Gray was willing to bet all the money he had at the moment that there was a good reason no one had seen Natsu spell cast all month. That Natsu, after a pause, swung and arm out and knocked the cake to the ground in response only further solidified that belief.

Picking up the half of the cake that wasn't in contact with the grass and dirt, Gray said, "We're still here for you."

"No. You're going to go on jobs and I'll be here on my own."

"We're not going to completely abandon you for work. I've hardly worked at all."

Gray didn't need to be told that Natsu wished he'd been around a little less, and wasn't surprised when Natsu said something in response. He did wish, however, that Natsu could have at least lifted his head to glare.

"We _are_ here for you," Gray insisted. "No one is going to make you leave Fairy Tail, and you're still a part of our team, whether you're active duty or not."

"That's right!" Wendy cried. "And even if you can't take jobs, you can still come with us to whichever town work takes us too. And if Master forbids us from letting you follow along for the actual work part as a member of the guild, we can't forbid anyone from going anywhere as a citizen of Fiore."

Gray winced, and was momentarily grateful that Natsu had yet to look up at them.

"That's nice, Wendy." Natsu said after a moment.

"Oh. I thought… You seemed excited by the idea of shadowing while you recovered…"

"While I waited to go on active duty again. And it doesn't matter, because I'm _not_ recovering."

"You recovered some," Gray insisted. "You… don't need me to walk you everywhere."

Natsu lifted his head then and fixed Gray with a flat look. His needing to pause to think of an example, a sad example, had not been missed.

Gray had honestly expected that Natsu would be crying by this point, but his cheeks were dry. He still looked pale, although less stiff than before. His eyes, rather than looking wet, were dulled. He looked almost as if he'd skipped over sadness and anger and every other painful emotion that one might feel and gone straight to _numb_.

And Gray had already used the only sincere words of comfort he could think of.

At a loss for what else to tell Natsu, he heard himself saying, "Let's go shopping."

"No."

"You wanted to buy groceries, right?"

"I want you to leave me alone."

"Gray," Wendy whispered, gesturing for them to leave.

"You go ahead. I'll be right with you."

Wendy shot him a skeptical look, but turned and headed back for the guild.

Once she was out of earshot, Gray hooked an arm under Natsu's and stood, forcing the boy to his feet, and said, "Let's get lunch."

"It's past lunch time."

"And I know you missed lunch, so we'll find a place that's still serving and stuff you silly. I bet you we can find a diner that specializes in comfort food. Come on. My treat."

"No," Natsu said. "Stop doing things for me. I can buy my own food."

"When have I ever bought you food that I didn't eat my share of?" Gray asked. "For that matter, when did _you_ ever turn down free food? You've gotta eat, Natsu. Do you want me to treat you to a comfort food diner, or do you want to go back to the guild and order something there?"

Natsu glanced down at Gray's arm, still wrapped around his. They both knew he wouldn't be able to break free of it on his own, and Gray wasn't sure he'd let go if Natsu tried. Giving Gray a weary look, Natsu sighed and said, "Diner."

-o-

They ended up in a small place called _Heart Food_ , tucked between an art gallery and a recruiting center for Magic Council Rune Knights. It had struck Gray as a good location not just for its menu, consisting of things like pancakes all day long and root beer floats, but also because Natsu might enjoy snickering at the people going in and out of the adjacent buildings. As far as attempts to get Natsu to emote went, it was too far on the juvenile side for Gray's tastes, but then juvenile was Natsu's bread and butter At least, it had been. Back when he was healthy.

With some prompting, he coaxed Natsu into getting the float, as well as a plate of bacon wrapped meatballs and a basket of garlic bread. The bread and float arrived immediately, but the bacon meatballs, as well as the stack of pancakes Gray ordered for himself, needed time to cook.

Gray waited until their waitress had walked away before telling Natsu, "If you don't eat that yourself, I will shove it into your mouth for you."

"Go ahead. I can't stop you."

It was eerie how Natsu sounded in monotone. Gray missed having everything muffled by the scarf.

"Natsu, you'll feel better if you eat. Trust me."

"No I won't. I'm never getting better." He blinked, and for a split second that emotionless look seemed to crack, despair flashing through his eyes before they went dull again. "Someone is going to walk me home every evening forever, and I can't go on adventures with everyone anymore. Garlic bread isn't going to fix that."

"Obviously. But it's going to taste good, so eat it. You need to have at least one good thing come to you today."

"I'm not hungry."

" _Eat_."

With a sigh, Natsu reached out and grabbed a piece of bread. He tore a piece off with his teeth, but made no effort to chew.

"It'll stop tasting good if you let it sit in your mouth too long," Gray warned.

He'd never seen someone make chewing look like such a burdensome task before, but Natsu managed. Gray almost worried he'd choke on the bread, or need prompting to swallow, and was relieved when Natsu not only managed to get it down without help, but took another bite without being told to.

"Is there anything you want to talk over?" Gray asked. "I don't really know what to tell you to make it better, but you're usually pretty good at… um… getting out whatever you're feeling. I'm told that's healthy."

"I don't think anything about me is healthy," Natsu said. "Which is stupid, because I felt fine a month ago."

"Your still healthy in a lot of ways. You don't have any injuries. Or a fever. You can breathe just fine. You've got years and years to go before you need to worry about going senile."

Natsu had already looked pale to Gray, but somehow he went paler. "I have years and years to go like _this_."

"At least you made it this far without Suraci's giving you any trouble, right? It sounds like you're the only person who can say that."

"Most people can say they made it their whole lives."

A quip about all the things Natsu could still do that plenty of people lived their lives fine without—walking, for instance—passed through Gray's mind, but he held off on saying as much. Natsu didn't need to be told to suck it up.

When Gray said nothing, Natsu took another bite of his bread, then gave in and ate the whole slice. He grabbed another, raising it to his mouth, then hesitated and set the bread back down on the table.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I should have said something," Natsu said. "I thought you'd gloat if I admitted to how easily using magic tired me out. Or that everyone would fuss over me and that head injury when I felt fine. So I tried to cover it up. I tried to cover it up, and now…"

He blinked, rapidly this time, and Gray noticed that his eyes looked glassier than before. Good. Well, sort of. Natsu crying was still bad. But Natsu expressing some sort of emotion was an improvement.

"If I'd admitted something was wrong…"

"Don't tell me sorry for that," Gray said, trying not to think of the fact that fear of him giving Natsu grief had been a motivating factor in hiding his condition. "You're the one who's suffering for it now. It's not like we would have guessed you had a rare disease that never manifests after the age of three anyway. If you want to blame anyone, blame that monster that hit you right when you had your attack. _That's_ what really kept us from noticing anything was wrong."

Natsu nodded, still trying to blink back tears. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't seem to get the words out, and quickly shoved the garlic bread in to try and cover this up. Once his bread holding hand was free, he used it to rub his eyes.

"You don't think I really won't be able to go on jobs with everyone again, do you?"

Gray forced a smile, and didn't answer. He'd told Natsu what he thought on that front before Porlyusica had made her declaration.

"I don't want this…"

"None of us do," Gray said, and hoped that Natsu wouldn't call him out on the fact that _having_ the disease was way worse than observing it.

Natsu crushed his hopes. "None of you have someone telling them they're too weak to sleep in a hammock."

Biting back the urge to ask Natsu how often he fell out of his hammock when trying to get up—or in—Gray said, "How about we just lower it down for you? You can still sleep in it, and if you fall again, it's not as far to the ground?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"Really?"

"It'll keep you from taking the hammock away, right?"

"I won't if you don't want me to."

"Liar. All you do is things I don't want you to. You make me walk home with you or chose where we go around town, and you dragged me _here_."

That last bit might have had more impact if Natsu hadn't picked up his spoon immediately after and scooped a bite of ice cream out of his float, but the rest of the accusation still stung. It wasn't like Gray was _trying_ to control Natsu's life. Sure, maybe any time they'd disagreed lately, Gray had made sure he got his way in the end, but he was only looking out for a friend.

He sighed. Taking care of Natsu didn't just mean keeping anything from going worse physically. Nor did it mean giving Natsu just enough control to keep from rebelling. It also meant keeping Natsu happy. At least content, but preferably happy. Having it rubbed in his face constantly that he couldn't enforce his own will didn't make for a happy Natsu.

"How about this then. You don't want to go back to the guild?"

"No. They're all talking about me. I don't want to hear it."

So his hearing was still sharp as ever. And he'd probably heard Fried and Bickslow too.

"So rather than head back there when we're done eating, we can go wherever you want." Wondering if Natsu might pick somewhere _far_ , Gray added a hasty, "But Porlyusica will wring our necks if we miss the second half of your assessment, so it you want to leave town, it'd be safer to wait."

Natsu studied Gray's face, trying to pick apart the sentence. Technically, there was no forbidding that they leave town that afternoon, only the suggestion that they not. He clenched the sides of his mug, internally debating over seizing the freedom to do something he shouldn't, and having his health tested properly.

"Lucy's," he finally decided. "I want to break into Lucy's. Through the window."

He still looked like he might burst into tears at any moment, and watched Gray with such fearful expectance. There was no saying no this time.

"We'll work that out. Do you want me to get Happy first?"

Natsu shook his head. That meant going back to the guild, where everyone was talking about how unfortunate it was that he hadn't said anything sooner. They'd all fall silent when he came in, and start asking him how he felt and offering their condolences. People in the back of the room would whisper, not realizing he could still hear them, saying they couldn't believe he was never going to go on a job again.

He was never going to go on a job again.

The shock of the news finally gave way, and Natsu threw his hands over his face to keep Gray from seeing when the tears began to fall.

"Natsu?"

"I can't run!" he said. "I can't run. I can barely use magic. I can't fight anymore. I can't… I can't…"

His head dropped down, hand's moving from his face to rake through his hair as he sank to rest his forehead on the table, shoulders shaking with every sob. Gray reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, planning to say something comforting, but nothing came to mind, and he pulled his hand back.

What was he supposed to say? That it would be alright? Natsu was going to spend the rest of his life under heavy restriction. They both knew it wouldn't be alright. The only honest consolation that came to mind was that he'd get used to it, and Gray didn't think for one second that Natsu wanted to hear that he would have to learn to live with his condition.

Natsu still hadn't lifted his head, and Gray decided to wait until a break in the sobbing to suggest that, at least in the short term, finishing his float might feel good. When Natsu quieted and Gray opened his mouth to speak, however, what he heard himself say was "Let's go down to the beach."

It was an absurd enough statement in the situation that Natsu looked up at him, baffled, and didn't even glance the waitress's way when she brought their bacon meatballs and pancakes. Gray, fumbling to recover from the unexpectedness, said, "I-I mean… I don't have any vacation money set aside right now, but I need to take a job soon anyway so I can save up real quick. Lucy could help when needed while I'm away with work. I'm sure you'd like that. If you don't want to put up with everyone from the guild worrying over you… I know it's mostly me doing that, but it's still a break from everything, right?"

Natsu blinked, slowly, and pushed himself upright. He rubbed his eyes—which were still producing water despite his deepest wishes that they stop—and continued to stare at Gray.

"And if Porlyusica isn't sure about it, we can tell her we're testing how well you handle transport before we take you anywhere riskier. If you have to take it easy, you might as well do it somewhere _meant_ for taking it easy, right?"

Gray continued rambling, going off about beach activities and how it would be nothing at all to build a sand castle or comb for beach glass. Natsu, still staring, picked up his first toothpick-skewered meatball as the waitress dropped them off and placed it in his mouth, trying to focus on the first bit. The part where Gray was going away for a few days and Lucy could take over for him.

He wasn't sure what Gray meant, saying he'd like to be with Lucy. Unless he meant that Natsu would like the break from Gray, and it wasn't really a break if someone else came to take Gray's place as the overbearing caretaker. It did occur to him, vaguely, that Gray might think there was something going on with him and Lucy, and maybe whatever Gray had going with Juvia made him think that, but anyone who saw Natsu's relationship with Lucy as anything more than friends was… Wait a second.

Since Gray was still rambling, Natsu reached forward slowly, grabbed one of the pancakes, and shoved it into the ice wizard's mouth. It was immediately successful in shutting him up. With a break in the chatter to get a word in edgewise, Natsu asked, "Would Juvia come with us?"

Natsu assumed he'd imagined Gray paling when he asked that.

Tearing off what of the pancake wasn't in his mouth and swallowing the rest, Gray said, "No. I don't feel like secretly being groped when I get in the water. Or being dragged off to make out in some secret cove you can't see from the hotel. Or going to wash off and finding her waiting in the tub for me. Or…" He trailed off, realizing Natsu didn't care about all the Juvia-isms that made a getaway so much less of a getaway. "I mean… do _you_ want Juvia there?"

Natsu thought back to their day around town, and shook his head. Gray was doing something special for him, and he didn't want to share the ice mage for that.

"Then no Juvia. How does that sound? We can leave as soon as I can afford a room."

Natsu rubbed his eyes one last time, and managed a smile. "Yeah. It's a date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing about food is weird for me. I've gone over a year now with eating habits that are vastly different from your standard American diet, and most of the things that I describe people eating are things I wouldn't eat anymore. The meatballs were the only thing in this chapter that aren't off limits to me. I used to love sweets so much that in the absence of candy or deserts, I'd just have a spoonful of sugar, but now I can't relate to liking root beer floats. I do still miss bready things-especially bready things with butter and garlic, but the pancakes almost sounded like an abstract to me.
> 
> If any of you get the chance, though, I strongly recommend wrapping meatballs in bacon and throwing them in the over. It is delicious.


	12. It's a Date

_It's a date_.

Natsu had nearly left the diner without finishing his food, and made Gray take him home immediately after. No stopping at Lucy's. The break in had come the next day, after Natsu threw a few punches in front of Porlyusica and created a single fireball before insisting he could do no more magic without wearing himself down too far. It must have been to his benefit that his punches looked so weak that the old woman ended up letting him demonstrate on her rather than Gray, because he'd been so dejected after she affirmed his fears that he was even worse on this front than he was with general tasks that Gray hadn't even tried to weasel out of his promise. They went to Lucy's, he helped Natsu in through the window, and then he left for work while Natsu waited to surprise Lucy when she returned.

And at no point, thank God, had Gray called Natsu out on his speaking only to ask to go somewhere, or his refusal to make eye contact. Natsu wasn't sure he could bear any more interaction with Gray than he had to without blushing so furiously that he'd catch on fire.

 _It's a date_.

Why? Why had he said _that_? Of all the phrasings he could have gone with. He didn't know if he was more bothered by the fact that as soon as he realized what he'd said, he'd imagined _himself_ dragging Gray into a cove to make out, or by the way that Gray had refrained from calling out his word choice.

Or that he couldn't drag Gray into a cove if he wanted, while Gray could easily take him somewhere secluded, force him down, and…

Growling in frustration, Natsu turned over in bed and pulled the covers over his head. The act caught the attention of Lucy, who had offered to let Natsu sleep over for a few days, so he could have someone there while he processed Porlyusica's diagnosis. Too distracted at the time with wondering what had possessed him to call Gray's consolation vacation a _date_ , Natsu had neither protested the sleepover nor informed her that someone else had beaten her to the punch.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "And if you tell me 'fine', I'm going to kick you."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Speaking in a gentler tone, Lucy said, "You've been like that all week. Are you sure you don't have anything you want to say? You might feel better if you talked it out with someone."

She meant his illness. His being forever bared from taking jobs and fighting alongside someone else. Natsu shut his eyes and took a deep breath, shoving all thoughts of that aside. It was easier not to think about, and lounging around Lucy's house the past week and hiding from the guild, it was a fairly easy subject to avoid thoughts of. He could pretend he was crashing at her place for the fun of staying with a friend, or hanging back to read her stories in secret, and it was all good until she came home and acted like he was delicate.

For instance, he'd been too focused on saying something so humiliatingly awkward in front of Gray to remember that his life was over. Now she'd gone and made him think of that again.

"It's fine," he told her. "I can talk with Happy."

Happy, who knew about the beach plans but not what exactly had been said regarding them, gave Natsu a pat on the head. He had dutifully avoided the subject of Natsu's health as well, offering Natsu encouragement regarding it only when a physical shortcoming of Natsu's rubbed itself in his face.

Having seen Happy enable Natsu's avoidance of what was a subject he really needed to confront, Lucy raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She didn't know the full exchange between Natsu and Gray, but Wendy had told everyone about how Natsu slipped out the infirmary window to avoid them. The last thing she wanted was to press too hard and make Natsu feel uncomfortable staying with her. That he was already avoiding Fairy Tail was nothing short of alarming.

But at the same time…

"I told you that 'fine' is off limits."

Turning over in bed—her bed—to grin at Lucy, Natsu said, "Fine. I'll stop saying fine, if that's fine with you."

"You're impossible."

"You think?"

Lucy laughed. "Okay. _Fine_. If that's how you want it. I'm going to go see how everyone's doing at the guild. Don't mess with my stuff while I'm gone." It wouldn't keep Natsu from going through her things, but if she didn't tell him not to, he'd pretend she'd given her approval in failing to forbid it.

She was at the door, hand on the knob, about to close it, when she remembered. "Oh yeah. Gray should return today. If you want to keep hiding out here, I won't stop you, but if you'd like to go back to your place, I'm sure he's still willing to head out there all the time and lend you a hand."

"I don't need a hand around the house!" Natsu protested, cheeks turning scarlet.

"For as easy as you've taken it, you probably don't need a hand getting home either," Lucy teased. "But you should get out more. Just because you don't have as much energy doesn't mean you shouldn't be active. You lose what you don't use."

She waved and left, shutting the door behind her.

"Natsu, you're blushing," Happy said. "Embarrassed to have Lucy notice how lazy you've been?"

"N-no!" He was more worried that she'd tell Gray.

Happy, oblivious to this concern, snickered. "You llllike her."

"Happy?"

"Yes?"

"No."

-o-

To Natsu's ultimate horror, Lucy sent Gray to her house. He came in through the window shortly after lunch, munching on a sandwich he'd bought himself on the way over.

"Hey. What are you doing in bed?"

"Lying down," Natsu said.

"You're not tired, are you?"

"Nah. Bored."

He'd barely left Lucy's house all week, and he'd been pretty familiar with the place even before Lucy's invite. The only thing he had to do that was remotely new was read whatever she'd written since the last time she stepped out, which was only about six pages. Not enough to keep him entertained all day.

"Y'know, Lucy thinks I should take you out somewhere."

There was a teasing note in Gray's voice, and Natsu couldn't tell why. Because he'd said they had a date? Because he needed someone with him if he was going too far from home? Because… Wait. Gray came in through the window?

"Are we leaving through the window?"

"We'd better be. I didn't make you a slide for nothing."

Sitting up, Natsu looked past Gray to inspect this slide. It was, to his mild disappointment, a very safe looking slide, with a covered top and a bowl at the bottom to catch anyone who might lack the strength to stop on their feet. Despite the obnoxious safety precautions, however, it was a _slide_ , and any reluctance Natsu had felt to face Gray and risk being reminded of the date comment dissolved when he saw it.

Grinning from ear to ear, Natsu threw Lucy's covers off and scrambled out the window. His foot hooked on the windowsill, and he nearly fell face first, being saved only because Gray snapped an arm out to catch him. Breaking his own fall was something Natsu knew he could no longer do, but rather than dwell on that, he dismissed tripping over the window as something that could have happened even if he wasn't sick. Since his near accident thus had nothing to do with Suraci's, there was no need to be distressed by it, and thus nothing to spoil the fun of exiting Lucy's apartment via a slide.

He slid down, laughing as he hit the bottom and spun out into the bowl. It took a moment for him to collect himself, still giggling, and climb out. Once he was safely out of the way, Gray followed him down.

Gray didn't get as much joy out of the slide as Natsu, but seeing how quickly Natsu had lit up when he'd almost looked like he was about to decline getting out of bed, Gray was smiling too as he picked himself up off the ground.

"Think you're up for a train ride?" he asked.

The smile vanished even faster than it had appeared. "We can't walk to the beach?"

Gray opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then grimaced and shut it once more.

It took Natsu a second to make sense of the reaction. Of course they couldn't walk to the beach. He wasn't even supposed to walk around town without someone with him, and Gray was struggling to find a way to tell him no without rubbing that in his face.

"We need to see how well you can handle vehicles," Gray said finally.

"Can we just say I can't? Can we say I never could?"

Gray bit his lip, thinking it over before saying, "You want to come along with everyone when they work, don't you? You realize we aren't going to only take jobs around town. If we have to assume you can't manage to ride in a train for a few hours, we have to assume you can't tag along for almost any job we take."

Damn it. He had a point. Natsu scowled, but grudgingly nodded in understanding. "Let's get this over with, then."

-o-

It was miserable.

The train ride itself was no worse than normal. Natsu was hit by a wave of dizziness the second the train started in motion, and spent the ride with his cheek against the window, ready to throw it open and lean out if he felt like he was about to throw up. Compared to the many times where he _did_ throw up, it wasn't actually that bad.

What was bad was that it never seemed to end. When they reached their stop he stumbled off the train, bumping into Gray, and needed the ice mage's help to remain upright. He still felt queasy as they walked from the station to the hotel, and while Gray checked them in, he had to sit in the lobby, slowly breathing in and out trying to quell the lingering nausea.

Happy and Gray carried all the luggage, which Natsu felt too sick to protest. He did his best to walk straight while he followed them to their room, and once inside, flopped over on the bed and wouldn't move.

"You aren't dying, are you?" Gray asked.

Recognizing the question as an attempt at adding some levity to that blasted 'are you okay' that people now asked him constantly, Natsu almost didn't answer. Then he remembered that his ability to come along on jobs was riding on his ability to ride a train.

"Give me a few minutes. I just need a little time to recover."

"Was it this bad after the first attack?"

"Not _this_ bad, but it was worse than it used to be."

"Well, there's one more reason to be careful, I guess. Anything I can get you? Water? Soup? I think I could probably run down to the waterfront and find a place that sells clam chowder."

"I'm going to throw up, Gray. I don't want fish soup."

"Water, then."

Natsu shut his eyes, rubbing his fingers gingerly across his stomach. It had to have been over half an hour since they disembarked, and it still felt like he was on that blasted train.

The sound of a crystal clink near his head made him open his eyes again, and he saw that Gray had set a water glass by his head, which he attempted to drink without sitting up. The attempt ended with him spilling water all over his face, but some of it went into his mouth, so he considered it a success.

"I'm going to scout out restaurants," Gray told him. "I'll be back in a little bit, and maybe we can go down to the water after we eat?"

"Mm."

"Alright. Happy, let me know if anything goes wrong."

Happy, called upon in the middle of stealing the pillows off of what would be Gray's bed to build a fort around Natsu, dropped the one in his hand and gave Gray a salute. "Aye, Sir!"

-o-

When the nausea finally faded away completely, Natsu wiggled his way out of his pillow cave and inspected the hotel room. Not particularly fancy, although not dingy. Not in view of the ocean either.

Of course. Gray probably didn't think anything of his comment beyond that it was a strange choice, if he even remembered it. Natsu was the only one acting weird. It _wasn't_ a date and there was no reason it should be. If Gray had wanted a romantic getaway, he'd have planned ahead and invited Juvia or something. He didn't. Gray knew Natsu didn't mean anything, _anything_ , by it when his tongue slipped and he accidentally called their trip a date. It was just Gray trying to distract him from the fact that he was going to have to either spend the rest of his life helping around the guild hall, or find work outside of the guild.

Remembering that, Natsu flopped back over on the bed, destroying the pillow structure that he'd so carefully avoided only a minute ago.

What could he even _do_ at the beach? He couldn't race or break melons, and he probably couldn't swim either. No one had even considered dropping him into the pool back home to test that one. What else was left? Taking a long walk? Yeah right. That was a couple thing, for one—and after going two-hundred feet Gray would tell him that they needed to cut the walk short because he looked tired.

The lock clicked, and the door to their room swung open. Gray strode in and, seeing Natsu in the exact same position as when he left, grimaced. "Are you still sick?"

"Porlyusica said that 'chronic' means I'm going to be sick for life."

"Let me rephrase that. If I yank you to your feet right now, will you or will you not throw up on mine?"

"I'm fine."

"Meaning…?"

"I don't feel like I'm going to throw up anymore," Natsu said. "If you have a restaurant picked out, I'm good to go." He held a hand out. "Go ahead. Yank me up."

"You can stand on your own, Natsu." Gray paused. "Can't you?"

He could still do that much, and he wasn't about to let Gray tell him otherwise. Natsu pushed himself up and onto his feet, offering Gray a smile so he wouldn't be asked if he was okay.

At first, Gray watched Natsu closely while leading his friend to the restaurant of choice, a seafood place with a deck that went out onto the beach. But once it became apparent that Natsu's dizziness had indeed vanished, he gave the boy some space. The point of the trip was to cheer Natsu up after Porlyusica's assessment, and if he'd spent the whole week that Gray was gone in bed, then cheering up was something he desperately needed. Gray still intended to keep an eye on Natsu, lest he overexert himself trying to prove he was as capable as before, but Natsu wouldn't be cheery if he caught Gray constantly looking for signs that he was about to collapse.

They made it to the restaurant without incident, timing it perfectly to arrive as a server called out to let Mr. Fullbuster know that they table he'd reserved was ready. Gray half worried that Natsu might still feel sick from the trip, and was only faking wellness to keep him from worrying, but the second they were seated out on the deck Natsu snatched up a menu and ordered as an appetizer, of all things, clam chowder.

The waitress took their order for drinks and appetizers and left, and that's when things got weird. Not that Natsu didn't _always_ make things weird in his own special way, but things got weird even by 'I'm eating out with Natsu' standards.

Gray wasn't going to pretend their relationship hadn't been strained since Natsu's illness became apparent, but at no point had Natsu flat out given him—or anyone—the cold shoulder before. Not to mention, Natsu had been just fine talking with him only a few minutes earlier. When the waitress left, however, Natsu glanced to his left, stared in wide eyed horror at the scenic view of the sun going down over the ocean, held his menu up in front of his face, and hadn't said a word since.

"You're still alive back there, right?" Gray teased, or tried too, anyway. He thought he saw Natsu's shoulders raise in response, but the roset stayed silent.

"He _is_ still alive, isn't he?" he tried again with Happy.

Happy, positioned on the table such that the menu didn't shield him from, leaned to his side to take a closer look at Natsu, then snickered. "He's blushing."

"Am not!"

"He _is_ ," Happy insisted. "What'cha blushing about, Natsu? Do you wish _Lucy_ was here?"

"No!"

So that was it. Odd, because for as close as those two had been, Gray has always assumed that if something more was going to bloom between them, it already would have. Maybe being away from work, deprived of any battles for so long, Natsu had finally started thinking of things other than fighting. Maybe all the extra time he'd spent with Lucy the past week had led Natsu to see something he hadn't before—which made Gray a little jealous, since all his extra time with Natsu seemed to do was grow a rift between them. Maybe he'd spent the whole week more or less in bed because he wasn't sure how to confront his feelings.

Gray laughed, covering his mouth when Natsu dropped the menu to glare at him. The poor boy's cheeks were scarlet, and when he noticed Gray's eyes dart to them before quickly looking back up, he growled and looked away.

"Don't get so worked up over it," Gray told him. "Even if she were here, we're just getting dinner, and this just happened to be the table that opened up. It's not like this would be a date."

Lucy wasn't there anyway, so Gray couldn't understand why Natsu cringed when he said that, unless he was embarrassed to be caught wishing for her.

"Is something else wrong?"

"No. I'm fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu might be "fine" but I am not. I don't know why I thought proofreading in the middle of the night with a headache was a good idea, but here I am. Once I started I couldn't stop. The last time I stopped mid-proofread, I tried to mark my spot my throwing a paragraph of keyboard mashing gibberish into the chapter at the point I was at. Then I forgot I hadn't finished proofreading and posted the chapter with the gibberish smack dab in the middle of the thing. And the worst part was that no one told me, so it was just up until something compelled me to go and look at the story for myself.


	13. The Beach

Natsu needed to come up with something to do for himself. Alone. Every time he tried, his mind would hang up on what all he _couldn't_ do. He couldn't run, and as he and Gray had discovered after dinner the night before, swimming wasn't something he could do much of either. Gray had tried to distract him from this discovery by getting him to wade out into the water and start a splash fight, which was fun until Natsu thought of it as something a couple might do together. And when they'd gone out onto the sand the following morning and Natsu complained about his mobility, Gray had challenged him to a sand castle building contest, which was fun until Gray started laughing and smiling and Natsu couldn't look at him in only a swimsuit without his cheeks burning.

The whole thing was stupid. It wasn't a date. He didn't know if Gray said that because he remembered what Natsu had said when they made plans to come to the beach, or if he made the comment flippantly, but it meant the same thing either way. It wasn't a date.

Which didn't matter! It wasn't like Natsu _wanted_ to date the jerk who told him he wasn't even allowed to walk home on his own anyway!

But that only made it all the more ridiculous that he needed to wrap his scarf around the bottom half of his face, lest Happy tell him he was blushing again. He'd spent half the morning arguing that it was only the heat, which was the explanation that made the most sense to Natsu anyway. Something about Gray's general coldness was making the heat worse. Obviously. But Happy was convinced that he wanted Lucy there. Gray had even offered twice to contact her and see if she wanted to come!

If nothing else, Natsu supposed that Gray was doing a decent job of keeping his mind off of his condition, but the whole thing was driving him so far up the wall that he half wished he could be abandoned by the river to sulk about his health alone again.

Natsu glanced over to Gray's castle, and noticed that his team mate had stepped away. So absorbed was he in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed.

Well, that was fine. Thanks to his distraction, his own castle was in a pitiful state. This would give him a chance to straighten it out. It wasn't like a fistful of sand was too much for him to lift, so there was no excuse to such a sorry looking construction.

Midway through smoothing out one of the walls of his castle, it occurred to Natsu that Gray's was unguarded. There would be no proving it wasn't some rogue seagull who destroyed his castle, and even if Gray suspected the truth, what was he going to do? Hit Natsu? For as delicately as Gray handled him, he could get off with nothing more than a scolding if he called the authorities to report they guy for public exposure.

Grinning, Natsu looked back to Gray's castle, spotted Gray walking down the beach towards him with an ice cream cone in each hand, and froze. For a moment, he forgot all about his health and even his weird reactions to his friend, but once the shock passed he snickered. Natsu and the law were not friends, but if he _were_ the type to run to the authorities to harass a friend, there was no better time than now to report Gray for exposure.

"What are you grinning about?" Gray asked as he walked up.

"Your swim trunks," Natsu told him.

"What's wrong with them?"

Natsu waited until Gray handed him one of the cones before saying, "You lost 'em."

Having spent the whole day trying not to blush, it was satisfying to watch Gray look down, turn beet read, and drop into a crouch to try and cover himself.

"How far did you go for ice cream?"

"Just up to the boardwalk. There was a man there with a cart. I didn't notice him staring so I must have had my trunks still when I bought the cones."

Meaning he had somehow undressed himself with a cone in each hand. Natsu glanced down at his, wondering if he really wanted it after all. He'd already licked it, so the damage had likely been done, and with a shrug he resumed eating.

It was just past noon, and the beach was steadily filling with people who planned to lounge after lunch or eat on the sand. No doubt plenty had already seen Gray in full glory, but Natsu saw no reason to subject them to a second exposure.

"Point out the cart. I can walk along the sand and look around for you."

"You don't have to—"

"I'm _walking_ Gray. In your line of sight. I can handle that." Natsu pushed himself up. "Happy will be with me, and if I suddenly keel over, it won't take you long to run to me, right? Hide your butt between the castles and show me where you were."

"I'm not sure this—"

"Unless you want to walk up to the boardwalk naked."

Gray bit his lip, physically trembling with the struggle over the decision Natsu laid out for him, then grudgingly crawled between the two sand castles and sat down. "The cart was right up there. In front of the glass shop."

"Oh! I see it."

"Really? It's a ways off."

"Your sight must suck then." Natsu flashed Gray a grin, then noticed all over again that his friend was naked, blushed, and looked away. "I'll be right back, 'kay?"

The first three steps he started off running, then remembered himself and slowed down. He couldn't run anymore. Not unless he wanted to collapse in the sand and have Gray, naked, come running after him. He couldn't run and he couldn't fight, but he could still be trusted to look after himself, and he had to prove that to Gray or they'd never let him so much as shadow someone else on a job.

He walked along the sand, spotting Gray's trunks halfway between their castles and the ice cream cart. It was insulting that Gray thought such a simple task might be unsafe, when Natsu found it almost effortless. True, the sand was a little more taxing to walk on than solid ground, but it wasn't _hard_.

He turned around, grinning and waving the trunks triumphantly in the air, then froze.

Three women had gathered around Gray, giggling at something he'd said. He was smiling up at them, looking as suave as he could as he made a joke about his nakedness that spurred another round of giggles.

Natsu's arm dropped, and it was just then that Gray noticed him and waved. One of the girls looked back at him, then bent down and put a finger on Gray's lips. Whatever she whispered, she said it too quietly for Natsu to pick up.

It wasn't just his cheeks he felt heating up this time. His whole body was growing warn, magic reacting instinctively to emotions he didn't understand. His ice cream liquefied, running down his hand, and he had to quickly shut his power off before it could drain him.

"Natsu?" Happy asked. "What's wrong."

"Nothing. I'm fine."

He clenched the trunks tight, spun around, and continued on towards the boardwalk.

-o-

Ice that moved wasn't Gray's specialty, but Ur had taught him and Lyon everything she could, and he had a grasp of how to do it. Enough of an idea that he could resort to creating makeshift trunks for himself out of frosted ice to protect his modesty as well as he could while he stalked through town.

Natsu looked like he was about to throw a fit when Gray tried to tell him not to go after his trunks alone, and the whole point of the trip was to get a break from all the reminders about his failing health, so Gray couldn't tell him no. Besides, the walk from his house to the guild was further than the walk to the boardwalk, so it had seemed harmless. And when he'd seen Natsu pause with the swim trunks in hand, Gray had also seen his ice cream melting all over him, so he assumed Natsu was only going to replace it.

But Natsu slipped into the crowd, and didn't return.

When it finally became apparent that Natsu wasn't coming back, Gray had raced off in the direction Natsu disappeared. In part because he needed his swim trunks back, but mostly because something _had_ to be wrong. If Natsu only wanted to tease him, he could have waved those trunks around somewhere where a lot of people would see if Gray grabbed them from him. Unable to think of any other reason why Natsu might not walk back, Gray could only assume the worst. Happy had tagged along, but that wasn't enough for Gray's peace of mind.

With no idea as to what parts of the seaside town might appeal to Natsu, Gray started off by checking their hotel, and was relived to find Natsu sitting outside a candy store en route.

Seeing as he wasn't on the street, unable to pick himself up, the first thing Gray said as he approached was, "Swim trunks."

Natsu flashed him a dirty look and tossed the trunks at him.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing."

"Are you angry?"

"Do I _look_ angry?"

"Yes."

"Really?" For a moment, he looked surprised instead, then his face darkened. "Well, I'm not."

"Sure, sure."

"Really."

"I believe you."

"I'm fi—"

"Don't. Please. Never tell me you're 'fine' again."

Natsu pursed his lips, still glaring, and finally said, "How can you have so much trouble keeping your pants on?"

"I don't know. I just do." Seeing that Natsu wasn't about to move, Gray sat down beside him. "Since when has that bothered you before? Usually it's one of the girls getting on my case about it."

"Yeah? Well, those girls sure seemed to prefer you without clothes."

" _That's_ what your upset about?"

"I'm not upset."

"Please. If you were any angrier you'd catch on fire."

Natsu grimaced. Recalling his fast his ice cream had liquefied, Gray realized he wasn't far from the truth. And come to think of it…

"Fine. Forget about them. They were only teasing me anyway. You used magic earlier, didn't you? Are you tired?"

It took Natsu a moment to admit, "Maybe a little."

"Want to go back to the hotel? We can find something to do in our room."

Natsu nodded, and held out a hand in a gesture that Gray had learned meant 'help me stand.'

"You aren't that tired, are you?"

"Maybe I am."

That took Gray by surprise. They hadn't done anything too taxing, and while their hotel wasn't right on the beach, it was only a few minutes to walk there. Even if Natsu had used magic to melt his ice cream, it could hardly be _that_ draining, could it? When he'd reported to Porlyusica before, he'd made it sound like it took more than that to really sap him. They'd played it safe and taken every precaution, from not running to… Oh.

"I forgot to bring supplies for your tea," Gray realized. "Have you been drinking it while you were with Lucy?"

"I left the stuff for it at home," Natsu admitted.

"And then spent the whole week in bed, even though the old lady said you needed a proper sleep schedule." Gray sighed and shook his head. "There's no helping it, I guess. Let's get you back to the hotel. I'll run out and buy the ingredients for you, and we'll see if it helps you make it through the afternoon."

Natsu made no protest, and offered no resistance when Gray pulled him to his. His steps were unsteady, and he half leaned against Gray as they walked.

"Do you want me to carry you?"

"Not really."

"And you don't have that feeling like when you're in danger of an attack?"

Natsu paused before answering, considering how to answer long enough for Gray to realize it was a lie with the roset looked away and said, "No."

"If you think there's a real danger, let me know _immediately_ ," Gray insisted.

"Aye, Sir." Natsu mumbled.

Come to think of it, where was Happy? Gray looked around for him, glancing at the ground, then the sky, then finally asking Natsu.

"Buying fish. I told him I only needed to rest a minute."

More than a minute. Natsu was practically falling asleep on Gray's shoulder. There was no good way to delicately suggest that he really should be carried, and the hotel was only a block away, but Gray wished Natsu would give in and take more help.

Remembering Porlyusica's instructions on sleep, he dropped Natsu off in the lobby rather than their hotel room, hoping that the lacryma vision might hold his attention and keep him from dozing off. Natsu seemed attentive enough to the ongoing news report, if only because it was about a sighting of Jellal. Gray made a mental note to ask Erza for the details on that one later.

Natsu looked content when Gray left, but Gray himself felt uneasy. It had been a month since they discovered Natsu's condition, and Gray still found it alarming whenever he saw how it really affected his friend. Without taking whatever meager treatments Porlyusica prescribed, Natsu didn't even have the energy to make to the afternoon.

And without him and Mira there to breath down Natsu's neck, Natsu didn't keep that treatment up.

Gray didn't just feel uneasy as he went through the market, searching for the ingredients to Natsu's tea. He felt downright nauseas. How long would it take Natsu to learn to take care of himself? Would he _ever_? Gray doubted he'd ever reach the point where he gave up on Natsu out of frustration, but he wasn't thrilled with the possibility that he might spend the rest of his life reminding the idiot to take care of himself.

When he returned to the hotel Natsu was still awake, and still insisted on walking as best he could back to their room. Gray let him lie down, and began scouring their kitchenette. He wasn't sure how recently the pan he found had been cleaned, but it would have to do. He set it on their only burner and talked while he brewed the tea, intent on keeping Natsu in the waking world.

"I wasn't lying, you know," he said. "Those girls only stopped to tease me. One of them kept insisting that her boyfriend wouldn't be happy if they saw her with me."

Natsu didn't reply, and Gray glanced back to make sure he was still awake.

"Natsu? They were only giving me a hard time."

"That's not how Juvia would have seen it."

Remembering the rain woman, Gray's gripped the side of the pan tight. A second later he cursed, releasing it and shaking his hand, then applying ice to the area he'd touched to the metal. It wasn't hot enough yet to leave a burn mark, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

All good humor gone, Gray said, "Apparently, that's not how you saw it either. And what's it to you what goes on between Juvia and I anyway?"

Natsu stuttered before settling on, "You and she are both guild mates. I'm allowed to care if my guild mate's boyfriend isn't faithful to her."

"Whatever she tells you," Gray said, "Juvia is _not_ my girlfriend."

"Really?" Natsu tried to push himself up, but it seemed to be more effort than he'd expected, and he laid back down. "But you two are always together."

"Yeah. She always finds me. Why did you think we left so quick after I got back from my job?"

"But she definitely likes you."

"Well, maybe I don't like how over the top she is with telling me that twenty times a day," Gray said. "Maybe I don't like having her follow me everywhere, and maybe I really _don't_ appreciate having everyone assume that just because she _never_ stops talking about _how much_ she loves me, I _must_ love her back. Because you know what? Maybe I _don't_!"

He hadn't noticed himself getting louder, but when Gray heard his voice echo, he bit down on his tongue to stop himself from going on. He didn't need the whole hotel to hear about his girl troubles.

"So, what? You hate her?"

Gray took a deep breath to try and calm himself, then said, "Of course not. I just hate how everyone expects me to go along with her."

Natsu blinked, slowly, then turned and looked up at the ceiling.

Sighing, Gray turned back to the tea, and saw that in his frustration, he had frozen the kitchenette. He cursed and dispelled the ice, then relit the burner.

"I'll have this ready for you in just a minute."

Natsu grunted his affirmation.

"You stay awake for me, okay? Don't close your eyes. I mean it, Natsu. Don't you dare fall asleep on me."

"You say that like I'm dying. This stupid disease is chronic, not terminal."

Gray didn't know what to say to that. The only comment that he could think of that followed the conversation was to tell Natsu how scared they'd been that he _would_ die during the last two jobs they'd taken him on. Not waking up for three days, then collapsing without warning the next time he went out, and moaning so pitifully as they tried to rush him home.

But the point of their vacation was to take Natsu's mind off of that. At least as much as was reasonable. He still needed to keep his condition in mind when it came to drinking his damn tea, but Gray didn't want him to dwell on what all he could no longer do. Or the fact that because there was no cure, he would need to avoid those things forever.

Rather than mention those fearful moments and potentially start a fight over whether or not Natsu should still be allowed to come on jobs, Gray said, "Speaking of dying, you _do_ realize I had to search the town for you naked, right? I nearly died of embarrassment running around looking for you."

"Is that why you still haven't put your clothes back on?"

Gray glanced down and saw that, in fact, he did still have nothing but frosted ice to protect his decency. What little decency was left. The ice was steadily melting.

"Where…?"

"Here." Natsu held the swim trunks up for Gray again. "You dropped 'em in the lobby."

"Thanks. Toss them over here."

Natsu threw them, and they landed halfway between the two. Neither commented on this, Gray picking them up and pulling them on silently.

They kept talking after, guessing as to where Happy might have gone and how long it would take him to figure out to return to the hotel. At one point, while Gray was pouring Natsu's tea, Natsu even suggested that if it got to be too late, Gray should go out and look for him.

Gray. Not Natsu. Gray smiled, handed Natsu his mug, and rather than ask him just how worn down he was, said, "No matter how sick you get of this stuff, remember to keep taking it, okay?"

"Okay," Natsu said, but he didn't meet Gray's eye when he said it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, "and then Gray was naked" is basically my way of writing myself out of a corner. I got stuck early on in this chapter, recalled his stripping habit, and used it as a transition. I got stuck again, realized I never described him redressing, and had him realize he'd never redressed. Truly, his bad habit is a blessing.
> 
> As for the subject of Gruvia, I've already mentioned I don't like it. But one of the things I especially dislike about it, and I've seen people complain about being in this situation in real life too, is that there's a certain level of assumption that Gray just owes it to her to return her feelings, because she feels so strongly. I remember the number of people outright hating on him the week the chapter came out where he flat out turned her down during that party, and it was just disappointing. He didn't like the way she acted, and he had the right to tell her to stop. This isn't a Gruvia exclusive thing, but there's a lot of people who care more about their OTP than the characters who comprise it, and that always just bugs me.
> 
> Oh. A small heads up, by the way. I'm back in class, so I'll probably be updating a little slower. I also finally got around to posting the cover on chapter 1, if anyone wants to check that out.


	14. Getting The Team Together Again

Because Natsu actually got down on his knees and begged, Gray agreed to stall going home, and what was meant to be a three day trip dragged on for a week. Long enough that they were both broke when Natsu finally resigned himself to getting on a train again.

For as miserable as he felt, Natsu made no protest when Gray picked him up and carried him from the train station to his house. The only time he complained was when Gray set him in the hammock rather than on the couch, which made him curl around his stomach more than was comfortable.

"Should I get Wendy?" Gray asked. "Porlyusica might have something to help with nausea too."

"Wendy," Natsu said. "I want to make sure Troia still works before we go anywhere."

Seeing Natsu so clearly uncomfortable, Gray rushed out the door to find the guild's healer. It wasn't until he was at the doors of Fairy Tail that he realized Natsu was thinking of travel with the team for a job. He'd promised to get Wendy, so he did, but he felt nauseas himself asking her to go and check up on their friend.

-o-

For the next month Gray found himself taking light jobs near town. He tried never to be gone overnight, or even the whole day if possible. Such short jobs didn't pay well, and he had to take more of them, but he managed. More importantly, it let him earn back the money he spent on the beach trip while still being there every evening to walk Natsu home. On the walk they would discuss anything but the fact that Natsu was still under instruction to have an escort home. Upon reaching Natsu's house, Gray would drill it into Happy's head every night that Natsu _absolutely_ had to have his tea. Lucy and Mira, and especially Lucy, received similar reminders to make sure he'd had some with breakfast, or to offer him a mug at lunch.

Three times Gray offered to take Natsu out to buy groceries, and once he helped Natsu go and buy a light jacket.

"For winter," Natsu had said, even though it was only fall. It took Gray longer than he was willing to admit to realize why Natsu, whose magic usually kept him warm, might want anything extra for winter. Depending on how crippled his magic really was, the jacket might not cut it.

But then Natsu would never know how long Gray puzzled over that one, because three times Juvia tagged along when they went to buy groceries, chattering on about what she and Gray should buy for a nice romantic dinner, and once she dragged Gray away while Natsu was buying a jacket so he could watch her try on different dresses.

As the days passed and Makarov continued to hold off on letting Natsu go on a job, Gray felt himself begin to relax over the idea. The less possible it looked, the better he felt.

On the flip side, the less possible it looked to Natsu, the more anxious he became. Even though he had less energy than before, he was getting restless. Two months without a fight. Without even seeing a fight outside of the bar brawls. He hardly even saw the bar brawls, in fact. Whenever one broke out, someone ushered him into a backroom just in case he might give in to the temptation to join. Of course he was getting restless.

It showed, too. His behavior grew more and more unpredictable throughout the month. His temper shortened, and his illness became a progressively touchier subject. The third story Lucy wrote him about a job that she and Erza did reduced him to tears, even though they'd only helped Sabertooth with a performance for which they didn't have enough female members.

The most erratic of his behavior, though, was around Gray. One moment he might argue that he didn't need so much help, only to turn around and lean against Gray's arm, or even ask to be carried. Whenever Gray offered to help him stand, there was a chance he would blush and look away, and Gray couldn't tell if he was angry or embarrassed with his need for such help. One night, when he brought Natsu home, the roset pulled him into the house, made dinner, and made an offhand comment about how he missed seeing Gray in the morning, which took Gray by surprise, since Natsu had hated him showing up every morning. Since it was mentioned fondly, he came the next morning anyway, and Natsu hated it.

At first Gray discounted it as helping keep Juvia from getting too touchy-feely, but the times he noticed the behavior when Juvia wasn't around began to accumulate, and when Makarov finally pulled him aside at the two month mark to ask what he thought of the current state of affairs, Gray couldn't deny the truth.

"Being restricted to town is hard on him. Riding on the train was hard on him too, but he's going stir crazy."

"Maybe it's time we let him leave, then?" Makarov thought allowed. "He's complied with everything Porlyusica's asked of him, and it feels cruel watching him sit in front of the job board and fidget. Your team hasn't worked together much lately but… would the four of you be willing to take a lighter job with him? Something safe? Just to make him feel like he's still a part of things."

Gray's stomach did a flip, and the word _no_ blared in his mind. No. No he wasn't willing to do that at all. Natsu couldn't run and didn't take his tea when no one reminded him. The smallest bits of magic wore him down and he couldn't even keep himself as warm as he needed any more. There was nothing 'safe' for him. Not unless they took a job with no action at all, which he would hate. He wasn't well enough to still be a part of things when they took the kind of job he missed, and the last thing he needed was any more false hope in that regard.

"I'd have to ask the rest of the team," Gray choked out. It would get back to Natsu if he gave a resound no and left it at that, and Natsu would spend the whole next month at least fighting him over everything. Potentially a lot longer. Now that he no longer had regular fights to burn off any negative feelings, Natsu wasn't half as good as he used to be about letting things go.

Makarov nodded and went to ask Erza, and Gray only felt worse. Erza wanted to see Natsu back in action. Lucy wanted to see Natsu smile more. Wendy wanted to help Natsu feel better. They all wanted that, but those three wanted it more than they worried that something might go wrong. If they could all convene to talk over the possibility he might be able to persuade them it was a bad idea. Natsu couldn't be mad if he heard that his team talked it over and was still worried about his safety, but if Makarov checked with all of them individually…

If it was at all possible, Gray didn't want to let that happen. While Erza enthusiastically nodded along to what the guild master was saying, Gray got up too look for Wendy and Lucy.

-o-

"He would only watch from the sidelines, though," Lucy argued. "Part of the deal would be that he can't jump in to any fight. He knows he can't."

"Which is why we trusted him to watch from the sidelines yesterday when Gajeel and Elfman got into a fight," Gray countered.

As the one who had shoved Natsu into the kitchen and insisted that he help get lunch orders ready when the fight broke out, Lucy had no good response to that one.

Wendy, who had never taken part in excluding Natsu from rough housing, stepped up to bat.

"If you give Natsu a chance to prove he has that self-control, then maybe you could see that he does."

"Please. I practically live with him now, I spend so much time tagging along with him to see how he'll handle things," Gray said. "The only way he wouldn't join in is if he physically couldn't move his legs. And even then he might drag himself into the fray."

It was a bit of an exaggeration, recalling Natsu trying not to fall asleep on him as they walked back to the hotel. When his energy reserves ran out, he could no longer 'use tomorrow's share.' Once he was exhausted, he was exhausted, end of story. If he was too tired to move his legs, he wouldn't have it in him to drag himself. He might even tire out well before he lost leg function.

Or he might have another attack and no longer be strong enough to walk, which was why Gray was so opposed to taking Natsu along on a job. They could come up with some other trip to keep him from getting too antsy being trapped in town.

"There's a thought," Lucy said. "For as often as you go over to his house to check on him, maybe you could move in with Natsu."

"Yeah. I'm sure he'd love that." Gray rolled his eyes. "I would love it too, if he keeps acting weird. Yesterday he acted like it _burned_ to touch me."

"And going out with all of us would help him settle down and stop acting that way," Lucy insisted.

"Or, it would give him a chance to make his condition worse. Like the _last_ time he went on a job."

"No one knew anything was wrong with him then. _He_ didn't realize anything was wrong."

"Yes he did." He just didn't realize it was serious.

"Well… now he knows how to be careful," Lucy said. "If you could only back off and give him a chance to prove for himself that he can manage things—"

"Then he would go a week without working on his therapy or taking the tea Porlyusica ordered him to. Like he did when _you_ looked after him," Gray snapped.

For a second, neither girl had any idea what to say, then Lucy's face darkened and she rose to her feet. "You're never going to let that go, are you? Maybe Natsu wasn't on top of things that week because _he'd just learned he couldn't fight again_. Now that he's had some time to come to terms with that, he can handle things better. And if you didn't try to _control_ him, then he probably wouldn't put up half as much of a fight whenever someone asks him to take it easier."

Struggling to keep his voice level, Gray said, "I'm _not_ controlling him. I'm reminding him to look after himself. Because he can't remember to do that on his own."

"Why not? He's managed that for years," Lucy said. "I'm telling Master that he can come with us. Wendy, find something light for Natsu's first time back."


	15. Out On a Job

  
Art by Ferbooche

So furious had Gray been with his guild deciding to take Natsu out despite his many reservations, it completely slipped his mind to warn them about the motion sickness issue. He had informed Porlyusica, of course. As the one overseeing Natsu's care, she needed to know about any issues they encountered. The rest of his team had the pleasure of learning how long a train ride would leave Natsu reeling after from firsthand experience.

Had Wendy chosen a job closer to home, this might have been enough on its own to keep Natsu from coming along for the actual job. They only had to catch two rogue mages, neither of whom had sounded that strong. They could have had the whole thing done and over with while Natsu sat on the bench outside the station, gasping for cool autumn air and struggling not to hurl. Wendy, however, had chosen a job halfway across the country. They arrived in the evening, with Erza having already determined that they would get a hotel room and set out for work in the morning. Instead of someone keeping an eye on Natsu while everything was taken care of fast and easy, Gray carried the boy on his back while they picked out a room, and he and Lucy agreed to watch over him while Erza found some manner of take out to bring back for dinner.

"I didn't realize it would be so bad," Lucy said while they waited, brushing a few strawberry strands of hair out of Natsu's face. "Was he like this the time you two went on your secret trip, too?"

"Yeah. It took him at least an hour before he was up for anything."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here."

Lucy patted Natsu's shoulder in response, then asked Gray, "Do we have any medicine for him? Maybe his tea would help."

"That's for energy, not nausea. And it's too late in the day," Gray told her.

"Oh." Lucy, who had trusted Natsu to manage all of the details of his care by himself, blinked in surprise. She could vaguely recall hearing that there were specific times for the tea, but a reason as to why that mattered escaped her. Between Natsu's moodiness around the subject of his illness and Gray's self-appointment as Natsu's obsessive overseer, there were a great many details that the guild at large missed out on.

They fell into silence, Gray staring out the window, Natsu staring up at the ceiling, and Lucy brushing his hair aside bit by bit, as if this would help him to look less green.

Gray glanced back at her once, then huffed and looked away. He didn't trust Natsu for one minute to take all of the proper considerations for his health. Not after seeing him take off running for no reason. Not after seeing how poorly he paced himself without some looming reminder. Not after seeing him skip out on everything he was supposed to do when no one around him told him to. He wasn't completely confident in Lucy either, but maybe that wasn't fair of him. Between him and Mira, everything involving Natsu's health was handled, and handled in such a way as to make Natsu feel as capable as they dared let him be. To the rest of the guild, who noticed a few obvious signs that Natsu was weaker than he used to be, but didn't see all the behind the scenes work that went into looking after him, it might have seemed like things were better than they were.

If Lucy had been the one asked to help with Natsu that first day after he was diagnosed, if she'd been as firm about everything as he had, Gray wasn't sure he would look at the situation and feel as uneasy letting Natsu do more. He might even be the one getting mad at Lucy, if she dared suggest that Natsu shouldn't come with them.

A moan from Natsu, followed by a muttered, "Gray, leave the room," snapped Gray from his thoughts.

"What?"

"I wanna talk to Lucy before Erza gets back."

It took Gray a moment to make sense of this. His being there didn't stop Natsu and Lucy from talking. Then he remembered that the two were awfully close. He'd been told that Natsu mostly slept the week he spent at Lucy's, but who knew if there had been other occurrences that the two had neglected to mention. Gray had assumed that with Happy around, Natsu had no private life, but it was possible for Happy not to be around.

With that in mind, he grabbed Happy before saying a hurried, "I'll give you two some privacy," and left the room.

Happy, take by surprise, was too stunned to protest being snatched up until Gray had already shut the hotel door. Once it hit him that he had been robbed of a chance to listen in on what was likely to be a juicy conversation, he squirmed out of Gray's grasp and tried the door.

"It's locked," Gray told him. "Don't worry. I put a key in my pocket. We can go back in there in a little bit."

Happy glanced down, saying nothing, and Gray followed his gaze to see that he had no pants on. Odd. Usually he lost his shirt first, but that was still right where it should be.

"We can come back in a little bit and knock, and Lucy can let us in," Gray amended. "It will give them a warning so they can wrap things up before we get inside."

"You say that like it's a good thing," Happy muttered.

Chuckling, Gray nudged him down the hall and said, "C'mon. You'll find something else to tease Lucy with before the trip is over."

-o-

Natsu waited until he could no longer hear Gray's footsteps in the hall before pushing himself up. He instantly regretted the motion, and slapped a hand over his mouth to keep from vomiting all over the carpet. Lucy waited patiently while Natsu made sure his stomach wasn't about to rebel completely, holding off until Natsu put his hand down before saying, "What did you need to talk to me about?"

Natsu glanced at her, then looked away. "It's nothing. I probably shoulda asked Cana about it, but she would have laughed when I did, and if Happy overheard he might tell everyone. You're not gonna know this, probably, but you wouldn't go around blabbing about it."

"Okay. And 'this' would be…?"

Taking a deep breath, Natsu said, "Let's say that there's this friend of yours. You've known them for a long time, but all of a sudden things are weird." Seeing Lucy's eyes widen in alarm, he hastily added " _Weird_ , not wrong. When the disease is flaring up, it feels like something is _wrong_. This is just things feeling _weird_."

He paused to let Lucy show she followed, and she gave a comprehending nod.

"Okay. So things get weird all of a sudden. Like, you start noticing details about how they look that you didn't before. Or you start thinking too hard about what everything they do means. Or it bugs you when someone else tries to get too close to them even when you know they aren't interested. Like, they yell that they aren't interested in that other person, and it makes you feel good even though you should feel bad for their admirer, but you can't tell them that because it's just _weird._

"And you don't know why this happened all of a sudden. It just _did_. You've known them for years and it's never been a big deal before, but you suddenly start worrying about what they think of every little thing you say, or how you might look to them."

"You have a crush," Lucy said.

Natsu recoiled as if she had physically smacked him. On some level, he was aware that this was the case, but that level wasn't conscious, willful acknowledgement.

"You _do_. No wonder you couldn't tell Cana. In fact, I can only imagine what Mira would do if she overheard. Of course she would. Cana's always at the bar." Lucy shook her head. "What I don't get is why Gray had to leave. Happy might tell everyone, but Gray would keep it a secret. He might give you a little grief, but he'd drop it fast. He practically bends over backwards for you now."

Natsu was of the opinion that Gray was more forcing him to bend into shape, but that was neither here nor there. "Well, I still don't know why it changed all of a sudden."

"So you want help figuring out _why_ you suddenly have this crush, not what it is?" Lucy verified. "Well, I'm not too surprised to hear it, truth be told. You and Erza are often on the same wave length, you know? It's like the two of you see the world in the same way. Maybe because she used to be more reserved with everyone in the guild, you never noticed before."

"Erza?"

Lucy paused. "We aren't… We aren't talking about Erza?"

Natsu shook his head.

"Oh… I just assumed… Since you wanted to say this before she came back."

"I just wanted to get it over with."

"And Gray and Happy had to leave because…?"

"I never said Happy had to leave. Gray grabbed him on his own."

"But why did you want Gray to…"

Because they'd already established the emotion being discussed, it took Natsu some effort to answer. His throat felt strange, and he couldn't tell if it was the words trying not to come out, or his lunch trying not to stay in.

Steeling himself, he blurted out, "We're talking about Gray!"

Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Gray?"

"Gray."

"Gray Fullbuster? The man who pulled his pants off on his way out of the room?"

"Yes. That Gray."

" _That_ Gray?"

" _Yes_!"

Lucy needed a moment to process that. There were too many things she could say to it, and it was hard to tell which on was the right one to say first.

"Well," she said slowly, "I suppose there are a great many details of his that he regularly gives you a chance to notice."

Feeling his cheeks heat up, Natsu pulled his scarf up over his nose.

"Is something wrong?"

"Just got kinda cold."

Lucy giggled, which only made Natsu all the more embarrassed, and said, "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. Although I wouldn't know why you might suddenly take such an interest in _him_. You two seem to fight even more often now, even if it isn't with your fists."

That wasn't completely true. Sure, Natsu fought against Gray when told he couldn't do something he desperately wanted to, or treated like he was helpless, but there was plenty Gray did that wasn't suffocating. Plenty of accommodations made to keep him happy. And even if Natsu hated how much Gray fretted over him, he realized that it was because Gray cared.

Of course, that only made the whole situation all the more frustrating. Gray cared, but certainly only as a friend. And knowing that all the coddling he received was out of kindness made Natsu feel guilty for hating being coddled.

Groaning in frustration, Natsu flopped back over on the bed and pulled a pillow over his head, only to shoot back up a moment later and bolt for the bathroom. He _really_ shouldn't have moved so fast.

"Are you okay?" Lucy called from the bed.

Natsu, retching into the toilet, was unable to answer.

"I'm going to get Gray," she told him, unsure what else to say. "And maybe look for some stomach medicine. You take it easy."

"Ah…Aye…"

-o-

His stomach still hurt at dinner, and Natsu considered turning down the meal. Gray, seeing him hesitate, ordered for him and threatened to force feed him if necessary. When Natsu grudgingly ate on his own, discovered that putting something in his stomach while the motion sickness was finally fading helped settle it, and then ate so enthusiastically that Gray offered to buy him desert.

It was like the jerk was as mixed up on how he wanted Natsu to think of him as Natsu was with how he ought to feel.

He slept easy. He always slept easy now. No matter how careful he was throughout the day, he felt drained by the time night fell. If anything, keeping his eyes open once his head hit the pillow was the hard part. He woke up not feeling completely energized for the day, but then that was also part of the new normal.

Their room lacked any sort of kitchen feature this time, so Gray used a coffee maker to heat water up for tea while Erza went over the mission.

Natsu was attentive throughout, at first sitting up straight and listening closely to Erza, then nodding along while he sipped on his tea. It had been two months since he last had the chance to go on a job, and even if all he was allowed to do was watch, he was determined not to let things go wrong. The tiniest step out of place here, and Gray might just try to lock him up in his house where he was nice and safe and bored. Or worse than Gray thinking he wasn't cut out for this, _Makarov_ might decide it was too dangerous.

In the interest of not being deemed too reckless and denied the right to come along on work again, hell, out of fear that Gray might declare that he had to stay in the hotel for _this_ outing, Natsu even went along with every precaution Gray thought up. Every single one, no matter how much it made him cringe.

"Happy has to stay with you," Gray said for the twentieth time as they dressed to head out. "If either of these goons come at you, he's going to fly you away."

"Right."

"Don't fight. Just get away. And don't run any more than you have to."

Natsu's arms trembled slightly from the effort not to clench his fists. Don't run any more than you have to because you can't go more than a few hundred feet. "Right."

Then, after taking a moment to think about it, Gray said the most horrifying thing off all. "I'll carry you there."

" _What_?"

"It will help you conserve energy, in case something goes wrong and you're on your own for a moment."

Natsu clenched both teeth and fists, biting back the urge to snap that he had more than a _moment's_ worth of energy. Snapping and resisting precautions while Gray was worried about putting him in harm's way wouldn't get him what he wanted.

" _Fine._ "

Lucy and Erza made a face when he said the word. It seemed everyone was sick of hearing it from him.

Well, they shouldn't have made him say it so often then. Huffing, Natsu held his arms out, and Gray picked him up piggy-back.

Seeing Natsu pout, Lucy gave him a sympathetic smile and said, "If anyone asks, we'll say you sprained your ankle."

"Why?" Natsu asked. "Didn't the guild announce that I couldn't fight?"

They hadn't. People had asked Makarov about it multiple times, and he always said he would, if only to give the council less to stress over. Despite that, it never happened. No matter what they saw, none of them wanted to admit that Natsu might not be able to do everything he used to. Putting out an official statement of permanent leave from active duty was too final for Makarov to bring himself to do. Everyone heard rumors while traveling with work. A few people had even been asked about why there hadn't been any stories of Natsu wrecking a town in the news lately. People noticed that something was off, but outside of Magnolia, Natsu's illness wasn't that common of knowledge. Even in Magnolia, most people didn't know the exact nature of his condition, nor its permanence.

"If we find someone who doesn't know, we can tell them that," Lucy said.

Satisfied with the answer, Natsu rested his chin on Gray's shoulder and resigned himself to the trip.

They made their way quickly from the hotel to a rundown section of town where the rogue mages were often spotted. This was Gray's first time carrying Natsu while traveling in a group, and he was doing a terrible job of it. Maybe he was unsure about how to pace himself? He swung between moving fast enough to keep up while jostling Natsu, and taking slower, steadier steps while falling behind.

"I don't care if it's bumpy." Natsu told him finally. "You could even run if you wanted."

"Don't lean on me then, or you'll bite your tongue."

"You'll run? Really?"

Gray looked back at him, offering a smile. "Do you want me to?"

"It's not like I could go that fast on my own. Unless you're worried about wearing _yourself_ out."

To Gray's credit, he didn't flinch at the accusatory tone. "Promise me you'll play it as safe as you can when we find these goons, and I'll run for you."

"Deal."

"Alright." He leaned forward. "Hold on tight."

As if Gray would ever let him drop. Natsu half suspected Gray wouldn't trust him to hold on tight enough anyway—a thought that made his cheeks flush. To prove Gray and his unstated and unimplied suspicion wrong, Natsu hugged Gray's chest as tight as he could.

Then Gray took off.

He was faster than Natsu had managed to go in the past few months, but that didn't matter. Natsu's own inability to run fast or far didn't matter. The wind whipped across in face and through his hair, and his scarf trailed behind them, and he started to laugh. He'd forgotten how good it felt, to move like this, to see everything rush past you, and to not feel a growing ache and weariness with each stride forward.

Behind them, Erza called for Gray to wait up and Lucy sputtered indignant complaints of how Gray was ridiculous for being so stern with her only to run like he was. Neither of them had anything to say about Natsu's part in it, but that they didn't hold him responsible for the run didn't matter either.

Laughing, Natsu let go and straightened, holding his arms out and feeling the wind against them. Gray hadn't expected this, and jerked back a step before picking up speed again. Inertia made Natsu, still laughing, fall back onto Gray, and he wrapped his arms around the ice mage's chest again.

It was glorious. It almost felt like everything was normal again. The old normal. The normal Natsu so terribly missed. Then it was over.

Natsu heard the voices before anyone else sensed something amiss. Two voices, one raspy, the other deep, cursed about guild mages coming to ruin their fun. Then he felt the hum of magic on his skin. Here Gray caught on to the incoming attack, and released one of Natsu's legs to free up a hand, quickly forming an ice shield.

The spell struck Gray's ice, shattering it, but lost its momentum on impact and burned out before reaching the two. Taking just enough time to throw up another shield, Gray turned and bolted back towards the team.

Before Natsu could protest, Gray dropped him off behind Wendy and bolted back towards the enemy with Lucy and Erza in pursuit.

"I would've liked to be a little closer," Natsu grumbled.

Wendy, who had been tasked with guarding him in case the rogues slipped by everyone else, gave him a sympathetic smile and said, "Sorry, Natsu."

"Ah… No. It's fine." If he tried to get any closer, they might tell him he wasn't allowed to tag along anymore.

Natsu folded his legs and watched his friends fight. Half the thrill was gone when he couldn't join them, but knowing it was more than a friendly tussle like what happened at least twice a week in the guild hall made it more exciting. His heart ached watching them. It was completely one sided, with Erza making easy work of one and Gray toying with another—and Lucy standing back with Sagittarius, complaining that they didn't even need her. They didn't need him either, not when they picked a job so far below their own level, but that didn't stop him from wanting to be in the fray with them.

Which he never would again.

Sighing, Natsu forced back any thought about what he couldn't do. Focusing on what he couldn't do only made him feel worse. There was no sense in making himself think of it when someone wasn't standing over him and reminding him about his newfound inadequacies.

Instead, he focused on Gray. Gray's smug grin. Gray losing his jacket for no apparent reason. Gray, who forgot to put his shirt on before they left the hotel. Gray looking alive enough for both of them

At this rate, he needed to be careful not to turn into a pink Juvia.

The fight was over fast, lacking most of the excitement and adventure of their old jobs, but Natsu wasn't going to complain. They let him come, and it was nice to be with everyone, even if he could only follow so far. If he complied enough, they might even trust him to go on _fun_ jobs. They might let him travel a long way and camp out in the wilderness again. If his health couldn't improve anymore, then maybe he could at least improve his situation with the guild. He wouldn't let it get him down yet that the fight was easy and over fast.

Besides, when it was done Gray picked him back up, and because the fight had taken so little energy, they could run more.

-o-

Gray was the one who bolted away from the fight scene, but the girls made it back to the hotel first. Eager to get Natsu laughing again, Gray carried him all around town.

By the end, Gray had the sneaking suspicion that Natsu thought he was a horse. That, or that he'd made too much of an effort to entertain him. He had stopped and started on command, and run when told. At some point, Natsu went from shouting that he wanted to run to giving the back of Gray's leg a light kick, and directing Gray to turn one way or the other by pressing a hand against his cheek.

It had Natsu laughing again, and smiling wider than he had all month, so it had been worth it.

He'd seen how unsatisfied Natsu was with their job. Hell, he'd seen Natsu unsatisfied with the state of affairs since he was diagnosed. He didn't want to see Natsu like that, and not just because a happy Natsu was a compliant one. A happy Natsu, most importantly, was happy.

They even stopped to buy lunch, sitting on a bench less than a block from the vendor who sold them crepes and talking about how Erza couldn't even go easy enough on her opponent to not hospitalize him.

"Well, the mayor's going to pay for his treatment while they try that guy," Gray said between bites. "It shouldn't come out of our pay."

"He could take my cut," Natsu suggested.

Gray laughed at that. "What cut? You get your normal salary for being here."

"Which means the guild isn't even concerned with what work I do when they pay me," Natsu said.

Gray cast him a glance, concerned by how he might take that information, but it had hardly effected Natsu's mood. Of course, they'd never been particularly subtle about the fact that his continued employment was largely a charity. The worst that exchange had done was confirm a suspicion that was already a near sure thing.

"Do you make enough?" Gray dared ask.

"Yeah. And someone lets himself into my house all the time with food, so I can even save a bit."

"Now you know how Lucy must feel."

Natsu grinned. "I almost feel guilty thinking of it."

Then his grin faltered, and he looked away, cheeks turning red.

Gray made a mental note to suggest to Lucy that she do more with Natsu. He couldn't seek her out himself anymore without help, and it was clear as day to Gray that Natsu liked her.

Since Natsu hadn't shared his feelings with Gray, and since he seemed irritated whenever Happy suggested he felt anything for their friend, Gray didn't call this out to Natsu. Their relationship was still strained by the Suraci's precautions, and Gray didn't dare upset the roset on any other subject. Rather than ask Natsu if there was any particular reason he went to see Lucy so often, Gray said, "Is everything okay?"

"Y-yeah."

"Your cheeks are flushed," Gray said before he stopped himself, and then he was too deep in to turn back. Searching for a way to spare Natsu any relationship straining embarrassment, he quickly added, "You aren't coming down with something, are you?"

Natsu pulled his scarf up to hide his blush. "No."

"Careful not to get any cream on your scarf."

"Why?" Natsu dropped the scarf back to his neck. "Do I have some on my cheek too?"

Too?

Gray reached up and brushed a finger along his cheek, then inspected his hand. There was fluffy pink cream on the tip of his finger.

"Good thing Juvia wasn't there for that, or she might have asked to lick it off." Gray laughed nervously. "She begged to come along on this job, you know. You always seem agitated when she hangs around too long. I hope you don't mind, but I used you as an excuse to get her to stay home."

"That's fine."

"She'll probably think you're her new love rival," Gray warned, half in jest.

Natsu, in response, crammed a large bite of crepe into his mouth, said something incomprehensible, and became extremely fascinated with a bird on a nearby roof. But then when had Natsu ever had an attention span? In all likelihood, Gray's lady troubles were the dullest subject in the world for him.

"Well, once we're finished here, we should head back. We can make your tea and grab a train. The earlier we go, the greater your odds of recovering from the trip in time to eat lunch."

Natsu made a face at that, but still had too much crepe in his mouth to protest the train ride.

He hadn't protested a lot of things, and that hadn't escaped Gray's notice. He might not have been perfectly happy with how the whole job played out, but he didn't do anything to bring any extra risk to himself. The whole thing had gone off without a hitch, and Natsu perfectly unharmed and even energized enough to walk back to the hotel without aid. As they walked back, Gray almost didn't feel stressed imagining Natsu going on more such jobs.

Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one who felt emboldened by the how the day had gone. Had Natsu not felt the morning's results were proof that everyone was overly cautious, the years to come would have turned out far better than they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I mentioned this before, but this premise was originally going to be used on a Stingue story. I found a picture of Sting crying and wanted to write about something shitty happening to him, and came up with a degenerative disease. The version I had for him was a little different than what I did with Natsu, though. Sting's condition would still have him getting weaker, but it was never going to receive a proper diagnosis. He would be in and out of the hospital while they tried to monitor his condition, which would be in a steady, consistent state of decline. He would start off noticing things were harder than they ought to be, then start depending on Lector and Rogue more and more. At the point that I came up with the idea, Sting wasn't a guild master yet, so Rogue was going to try and work enough to support both of them-including paying Sting's hospital bills-until the stress became too much, and Sting would have an emergency hospital admit one night, and when they discharged him, be brought back to Rogue's house because Rogue gave up on trying to pay rent for two places. I even toyed with the idea of Rogue developing some manner of eating disorder as a way of trying to cope with all the stress. (I knew a girl who developed bulimia and did irreversible damage to several organs not because of any body image issues, but because the pressure to do good in school and then support herself when she started college was too much for her, and denying herself food was a way she could feel like she still had a handle on things.) Eventually, Sting was going to get so weak that his heart gave out. Then someone mentioned to me under a completely separate context that a good tragedy is one that was completely preventable, and I thought I should rework the disease concept to be one where the characters have some control over the situation. Instead of the patient getting sicker and sicker just cuzz, it would be thanks to them doing something they knew they shouldn't have.
> 
> Incidentally, spoiler warning, I'm not planning to kill Natsu off in this one. Or to make Gray start secretly throwing up because caring for Natsu is too much for him. Really, the story I ended up settling on his a million times lighter than the one I started off with. Whatever I started off with, I'm not exactly shooting for tragedy with this fic so much as hurt/comfort.


	16. Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong

Natsu suspected Gray's aim was to torture him to the point of insanity. Restricting him was one method. He would claim to be worried about Natsu's health, so that Natsu felt like an ingrate for being upset with all the little ways Gray denied him freedom. That one was hard enough, but then the whole guild was in on it. For as much as he hated it, the reality of his situation was that he had a serious health issue, and there wasn't as much he could do as a result.

But this new method? It was downright cruel. Gray would act nice and flash that smug grin of his and take his shirt off and make Natsu's heart race, then he'd take him to do some couple's thing and make an offhand comment that solidified that not only were they only out as friends, but that the possibility that what they were doing might be better suited for a date hadn't even crossed his mind. If nothing else, if left Natsu wondering if the whole thing was in his head. More often, though, it left him frustrated. Each time he thought that maybe Gray had the same strange feelings he did, and maybe he could risk mentioning them, his hopes were dashed.

The situation also made him feel some sympathy for Juvia. If Gray's attempts at being a good friend and guild mate with her were anything like what Natsu now dealt with, then no wonder she had yet to give up on him. Gray was a master of sending the wrong message.

He didn't like feeling sympathy for her. Juvia didn't perceive him as a rival, but Natsu was slowly starting to see her as one. Each time she jumped on Gray in the guild, he felt his jaw clench and his shoulders tense. Sometimes, she tried to get Gray to go on a job with her too, and Natsu was always beyond relieved when Gray begged off—usually citing Natsu as the reason he couldn't leave. The thought of Gray, of anyone from his team, going off to work without him was already hard enough. Gray leaving with some girl who would moon over him and try to win his affection was too much.

That was silly, of course. Gray didn't feel that way about Juvia. He'd practically screamed as much at Natsu. Knowing that should have been comforting, except that for all Natsu felt like Juvia with his heightened interest in the ice mage, it made him worry all the more about how his feelings might be received.

And for that reason, he intended to tell no one else about those feelings yet. It was his and Lucy's secret. When Gray showed up at the guild the day after Natsu went along on a job, he gave his friend a slight nod before he returned to taking breakfast orders.

He went back into the kitchen to get Gray's order—scrambled eggs and bacon, something they always had ready-made at breakfast time. When he returned, Juvia was there.

He bit his lip and forced himself to smile as he carried the plate over. Gray could tell when he was faking it, but so many of his smiles had been fake since he learned he was sick that no one called him on it now. Instead, they thought of it as a good sign if he had it in him to pretend.

Gray looked up at him when he returned, offering a strained smile in return for Natsu's fake. Why strained? Because Juvia was there? Because his server's smile was fake? Sometimes he just didn't get Gray.

"I wish you weren't so weird," Natsu heard himself say. That wasn't _exactly_ what he meant.

"Juvia doesn't think you should talk about Gray like that."

"Really? I think it's nice to see him acting like his old self." Gray gave Natsu another smile, a real one, and added, "Not that being stronger than you ever stopped me from beating you up before, but I'll need to find some new way to straighten you out."

Gray's smile was real, but as Natsu returned to the kitchen, his was still fake.

He wasn't back to his old self. His old self would have called Gray names to pick a fight. Now he had no idea how to explain himself when he fumbled over his words wishing he understood Gray better.

-o-

Breakfast ended, and Mira ordered Natsu take a break. It had been a while since she let him work through the day without mandated breaks.

Erza and Lucy were gone, off buying new clothes for something that had been of dire importance to Erza, although why, she wouldn't tell. Juvia was still glued to Gray, and Makarov sat by the job board, where he gave Natsu a disapproving head shake for staring too long. Unsure what else to do with his time, Natsu wandered around the guild floor, and ended up next to Gajeel.

The iron slayer didn't acknowledge him initially, but then, that was part of the new normal. They hadn't exchanged a single word since Natsu was diagnosed. Engrossed in his health, in Gray nagging him about his health, and in Gray, Natsu hadn't found too much time to be upset yet with the guild members who had avoided him. In fact, that might have had something to do with a lot of his changed interactions around the guild. How many of the sympathetic comments sent his way and normal conversations that died down as he walked by were due to how openly he'd fixated on and resented his illness? And between how often he'd been shoved into some back room to be prevented from seeing things get rowdy, how often he'd hidden in a backroom himself when he became sick of all those sympathetic looks that he could no longer punch people for giving him, it was no wonder he didn't spend a fraction of the time socializing that he used to.

Now that it was getting tiresome to be frustrated with his condition constantly, and since interacting with Gray wasn't too appealing at the moment, Natsu found himself gravitating to this issue.

Gajeel glanced at Natsu when he sat down, coughed awkwardly, and looked away.

It wasn't for any malicious reason, Natsu knew. He'd hated any reminder that he was sick. He still did, in fact. He'd been irritated with sympathy and distressed to see people go about their lives in way where he no longer felt included, and that made it hard for people to interact with him.

"Watcha doing?" Natsu asked.

The question seemed to startle Gajeel, who dropped the book he'd been attempting to discreetly read and nearly knocked the bench over as he spun around to face Natsu.

"What?"

"Watcha doing?" Natsu repeated. "Is that for Levy?"

Gajeel studied Natsu a minute before shaking his head. "Gramps. Asked me to look some crap up for him. Seems like they coulda made you do it, but I guess your attention span must suck too bad."

It _would_ have given him something to do, but Natsu hated it when they assigned him tasks that involved a lot of boring reading.

"Well, it's your problem now," Natsu decided aloud. "What _is_ it?"

"Nothing. Some stuff about another continent."

"We aren't…" Natsu paused, catching himself. "You guys aren't going overseas, are you?"

Gajeel snorted. " _I'm_ sure as hell not. Don't look so alarmed. If we find anything worthwhile, the old man will still tell Gray to stay behind and babysit you."

He paused then, watching Natsu for any sort of reaction. Natsu wasn't sure what his face must have looked like, but it wasn't what Gajeel expected. The iron slayer eased back, chuckling.

"You weren't really worried he'd leave, were you?"

"O-of course not!"

"And here I thought you'd like to have him off your back. Lucy's always complaining about how he nags you."

"If he left, they'd find someone else to do it," Natsu said.

Not that there was anyone who would be as neurotic about the possibility of Natsu hurting himself as Gray was. For as concerned as Lucy could get, she'd been content to let him lie around her house all week. Where Gray would practically hold Natsu's tea to his lips and force it down his throat, Lucy hadn't even given an absentminded reminder.

"Let's be real, Gray'd put up a fight to be the one who stays behind for you. If he doesn't trust you on your own, he trusts others with you even less." Here, Gajeel paused again, and this time Natsu realized he was waiting to see if his remarks might cause offense.

He supposed it _was_ rude to imply he couldn't be trusted on his own, but then it was also nice to hear he wasn't the only one who thought Gray took things a little too far.

"Well then I don't know why you told me not to worry anyway. You sure I couldn't come along for this? It can't be too risky if the main thing Gramps is making you do for it is read a book."

"You _want_ to take a boat across the ocean?"

Natsu paled. "Nevermind. Have fun. Send a postcard. I'll hold down the fort."

Gajeel clicked his tongue and opened the book back up, growing bored with the conversation. "It'd make more sense to drag you along on this anyway. At least, if you didn't care about Gray having a conniption fit."

Natsu bit his lip, watching Gajeel read long enough to turn to the next page before asking, "Why does Gray worry when no one else acts like it's half as big a risk to let me walk a quarter a mile on my own?"

"We _all_ —I mean…" Gajeel coughed. "Who knows why he's so antsy about you. Why are you asking _me_? Go bug him."

"Juvia's bugging him."

"Go sit by him and pretend you're tired. She's not gonna demand his attention while they think you need his help."

"Yeah. I know. But then he'll make me go home early, and it's _boring_ to sit around home all day."

He'd only feigned fatigue to get Gray to take him home before his shift ended twice, although there had been a few times where he was genuinely too tired to keep working and needed Gray to carry him back. Gajeel gave Natsu a skeptical look, trying to assess how many of those incidents had been real.

"You know," Gajeel said slowly, "if you _do_ fake being weak, Gray'll think you're weaker."

"He doesn't trust me to get into my _hammock_. I had to let him lower it if I didn't want him to take it away completely. How much weaker could he mistake me for?"

"He could put you on a mattress on the floor," Gajeel suggested. "Or make you move into the infirmary so you don't have to walk to the guild every day."

Now there was a terrifying thought. Once upon a time living at the guild was an idea that would have appealed to Natsu, but that was back before his illness. Now home, boring as it was, served as a nice escape from all the worried glances people gave him. Even if he could get everyone to relax more about his condition, or at least everyone but Gray, moving into the guild now would make them worry all over again.

"You people all worry too much," Natsu said.

Gajeel blinked, needing a moment to process the seemingly random comment, then said, "Get back to work, Salamander. I've got my own job to do, and you don't look tired."

Grinning, Natsu rose to his feet. "Okay. But I'm gonna pester you again the next time Mira makes me take a break."

"No."

"See you after lunch," Natsu waved and took a few steps running before remembering that running was off limits. For as nice as it had been to have Gajeel's confidence that he could do more basic guild work without wearing himself out, that served as a reminder that he was still far from in good shape.

As he made his way back to the kitchen, he noticed Gray trying to covertly watch him. Run and fall, and Gray absolutely would drag him home, but seeing Juvia clinging to Gray, that didn't sound too horrible.

-o-

He resisted the urge to play sick through lunch, although he still _felt_ sick each time he carried someone's meal out and saw Juvia eating Gray up with her eyes. How long could the two of them even sit in that position? Gray had pulled his arm out of Juvia's embrace several times that morning, but now he seemed to have given up.

Gray didn't like her that way, Natsu had to remind himself. He didn't, and he got mad when Natsu tried to suggest that he ought to, just for how much Juvia liked him. Gray didn't like her and there was no reason for Natsu to squeeze the sides of the lunch plates so tightly that they made his fingers ache.

His grip failed him midway through the meal, fingers tired and achy from his irritation. They picked the perfect time to give out, causing Natsu to fumble and drop Gray's lunch right in front of him and Juvia. After two months, the guild had seen Natsu drop enough light object to only glance long enough to identify what exactly had caused that shattering noise. It had been a while since any of them tried to downplay or even verbally acknowledge it the way Mira had that first day. But on the other hand, Natsu just _knew_ it would have Gray pestering the master about lightening his workload again. For all he couldn't do, he still ought to be able to make it all the way through lunch.

"Sorry," Natsu murmured, bending down to scoop up the porcelain shards and food. "Lunch took me by surprise. Haven't had time yet for my tea."

Had Gray sat next to one of the slayers, they would have smelled the spice of that stuff on his breath and known the lie for what it was, but Gray accepted the excuse. "Go get it, and take some time off while it kicks in. I can clean up the mess."

"It's my job."

"You already dropped that plate once."

Blushing, Natsu shoved what all he'd picked up into Gray's hands and fled into the kitchen, ignoring Gray's call for him not to walk away so quickly.

Explaining to Mira that he'd broken a plate, that the kitchen needed to remake Gray's lunch, and that he was taking a break took about as much time as it would to pour and drink tea, so Gray had no reason to be suspicious when Natsu came back out a minute later and went to sit by Gajeel again.

"Not now, Salamander. I'm busy."

"You're in the same spot in your book as last time."

"No. Last time I was here." Gajeel flipped back four pages.

Natsu looked at the page, then looked up at Gajeel, unconvinced.

"This shit is _dry_. I'd like to see you read through it faster without zoning out."

"What's it about anyway?" Natsu asked

"Top secret."

"That's why you're reading it out in the open?" Skimming over the page, Natsu added, "Why is a travel guide top secret?"

Shutting the book abruptly and setting it at his side opposite Natsu, Gajeel said, "Master's orders. If we go, no one wants you sneaking on the boat with us."

"Why would I sneak on a _boat_? That would make me sick!"

Gajeel shrugged. "Who knows how your brain works. You did decide to go on a job while you were sick, and that turned out great."

Natsu had handled every other comment Gajeel made so well that it came as a shock to the iron slayer when the color drained from Natsu's face and the boy began to shake. They both stuttered, Natsu trying to find words when his throat suddenly felt too tight to speak, Gajeel trying to find some way to take back what he'd said.

Natsu found what he was looking for first, and after trying so hard to say something, anything, on the matter, when something finally came out, it _burst_ out.

"It's not like I _knew_!" Natsu yelled.

Natsu yelling hadn't been commonplace in months, and the whole guild fell silent, surprised to hear the noise again.

All eyes fell on him, and as Natsu struggled to keep from screaming, he became aware of the fact that he wasn't the only one who'd abruptly hushed themselves. He looked left and right, seeing everyone's stares. Seeing Gray stare, looking concerned and sure to treat him like an invalid later.

"L-look. Salamander… I didn't mean—"

"Just forget it," Natsu muttered, pushing himself up from the table. "I'm tired. I'm going home."

His hearing being what it was, Natsu was well aware of the fact that everyone started talking again the second he shut the guild door. He appreciated that they kept their voices quiet, but he could still tell they were all speculating as to what set him off. What to tiptoe around. How careful they needed to be not to hurt him when his disease was obviously taking its toll.

The urge to run away from all of it struck him, and he didn't care if he wasn't supposed to. He took off down the street.

He made it only ten steps before a strong arm grabbed him and yanked him into the air. For a second, he thought for sure that it was Gray, come to scold him and carry him home. Except Gray wasn't tall enough to hold him above the ground, and when Natsu glanced over his shoulder he saw that it was Gajeel who followed him out.

"Salamander, look, I shouldn't a said that."

"Why? Because Gramps will tell you off for not handling me with kiddie gloves?"

"No. Because you tried to _run_ after I said it, you idiot. The last thing any of us want is you getting worse." Gajeel dropped him. "You had no way of knowing you were doing yourself harm when you went on that job and collapsed. Fine. Fair enough. You sure as hell knew what you were doing this time. You wanted to get away from me _that_ badly?"

"No." Natsu rubbed his arm where Gajeel had held him. That was going to bruise later. "Everyone else."

Gajeel paused, listening to the chatter inside the guild, then growled. "You're a goddamn paradox, Salamander. You get upset with me for being blunt with you, and all of them for trying to soften their words."

In response, Natsu turned away and tensed to bolt again.

"Don't you dare! Look, you did alright yesterday, right? You got to be up near the action and nothing went wrong. That's something, isn't it? Whatever the old lady says, you did better than a lot of us thought you would, so don't get mad."

"I didn't… I didn't do anything."

"Sure you did. You went along and got up close, right? I mean, it sounded like they played it a little safe, but then doesn't that just mean that they'd probably be fine to take you on a more serious job than they did?"

Gajeel was right, Natsu thought. They'd picked something so safe and easy that it bordered on insulting. He and Happy could stay out of the way if brought on a tougher job. He wasn't so weak that he couldn't let Happy carry him away. Of course, there was one major obstacle when it came to the type of jobs he could go on. A remark about what Gray would think of that was on Natsu's lips, but Gray beat him to it.

"Just what are you telling him?" the ice mage growled.

Gajeel jumped, having been too absorbed with pacifying Natsu to notice anyone else join them outside. Natsu hadn't seen Gray approach either, but wasn't shocked. If anything, he was surprised it took Gray so long to follow him out. Probably had to extract himself from Juvia's grip.

"I'm going," Natsu announced, stopping a fight between the two before he was forced to listen to them argue over what sort of work he was fit enough to stand back and observe. "I didn't work the whole day, so I can get back on my own."

He didn't want Gajeel to follow again. Some part of him, a larger part than he liked to admit, hoped that Gray might walk him back anyway, even if it meant a remark or two about how risky it was to take him along on jobs.

"I'll tell Happy," Gray said instead. "You take it easy."

For all the times Natsu had complained about Gray escorting him home, he couldn't fuss if Gray gave him a little independence. He bit his lip, nodding, and set off towards his house, feeling a little betrayed by Gray's decision to stay at the guild, to stay where Juvia was, rather than walk with him.

Well, fine then. He _wouldn't_ 'take it easy.' They _had_ been overly cautious with him before, and if Gray thought he was fine to get around on his own again, then it ought to be fine for him to tag along on a better job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure nothing bad will come of this.


	17. The Third Attack

Sneaking onto the train was the easy part. Almost as easy as convincing Happy to help him tag along in secret. Maybe Happy hadn't liked the idea of Natsu following his old team all the way into danger, but he'd easily agreed that there was no problem with Natsu following their friends far enough to hang out with them in the town their work took them too.

Well, their friends sans Lucy. She'd earned her rent for the month—apparently she could do that faster when Natsu wasn't there to break everything—and volunteered to stay home while Gray took what jobs he needed to make it through the month. She was supposed to take over looking over Natsu until Gray came back, but Lucy practically went to the other extreme trying not to be Gray. Natsu had declined to sleep over at her's for the weekend, and he doubted she'd check for him until at least noon the next day, when people wondered why he wasn't at the guild.

Sneaking along without needing Happy's aide would have been ideal. If nothing else, Natsu was confident that he could still do as he pleased without _Happy_ physically forcing him to stop, but he wasn't sure that he would be able to defy Happy without wearing himself down too much to safely follow everyone on the job itself. Happy was still necessary. Natsu needed someone to help him off the train when they reached their destination—a small fishing town that a gang of demons had taken over—and even if Happy was a potential obstacle, he was still Natsu's best buddy. Besides, having a partner in crime was fun.

It really did feel like a crime. For as much as he'd been forbidden from and all of Gray's worrying and everyone else's efforts not to upset him with his condition, there was some part of Natsu's brain that screamed at him to go back. He wasn't supposed to be there. He wasn't supposed to take any more risks. He would be a burden. A load. He needed to turn around sit back at home and be bored while everyone else got to have fun.

Last spring, he'd have led the charge on a job like this. His stomach did a flip when he thought of that, which only served to make the lingering nausea from the train ride worse. He could have taken down a demon with ease. Now he had to sneak around to prove that he could safely watch from a distance while others handled it.

"Natsu, can you walk yet?" Happy asked. "We're going to lose track of them soon. How will we know where to stay?"

"I'll follow their scent," Natsu assured him, although he didn't plan to follow religiously. He'd promised Happy that when they found where the team planned to stay for the night, they'd reveal themselves and beg to be allowed to stay there. If the trail he followed just happened to skip to where they planned to fight, however, then it wasn't _his_ fault if they missed the chance to ask to hold down the fort.

Lying to Happy was part of the reason it felt like a crime.

With a groan, Natsu pushed himself up, then bent over on the ground, sniffing the train station floor. Gray's scent popped out at him, and he crawled along, following it halfway across town, then pausing to listen.

In the distance, he could faintly hear Erza telling Gray and Wendy their plan of attack. The details were hard to pick out in the crowd, but her voice was unmistakable, and Natsu steered Happy that way.

Eventually, he had to stop pretending to smell. Bending down over and over while recovering from motion sickness wasn't comfortable, but it gave him an excuse to slow down, making it easy not to catch up too fast. Not that he needed to do anything to keep himself from gaining ground on the group. They got off the train one stop away from their destination, and it was something of a hike to reach the town they were to liberate. He could go neither fast nor far, and alternated between walking, resting, and letting Happy carry him.

"It seems like the would have stopped by now," Happy mentioned at one point.

"Maybe they're going to set up camp," Natsu said, rather than admit that he'd heard Carla mention once or twice that she would have liked to wait a night back in town rather than run headfirst into battle.

Gray had joked when Carla said that, saying that running headfirst into things was more Natsu's style. After two months of effectively being unable to run, Natsu was surprised that anyone, much less Gray, might still think of him that way.

By evening Natsu felt thoroughly worn down. Between the train and all the walking, not to mention having gone without his tea since morning, he found himself sharing Happy's sentiment that it would be nice if they could stop and sleep soon. At the point that his feet started to drag and he tripped over everything, Happy took to carrying him non-stop.

This might not have been the best idea. Yawning, Natsu resigned himself to follow the plan he'd laid out with Happy after all. If everyone walked this far out of town, they were sure to have brought camping supplies. As soon as they stopped, and he hoped they stopped soon, he would go up to their camp and admit to sneaking along. They'd send him home in the morning, and if they only planned to camp for three, he was sure his addition would be burdensome, but it was getting dark, and Natsu struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Can you go a little faster, Buddy?" Natsu asked. "Maybe we can finally catch up."

"Aye."

Happy beat his wings harder, picking up the pace as they wove through the field they traversed towards his team. For the first time since Natsu snuck onto the train, he caught a glimpse of Erza's scarlet hair just before a demon attacked her.

-o-

With the information that they'd received, Gray's assumption was that they wouldn't enter the demons' turf for another mile or so, but he wasn't about to complain when they were attacked early. They'd vastly underestimated the walk between train stops, and the sooner they were done fighting, the sooner they could go back to the inn.

There were seven involved in the attack, and the report the guild had been sent claimed nine total. All were identical in appearance, looking like large, black apes with white markings all across their bodies, and matching the description of two other clusters of demons that guild members had fought off in order to protect towns. Rumor had it that someone found a Book of Zeref, and was mass-producing the things. Gray took two, leaving another two for Wendy and Carla, and three for Erza.

They were dumb brutes, possessing little in the way of cunning, but making up for it with the sheer force of their attacks. After two attempts, Gray gave up on making an ice shield that would only shatter when struck and made more of an effort to dodge every attack.

It was when one punch forced him to bend back and drop so abruptly that he fell on his back that Gray spotted the absolute last thing he wanted to see on such a mission: Natsu peeking out from behind a tree only twenty feet away.

His blood went cold, and his first reaction was to try and convince himself that he imagined it, but he could still see Natsu there, and Happy sitting on a branch a little higher up. It didn't take much imagination to guess as to how Natsu had followed them so far.

Distracted by the sight, he didn't even see the fist that came down and smashed into his midsection.

Gray screamed in pain, clutching his stomach and barely managing to roll out of the way of another attack. He pushed himself onto all fours, and pushed himself out of the way as the second demon tried to take advantage of his momentary distraction.

Staggering to his feet, Gray did his best to resist the urge to glance back at Natsu and potentially draw the demon's attention to the idiot. He failed, and felt sick seeing that, perhaps in reaction to seeing him take a hit, Natsu had stepped out of his hiding place and moved several feet towards them. Worse, Natsu was trembling. Whether that was from fatigue or the strain of trying not to jump in and help, Gray didn't care. It was bad news either way.

"Happy!" Gray choked out. It felt like a few ribs broke where that demon hit him. "You two get out off—"

Something collided with his side, and Gray was sent sprawling across the field.

He coughed, tasting blood, and tried to push himself up again. Pain shot through him, and he had _definitely_ broken a rib now. Struggling to his feet again, he tried to stand up straight, but it was all he could do to keep upright.

"Gray!" he heard Natsu shriek. He looked up just in time to see not only the black fist flying towards him, but the flaming kick that knocked it just enough off course.

A jumping kick like the one Natsu pulled used to be easy for him. He would have landed on his feet laughing, and followed it up with a punch. Now Natsu crashed to the ground, and struggled to push himself up before going rigid.

"Get _out of here_!" Gray snarled, but he could already see that Natsu wouldn't. He must have taken the train and walked a long way to have followed after them, and magic wore him down so fast. The way he'd stiffened, Gray was sure he was on the border of another attack. "Happy! Happy, grab Natsu and _go_! You two—"

He broke into a coughing fit, hacking up blood.

"Gray?" Natsu tried to push himself up. Tried. His arms gave out beneath him, and he was clearly at his limit.

"I've got him!" Happy cried, zipping down and lifting Natsu. "We're sorry!"

"Just… just get him out," Gray said. "Before those things… can…"

Happy nodded, focused on Gray, wings stretched to fly away. The second he took off, Natsu's arm shout out, hand hooking around Gray's and holding on with all its might.

For a split second Gray tried to pull away, lips already forming words to snap at Natsu for trying to stay. Natsu was sick, weak, and his grip wasn't supposed to be that strong, but Natsu held on for all he was worth, and with Happy trying to speed off, it was enough to pull Gray back a foot.

Something whizzed by behind him, and Gray glanced over his shoulder to see that an attack had just barely missed his head.

A sharp inhale of pain from behind him, but Gray knew better than to look away from the enemy again. He only gave a slight grunt of acknowledgement when he heard Natsu gasp out, "Sorry," and threw himself back into his fight.

-o-

It hurt.

 _It hurt_.

Natsu had thought it had to be magic that set an attack off, but after he'd used that spell, he still hadn't felt his worst. Sirens had been blaring in his head telling him that something was wrong and he thought he had no strength left, but he knew he wasn't having another attack. Then he saw that thing coming for Gray. Right for his head. And it had clearly hurt him so much the last time that landed an attack on Gray. Natsu acted without thinking and used strength he didn't know he had to try and help, to try and do something to make up for ruining everything, and Gray fought against him. Tried to resist him when he wanted to help. Then everything hurt and his vision blurred. He didn't know if he'd pulled Gray to safety or not.

Happy said something, but Natsu couldn't tell what. Every sound he managed to notice sounded like it had passed through five feet of mud to reach his ears. Everything hurt so badly, he could barely think to try and make sense of what he heard anyway. It was a struggle for Natsu to keep his thoughts focused long enough to worry about Gray. He didn't have it in him to linger on his own situation beyond to realize that he'd burdened Gray with it. He certainly wouldn't have been able to process what Happy said, even if he could hear it properly.

Without warning, pain exploded along his backside, and a loud noise pierced through the haze. Only after the sound died off did Natsu realize that was himself screaming.

He tried to get up, tried to get away from whatever made it hurt so bad, but when he pressed his palm down pain shot through it all the way up to his shoulder.

The ground? The ground hurt? All that pain because Happy laid him on the ground?

If that demon had struck Gray in the head, then Natsu envied him. If only someone would bash him into blissful unconsciousness. His first attack had been so much easier to bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then he died. The end.
> 
> Nah. I'm not killing anyone in this story. Yet. If I randomly decide to kill someone later on, then Natsu and Gray are pretty safe. I promise not to kill them. I also promise this will be the last attack. Just needed this one last one to force some behaviors out of Natsu.


	18. Seeing it Their Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got my 50k for nanowrimo. Not done with the novel yet, and also not likely to wrap it up by the end of the month (though I'm still shooting for the end of the year), but since I got my 50k I'm done putting everything else on hiatus. Updates should pick up speed again.

With a broken rib, Gray managed to defeat one demon, but by the time he'd accomplished that Erza had defeated hers, and came to take out the one Gray couldn't beat. Wendy, finishing off her two not long after, came to Gray's side and began healing him without prompting.

"How much energy do you have left?" Gray asked.

"Enough," she told him. "I can heal you and still fight in village."

"Not all the way," he told her. "Just enough for me to—" he coughed, getting flecks of blood on her face. "Ugh… Just enough to stop that. Natsu… Natsu needs help."

"Natsu shouldn't be here," Erza told him. "This job was too dangerous. Could he have even followed us this far?"

"That way." One of the hands Gray used to clutch his side grudgingly moved away from the injured area to point in the direction he'd heard Happy fly off in. "He was here. They followed. Happy pulled him off that way. He was still coherent, but…"

"Did one of the demons hit him?"

"I don't think so… but the walk… and he used magic…"

Finishing with Gray, Wendy sniffed the air. "I'll see what I can do for him. Gray, Erza, can you carry out the mission?"

"I can handle the remaining demons," Erza assured them both. "Gray, you want to look after Natsu, don't you?"

"Yes. Thank you."

While Erza went on towards the village they'd meant to save, Gray followed Wendy and her nose back the way they'd come from, going only a few hundred yards before they found Natsu lying in the grass, Happy by his side.

His face was scrunched in pain, an occasional whimper escaping his lips, usually in response to some slight twitch of his hand. Recalling Natsu's description of what it was like to suffer an attack, to have everything hurt, Gray felt his stomach plummet. He'd been certain Natsu wasn't having an attack before, so what set this off? Was Happy carrying him too much?

Was this because Natsu had tried to save him from that demon a second time?

The sheer guilt that thought brought caused Gray to turn around and retch, spilling stomach acids onto the grass. Natsu had followed them when he had orders not to, Gray tried to remind himself. Seeing Natsu when he wasn't supposed to be there distracted him.

He let himself get distracted, and Natsu felt the need to try and save him. Of course he would have. That was in Natsu's nature. They'd both messed up, but he already didn't trust Natsu not to look after himself, and he should have held himself to a higher standard to make up for that.

"Can you stop it?" Gray asked. "The disease? Can you keep it from doing any more damage?"

"I can try," Wendy told him. "If nothing else, I can try and ease the pain."

"Please. Help him."

Wendy nodded, placing a hand gingerly on Natsu's forehead. He gasped in pain.

"I'll do everything I can."

-o-

With Wendy's help, bringing Natsu back to the guild was easier than when he'd collapsed fighting the dark guild.

It agitated Gray's wounds to carry him, so he surrendered to the idea of Happy and Carla taking turns. With Wendy regularly casting a spell to dull his pain, there was no moaning either. She even maintained Troia for him while they road home, forgoing their inn completely in order to get Natsu back to the guild as fast as they could.

"I don't know how much I helped," Wendy explained as they went. "Vital organs were where I focused first. Porlyusica didn't specify anything there, but I thought that if his heart or lungs became weaker, that could make everything else difficult too. After that I tried to prevent too much deterioration in his skeletal muscles. Sometimes when I check, I catch them starting to… to… to fall apart more," she said, struggling to find the right words for the phenomenon, "but I'm doing my best to minimize the damage. He only wanted to be included. It would be awful if he woke up and couldn't walk anymore."

"Yeah…"

Natsu had first noticed something off when Gray dragged him to complete in a tournament. He'd pushed himself when he knew he wasn't up for it against that dark guild because he was afraid Gray would tease him. Now, knowing the full situation, he'd fallen to another attack trying to protect Gray, because Gray let himself get distracted by Natsu's presence instead of focusing on protection _him_.

"What happens if he can't walk?" Gray asked, although he already knew. Natsu had been so upset to be unable to run and fight. Having someone walk with him in case he tired out was already too much for him. To be unable to get around on his own at all…

Wendy, unsure of the answer, only said, "I'm doing everything I can."

-o-

It was the middle of the night when they returned and the guild hall was locked up, but Carla flew through an open window on the second floor and let them in. They got Natsu settled into the infirmary bed, and Wendy and Gray began debating how would be better suited to keep watch over him. Finally, grudgingly, Gray went home just long enough to get food for everyone. As much as he hated to leave Natsu's side, Wendy was the one with healing magic, and she needed something to keep her going.

Natsu was asleep when he returned, expression finally relaxed. Gray had never thought to keep track before of how long the attacks lasted, but however long they went, it was too long.

"How is he?"

"Better, but there's no way to know how bad things are until he wakes up. Here's hoping we did enough."

-o-

When Natsu suffered an attack, the world had tilted and blurred and split in two. He hadn't been given much of a chance to process this aspect of his condition the first time it happened, but he did recall that the first two times he woke up once it was all over, his vision had cleared completely.

This time, when he woke up in the guild's infirmary, he opened his eyes and saw nothing but smudges.

"Natsu?"

Ah. That was Gray. So his hearing still worked fine. Gray was the big shape on his right. Who did that make the other two?

Sniffing the air, Natsu pegged them as Mira and Lisanna, and he couldn't quite make out which was which.

"Natsu? Are you okay?" Gray asked.

Natsu did his best to focus on Gray's face, or at least his head. Smiling despite himself, he said, "Yeah. I'm fine."

Silence, then:

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Gray all but shrieked. "Does any of this look _fine_ to you? _Really_? You can't even look me in the eye anymore!"

Natsu squinted. Where were Gray's eyes?

"Natsu?" One of the white haired blurs, Mira, going by the voice, shifted and stuck what Natsu could only assume as an arm in front of Gray. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Um…" He squinted harder. "None?"

Mira's arm fell limp. This time, the ensuring silence didn't end with Gray exploding. Instead, once it had dragged on three times longer than the first, Gray rose and walked out of the room.

"He's mad, isn't he?" Natsu asked. "I followed when I wasn't supposed to and messed everything up."

Neither Mira nor Lisanna said anything, and if either of them looked sad or solemn or tried to give a reassuring smile, he couldn't tell. The only response he could recognize was for Mira to reach down and place a hand gently on his shoulder.

"How mad is he? He isn't going to lock me up forever, is he?"

Before the last attack, Gray had proved that he could confine Natsu with magic, if he so wished. Now without knowing how much worse his situation might be, Natsu half feared Gray could manage this simply by locking the door.

"Has Gray threatened to lock you up before?" Mira asked. Her voice was light, teasing, but he could hear an edge under it. Lucy thought Gray took things too far with him. It had never occurred to Natsu that anyone else in the guild might question Gray's protective streak as well.

"No," Technically, it wasn't a lie. Gray gave no warning the time he froze Natsu inside his house. "Not since I was sick, I mean. He used to say it'd be great if the Council could just throw me in a cell for a few days."

"Alright. Don't worry about Gray," Mira told him. "He's going to get Porlyusica. That's all."

"Is she nearby?"

"I've been waiting half the day."

Natsu reflexively jumped when he heard the woman's voice, and looked in the direction where the door should be. There stood a blue blur with a pink top, and a fleshy blur with black hair. Porlyusica and Gray, no doubt. He didn't want to face either of them so soon after breaking the rules and triggering an attack, and pulled his bed sheets over his head.

"None of that," Porlyusica said, ribbing the sheets from Natsu's hand and throwing them on the floor. "Now look at the ceiling and hold still."

Natsu obeyed, but still asked, "Why? What are you going to do to me?"

"I'm going to check your vision, you stupid child."

A light switched on, glaring into one of Natsu's eyes, then again in the other before flicking off. "Pupils still react to light. How well can you see, Natsu?"

Shouldn't she have asked that first? "Everything's blurry."

" _Everything_?"

He scowled, looking around the room for something that wasn't, before saying, "Yeah. I guess."

"You _guess_?" Gray muttered.

"My hearing's just fine, though," Natsu added.

"You can still hardly see," Gray shot back. "And if you think that's _fine_ —"

"Quiet," Porlyusica snapped. "Natsu, I want you to follow the movement of my finger."

"What finger?"

"My fist. Can you make out my fist?"

From her increasingly clipped tone, Natsu suspected that if he couldn't see the fist, he would feel it soon. Fortunately, it was a large enough object for him to make out, and he nodded.

She raised it high above his head, then brought it between his nose, and finally held it in place, asking, "How much detail can you make you?"

"Um…" Natsu squinted, straining as hard as he could, and was about to honestly answer none when he noticed that, slowly but surely, her fist was taking on a definite shape. "Hang on."

He stared at it so hard he gave himself a headache all over again, but when he kept it up for long enough, he could make her fist out fine, right down to the wrinkles on her fingers, and was smacked for saying so.

"Your vision has cleared then?" Porlyusica asked while Natsu rubbed his sore cheek.

"No. Everything else is still blurry."

She paused, then, sounding incredulous, asked, "But you can see my hand still?"

"Not since you moved it."

Porlyusica shifted, then produced a bottle from her pocket and held it at roughly the same distance that she'd held her fist. "Can you make out what this is?"

"Um…"

She moved it up a little, then down, and crossed into the brief range of depth where Natsu could still make things out.

"Oh! I see it. That's a weird shape."

"Interesting." Porlyusica repocketed the bottle. "You're not blind, at least. It seems your eyes have trouble focusing. Damage to the ciliary muscle, maybe? Or the lens itself?"

"The what?" Natsu asked, but Porlyusica was too preoccupied with muttering theories to herself to pay him any more heed. "What muscle did I screw up? H-hey?"

"Hey." Gray repeated, shaking Porlyusica for Natsu. "So can we do anything for this or not?"

"We'll see." She placed a hand over one of Natsu's eyes, pressing down lightly, then pulling away. "I'll need to do another test or two before I'm certain of the exact problem, but I think I'll be able to pin it down by evening. Thanks to one of your friends, I have more experience with eyes than most. I might be able to reserves the damage. At least, in part, depending on the exact cause."

Mira and Lisanna gasped over that, and took to talking in excited whispers with one another. Natsu, who they'd forgotten could hear just fine, didn't get his hopes up. He was done getting his hopes up. He spent a whole month hoping he'd get better and ended up being told he had to give up his old life. Hoping he could still at least follow along and watch didn't go so well either. Hoping that he wouldn't end up functionally blind sounded tiring.

Standing, Porlyusica said, "I'm going home. I need to gather some supplies before I can test him any further. You three keep quiet about this. His hearing still works, and I've heard more than I'd care too about _him_ overhearing you people gossip."

-o-

Natsu was grateful for Porlyusica's embargo on information right up until Gray used it to justify not leaving the infirmary at all.

"Lisanna and Mira can say their busy helping the guild run, but I've got nothing to do but sit around and talk," he'd said. "I'd rather talk with you, and you'd rather I not talk with anyone else about this yet, right? Don't know what I'd tell any of them to make them stop asking."

"I'd rather sleep," Natsu said. He didn't know if having to talk to Gray after making such a mess of things was better than the guild gossiping or not.

Gray didn't comment, letting Natsu roll over and pretend to go back to bed. Eventually, Natsu _did_ doze off. It felt good to close his eyes after straining them so hard, and if you lie in bed long enough, eventually you fall asleep. But after spending a day unconscious, he wasn't exactly tired, and slept lightly. When Gray started talking again, thinking no one would hear, Natsu stirred.

"You get off on worrying me, don't you?" Gray asked. "I think you're trying to drive me crazy."

That made two of them, although it wasn't Gray's health that Gray drove Natsu mad with.

"You should have let me take that hit. Both those hits. You think I like being the one to stand over your sick bed? I'd rather have been permanently injured myself than see you get worse, stupid."

Natsu bit his lip and tried to fall back asleep, feeling guilty for listening in. Gray would express all of this to him later, probably, but it felt like an invasion of privacy to listen just then.

"You idiot," Gray muttered. "Why do you always have to fight everything. I just want you to be okay. It's not like I wanted to control you. I just… I couldn't… I can't see you get any worse. I can't."

-o-

Porlyusica returned, chased Gray out, and ran more tests. They involved horrible eye drops, lots of lights shined at his face, and something that puffed air at his eyeball. Natsu was not happy with her by the time she was done. Even the news that they might be able to repair his vision, more or less, didn't brighten his mood. It came as too much of a shock for it to elicit any other emotion, and once the shock wore off, Natsu found he was still annoyed with all the testing.

Well, by the time the shock wore off, it was possible that his annoyance had more to do with the bandage Porlyusica was wrapping about his face.

"If you don't want me straining 'em, can't you just tell me to keep my eyes shut?" Natsu asked.

"We told you to keep out of harm's way, and you took a train all the way across the country, somehow hiked four miles, then tried to fight a demon. Considering how much _less_ effort opening your eyes is? No."

"But—"

"No."

She snipped the end of the bandage and secured it around Natsu's face, gave the wrapping a tug to make sure it would hold, then nodded in satisfaction.

Natsu gave the wrapping a tug too, and was disappointed to not feel the fabric budge an inch. It felt like he was yanking it hard, but then it felt like he exerted himself a lot when he no longer put any power into things. He'd been warned that another attack would weaken him further, but after the second he'd felt so far from where he ought to be that the idea of being weaker still had seemed abstract.

"I'll give the medicine to Gray. Thank God there's an actual medicine for this one," Porlyusica said, rising to her feet. "You stay here. It's too late for tea, but someone can come in and help you with your therapy later. I need to speak to Makarov."

"Therapy? I can't see."

"Which won't stop you from moving your limbs around. It's not like you'd see much better without those bandages anyway."

All valid points that Natsu was already aware of. He was equally aware of the fact that it would be Gray who, if not ordered to go and work with him, would volunteer to. Listening earlier had been hard enough. To have Gray repeat all those sentiments and expect a reply was more than Natsu wanted to deal with. He felt lousy enough for screwing himself over without the added guilt of knowing how distressed it made Gray.

 _I can't see you get any worse_.

The way he'd said it, softly, almost desperately, made Natsu sweat. Gray had never used that tone before. Ever. And they'd all called one another out on some silly and potentially fatal risk at one point or another.

The sound of the door shutting as Porlyusica left the room, and of her immediately after shouting the diagnosis to Makarov, reminded Natsu that there were more pressing matters than what Gray's tone meant. He had to focus on not going blind, and on working through his therapy so he wouldn't end up too much worse than he'd been before. That would probably make Gray happy, too. At least, as happy as Gray could be with him, after how terrible he screwed up.

How unfair. He'd only wanted to be included.

Sighing, Natsu hugged his legs against his chest and leaned back against the headboard.

"—ran after them," Natsu heard Laxus say on the other side of the wall. "Guess Gray wasn't paranoid when he said Lucy wasn't fit to look after the idiot."

"The fault is with me," Makarov argued. "Gray wasn't the only one who suggested to me that letting him go with them at all might be a bad idea. We might want to consider removing him from the guild completely, for his own safety. If being a part of Fairy Tail makes it too hard for him to take his condition into account…"

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Erza asked. "Natsu's one of us."

"Trying to remain one of us is what landed Natsu back in that bed."

It would have been nice, Natsu thought, if they'd taken him home when he collapsed, and brought Porlyusica there instead. No one would hang around outside his house to talk about booting him from the guild.

They… wouldn't really make him leave, would they? Natsu's hand went up to the guild mark on his shoulder. If Makarov removed it now, he wouldn't be able to see. Would he feel it? Having the physical marker of his place in the guild taken away ought to feel like having a limb ripped off.

"Will it be alright to send him off on his own? He managed with Happy before, but Gray said he had trouble buying food by himself. He doesn't live close to anything, and it was already hard for him to carry things for long. Depending on how much worse he ends up after this…"

"It's entirely possible," Porlyusica said, "that he'll no longer be able to walk as far as the guild."

"How likely is that?" Makarov asked.

"I'll have him get up first thing in the morning and see. In the meantime, we should be prepared for the worst."

"We need to find others who can keep an eye on him," Laxus said. "Him and Lucy both don't make sure he takes care of himself, and the only other one we've got right now is Gray. The guy already works himself silly trying to be there for Natsu constantly, all while still supporting himself. It's not fair on him. There ought to be two or three people who can all take turns looking after Natsu properly."

Natsu's breath seized. As if the suggestion that he be booted from the guild didn't hurt enough. He'd known from the start that it was a hassle for anyone helping him to have to take time out of their day to lend a hand, but when Gray chose to monopolize that role and Natsu found himself resenting that his friend thought he needed so much help, it slipped his mind. Almost every job Gray had taken in the past two months was a short, light one that paid little. He'd only taken a big job that required he leave town a few times, one of those times bringing Natsu along and looking after him throughout the excursion.

The guilt of being a burden, on top of the guilt for making Gray feel bad, made Natsu's throat constrict. He should have done his best to ignore the conversation. Pulled the pillow over his head and tried to drown it out until he went to sleep. But they were listing off the names of potential guild members who could share Gray's burden, and wanting not to cause so much trouble for Gray in the future, Natsu found himself listening.

Erza's apartment was girls only, and they worried she might encourage Natsu to do more than he could. Mira's landlady was already annoyed that they brought Lisanna home when they'd originally signed on to have only two people on her property. Max spent too much time out socializing to be expected to look after someone who might not be able to leave home. Wendy could move in with Natsu—assuming someone cleaned his place up—but how fair was it to expect a little girl to play caretaker for a grown man?

"We might want to placing him in a home," Wakaba mentioned. "He's young for it, but there would be people there whose job it would be to look after him. It's not like we couldn't visit all the time."

That was the point where it became entirely too much for Natsu. He grabbed the pillow, wrapped it tight around his ears, and tried to block out the world.

-o-

For Gray, it had become too much long before. His heart was already in his throat just from bringing Natsu home. Watching his friend struggle just to make out what was right in front of him...

He took a deep, steadying breath, and continued his walk. Everyone had come to him with questions. Erza wanting to know what the damage was. Laxus demanding an explanation for how they failed to notice he'd followed them. Lucy, in tears, apologizing for not keeping track of him and begging for assurance that her mistake hadn't caused too much harm. It had been overwhelming, to be forced away from Natsu by that old woman, only to have everyone descend on him in hopes of information. Gray hadn't known what to say. They didn't even know the full extent of the damage yet. He'd turned and ran, knowing only that he wanted to get far away from the entire situation and never look back.

By sunset, however, he had to acknowledge that turning back was needed. He'd spent the past few hours wandering the woods outside of Magnolia, and calming as it had been, if he wasn't back by the time they locked down the guild, how was Natsu going to get home? Or would they make him stay alone in the infirmary overnight?

They wouldn't leave Natsu completely on his own. Happy would be there. For all the good that did. Gray was skeptical of how much comfort Happy could provide just then. If anyone felt worse than Gray, or perhaps Lucy, it was Happy. Whether Natsu had tricked Happy into going further than the cat thought, or whether they really had planned only to hang around whatever inn or campground the team set up, Gray didn't know. Either way, Happy was the one who made it possible for Natsu to get as far as he did.

Sighing, Gray turned around and trudged back to the guild. If he was lucky, then maybe most everyone would already be gone. If Natsu was going home, he could drop him off early the next day, or have Porlyusica pay a home visit. If Natsu stayed the night in the infirmary, then he'd keep him company and slip out first thing when the guild opened up. One way or the other, he didn't want to deal with anyone else until things settled back down.

To his relief, the guild hall was almost empty when he showed up. Only Mira, Makarov, Laxus, and Porlyusica remained, and from the near total lack of lighting, Gray guessed that the only reason the building hadn't been locked up yet was that they hadn't finished their conversation. They were arguing over assessment methods. Therapy. How much guild exposure it might be safe to give Natsu in the future…

"If he can't walk anymore, I don't see the harm in letting him hang around," Gray said as he walked by. "It's not like he'd be able to pull this again."

Mira sputtered indignantly, as if the idea that Natsu might not be able to walk was too preposterous for words. Funny. Last spring, Gray would have felt the same way if anyone proposed the idea that Natsu might not be able to fight.

He opened the infirmary door, and instantly regretted doing so. Natsu sat at the head of the bed, pillow wrapped around his ears. There had been no injuries this time, but the front of his bandages were damp, and despite his best efforts to choke back sobs, his shoulders trembled.

It was nauseating to Gray, to see his friend reduced to that. His heart clenched, and before he could register his own movements, Gray found himself on the bed beside Natsu, hugging him tight.

Natsu didn't react at first, continuing to put all his effort into not crying too openly. Then, slowly, he put a hand up to his cheek and felt the bandages, realized that his efforts weren't enough, and told Gray, "I'm not crying."

"Do you need your bandages changed?" Gray asked.

"No. They're new."

"Alright." For lack of any other ideas, Gray ruffled Natsu's hair. "Bad news?"

"I can't see."

"Right. Sorry."

Natsu pulled the pillow away from his head, setting it in his lap. He never turned his head to face Gray, instead angling himself as if he meant to stare at the wall.

"Natsu? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Can I ask something selfish?"

Gray knew he was going to regret saying it, but he forced a smile that would go unseen and said, "Until your eyes are working properly again, be as selfish as you want."

"Can I move in with you?"

That had been, quite possibly, the last question Gray expected from a boy who threw a fit over having to be walked home by Gray each night. So thrown off was Gray by the surprise that he forgot to speak, and when the silence went on too long, Natsu tensed.

"Nevremind," he muttered. "I already take up too much time, right?"

"N-no! No. That's fine!" Gray assured him. "That would be easier on me, actually. Saves me time I would have spent trekking to your place. Are you… Are you sure that's what you want? To leave your house?"

"They're talking about making me leave. They said… they might send me… to a…" Despite Natsu's best efforts, a sob escaped, distracting him from finishing that sentence.

Wherever he feared of going, it was no wonder the poor guy was in tears. Gray swallowed hard, realizing there _was_ a concern now about Natsu living on his own, and did something he knew he'd hate himself for. He'd always hated it, after all, when others tried to cheer Natsu up with the promise of going on a job, and look how well that turned out.

"We don't know how bad the damage is yet, or how much of it we can undo. I'll take you to my place as soon as they give you the clear to go, but who knows. Maybe after a few days, they'll decide your good to live at home still."

Natsu nodded, offering Gray a weak smile. It would have been nice if it weren't so forced. Gray could tell he wasn't the only one who thought now that it hadn't been so great that everyone kept feeding Natsu false hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a moment I planned out forever ago. I can't believe it took me until chapter 18 to get to. If I'd actually planned this story out chapter by chapter, this'd probably have come by chapter 10 at the latest. Then again, I'm not planning chapter by chapter because I felt like that made me rush and condense too much… so maybe it's good that it took me until chapter 18?
> 
> Anyway, I promise this is the last time Natsu's going to be in bed. For an attack, at least. There are many other reasons why he may still end up in bed. Sex, sleepiness, passing out drunk, being shot at with a revolver and rushed to the hospital… Only some of those things are going to happen, but they're all possible explanations for bed usage.


	19. Move

 

  
[Art by Ferbooche](http://ferbooche.tumblr.com/post/135255889848/burn-out-by-serpenttailedangel)

"Juvia has a new love rival."

Gray hadn't showered in two days, with the previous day having been spent prepping for a job, getting his ass handed to him by demons, and then worrying over Natsu. He'd also barely slept, having pulled up a hard, wooden chair and tried to rest on that while keeping at the side of Natsu's infirmary bed. All in all, he started the day set up to be in a bad mood. The last thing he needed was Juvia finding someone new to be jealous over him interacting with.

Who even was it this time, he wondered as he failed to stifle a yawn. Mira? Mira was pretty much the only one Juvia could have seen him talk too that morning. Would Juvia get mad just from seeing him order breakfast for him and Natsu?

Shit. What if he needed to help feed Natsu now? How much could he still lift? Could he manage food he couldn't see?

"Gray? Gray? Juvia is worried. Please answer."

"Hm." Gray looked up at her. "Sorry. My mind was elsewhere."

"That's _why_ Juvia is worried!" she cried.

"It's nothing. Just… worried about what help Natsu might need," Gray told her honestly. There. That was a perfectly good reason to be distracted, right?

Lucy, who also sat with him as they waited for breakfast, cringed. Two days ago she'd have rolled her eyes at a comment like that, thinking Gray overdid it worrying. Now Natsu was worse off, and the first failure on any of their parts was for her to slack off when Gray asked her to fill in for him. Gray might have felt smug about her finally realizing he was right to worry as much as he did, except that he felt just as guilty for his failure on the battlefield, and either way he'd prefer Natsu still be as fit as possible. Who wanted to be vindicated when vindication meant your friend getting sicker?

Juvia, who had little hand in looking after Natsu largely because Natsu had taken to avoiding her since falling sick, didn't look as stricken with grief for a condition she saw little of. Instead of looking concerned for Natsu's wellbeing, like most of the guild mates who'd shown up early, she said, "That's just it. Gray spends so much time now thinking of Natsu. There's no room left for Juvia in his heart."

"Don't be silly," Gray said. "I worry about Natsu because he's my _friend_. I'm not in love with him."

Despite that, the words _love rival_ echoed in his head when their food came, and Gray carried it back into the infirmary.

Natsu pushed himself up as Gray walked in, and Gray paid close attention to the motion. The usual spring Natsu had when he rose out of bed was gone, but he could at least get himself upright without difficulty. As for how he knew Gray was there… well, given that he overheard the conversation about how to continue caring for him the night before, it was safe to say that his sense of sound was still fully functional. Gray hadn't noticed any tactile deficiencies either. As for scent and taste…

"Pancakes?" Natsu asked.

"Yup. Syrup or butter?"

"Syrup! No… wait…" Natsu bobbed his head, as if he'd forgotten his eyes were bandaged and he'd tried to glance down at his lap. "Butter. I make a mess with syrup even when I can see where all my food is."

"I can help you—"

" _No_ ," Natsu said with such firmness that Gray could _feel_ the word. "I'll be dammed if I can't _eat_ for myself."

He held a hand out and Gray hesitantly passed him a plate, then quickly set his down and tried to drop a pad of butter onto Natsu's food before he could notice. He made it just in time. A second after the butter landed, Natsu's hand ran over the surface of the plate, assessing where everything was, and then he grabbed the knife resting on the plate's edge and spread the not yet melted enough butter.

As Gray drizzled syrup on his food, he watched Natsu closely. Holding the plate in the air for only a few seconds made Natsu's hands shake, but one he rested the plat on his knee, Natsu could hold it steady with little difficulty. Since one hand went into holding the plate in place (and likely helping Natsu keep track of where the plate was), Natsu used the flat side of his fork to tear the pancakes into nice, bite size pieces. No shoveling it all down, but then there was no telling if that was because he couldn't lift too much food too fast, or because he was conscious of the fact that it would be easy to make a horrible mess when he couldn't see what he was eating.

Natsu didn't do too bad, all things considered. Once he failed to properly stab his pancake and it fell of the fork halfway to his mouth. He wouldn't let Gray help him find the piece, insisting he would locate it when he was done eating. The bite lay exactly one inch to the side of the plate, and it caused Gray physical pain to not be able to point out what was, to someone with working eyes, so _obvious_. Several times Natsu misjudged the size of his bite, and smeared butter on his cheeks.

"Let me get that," Gray said, reaching out with his thumb to rub the butter off before Natsu could protest.

"I can still use a napkin," Natsu grumbled as Gray, triumphant, withdrew.

Gray hadn't brought napkins, and would have told Natsu so, but seeing the roset blush, he froze. Suddenly, he was hyper aware of the fact that he'd just brushed food off of Natsu's cheek. It wasn't as though he'd never done that before, but after hearing Juvia's fussing…

There were no napkins and Gray didn't want to smear butter all over his shirt to get his hands clean, even if the shirt would likely be gone by the time he left the room. Instead, he self-consciously licked his fingers clean. Maybe it was a mercy that Natsu couldn't see just then, because Gray could only imagine what kind of remarks that act might get him. If Natsu couldn't see him blush, Natsu couldn't call out his blushing.

Oblivious to Gray's distress, Natsu finished off the last of his pancakes and began to feel around for the piece he'd dropped. Upon finding it he popped it into his mouth and licked his fingers off as well, which, to Gray's annoyance, caused Natsu no embarrassment whatsoever. Not that it should.

"I'll bring napkins next time," Gray said, for lack of any idea what else to say. Natsu hadn't seen him lick his fingers, yet he still felt the need to defend the act.

"Yeah. You've got some weird hobbies. I should start keeping count on the number of times you do that," Natsu said.

"Do… what? Rub food off of you?"

Natsu nodded.

Had he done that before? Gray couldn't quite remember, but… it hadn't even been something he thought of until the deed was done just a moment ago. Could he have done that before without realizing? Did he have weird habits other than stripping?

No… No he couldn't have a regular habit of something like that. Cana would have teased him for it long ago if he did. Or rather, for as many times as Juvia deliberately got food on herself and urged him to lick it off, he would have excited her to dangerous levels if he was prone to doing such things. Yet here Natsu was claiming it wasn't the first time Gray had done that. Maybe Gray could excuse the butter, since Natsu wasn't able to see it, but since day one of the Suraci's diagnosis he hadn't thought Natsu so incapable that he couldn't rub his own face, so why would he have done that before? Or had he first done it before Natsu's sickness showed itself?

Standing abruptly, Gray said, "Here. Let me take your plate back."

"But I didn't get to lick it."

"You'll spill crumbs all over yourself, and you don't want Porlyusica assessing you while you're a mess. Give it back."

Natsu shoved the plate in Gray's general direction, hands trembling slightly when Gray took it from him. It wasn't even a matter of wanting to look like he could still manage his own hygene for Porlyusica. They could both imagine the tirade she'd go off on if she had to work with anyone who was dirty.

"Alright. See ya," Gray said, thinking less of the fact that he'd intended to keep Natsu company for the day and more of those two words of Juvia's reverberating in his skull.

"You're not going to be there when she assesses me?" Natsu asked. "I thought you might… I don't know… if I'm moving in with you, that you'd probably want to see."

Oh yeah. He'd agreed to that, hadn't he?

"I was… going to start moving your furniture today," Gray bullshitted, "but that's not a bad idea. I'll stay."

"Thanks."

"Yeah. Don't mention it."

Gray stacked the plates and stepped out of the room, and immediately all eyes in the guild turned to him.

Natsu would be able to overhear anyway, but out of courtesy, Gray shut the door before telling them, "He's feeling better today, but we still won't know the full situation until Porlyusica comes."

That was enough for most everyone, and the guild resumed what it had been doing moments before. Everyone but Juvia, who continued to watch Gray with a mix of the adoration and anxiety her eyes always held when Gray gave someone else too much attention.

The words _love rival_ still nagging at Gray, he bit his lip and hurried to the kitchen.

-o-

The assessment didn't go well.

It wasn't as bad as Gray had feared, which wasn't saying a whole lot. Natsu could still walk. In fact, he did a whole lap around the inside of the guild hall. Then he had to sit down and rest. Going up and down stairs was an ordeal that Natsu barely made it out of without a complete meltdown. He could still lift lighter objects. At least, for a little while. The highlight was that he stayed awake the entire day, albeit with the help of his tea.

Natsu, understandably, was not thrilled with the results.

"We'll see what therapy can do for you," Gray said that evening. "You improved a little after the last attack."

"A little."

"Well… yeah. A little. But that's something."

"Gray?"

"Yeah?"

"That's not enough."

Gray's steps faltered, something that didn't go unnoticed by Natsu. After all, Gray was carrying Natsu at the time.

"My house is further from the guild than yours," Gray said, trying to downplay the situation. "Once you're done with therapy, we'll see how well you can walk from your own place. If you can manage it but still need more help around the house, then maybe I can move in with you instead."

Gray sure as hell hoped not. His apartment was small, but Natsu's was even smaller. Add to that all the knick-knacks that Natsu accumulated, and it was amazing his house could fit one man and cat. But hopefully Natsu wouldn't pick up on that reluctance.

He didn't. "My house it outside of town."

"And the guild is on one side of town and my place is on the other. And you live outside of town _on the guild's side_ ," Gray stressed. "It's a longer walk, and the walk from your house was already a lot for you. And with all the walking you did the other day…"

"Stop."

Gray stopped in place.

"No. Keep walking. The sooner you get home, the sooner we get dinner. Stop talking."

"Oh."

Gray set forward again, not looking forward to making the rest of the trip in silence. Fortunately for him, Natsu too found the silence more straining than awkward conversation, and began talking again.

"What happens to the food in my fridge?"

"I can pick it up tomorrow. I'll need to bring stuff over to help you feel more at home, so I can grab your food while I'm at it. We might be together for a while, so we share food now."

Seemed fair to Gray, but Natsu found the hole in that claim fast enough.

"I have enough to buy a few weeks' worth of food, but that's it, and I can't work like this. I can't carry plates or even file records."

"Gramps will work something out with you."

Natsu let his head drop, burying his face in the back of Gray's neck. It made his words come out muddled. "After the last time, people said I should look into some other trade, or find another skill to market. I didn't know what else I could do then. What else could I do now?"

"I don't know."

"You're not gonna make something up to try and make me feel better?"

"You told me to stop that."

Natsu grunted in response.

"What can I say to help?" Gray asked. "I can point out ways it could have gone worse, if you want. At least you can still sit up without help, right?"

"Don't," Natsu moaned. "You're going to jinx it."

"Don't push yourself way past your limit again, and you won't have another attack."

Another grunt. This one followed by a lengthy silence.

"Sorry," Gray said when the quiet stretch on too long. "I… I should have been able to handle those things without your help. Because I let myself get distracted…"

"I shouldn't have been there."

He _really_ shouldn't have, but Gray was willing to leave it at that. Natsu's eyes were bandaged shut and he couldn't walk half as much as he could a week ago. That was more than punishment enough. He didn't need another scolding on top of that.

Gray chewed on his lip as he searched for something else to say, and Natsu beat him to a conversation topic.

"If you wanna talk about how things could've been worse, then how about this: There could've been way more people hanging around the guild and talking about what happened. I think it was the same five I heard asking you about me all day."

"A chunk of the guild is gone," Gray told him. "Makarov sent a team out on an overseas mission, and there's always a few people out on jobs."

He might have also asked Makarov to please moderate the number of people who came in looking for news on Natsu, making a deal where they could all be brought up to speed the day after the assessment, during which time Gray intended to keep Natsu at home and help him adjust to the change.

"What mission?"

Natsu told him to stop when he'd tried to comfort the roset with promises he couldn't actually make, so the lie rolled easily off Gray's tongue. "Don't know. It's top secret."

"That's lame. Do you know where they went?"

"Alvarez, I think." Gray shrugged, a gesture that he had no doubt Natsu would notice while he carried the boy piggy-back. "We'll have to hear about it when they get back. In the meantime, we're here."

Natsu waited patiently while Gray unlocked the house and let him in, and made no protest when he was deposited on Gray's couch.

Gray's apartment consisted of four rooms, not counting the bathroom. Aside from that, there was a kitchen and dining area, a small living room, and the bedroom. Natsu could vaguely recall the layout from having once broken in as a child, but after the fight that sparked between him and Gray, Makarov had punished him strictly enough that he didn't try again. Having never been invited over even after he and Gray came to get along, perhaps because of all the destruction he'd caused to spark that fight, Natsu hadn't seen the place in years.

He would need to feel his way around and relearn the layout of the apartment. Next morning, of course. After Porlyusica's assessment earlier in the day, Natsu was too tired for wandering about.

Staying on the couch until bed time sounded ideal to Natsu, but Gray dragged him over to the dining table and made him eat there, insisting that Natsu not blindly drop food on any furniture not meant to have food on it. Natsu obliged, and even tolerated Gray wiping food off his face again when they were done eating—albeit with a wet cloth this time.

"I can do this myself, you know," Natsu reminded him.

"Oh… Right. Of course."

"Is this going to be your new, weird habit? Is it replacing stripping, or are you adding to it?" Natsu paused, mouth opening slightly in horror. "Gray, did you _strip_?"

"No." Gray looked down at himself and saw that, actually, he had. When did that happen? After they got home, surely. Losing his shirt while carrying someone on his back had to be impossible even for him.

"I assure you, I'm fully clothed."

Natsu stuck his hand out. "Let me feel your shirt."

"Okay, time for bed."

"You're naked! You're naked, aren't you? Happy?" Natsu turned his head from side to side, forgetting for a moment that he couldn't look one way or the other for his buddy. "Happy? Where are you? You have to tell me he's naked."

"I still have pants!"

"Pants, or pants _and_ boxers?"

"How would I lose my boxers and still have my pants on?"

"I don't know! I wasn't able to see you do it!"

"I still have boxers on too, flame brain!" Gray yelled. "That does it!"

"H-hey! What are you-! Gray! Put me down!"

"Bed time," Gray declared, hoisting Natsu over his shoulder. "Come on. You wanna be well rested for tomorrow."

"Your back's all sweaty! Put a shirt on first!"

Gray didn't know where his shirt was, and it would take less time to carry Natsu to bed than it would to find his clothes.

Natsu, not willing to cooperate with a man who was not fully dressed, pounded his fits as hard as he could against Gray's back the whole twenty feet from the kitchen table to the bed. To Gray, it felt like a light pat, but he could imagine what Natsu was trying to do, and when he dropped the roset on the bed, said, "Don't forget to take it easy. The first few days are the most important for recovery, remember?"

Natsu didn't respond.

"Remember?"

Nothing.

"Natsu?"

Natsu, who had gone perfectly still after being dumped on the bed, said, "Gray? This is a mattress."

"Is it? Really? I wasn't sure."

"You didn't get rid of my hammock, did you?" Natsu asked. "I can still… I could probably still climb into it."

After Natsu consented to letting Gray lower the hammock, Gray had forgotten all about the fight they had over it. It never occurred to him that the altercation might have left an impression on Natsu.

"I didn't have time to grab any of your things," Gray said. "I'll get your hammock set up tomorrow. I promise. For tonight, just sleep in the bed."

"This is stupid," Natsu said, but rolled over and pulled the sheets over himself anyway.

"You tolerated the infirmary bed fine."

"But that was in the guild. It's a big building. Your place is too small for a guest bed."

"Guest bed? That's _my_ bed."

Face turning scarlet, Natsu vaulted up. "Wh-what?"

"You couldn't tell? I thought it'd smell like me or something."

"This is your house! Everything smells like you! I'm not taking your bed! I… I can sleep on the couch!"

"I'm not putting a _sick guest_ on the couch."

"I can't take your bed!"

"Why not?" Gray demanded.

"B-because…"

Were Natsu's cheeks turning red? Gray had never known him to have trouble stealing Lucy's bed. Maybe it was something he thought was reserved special for her? For some reason, that didn't sit right with Gray.

"I'm fine on the couch. Really. It's just for one night anyway."

"But I can't force you out of your own bed," Natsu insisted. "I won't be able to fall asleep knowing I did that."

"Fine!" Gray shucked his pants off and climbed onto the mattress. "We can share the damn bed for one night."

He said that, but as he pulled the sheets up to crawl under them beside Natsu, the words _love rival_ flitted through his mind. He could _feel_ Juvia's gaze drilling a hole into his back, and whipped around, expecting to see her watching jealously from the window. To his immense relief, she wasn't there, but it still gave him chills to think about. He could only imagine what she would think knowing he'd even considered sharing a bed with someone else. No matter how much Gray insisted it was platonic, she would no doubt give Natsu grief. She'd probably be upset even to hear that someone else had been given the privilege of lying in Gray's sheets.

Which was silly. He gave Natsu the bed because Natsu was sick. And lying with Natsu was in no way romantic. Sure, plenty of people who had feeling for one another slept in the same bed. His parents certainly did. Juvia's mind would jump to that no matter what, Gray knew, but…

But…

But so was his, now that fear of Juvia's reaction put the idea in his mind. With Natsu's cheeks still tinged red, and the idea of how the two of them might look sharing his small bed in mind, Gray found himself blushing too.

"N-nevermind." He said, shoving himself back onto his feet. "There isn't enough room. I'll take the couch."

"I can sleep on the couch," Natsu said, trying to sit up.

"No, dammit! You stay there until mourning or I'm not getting your hammock."

Natsu tensed, and for one horrible moment, Gray thought the agreement might escalate to the point of Natsu risking his health again.

Then Natsu spoke, and Gray relaxed.

"I have to pee."

"You can leave the bed for that. In fact, _please_ leave my bed before doing that. Just get back into the _bed_ when you're done."

He turned towards the door, and was halfway out of the room when Natsu spoke up again.

"Gray? I don't know how to get to your bathroom."

"I can walk you there."

Natsu nodded and sat up, swinging his legs out of bed and standing slowly. He took two steps, stumbled, and fell.

"Whoa!" Gray cried, springing forward to catch Natsu before he hit the ground. "What happened?"

"My legs… I'm tired."

"F-fine," Gray said. It was no consolation to know that this was going to be more embarrassing for Natsu than it was him. "I'll help you onto the toilet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helping people onto the toilet is one of the most common things for me to do at work, alongside getting people dressed for the day. (In fact, since most of the people I help dress also need help getting onto the toilet, I usually get them dressed while they're on the toilet. They typically sit upright better there than they do in bed anyway.) I imagine it's probably insanely embarrassing the first time you aren't able to do that for yourself, but I've helped people with it enough now that it's stopped being something I really give much thought to. Maybe if they're particularly heavy, I'll hate having to be their caregiver for the day, but as far as the general act of pulling someone's pants down for them and setting them on a toilet goes, it's kinda as normal as tying your shoes now.
> 
> 'Cept I usually don't bother with tying my shoes and just slip them on.
> 
> Incidentally, if you ever hear someone say that their weight is their own business and doesn't hurt anyone other than them, that's a fucking lie. Their weight is a work hazard for any healthcare worker who might have to physically assist them. We've had to move people out of the facility where I work because they can't support their own weight and weigh too much for us to lift without injuring our backs.


	20. Sting and Rogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early post because WOO! CHRISTMAS BREAK!

Since Natsu's diagnosis, Gray had made a point of being there at the crack of dawn to help get Natsu to the guild. Natsu having resented that help, Gray made an effort not to be any more intrusive about this than he felt necessary. He wasn't above peeking his head in the door while Natsu made breakfast and shouting a reminder to warm up the tea he had restocked the night before, but he'd refrained from going in while Natsu slept and waking him up.

When he thought of it, Gray was sure that even when they shared a hotel, he hadn't watched Natsu sleep. Lucy was so defensive back then, getting short with him whenever he told Natsu he couldn't do this or that. He'd avoided going to Natsu's bed when they got up that morning, instead making Natsu's tea while the girls roused him.

Now, Natsu was in his bed, and there was no one else to wake him. Gray let the roset sleep in while he fried up bacon and brewed tea—and he didn't envy Natsu for needing to drink the stuff alongside bacon—but once breakfast was made and there was no sign of Natsu stirring, Gray went to get him up.

Standing in his doorway, seeing Natsu snuggled up in his sheets, Gray was struck by how sweet he looked. Since when was his sleeping face so innocent?

Gray shook his head. Natsu hadn't had half was much energy since Suraci's hit him. Obviously, that was why he looked so much less obnoxious now.

"Natsu?" Gray said. "Hey, wake up."

Natsu stirred, lifting his head slightly, then dropping it.

"No."

"What does that mean? This is non-negotiable. Time to get up."

"Five more minutes."

"In five minutes breakfast will be cold."

It took Natsu a moment to process the statement. Once he had, he sniffed the air and, catching the scent of bacon, pushed himself up.

"Do you need help getting to the table?"

"I don't know."

Gray stood back and let Natsu stand up on his own. Natsu took too steps blindly, stumbled over a shirt Gray forgot to pick up from two or three days ago, then progressed through the room more slowly, shuffling his feet and holding his hands out in front of him.

"Here, hold my hand," Gray said. "I won't hold you up if you don't want me to, but let me guide you. At least until you know your way around."

He held his hand out for Natsu. Natsu, similarly, held his own hand out for Gray. Gray stared at both hands, wondering why Natsu didn't just take his, before remembering that only one of them could see where both of their hands were.

Hopefully, Natsu didn't notice how long it took for Gray to take his hand. At least he couldn't see how mortified Gray was.

"Happy didn't eat all the bacon yet, did he?" Natsu asked as Gray guided his hand to the kitchen table.

Gray froze, realizing that he hadn't seen the cat since some time the day before. Happy had made himself so small for shame of helping Natsu into harm's way that Gray had overlooked him entirely. Had he been there for Porlyusica's assessment? He certainly hadn't been there when Gray carried Natsu home.

Oblivious to Gray's horror, Natsu felt along the table until his arm bumped against the back of a chair. He pulled the chair out, then glided his hand down the back until he found the seat, which he carefully planted his butt in.

His legs were trembling.

"How was that in terms of walking?" Gray asked, hoping to buy time while he tried to work out where Happy might be.

Natsu bit his lip, and turned away from Gray before admitting, "A lot."

"I made your tea. Give me a minute to pour it. That should help. We can work on therapy right away after breakfast." If Natsu didn't notice anything amiss, didn't panic, and didn't try to track Happy down.

Although what exactly Gray planned to do if Natsu remained oblivious, he didn't know. With his eyes covered, there wasn't a whole lot to occupy Natsu around Gray's apartment. Carrying Natsu around town while they searched for the little guy might have been a good way to spend the day. Going to the guild was out of the question, since everyone would be there looking for news on Natsu's condition.

Natsu settled the issue for Gray by saying, "Happy, I forgot to check. Is Gray clothed?"

Gray let the silence draw out just long enough for Natsu to realize something was off, then cleared his throat and said, "I _am_ , and I can go over there and let you confirm it if you want."

"Where's Happy?"

"Don't know. We can track him down when you're done with breakfast."

Natsu froze.

"Or I can look for him now… I think it's more likely that he wanted a little time to himself than that he's in any danger," Gray said. "Happy can take care of himself. And besides, he felt bad after…"

Gray had the sense to cut himself off before he could say it, but Natsu still caught on.

"After I roped him into taking me on that job."

"Well, he won't feel any better if you don't take care of yourself worrying about him. Eat."

"It wasn't Happy's fault," Natsu said. "I told him we were only going to you guys' hotel."

"I'll keep that in mind. For now, focus on breakfast. We can track him down once you're fed."

"We can track him down _now_."

"Breakfast first. At least have your tea. I'm not taking you anywhere so soon after an attack if you can't do the bare minimum to look after yourself."

The bandages over his eyes were the only thing that kept Natsu from glaring daggers. As it was, he gave Gray's general direction a mighty scowl before grudgingly eating his bacon.

He stuffed what food was left into his mouth, and washed it down with large gulps of tea. Gray refrained from commenting on the bacon bits Natsu got all over the floor, silently tossing Natsu a wet rag to clean the grease from his fingers as he carried the dishes to the sink. Once the plate and mug were in place to be ignored for a few days before dish washing absolutely had to happen, and once Natsu was relatively clean, Gray wrapped an arm around Natsu's back and legs and lifted him from the table.

"I want to walk."

"You sure?"

"Yes. As far as I can."

Hesitantly, Gray set Natsu on his feet. He waited a moment to make sure the roset was steady, then said, "I'm not letting you walk until your legs give out. We're pacing ourselves, okay?"

Natsu grunted an affirmative, looking less than pleased. He, like Gray, must have foreseen that they would only get half way down the stairs after leaving his apartment before Natsu would have expended enough energy to make Gray feel the need to carry him.

On previous occasions where Natsu had to be carried, Gray made excuses for him. They might pretend he twisted something in a fight, or fell asleep after working hard, and Gray felt generous enough to help take him home. Now, with his eyes bandaged and high odds that Gray would carry him most places, it would be hard to pretend things were a-okay. Most of the town knew that something was wrong as it was, but some part of Natsu resented hearing people whisper affirmations to one another about his failing health as they walked by.

It used to be that he would only hear those remarks from behind. Now, with the bandages on, he could tell from the direction of their voice that people didn't wait until they were out of sight to comment.

"Gray," he ordered, "take note of everyone who's whispering."

"What for?"

"Payback."

"How?"

"I don't know. You work that out."

"I'm going to focus on looking for Happy instead, okay?"

Natsu grumbled at that, but rested his chin on Gray's shoulder and gave up on the subject. That he couldn't see any of the people whispering about him meant he also missed the dark looks Gray shot to anyone he caught discussing the sight of Natsu in his fallen state too openly.

They went first to Natsu's, and found evidence that Happy spent the night there but left since. If he was at the guild, Natsu felt, then they could wait. There would be people there to console him, and Natsu dreaded receiving any similar consolation from so many people at once. With no better ideas, they took to wandering around Magnolia, checking all the old places where Happy might have lingered.

Without prompting, at one of their stops, Gray purchased pretzels. He stuck one in his own mouth and the other in Natsu's, which more or less required Natsu take a bite before speaking.

"How long is it until lunch?"

"About an hour."

"We've been out that long?"

"Yeah."

"…You've been carrying me that long."

"It's not…" Gray stopped himself before he could dismiss the act. For him, it wasn't that hard to carry someone his own size for an extended period of time. For Natsu, a few months ago, it wouldn't have been hard either. Now, Natsu could hardly manage to move himself around.

Switching topics slightly, Gray instead said, "Do you want to try walking again? We can go a block or two."

"You're not going to panic about me overexerting myself?"

"I'll be right here. And you still need the exercise. You won't recover properly otherwise."

Natsu scoffed at the idea that what little ability he might reclaim counted as recovering, but let Gray slide him onto the street. He held onto Gray's arm from a moment while he steadied himself, then switched to holding Gray's hand.

"There are no stairs this time, so we should be able to go a little further before you need another break," Gray told him.

Natsu, rather than dignify that with a response, took another bite of his pretzel and let Gray quietly lead him down streets he couldn't see.

He'd heard Gray order two pretzels, and from smell and the occasionally muddle sound of Grays voice, could tell where the second had gone. Walking hand in hand while eating the same vendor food together, Natsu noticed, almost made it like the two of them were on a date. Except that he could only walk in frustratingly short spurts, and couldn't see anything, and Gray was more interested in finding Happy for him than showing him a good time.

It was stupid. Thinking of Gray that way was stupid. He was sick, and Gray was only being so kind to and protective of him because of that sickness. Even if Gray did like him back, it would be the furthest thing from appropriate to look for a deeper relationship anyway. Not when he'd just had another attack and depended on Gray's pity for everything. Probably never, if he remained so dependent on Gray.

So… never. Because he was never going to get better.

The thought made Natsu tense up, which didn't go unnoticed by Gray. The ice maker stopped walking to look back, which _did_ go unnoticed by Natsu, who proceeded to walk right into Gray.

"Sorry. Should've told you I stopped. Is something the matter?"

"No. I'm fine."

"You're still saying that? Really?"

What Natsu intended to say in response was nothing more than a childish, stubborn 'yes', so it was probably for the best that he never got the chance to respond. Before he could draw in the air to speak, two thick arms wrapped around his chest tight and yanked him back, forcing him to let go of Gray's hand.

For a second, Natsu wondered if he was about to be abducted, then he recognized his assailant. Having been so fixated on Gray's scent and the pretzels, he'd never noticed the out-of-town slayers who snuck up behind them.

"Natsu!" Sting ruffled his hair. "Hey! You never came to visit, so we thought we'd see you!"

This time, Natsu had no idea how to respond at all. Was he supposed to have visited them? Should he make up a reason? Explain his situation? That might be a good idea. If Sting was looking for someone to have a playful match with, it might even be necessary. Although Sting and Rogue had made no comment on anything related to his health. Surely they'd heard rumors, after he'd been off active duty so long. Did Sting not _see_ the bandages?

In the silence that followed, Natsu realized he'd hoped Gray might take over the conversation. Without being able to see Gray, he had no idea whether or not Gray was waiting for him to say something.

"This is the part where you explain yourself," Sting said.

"Explain himself? _You're_ the one who jumped out of nowhere," Gray retorted.

Speaking up for the first time, Rogue said, "We were worried. Minerva heard he was terminally ill."

"He isn't."

"Oh." Sting released Natsu. "Dang, and we came all the way here, too. Took a train for nothing."

There was a thwack, followed almost immediately after by a yelp from Sting. Then Rogue said, "You make it sound like you're not relieved."

"Well, it's great that he isn't dying, but I thought this might be our last chance to see him before the end." Sting slung an arm over Natsu's shoulder. "So what's going on then? No one's heard any news of you trashing a town in _weeks_ , and when I checked the reports, you were listed as inactive. And what's up with the head wrap?"

"Sting." Gray's voice was low and clipped, an obvious warning, and Natsu felt Sting shift back slightly in response.

Talking to someone who was still living according to the old normal was nice, even if a little part of Natsu shriveled up and died when he imagined trying to explain his situation to someone who didn't know. Not wanting Gray to chase the twin slayers off, Natsu said, "Gray, I was told Gramps released an official statement. I'd get if not every civilian heard it, but Sting's a guild master. Why wouldn't he have seen it?"

"Ah… Well… The old man might be dragging his feet a little with that."

"A _little_? He's had three months."

"Two and a week," Gray corrected, "And we didn't know for sure for the first month, and the last week's been kind of hectic."

"Hey, Natsu, I know you can't see, but I want to let you know we're still here," Sting said. "Mind including us in on this conversation?"

"It's not your business," Gray told him.

"I'm sick," Natsu said.

"Oh. That all?"

"Sting!" Rogue must have yanked the blond back, because Natsu felt the arm on his shoulder abruptly pull away. "Sorry about him. I hope you feel well enough to come back to work soon."

Or ever.

"Yeah. Thanks. It was nice seeing you guys again."

Sting's protest came out muffled, and Rogue spoke over him, saying, "Same to you. You take care, okay?"

-o-

"Rogue must have a lot of work to do, with Sting as guild master," Gray said over lunch. "I used to think Gramps gave Mira a lot of work the way he hit on younger girls, but Rogue looks like he works overtime keeping Sting in line. I wonder which of them actually handles the paperwork."

"I meant to ask, did Rogue cover Sting's mouth and drag him off?"

"Used his cape as a gag."

Natsu's laughed at that, which made Gray grin. The roset would have laughed harder if he'd actually seen it, but Gray was happy that the mental image was enough to put Natsu in good spirits.

The last thing Gray had expected was for another guild to show up, but in hindsight he didn't know why. Quite a few were on good terms with them, and with Natsu specifically. The longer they put off telling the magic community that Natsu was out of commission, the more likely people were to notice on their own that something was amiss, and to worry. But he was happy to see that Natsu didn't seem too affronted by the fact that anyone came to see him.

"I wonder what they told their guild when they got home," Gray said.

"They're still in town," Natsu told him. "I can smell 'em. They're probably not going to leave without stopping by Fairy Tail first."

His voice dropped at the end of that thought. Gray gave him a sympathetic smile, then remembered Natsu couldn't see, and patted his hand instead.

"It's fine. They would have run into someone who'd tell them about Suraci's sooner or later. We should get back to looking for Happy."

Naturally, the fact that Natsu claimed it was fine failed to coincide with the disappointed expression on his face. Calling it out would only result in more exasperated deflections, so Gray did his best to ignore the claim altogether and focused on the Happy search instead.

"I'm pretty sure we combed the whole town."

"There's a few places outside of town. There's a pond in the woods where we'd fish, and this one spot just off the rode that we hid in whenever we wanted to ambush people coming home without the train. We didn't check everywhere."

They hadn't checked the guild either, which Gray was beginning to suspect might be where Happy went. Natsu had only taken a few bites of his food, and Gray had finished eating, so he rose to his feet and said, "You finish up here. I'll leave enough to pay for the food. I need to check something real quick."

"Oh." Natsu's face fell further. "Yeah. Okay."

Gray left enough to cover lunch and tip generously as well. It would be rude for Natsu to loiter in the café after he finished eating, but hopefully there was enough there for the staff to overlook it. The poor guy's eyes were bandaged up, so seeing that ought to be enough for them to get that Natsu ought not to get up and wander off on his own.

With a promise to be back soon, Gray left the café and made a b-line for the guild hall. Inside, he found the guild easily ten times livelier than the day before.

He did his best to make himself small, entering quietly and keeping near the wall so as not to attract attention. While things were still subdued in the wake of Natsu's last attack, a bit of the guild's spirit had returned. Cana was drinking in excess again and Erza was sober. That was a huge improvement from only a day ago. There was no fighting. None of the usual rowdiness. There was, however, enough conversation to the guild to possess a low din, and every so often you might hear somebody chuckle.

Most of the activity in the guild came from people crowding around Makarov, asking for this or that detail of Natsu's condition. Gray recalled being in that position himself after the second attack, and cringed. He couldn't fault them. They were all worried, just like he'd been. Just like he _was_. Knowing now what Natsu thought of everyone asking how bad he was, and how it felt to be in Makarov's shoes with people swarming you for news, Gray regretted having composed himself that way.

Makarov caught his eye and tipped his head slightly, and Gray shook his head. If Makarov wanted him to report later, he would, but if possible, he didn't want everyone looking to him for news. Especially not when he had only negatives to report.

It wasn't that Gray made it all the way to the stairs of the second floor unseen, but that most everyone was too absorbed in their own thoughts to pay him much heed, and those who weren't accepted Gray's gesture asking they keep quiet with a mute nod. He made it upstairs without being called on.

All his efforts to avoid drawing attention to himself proved to be for naught. From the second floor, Gray could indeed see Happy. The little cat sat at a table by the crowd of mages eager for news about Natsu, opposite the door.

With a sigh, Gray resigned himself to facing everyone's questions after all. At least there was some consolation to take in knowing that he'd spared Natsu the trouble.

In the spirit of not wanting to answer the crowd, Gray didn't go out of his way to announce his presence. Rather than call out to Happy, he came back downstairs and walked in the cat's direction, saying nothing until being spotted by Elfman, who's eyes lit up as Gray passed by.

"How's Natsu doing?"

All eyes went to him.

"Same as yesterday," Gray said, in the hopes that people would pick up on the fact that he wasn't interested in talking.

"I heard he had trouble with stairs."

"Could he really not see at all?"

"He's coming back, right?"

"Can he still work here?"

"Forget that. Can he still work at all?"

"I heard he could hardly handle any weight…"

"How's he taking it?"

Gray had to stop walking, shut is eyes, and take a deep breath, then said, "Natsu's managing. He's had some time to adjust to the idea that he's not… completely capable already, so he's managing better than I would have expected. He wasn't completely blind, and Porlyusica thinks she can at least fix his vision. Is Happy here?"

"Yes."

The answer took Gray by surprise. How not happy did Happy need to be to answer with something other than 'aye'?

"Hey. Natsu was worried about you."

"I couldn't find him last night," Happy said. "I went to help him home and he wasn't in the infirmary, and when I looked, he wasn't home either."

"He spent the night with me. Sorry. I thought someone would have told you," Gray said. "Want to come with me? We'll go back to him. He'd like to have you there."

"Yeah…"

Happy slid down from the table and plodded over to Gray, who picked him up and gave the rest of the guild a curt nod before turning and carrying the cat out. The two walked in silence to the diner where Gray had left Natsu, Gray mentally kicking himself along the way for not thinking to let Happy know what was going on. He couldn't imagine how sickeningly terrifying it must have been to have Natsu vanish so soon after his health degraded even further.

Lucky for him, he didn't need to try and imagine for long. When they stepped into the diner, Gray took one glance around the room, and saw that Natsu was no longer there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dramatic music plays*
> 
> Anyway, Sting showed up. Sting and Lucy and kinda sorta Laxus all get some presence in this story, but Sting takes his sweet time coming up. Pity, because he's actually pretty important in moving the plot along.


	21. Love Rival

Natsu's intention was to wait obediently for Gray. He couldn't see where he was going, nor could he get himself very far if he tried to leave on his own, so there was nothing he foresaw running off alone accomplishing. Besides, going somewhere after Gray told him to stay put the last time ended with him barely able to walk or see. He'd mean to stay put. Honest. It was just that a few minutes after Gray left, he started to hear the wait staff whisper about him. Where did his friend go? Was it okay to leave him like that? He'd paid, but he was making them wait to clean the table off for the next customer.

Natsu asked the person at the table behind him if there was a bench outside the diner, and when assured that there was, rose unsteadily to his feet and set out to find it.

Café patrons were polite enough to direct Natsu until he found his way to the door, but once outside, he was on his own. The bench, he'd been told, was across the street and down a block. With the waitress's complaints nagging at him, Natsu had completely forgotten what 'across the street' meant. As soon as he was outside, he could hear the trickle of the canal that ran through Magnolia. But if he'd been given directions to go across the street, then a bridge to get across must have been near.

He kept his footsteps small, almost shuffling his feet as he made is way slowly away from the restaurant. There was a raised row of stones along the water's edge, and if he could bump his toes against it then follow that rim, he'd reach the bridge eventually. Even if he didn't, that rim would be a decent place to sit.

His foot hit something, and he bent down to confirm he'd reached the street's edge. Which direction he needed to go from there to reach the bridge, left or right, Natsu couldn't tell. Either way, there would be a bridge eventually, but whichever he found might not be near a bridge.

It felt good, bending down. Took a lot of weight off his knees. Natsu almost wanted to stay right there on the ground, but the bench had to be nearby. The man in the café said it was within view of the window. He could make it that far. Maybe.

Probably not.

Gray wasn't there to guide him to it, and he needed to learn to manage without Gray anyway. At least as much as was possible. He couldn't possibly be so selfish as to want affection from Gray while imposing on him so thoroughly. It was bad enough that he'd guilted Gray into taking him in.

His legs trembled as he stood back up and turned left. He only made it ten steps before one knee buckled. Stumbling to the side, trying to recover, Natsu felt his foot hit the edge of the street. When he fell over the edge, his only thought was of how poor his swimming had been _before_ the last attack.

"Whoa there!" Sting's voice accompanied the hand that grabbed roughly to Natsu's wrist.

Dangling from that arm, Natsu's side smacked hard against the ledge between the street and water, which the tips of his feet dipped into.

"Shit. Sorry. Hold on. Can you pull yourself back up?"

"I don't think he can."

"Fro doesn't think so either."

"Quiet," Sting snapped. "Natsu, are you alright?"

Raking in a shuddering breath, Natsu said, "No."

"Alright. We'll get you up. Just give me a sec."

Two more hands grabbed onto Natsu's arm and hoisted him up, a set of cat paws grabbing onto his back and holding him steady as the twin slayers pulled him back onto the street. They tried to get him steady on his feet, but Natsu's leg still didn't want to support his weight, and he ended up falling forward on Sting.

"You aren't contagious, right?" Sting asked.

Face buried in Sting's bare chest, Natsu shook his head. "No. Porlyusica said it's genetic."

There was a pause, followed by Rogue saying, "You realize he can't see you nod, right?"

"Oh!" Sting laughed, embarrassed. "Well, we're here. Is there anything we can do?"

"I was looking for a bench," Natsu said. "Gray left, so—"

"You can't stand or see and he _left_ you?" Rogue asked. He sounded appalled, which, given that he didn't know Gray meant to be back shortly, was fair.

"That's rotten of him," Sting agreed. "Where were you planning to go?"

"We were looking for Happy. Then… I don't know… home, I guess. Maybe he wanted to look somewhere without bringing me?" He'd told Gray not to worry about the guild, because Happy was fine if he was there, but there was a distinct possibility that Gray decided to peek in and look.

"We'll let him," Sting said. "I can carry you home, if you don't mind."

"Gray told me to stay…"

"Gray left."

There was more to it than that, but rather than try and explain where he thought Gray was and why he wouldn't have gone along, Natsu said, "I think I should wait."

Sting snorted. "Why? Just because he said so? Have you tried standing up for yourself?"

Natsu wasn't sure if that was meant to be a joke or not, but Rogue thought it warranted smacking Sting's upside the head over.

" _Ow_. Okay. Fine. Sorry. But since when did you follow _Gray's_ instructions to the letter? You didn't want to sit in that café anyway, right? Otherwise you wouldn't be out here. Rogue and I are here and willing to help. If there's anything you want— _you,_ not Gray—just tell us."

He ought to wait for Gray… But he also needed to gather a few necessities from his house, and if he couldn't do that on his own, it would be nice to at least not burden Gray with _every_ last need.

"Y-yeah. I'd like to go home. Actually… could you help me with something else too?"

-o-

"We both lost him," Happy lamented.

"He can't have gone far," Gray insisted, scanning the street outside the café. "He can hardly walk to the next street. If he isn't on this one, he won't be more than a few feet down whichever he turned on to."

So he said, but when they checked all the adjacent streets, there was still no sign of him. Wendy had stayed behind to help with Natsu in emergencies, but she wasn't at the guild earlier, and Gajeel was oversees. Gray couldn't go to either of them quickly and get them to trace Natsu's scent. At a loss for what else to do, he returned to the café and asked there, but none of the wait staff had any idea where he'd gone.

Dejected, Gray was about to return to searching the streets when a man seated near the door said, "You're looking for Natsu?"

"Yeah. Did you see which way he went?"

"Down that way, I guess," the man said, gesturing vaguely in one direction the street ran. "Poor guy nearly fell in the river, but those two Saber Tooth mages caught him. Didn't see where they went after that."

So Natsu wasn't alone. Gray felt tension leave his frame at that. He didn't know how well Sting and Rogue could look after Natsu, but they beat nothing. Aside from Lucy, who was on par with nothing, just about anyone beat nothing.

"Thank you."

'Down that way' encompassed roughly half the town, and that was before considering the possibility that Sting and Rogue took Natsu a few blocks in that direction before doubling back on another street. As far as pointers for where to go went, it was a lousy one, but Gray set off in that direction, and had only gone ten feet when Happy spoke.

"Did you two check to see if I was home before?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I just thought… Natsu wouldn't go into the woods in his condition. The only other reason we'd normally go this way is to go home."

Gray ran through a mental map of the town, and realized Happy was right. It made sense for Sting and Rogue to take Natsu home too, if they found him struggling on his own. Unless Natsu explicitly mentioned to them that he was living with Gray indefinitely…

How long _would_ they live together, anyway? Gray didn't mind having Natsu over. Preferred it, really. It was so much easier to watch over him, and that was all the more important after the last attack. Still, for as well aware as he was of the idea that a full recovery was near impossible, some part of Gray hadn't yet wrapped its mind around the idea that Natsu might never be able to manage on his own again.

Surely, even if his vision remained all but useless and he was forever unable to walk more than a short distance, he'd at least be able to get by with Happy, right? His house wasn't that large. If the removed all the clutter, it could work. Removing all the clutter would likely also give Natsu fits, since he valued most of the garbage lying around his house, but that would be a hurdle to face later. Assuming Natsu even could move home eventually.

Lacking a slayer's hearing, Gray was almost to Natsu's front door before he heard voices from inside. Sting's first, then Rogue's, and finally, to his immense relief, Natsu's.

"That sucks though. She really said you'll be sick that long?"

"You don't need to rub it in."

"No. He's right. It sucks. But it's okay… I guess. Gray helps me out a lot."

Sting snorted. "Yeah. Sure. And then leaves you on your own in the middle of town."

Gray clenched his teeth, ready to kick in the door in and fight Sting. He left Natsu somewhere safe to spare him from facing the guild before he was ready, and he was only gone ten minutes.

"He would have come back." Gray put his foot back down when he heard Natsu.

"But still, leaving you on the street."

"H-he left me in a café. I just… I left on my own."

"They didn't kick you out, did they?" Rogue asked. "I can't imagine you caused them much trouble… In your current condition, I mean. If you told them you were in poor health, they ought to have let you stay inside."

"No. A few of the waitresses complained that I wouldn't leave, but no one told me I had to go."

"You should have told the waitresses to go fu—"

"Focus on the rest of their customers," Rogue finished loudly for Sting. "Is this everything?"

"I think so? Hold it out for me."

This was followed by silence, and Gray took it as a sign to open the door and let himself in.

Inside, Rogue held a box of Natsu's things. A reasonably sized box, Gray was happy to see. He would have to put his foot down if Natsu tried to move his entire collection of memorabilia. As it was, it seemed Rogue's box held mostly clothes. Gray didn't see the hammock tucked in there, but he also no longer saw the hammock hanging in the corner, so he imagined it had been packed as well.

His eyes went up from the box to Rogue, who offered a friendly smile, then to Sting, who was… not smiling.

" 'Bout time you showed up."

"Sorry," Gray said. "No one left a note, so I've kind of spent the last half hour running around panicked looking for him."

A mild exaggeration, and the only person who winced because of it was Natsu, but Gray wasn't about to correct himself and give Sting and ground.

Why exactly he felt the need to pick a fight with Sting, he couldn't say. That someone found Natsu struggling on his own outside and came to his aid was wonderful. In fact, it was even great that the twin slayers had chosen to help Natsu pack up the essentials he wanted with him while they lived together. Gray could even allow that, given Sting's misunderstanding of the situation, it was a good thing that was glaring him down. If he'd thought someone left Natsu, still weak from his latest attack and unable to see, in the middle of the street with no intentions of coming back soon, he'd likely have pounded them unconscious by this point. Sting acting protective of Natsu was a good thing.

Except acting protective of Natsu was _Gray's_ job. Ever since Makarov picked him out to see how Natsu managed the walk home, he'd been the one to look after him. He was the one who carried Natsu when the roset's legs could no longer hold up, and for as often as he'd wished he didn't have to do that, seeing Natsu on _Sting's_ back, with Sting daring to glare at _him_ no less, lit something in Gray on fire.

"Sorry," Natsu said. "The waitresses… I didn't want to have to sit and listen to them. I thought there was a bench nearby, but—"

"Don't worry about it. You're fine," Gray assured him. " _You're_ not the one who failed to leave a note."

Missing the tactful omission that he, being temporarily blind, could not write, Natsu relaxed. Now it was _Rogue_ who looked guilty, despite Gray directing every dagger he could glare at _Sting_.

"If you'd stayed with him," Sting said, "you wouldn't have needed a note. Some friend you are."

Losing his patients, Gray said, "I can carry Natsu from here. Thanks for dropping by."

"How can I trust you not to drop him?"

Over Natsu's cheerful assurance that Gray didn't do that and Rogue's awkward muttering about how he'd just go and drop the box off at Gray's on his own before heading home, Gray snapped, "For all the time's you've stuck your foot in your mouth today, why should I trust _you_?"

"Easy. I didn't ditch him in a dive that he felt he needed to run away from."

"I did not _ditch_ him!" Gray roared, nearly startling Rogue into dropping the box as he hurried by.

"Then where the hell _were_ you? He was on his own and he nearly fell in the river, dammit!"

After the second attack, Natsu hadn't been able to swim as far as he could run, and that was in calm water on a warm summer day. The thought of Natsu struggling to keep above water now, when it was cold enough that Natsu, _Natsu_ , had donned a jacket, and when he could hardly walk anymore…

Gray didn't dare give Sting and inch, but he had no idea what to say to that.

"Sting, it was my fault," Natsu insisted. "Gray told me to stay in the café, and he had no reason to think the waitresses would say what they did. If I'd waited where he told me to, I would have been fine."

"You don't have to defend him."

"I want to. Gray's done a lot for me." Natsu paused. "Well, he also doesn't let me do a lot, but…"

Sting scoffed. "Fine. But you call me first thing next time he bails on you. And even if you insist on going back to his place, _I_ insist on carrying you."

Gray had never before in his life wanted so badly to strangle someone. Sting was lucky he had Natsu on his back, because fear of hurting his friend was the only thing that kept him from lashing out at… well… at the man who was reacting to Natsu's illness almost identically to how Gray had.

Was that why Sting pissed him off so much? Because he was getting a taste of his own medicine? It felt surprisingly rotten being talked to the same way he had Lucy. Enough so to make Gray feel guilty for being so harsh with her—and to wonder what even drove him to be so uptight about anyone else making an honest mistake where Natsu was concerned.

Why _did_ he react the way he did? Everyone else in the guild cared for Natsu as a friend too… right? Being uptight was usually Erza's job, and Lucy, for as much as it bothered Gray, was the one closest to Natsu. The two of them out to outdo him by a country mile when it came to… to…

For as much as it bothered Gray?

Swallowing nervously, Gray stepped out of the blond's way without even thinking to sneer at him. His reason for worrying so deeply for Natsu couldn't be…

Could it?

N-no. That was ridiculous. But then… what if that was why Sting also…

"Don't be stupid," Gray muttered to himself. "That's how _Juvia_ would think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Sting.
> 
> To be honest, I don't read a whole lot of Gratsu. Stingue is the only shounen-ai ship I really adore, but since I ended up writing a Gratsu anyway, I thought I ought to check out some other stuff and get a feel for what kind of fanon people had going for this ship. I tried Rhov's stuff, but she usually gets really filthy and that kind of content doesn't interest me, so even though the story wasn't bad, I ended up backing out before the relationship really got under way over some scenes I didn't like. (I assume she writes some quality filth, because her stuff is popular, but not being a connoisseur of written porn, I couldn't say for sure.) I tried a few less racier fics, but I got disheartened when the one with the most interesting premise had the characters falling in love instantly. Maybe I could have tried to look for more stories, because I only looked at four or five and I know there's bound to be plenty of good ones, but I kinda gave up after that.
> 
> Anyway, I really, really, really don't like insta-love, so I tried to make things go gradually in this fic. Given that it's framed around someone's whole life pretty much falling apart, I also didn't want to completely disregard any coping or adjusting Natsu has to do in favor of lovey-dovey fluff. Still, We're on chapter 21 and Gray is still dancing around whether or not he has feelings for Natsu. No confessions. Natsu isn't even sure he has the right to Gray's affection, much less the will to admit to his. Chapter 21. I wonder if I overcompensated?


	22. Invite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for the year. Maybe. Probably. I don't plan to post again before January, at least. If I go on a huge writing spree then maybe I will, but I've been going pretty slow all month, particularly with this fic.

Art by [Ferbooche](http://ferbooche.tumblr.com/post/135900742388/merry-christmas-everyone-spoiler-though-but)

Two weeks later the bandages came off.

For one horrible moment, Natsu squinted, then his eyes locked with Gray's and he grinned.

"How is it?" Gray asked. "You can see again."

"Yeah. You're still a little fuzzy, but I can tell what everything is now."

They could have done better. A lot better. Considering how sharp Natsu's vision used to be, Gray had been hoping that he'd end up with at least twenty-twenty vision upon recovery. But they also could have done worse. A little blurry was workable. They would find him glasses, or maybe, given the exact issue with his vision, commission special ones. After stumbling around blind for half a month, glasses were a huge step up.

Natsu pushed himself off of the infirmary bed, grabbing Gray to steady himself, then walked out of the room on his own.

Honestly, there had been great improvement all the way around. A test walk had proven the walk between the guild and Natsu's home was still impossible unaided, but he'd managed to recover enough that walking across the guild itself no longer wore him out. He could even reliably carry a plate from the kitchen to a table again. Only one, so there would be no employing him as Mira's dining helper again, but improvement was improvement.

He couldn't run. At all. It wasn't even a matter of his legs giving out. When Natsu tried his hardest to run, the best he managed was a brisk walk, which Porlyusica ordered him not to do. Stairs were still hard on him too, which made Gray feel guilty about having a second floor apartment.

He couldn't run, and he couldn't get himself home on his own, but he could get around the guild. Now, he could even see where he was going as he made his way through the guild. Gray hurried over to the infirmary door, mostly to watch the rest of the guild congratulate Natsu on the bandages coming off, but also to make sure he'd know if Natsu's legs began to wobble.

Fuzzy vision or not, Natsu could see well enough to navigate on his own. He wouldn't need to hold Gray's hand anymore. Happy as he was to see Natsu doing better, that thought bothered Gray. He knew why it bothered him too, and the reason why bothered him even more.

Liking Natsu was absurd. For one, Natsu was _Natsu._ And no offense to Lucy, but what kind of idiot fell for _Natsu?_ He was loud and abrasive and… maybe not so hyper anymore, but still obnoxious. And besides, Natsu clearly had a thing for Lucy, and Lucy for him. Gray wasn't so entitled as to think that helping a friend in need meant he had to right to claim that friend over someone who was in a relationship first, nor was he selfish enough to want to come between those to.

Okay, maybe he did want to, but that was in theory. In practice, he knew better than to try.

It was for the best, he reminded himself. Juvia was jealous enough of the attention Natsu got when everyone thought it was nothing more than friendly concern. If Gray really cared about Natsu's wellbeing, then keeping him safe by not letting Juvia know she had an authentic love rival was the right thing to do.

It hurt, thinking about the idea that he'd fallen for… well… _Natsu_ , for one, but for someone who would never return his feelings.

Gray couldn't help but smile, despite the ache in his chest. Watching Natsu greet everyone, seeing their faces again and grinning like the idiot he was, Gray couldn't help but feel happy for him.

That was it. So what if him and Natsu would never happen? He'd be dammed if at least _one_ of them didn't come out of this happy. He'd give it his all to make sure Natsu neither felt too restrained by his condition, nor had an opportunity to make himself worse, and he'd be as supportive as he could with Natsu and Lucy's relationship.

He couldn't have everything he wanted, but if Natsu was happy, then that would be enough.

-o-

Gray's plans for Natsu hit a snag two days later, when he grabbed his wallet to go buy groceries and saw how little he had.

The guild gave him a monthly allowance now. The same as what Natsu would have made, had he still been able to work. Gray hadn't said anything about it to Natsu. He didn't want the roset to know that he was being paid to take care of him. He didn't want it to look like he _needed_ to be paid to take Natsu into his home and help him with whatever he could. Natsu was an extra expense, though, and looking after him all the time meant barely working, so Gray wasn't about to turn down the money.

The money covered any Natsu and Happy's general cost of living, but it wasn't enough to pay Gray's rent, feed and extra person, and pay for the special glasses Natsu now wore to correct his vision the rest of the way. At least once or twice a month, Gray still had to take a job at the guild. Probably three times for October, given the glasses. Since he'd stayed put ever since Natsu's last attack, it was no longer a matter of needing to work periodically either. Even his rainy day savings were gone.

Grudgingly, he carried Natsu over to Lucy's that morning, along with a detailed list of everything involved in Natsu's care. He was reluctant to trust her still, but no one else had come up to Gray yet and extended the offer to take Natsu in. That seemed impossible to him, but then most of the guild had thought it unnecessary before, and a lot of people were still oversees. It was Lucy or no one, so after the last attack, Gray hoped she realized how serious a matter the Suraci's Disease was.

She lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw Natsu, taking his hand and practically pulling him into her room without even asking what the occasion was.

"It's been _ages_ since you came by," she said as she dragged Natsu over to one of her chairs. "Sit. Have you had your tea yet? I can make it for you, or if you don't need it, I was about to make sencha."

"Soda?" Natsu asked.

"At breakfast time? Really?" Lucy paused, glancing at Gray.

Unable to think of any instructions from Porlyusica that prohibited breakfast soda, Gray shrugged.

"Soda it is! How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Okay. But how are you feeling?"

Natsu rolled his eyes and said slowly, enunciating each syllable so as to minimize any chances of being misunderstood, "I do not feel as though anything is worse than normal. I am not yet tired, but am grateful for the chance to sit."

Lucy paused in the middle of pulling a can from the fridge and looked to Gray again. "Did you know he could talk like that?"

"I had to double my estimate of his vocabulary just now."

Natsu snorted. "And here I was worried it might be too complex for you."

"Me? You're the one who thinks 'fine' means everything from 'nothing's wrong' to 'I'm about to collapse in severe pain.' How am _I_ the one whose vocabulary is under question?" Gray asked.

Natsu, unable to think of an immediate comeback, accepted Lucy's soda, struggled to open it, and held the still closed can to his lips to excuse his silence.

"It was great that you could bring him over to visit," Lucy said, taking the can back and popping it open for Natsu. "I know you take… I know he comes to the guild whenever you two can manage, but I've actually started to _miss_ coming home late at night and finding him in my bed."

She laughed at that, flashing Gray an ironic grin before popping her own soda can open.

Gray smiled back, or did his best too. The thought of Natsu and Lucy in the same bed made his stomach twist, but it wasn't like he had no idea Natsu ever did that. He almost didn't open his mouth, for fear of criticizing such pre-marital closeness out of petty jealousy, but managed to speak without acting like a prick.

"I thought you were making tea."

"Oh! Right!" Lucy slammed the soda down and ran to grab a mug and tea bag. "Do you want some? Or you can have my soda."

"I'll take it," Natsu offered.

Her lips had already been on that can, and Gray, feeling a little too much like Juvia for comfort, didn't like the thought of Natsu's going on there next. "I can finish it off for you."

"But I want iiiiit," Natsu whined.

"And that much sugar first thing in the morning isn't good for _anyone_ ," Gray retorted. "You'll give yourself a sugar crash."

"I'm gonna crash by lunch anyway," Natsu argued.

"Nope. The soda is mine now. Besides, you need to work on _not_ crashing by lunch."

"I have more in the fridge," Lucy said. "I'll send you off with one."

"Oh. About that." Gray picked up the can before it could somehow end up in Natsu's hands. "I can't put off work any longer. Do you mind looking after him for a few days."

"Me? Really?"

"No one else in the guild has put out an offer to let him stay with them, even overnight. It's a choice between letting him crash at your place for a few nights, or dumping him in nursing home as a respite patient. You're cheaper."

"And your house doesn't smell like dying old people," Natsu added.

"And you _trust_ me?" Lucy asked, voice going accusatorily low. She even glared.

Gray met that glare with a flat look, and took a good long sip of his soda, waiting for her anger to ebb away. And it did. For as ridiculous as she'd found Gray to be after the first time she didn't quite look after Natsu, she realized she'd screwed up when her negligence the second time around contributed to his attack.

"Happy will be back from errands soon," Gray said. "He knows what to do, and I'm leaving you instructions for all the things Natsu will try to downplay." And you know now that I wasn't paranoid before, so you're not as likely to downplay them either. "We're friends. You and Natsu are great friends. I don't want to give up on trusting you yet."

Luckily for him, Lucy's attention went to the packet he'd put together on Natsu's care, which he produced from his pocket while he spoke. Looking down at it, she missed the cracks in his attempted casual expression that would have betrayed his lie at the end. He'd already given up on trusting her once. Even with Happy and the list, hell, even with _Natsu_ cooperating, he was nervous about leaving him with Lucy again.

But he needed someone, and Natsu insisted on her, and had he not resolved to help the two get together?

With Lucy still absorbed in reading over the packet, Natsu took the chance to say, "Hey, Gray, you'd better not let Juvia know this happened."

"That I asked Lucy to let another man into her house?" Gray asked. "She'll be elated. What a golden opportunity for one of her love rivals to settle for someone else."

"Nah. I meant that." Natsu pointed to the can. "Indirect kiss. We'll get a week's worth of rain if she hears you drank from the same can as Lucy."

Fuck. He hadn't even considered that stopping Natsu's indirect kiss meant having his own. Not that it mattered that much to him, but somehow, _somehow_ , Juvia _would_ find out.

"W-well, anyway, you two have fun. Once Happy gets here, feel free to ask him about anything I didn't explain thoroughly in those notes. And if Natsu contradicts anything I wrote, assume he's lying and go with what I wrote."

Gray slammed the half-full can down on Lucy's counter and was out the door before Natsu could finish stuttering and come up with an appropriate protest.

-o-

There were many parts of Natsu's body that no longer worked properly, but his lungs were not among them. If he wanted, he knew he could scream out his indignation and Gray would hear it. So would Lucy's landlord, who would come and make a fuss about them while Gray would likely ignore him. Huffing, Natsu instead leaned back in Lucy's chair and took another sip of his soda.

"I didn't think he'd really trust me with you again," Lucy mused.

"You say that like I'm some pet you gotta sit."

Natsu waited for her to tease him with comparisons. That Gray took him out for walks to keep him from getting wrestles was something that had been floating around his mind for the past few days, and he was just itching for someone else to call that out so he could deny it.

Rather than tease him like she used to, Lucy grimaced and said, "Sorry."

"Yeah… Nevermind." Happy would have been all over that one.

"Well…" Lucy took a deep breath, looking around for anything to change the subject to. Her eyes lingered on a stack of papers on her desk, but rather than bring them up, she asked Natsu, "How are things with you and Gray?"

"Good? He's helpful. He still won't let me do things… but I couldn't fight him now if I wanted to."

"You haven't told him yet?"

"Told him what? He knows I don't have the energy to pretend I'm not sick anymore."

"No. I mean… you haven't _confessed?_ "

In the aftermath of his attack, Natsu had completely forgotten that he told Lucy about that. He pulled his scarf over his nose to hide his blush and looked away.

"I take it that means no?"

"I don't think Gray's interested in me like that."

"He likes you more as a pet?" Ah. There was the teasing he'd wanted.

"No. A friend. And who are you calling a pet?"

"You tried to hint that you were interested then?" Lucy asked.

"Why would I?"

"To see how receptive he is."

Letting his scarf fall back down, Natsu took a good long sip of his soda while staring at Lucy and, one this had dragged the silence out long enough, asked, "What do you think Gray thinks of Juvia?"

"I honestly have no idea. Are you worried he might like her over… Oh. _Oh_. Yeah. Hinting might not do you any good."

"That's what I figured. He doesn't like Juvia though. He told me so."

"Well, someone should tell _her_ ," Lucy grumbled. "But that's good news for you. Less competition."

"I _really_ think he isn't interested in me."

"Oh, fine." Huffing, Lucy went over and grabbed a stack off her desk. "Here. I didn't know if you wanted me to keep writing up our missions for you or not, but I figured it was a good exercise anyway. Now that you can see again, you're free to go through them."

Natsu held his hands out to accept the whole stack, but at the last second, Lucy thought better of giving him so much weight. Handing him the top story, she set the rest of the papers on a corner table beside him.

Miffed with not being trusted to hold paper, Natsu said, "Sitting at your desk isn't exercise."

"Not your kind, maybe. Enjoy the story. There's more soda in the fridge, if you need any. Try not to overdo it though. Gray said…" She caught herself, and they both exchanged horrified looks at the realization that they now gave his word weight. "Well, try not to overdo it on the soda. I need to freshen up, but call if you need help with anything, and I can grab a towel and run out. Once I'm ready, we can go to the guild, if you'd like."

Lucy's place was on the second floor, and then you had to turn down a few streets to reach the guild. That was too far for Natsu to make it on his own. Natsu heard the shower turn on, and doubted Lucy would be done 'freshening up' before Happy arrived, but if she somehow managed, that would mean she would need to carry him.

Well, it would probably be good for her to get some _real_ exercise.

-o-

Before Happy returned, and well before Lucy came out of the bathroom, someone else showed up at the door. Natsu rose on his own and went to answer, and was pleased to see Sting and Rogue on the other side.

"Hey, four-eyes. Mind if we come in?"

"It's Lucy's," Rogue pointed out. "We should get her permission to—"

"That's never stopped anyone else," Natsu told them. "Come in. What did you want to see her for?"

"Nothing. We saw Gray without you again, and had to make sure he really did leave you with someone trustworthy this time."

Telling them the full details of his condition might have been a mistake. Sting was like Gray 2.0. But that's what it took to satisfy them once Natsu asked for their help moving his things to Gray's. Besides, Natsu appreciated that they'd come to check on them again, and stepped aside so they could come into the apartment.

"Lucy's bathing, so we have a few hours before she realizes anyone's here," Natsu said.

"You can manage around the apartment on your own?" Sting asked.

"Kind of." He needed to sit back down soon, before they noticed his legs shaking.

Luckily for Natsu, Sting looked up instead of down, taking in the apartment and whistling in appreciation. "She's got a nice place. Genma always picked where we stayed, and the apartment he chose for me is a dump. I haven't gotten around to moving out yet."

Since Sting stepped past him, Natsu took the chance to walk deeper into the apartment as well. Once he'd settled back into his chair, he asked, "Are you busy running the guild?"

"Yeah. You would not _believe_ how much paperwork is involved. And we don't even have someone like you for the council to be riding our asses about."

"He says that, but I handle all of his papers." Rogue smirked. "He hasn't moved out yet because I refused to update his address for him. He's just that lazy."

"Hey. Watch it. I could excommunicate you from the guild, you know."

"Yeah, but then who would handle finances?"

Natsu smiled, watching them banter. It must have been fun at Sabertooth. It was fun at his guild too, when you had the energy to engage with everyone, and they didn't try as hard as they could not to bring up you were sick, only to mention something that made Natsu feel terrible about himself.

In the middle of bickering over whether or not Sting was capable of basic addition and multiplication, Rogue glanced at Natsu and asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah? Why?"

"You look sad."

Instinctively, Natsu reached up and rubbed his eye. His hand came away dry, and unsure what else might be giving away the ache he felt in his chest, he forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"Oh. If you say so."

His own guild had known not to trust that word for long enough that it was downright weird to see someone hear it and not immediately accuse him of lying. The thought made Natsu crack a real grin, and Sting and Rogue, satisfied with that expression and blissfully ignorant of its cause, stopped worrying.

"He's brightened up now," Sting reported. "Hey, Natsu, you can still go to the guild hall, right? It's just jobs you can't go on."

That was a big _just_ , but Natsu held his tongue on that and nodded.

"So why not come visit our guild some time? We'll let everyone know not to start a fist fight with you in advance. If you're stuck going wherever Gray takes you, I bet you don't get out to see people outside your guild a lot. If he's a grouch about it, we can pick you up ourselves."

"And fight with Gray over who gets to bring me home?"

Sting's eyes lit up. "Give me two days to find a decent apartment, and you're welcome to spend the night."

"Say yes," Rogue told Natsu. "If you can get him to actually get on top of moving, you'll have my undying gratitude."

Natsu laughed. "Sure. Next time Gray goes on a job, maybe."

"Sounds like a plan," Sting clapped Natsu on the back. "I'll have my place all ready for you by then."

"In the meantime," a pissed female voice cut in, "who let you two into _my_ place?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu, chapter 10: Goddamit I love Gray. Does he love me back? He doesn't like Juvia, so maybe I have a chance. Should I confess to him or not? 
> 
> Gray, chapter 22: Goddamit I love Natsu. Well, he obviously doesn't feel that way about me. Guess I get to die alone.


	23. Foreign Research

"Absolutely not."

"Who gave you the final say?"

Gray took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from shaking with anger. Natsu's vision wasn't half as good as it used to be, but so long as he kept those glasses on, he could still see fine. No need to let him see exactly how upsetting the idea was. Particularly when Gray had no good reason to be upset.

"You can't stay with Sting. If he can't even manage his own apartment, how can you expect him to be responsible enough to help _you_?"

"Because I'm a living creature," Natsu suggested. "And if he did forget to help me with something, I can still scream just fine. Besides, he's practically a blond you when it comes to this stuff. Except even more tactless."

"How am _I_ tactless?"

Doing his best mocking impression of Gray's voice, Natsu said, "Natsu, you're too weak to sleep in a hammock."

"First off, I never said that." Not that exact phrasing, at least. "Second, I have to help you into your hammock. You fell out of it this morning."

"Yeah. Well good thing you put a freaking mattress under it," Natsu grumbled.

Gray rolled his eyes. That _was_ a good thing. Natsu couldn't break his own fall, so anything that softened it helped. And Natsu still got to sleep in his hammock, so why was it such a big deal that there was something soft a few feet below it?

No. A real big deal was that that little blond creep had the nerve to try and take Natsu. From everything Gray heard of the twin slayers' second visit, it sounded like it was only because Natsu suggested it that visiting Sting would be a thing reserved for while Gray was gone. Sting himself seemed eager to take Natsu whenever he could.

Pissed with the thought, Gray turned back to making breakfast, and stabbed his would-be omelet hard enough with the spatula to make half-cooked egg splatter everywhere.

"You need help," Natsu said.

"Don't strain yourself. I can clean this up just fine on my own."

"Wrong kind of help. Who said I was cleaning your kitchen for you anyway?" Huffing indignantly, Natsu rose to his feet. "Nevermind. I'm going to bed."

"No you aren't! I just got you _out_ of bed!"

Purely for the sake of being difficult, Natsu stayed on his feet and made Gray physically sit him back down. In all honestly, he didn't want to go back to bed anyway.

After pushing Natsu back into his chair, Gray turned back to continue cooking the omelet, remembered that the omelet was no more, and grabbed eggs to begin work on a new omelet.

Natsu waited patiently until Gray was at the perfect point in the cooking process for another omelet explosion before asking, "Ignoring that you're not the boss of me, why is it okay if I stay with Lucy, but not Sting? They've _both_ gotten on your case about the way you look after me. Besides, Sting's stronger. For as heavy as Lucy is, you'd think she could carry more weight, but we had a hard time getting to the guild because according to her _I'm_ heavy. Sting didn't have any issues carrying me."

"You aren't heavy," Gray agreed, hoping that this might be taken as agreement of everything Natsu said when, in fact, it was that one detail alone that Gray conceded. If anything, Natsu had only gotten lighter since he fell ill. A significant portion of his weight had been in muscle, and while there was an unspoken rule across the entire guild not to comment on it, Natsu was losing muscle.

"Lucy doesn't think so."

"Happy, is Natsu heavy?" Gray asked.

Happy, who had been sitting at the opposite end of the kitchen table and trying to appear small, shook his head.

"Happy stays with you when I have to take a job," Gray said. "If Lucy can't carry a little weight as far as the guild, then Happy's got you covered."

Gray expected Natsu to grudgingly concede this point and, hopefully, forget that they were arguing over Sting rather than his weight.

No luck.

"Happy would have me covered no matter who I stayed with. And it would be fun to see more people outside of the guild again. Besides, if I went and saw Sting every now and then, that would be more times you could had a day or two off without imposing on Lucy. Don't you ever want a break from me?"

This time, it was not the omelet that burst. Gray was careful not to slam the spatula down on the food again, and instead squeezed the spatula handle so tight that the plastic cracked.

"Gray?"

"Nevermind." Gray grabbed the frying pan, egg still sizzling, and dumped it in the sink. "I just got paid, so we can buy breakfast at the guild."

"Um… okay?"

Natsu tried to smile for him, but Gray couldn't make himself return it. _A break from Natsu?_ He knew that Natsu had bristled under his concerns in the past, but since the latest attack, Natsu had given in to the idea that he couldn't do things and needed help. A month before, Gray wouldn't have been shocked to hear that Natsu wanted them to spend time apart, but he thought they were past that now.

Here Natsu was suggesting that Gray leave him at someone else's house more often, not just when he absolutely had to take a job. Suggesting Gray even leave him with that little white slaying rat. Why? It made Gray's chest tighten painfully, trying not to think of what Natsu said. What had he done wrong that Natsu wanted a break from _him?_

-o-

There were a number of reasons that Natsu could tell the day would end with him and Gray fighting over something, although what exactly the fight would be, Natsu couldn't tell. He got that, for whatever reason, Gray and Sting didn't get along anymore, but he had no idea why it mattered so much if Natsu didn't share that dislike.

Sting was nice. He'd been about as considerate as he was capable of in discussing Natsu's condition, worried about his wellbeing, and got peeved when he thought people were making it hard on Natsu when they ought to help him. In that sense, Gray ought to love the guy. For as much as Gray stressed over leaving Natsu with Lucy, Sting should have been a great alternative.

Yet Gray swore up and down that he wasn't bothered by Sting's offer (while searing up and down that they weren't taking him up on it) on the walk to Fairy Tail, and finally told Natsu that the subject was off limits entirely.

The weirdest part was that, for as testy as Gray had been discussing Sting, what really set him off was Natsu suggesting that he might want to take some time off. Surely it was stressful to always have to look after a sick person. Natsu knew Gray had done nothing but keep him company while his eyes were bandaged, and once the bandages came off and the glasses went on, he could see how lean Gray had been living. A little investigating let him know that Erza still gave Gray his cut for the job that Natsu snuck along on and ruined, and that he had only take one job since. Add to that the existing knowledge that Gray had barely worked since Natsu first fell ill, and it wasn't hard for Natsu to imagine Gray always trying to make every last Jewel count.

When he thought about that beach trip too, which Gray had needed to take a long job to get the money for on short notice, and which Natsu had then guilted Gray into making last twice as long as he'd originally planned, Natsu only felt worse. Gray tried so hard to help him, and all at his own expense. He knew that. He'd known that when he begged Gray to let him move in, despite having been determined that morning to be less of a burden.

Gray _had_ to want a break from always babysitting him. So why was he so pissed when Natsu suggested it?

For one brief moment, Natsu allowed himself the fantasy that Gray didn't look at taking care of him as a chore you resigned yourself to for a friend's sake, but instead _liked_ doing whatever he could to help. That maybe, just maybe, the reason Gray rarely took jobs anymore and left anyone else to look after Natsu was because he wanted to stay. The fact that Gray was fine with Natsu spending time with Lucy was a detail Natsu couldn't explain away, but he pretended all the same that even Gray's disdain over Sting was due to a jealous streak similar to the one Juvia gave all recipients of Gray's attention.

Incidentally, Natsu was greeted by Juvia glaring daggers at him as Gray carried him through the guild door.

Gray, not in the mood to interact positively with anyone, dropped Natsu off by the front door, excused himself to the bathroom, and left to quite possibly climb out the bathroom window. At least twice in the past, Natsu had lost track of Gray and learned that he snuck out then back in through another entrance in order to have a break from Juvia.

This left Natsu to face Juvia alone, but he had an easier time of it than Gray did.

"Juvia wishes Natsu wouldn't take up so much of Gray's time."

"Natsu wishes that too," Natsu told her. It wasn't hard to sound sincere, not when he truly meant it. For as much as he appreciated the attention, he would vastly prefer to still be able to do everything for himself. "Do you want to know the secret to getting Gray's attention?"

Juvia's eyes lit up, annoyance melting away from her expression, and she leaned forward.

"Lose your ability to stand for more than two minutes at a time. Mind helping me to one of the tables?"

Having been successfully guilted into both giving aid and abandoning complaints about Gray, Juvia took Natsu's arm in hers and walked him to the nearest table.

It was an otherwise empty table, but within a minute of Natsu being seated at it, Lucy, Erza, and Wendy were all sitting with him. Now if only Gray hadn't run off, it would be easy to pretend they were all still a team.

"How are you feeling, Natsu?" Erza asked. "I wanted to be there for you after what happened with the demon suppression job, but I had to leave on a mission before you woke up." She paused, searching for something else to add, and settled on, "The glasses are cute."

Mortified, Natsu pulled the glasses off, blinked, gave up on trying to make out the details of Erza's face, and grudgingly put them back on. Seeng Erza looked as horrified by embarrassing him as he felt to have the stupid glasses called _cute_ , Natsu mumbled a half-hearted thanks.

"Natsu's been doing… okay," Lucy said. "He needs a little more help now, but he's managing, right Natsu?"

"Yeah. Gray let me move in with him, and he helps with all the things that are hard."

From the look of alarm on Erza's face, Natsu suspected she'd have taken it easier if she'd heard he would never walk again. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, and it took her several seconds to remember herself before she could reply.

"That's… good of him. I'm glad to hear you two aren't fighting anymore about the aide he lends. I had wondered if your rivalry… Well, I'm glad to hear things have smoothed out."

If their rivalry…

Natsu kept up a smile, and didn't let himself think about what Erza likely meant. Last spring, he would have recoiled at the idea that Gray did anything better than him, much less that there were things he was so incapable of that he needed Gray to do them for him. Admitting that he'd accepted this notion so easily meant admitting that he'd accepted his illness so completely, and the large part of him that wanted to pretend things could still go back to how they'd been last spring didn't want to do that.

"But what's this about moving in with Gray?" Erza asked. "How much help… What sort of help does he give you?"

"I can manage at home fine," Natsu said. "Sort of. As long as I don't have to stand for too long. I can't walk to the guild on my own anymore is the main thing."

"Well, from the start Gray wouldn't let you go on your own," Erza pointed out.

Wendy spared Natsu from having to admit it himself, and told Erza, "He can't walk that far anymore. Gray carries him if they're going more than a few blocks."

"I see. But Gray already came to pick Natsu up each morning. There's no reason Natsu should need to leave his home… right?"

She sounded so worried when she asked, Natsu smiled for her and said, "I didn't _need_ to move in with him. It's easier is all. Right, Lucy?"

Since Erza wasn't looking her way, Lucy shook her head. Natsu had fallen multiple times walking around her house, and only been able to pick himself back up on his own once or twice. Between him and Happy he might have managed staying in his old home, but she was relieved to know that there was someone else living with Natsu—and preventing him from living in a sty—who could help him as soon as a need arose. Still, she'd heard Erza's trepidation too.

"From what I saw when he spent the night with me, I'd say he could manage still. If he kept a cleaner house. He had to have his eyes covered for a few weeks, remember? Gray was mostly helping because of that. Now I think Natsu's been spoiled on the idea of having someone to wait on him all the time."

"I should buy a bell to summon him with," Natsu mused. "I'd love to see the look on his face if I tried that."

"Don't antagonize him too much, okay," Lucy suggested. "Gray wouldn't _like_ that."

Natsu hoped no one else made anything of the stress she put on that word. That he blushed when he heard it probably didn't help.

"Let him have a little fun," Erza said. "Really, Natsu, I'm glad to see you're managing well. If you ever need my help, just let me know."

Erza lived in a girls only dorm, and Natsu imagined that her entire apartment was one big armory. Even though those two factors would already pose a problem, Erza was probably also someone who Gray would prefer he stay with to Sting. Despite being unsure as to whether or not he would mention to Gray that this offer had been made, Natsu smiled and nodded.

"Have you had a chance to speak with the master yet?" Erza asked, changing the subject. "There's something he wanted to show you."

-o-

In the private of Makarov's office, Natsu sat and examined a small bottle of bright blue pills. Gray, having been spotted from the office window and coaxed inside, stood behind him.

"The drug is experimental," Makarov told them, "but so far it's had a positive effect on test subjects. It seems to work better on children, but one of the men taking it was in his fifties, and his from the report Gajeel's team brought back, his condition had advanced about as far as Natsu's."

Natsu looked up at Gray and made a face. Aside from himself, everyone living with Suraci's had developed the condition before the age of three. That man, in a minimum of forty-seven years, had managed to do only as much damage to himself as Natsu had in only a few months. Of course, Natsu had grown up thinking he could do everything while the standard Suraci's patient was raised on the idea that they had to take it easy, but knowing no other Suacri's patients, this wasn't something that crossed Natsu's mind.

"There's been no testing on infants yet, which I don't think is anything you're worried about at the moment. Long term side-effects are unknown, but if you think it's worth the risk, the medicine might help you reclaim some of your independence."

Natsu uncapped the lid and tipped the bottle over, dropping one of the capsules onto his hand.

"At least wait until you have something to drink that with," Gray said.

"Okay. Get Juvia in here."

"We will get you your water _from the sink_ once Gramps is done talking. Besides—here, let me see that bottle—don't you want to make sure you're taking it the right way first?"

"How do you swallow a pill the wrong way?"

"Could be a suppository."

"The heck does that even mean?"

"You're supposed to take one _by mouth_ in the evening," Makarov said. "With food."

Crossing his arms, Natsu fell back in his chair and muttered, "That's stupid."

"What did they think were the odds of some horrible side effect?"

"There are a few minor ones. Disrupted focus. Nausea. Moodiness. It exacerbates motion sickness," Makarov paused there and studied Natsu closely.

"So does this stupid disease. If the pills fix that then I'll be at the same place I am now with trains."

Pausing from reading the label, which listed quite a few side effects the master hadn't, Gray said, "You're probably even worse with trains now than you were last time you rode one."

Raising his voice to speak over Natsu's groan, Makarov went on. "Apparently, it was Alverez's emperor who ordered they develop the drug, although no one who went to see if Natsu could be approved for it could find any information on why. There's fewer than a hundred people known to have the disease in that country, and none of them have any obvious relation to the emperor. To put so much funding into such a project… Well, I'm not complaining, but it's an odd choice. In any case, it's to our benefit that someone with that level of influence ordered the research be done.

"By Gajeel's account, the drug has only been public about its testing in the past few years, but it sounds like the emperor had them start development around the time you two would have been born. If the current test subjects don't display any dangerous side effects in the next few years, it's going to be released to the general public."

"And they let some guy from another continent try it out before then?" Gray asked.

"So it would seem. Gajeel was the one in charge of tracking down the lab studying the drug. You would need to ask him how they managed." Makarov cleared his throat. "Erza was one of the members I asked to go along to see if the lab developing this drug might be willing to give us access to it. Her methods of persuasion are… convincing."

Natsu laughed. Persuasive indeed. Even at his prime, if Erza wanted something, she got it. If he dared cross her now, it was only because he thought he could play up the sick person angle and get off the hook easy.

"The effects are _gradual_ ," Makarov said, stressing the word as hard as he could. "The medicine won't prevent attacks, so you still shouldn't push yourself. I hate to tell you this, but don't expect to go back to working as a wizard either. Even with this, no one testing the pill has yet to make a full recovery."

So he'd never be back to prime either. But still, something as little as being able to walk all the way to the guild on his own again, or even to be able to get around town without help… A year ago Natsu would have recoiled that the thought of only being able to do that much, but now the chance that he could do so again was heart-lifting. He might even be able to toss the stupid glasses

Less dependence on Gray. No ground for Gray to stand on if he tried to forbid Natsu from seeing anyone else. Less burdening Gray, for that matter. Even going back to how things had been a month ago would be so much better than his current situation.

"Natsu?" Gray asked. "Why are you grinning like that? You heard Gramps, right? No pushing yourself."

"Got it. Got it. But we can start this thing today, right?"

None of the known side effects seemed worse than what the pills were meant to cure, and Natsu hadn't looked so eager for anything since he thought he might still make a full recovery and see everything go back to normal. On some level, Gray suspected, Natsu now thought that again. Still, to say no to a face like that…

"We don't know how much good they'll do," Gray cautioned. "It's not a miracle cure-all. It won't make you good as new."

"It could make me better than I am now," Natsu countered. "Even if I never get to use magic again, any improvement is a good thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like Juvia. I really don't like Juvia. Every running gag that had something to do with her obsession over Gray has long worn out it's welcome for me, and stopped being funny a while ago. A lot of her behavior, even if it's meant to be cute her silly, is still terrible when you put it in the context of a real person acting that way. She's jealous and clingy and even controlling at times, and lately everything she does has to come back to Gray, to the point that if she does end up interacting with someone else, she complains about how she doesn't get to be with Gray instead. That being said, my opinion of her isn't slow low that I think she'd really beat on Natsu or put herself first with his illness.
> 
> Anyway, can you tell I didn't want to be quite as cruel to Natsu as the last couple chapters implied? Also, if you remember any previous author's notes about how this whole disease thing had been worked into a certain villain's backstory...
> 
> ...Actually, I wasn't paying super close attention to when this pill thing happened, and mentioned it in a review/comment someone left on a previous chapter. I guess I must have just finished proofreading the chapter and accidentally thought it was the one they were commenting on? When they mentioned I gave them spoilers, I assumed they mistook my remark as me saying Zeref would have a larger role in the story than he does. Now I just feel stupid OTL


	24. Sneaking Out

Natsu was only three days into his new medication when he started pushing Gray to take another job. "You should have more saved up, in case anything happens," he insisted. "Or if you want to go a while without working again."

After two weeks of constant nagging, Gray gave in and dropped Natsu off at Lucy's, quizzing her on proper Natsu care (in Natsu's presence) and vocalizing his concerns that Natsu was trying to get him out of town before testing how effective his new medicine was. Once both Lucy and Natsu were sufficiently annoyed with him, Gray took off for work.

On the offhand chance that Gray might pop back in with one last thing to make sure they were careful of, Natsu and Lucy held off for about fifteen minutes before feeling confident that he wouldn't catch them.

"You aren't going to trick Sting into taking you on a job, are you?"

"He knows I can barely walk. When I borrowed the guild's lacryma last night, he said I wasn't even allowed to help him shelve any of the books at his new apartment."

" _Sting_ owns books?"

"I didn't believe him either. He's gonna show me first thing when he picks me up."

They smiled at the idea of Sting indignantly trying to prove he was literate for a full three seconds before Lucy said, "Gray's going to kill you for this."

Natsu's good mode deflated immediately. "Gray already gets to tell me everything I can and can't do for my health. He doesn't get to control who I'm friends with on top of that."

"But I'm sure he'd rather you be upfront about it. If you let him know before he left, what's the worst he could do?"

"Not leave. He isn't broke yet."

"He has to work eventually."

"And I want to see friends I haven't had a chance to spend time with and get out of town _now_. Besides, it gives Gray a break from having to constantly worry about me."

Lucy suspected Gray worried ten times as hard about Natsu when he wasn't there to watch over things, but kept this comment to herself. Instead, she said, "He'll still be angry to hear you lied. Especially after the last time you snuck off once he took a job."

It was a low blow, considering how that ended, and she felt guilty making Natsu cringe.

"Th-this is different. I'm not going to try and push myself. I'm just staying with someone different than he thinks I am."

"When you forget your anniversary, he's going to bring this up, and you'll need to buy him twice as large of a bouquet to make up for it," Lucy teased.

"We're not married. We're not dating. He isn't even interested in me."

"I still think you should probe. I can try and ask him for you."

"Okay, Mira."

Lucy grimaced. "Yeah. I deserved that one."

-o-

It took Happy several hours to make the trip to pick Sting up and bring him to Magnolia. By then Natsu had settled into Lucy's, begun to question whether or not Sting's invite was sincere, lamented his decision to talk Gray into taking a longer job, and resigned himself to five days of being teased about his crush. It was a pleasant surprise when Sting showed up after all.

"Sorry," he said when Lucy opened the door for him. "Minor disaster at the guild this morning. Rogue wouldn't let me leave. Apparently he already handles everything else, so I'm stuck with damage control."

"Apparently?" Lucy asked.

"Paperwork is boring," Sting answered.

Lucy rolled her eyes at that, but Natsu, who had done his fair share of guild paperwork while helping Mira around the guild, held up a hand for Sting to high-five.

Slapping Natsu's hand, Sting asked, "You're all packed?"

"Since I got here."

Lucy nudged Natsu's suitcase forward with her foot and asked, "Will you need any help getting his luggage onto… um… _off of_ the train?"

"Nah." Sting gestured to Happy and Lector. "I've got people for that. Gray has my address right? He knows where to pick Natsu up."

Lucy froze in the middle of lifting Natsu's bag for Sting. Natsu would have frozen in the middle of standing up, but realizing that he wasn't in any condition to try and hold himself in a half standing position, instead slowly lowered himself back into Lucy's chair.

"You forgot to tell him I'm taking Natsu, didn't you?"

" _Forgot_ might not be the most accurate choice of words," Lucy admitted. "But I'll be sure to let him know where to find you two when he gets back."

If the admission that he didn't have Gray's approval to look after Natsu bothered Sting in any way, he didn't show it. He maintained a pleasant, casual smile as he passed the suitcase on the Lector, and helped Natsu up from the chair and onto his back without commenting on that detail at all. But then again, Gray had made it no secret that he didn't like the blond.

"I should probably have some sort of apology ready for him," Natsu said.

"Take him out somewhere nice," Lucy suggested.

Sting paused. "Can he _do_ that?"

"I can't," Natsu informed him. "It would all end up on Gray's dime anyway, which isn't an apology."

"Pester him into doing something nice that's free, then," Sting said. "Make lunch and beg him to go on a picnic. That's what Frosch does whenever Rogue's in a bad mood."

The idea of Frosch preparing food sounded incredibly dangerous to Natsu, but for him to prepare something for Gray didn't sound like a terrible idea. If Happy pushed a chair over to the kitchen counter, he could sit on it and cook something that way. How hard could it be to put together some sandwiches and wash a few fruit?

"I've got a better idea," Lucy said. "Next month there's going to be a meteor shower. I'll invite the two of you, and you can make food for you and Gray then. There's a few good hills to watch from, so I can just give you two directions to one, and then Loke and I will watch from the other and pretend we just gave bad directions when he asks the next morning. He'll never let me hear the end of it if I don't call him out to watch, but we can give you two some privacy."

Sting cocked his head in confusion. "It's not really an apology once someone else invites—"

"You can get in on this too," Lucy decided, clasping Sting's hands. "You don't mind if Gray likes you less, do you?"

"Can he _do_ that?"

Lucy nodded. "Natsu, you said Gray doesn't like how Juvia always acts around him, right? So here's the plan. Sting, when Gray picks him up, act jealous."

"I'm not jealous," Sting said, looking back and forth between Natsu and Lucy and trying to work out what was happening. "Why would acting jealous make him more angry? Don't you want him to think this is alright?"

"No. Trust me. Act jealous. And call him _love rival_. Don't even say _my_ love rival. Say it like it's his _name_." Lucy, having been Juvia's imaginary love rival a great many times, could imagine how Gray would feel to be on the receiving end of this. As the one who always heard the cry of a love rival sound whenever he so much as nodded in another living creature's direction, Gray would no doubt think of Juvia immediately. "Let him know Natsu's yours."

"Um… _Are_ we still apologizing?"

"That can happen later. You have to help Natsu with this now."

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Natsu threw in.

"If nothing else, it's a good prank," Lucy said, which lit a spark in Natsu's eyes. "Can you do this, Sting? Just pretend to be Gray's rival for Natsu's love."

Sting shrugged, having given up on trying to get a full explanation out of Lucy. "Yeah. Sure. Replace name with 'love rival'. I can do that. See you next time we sneak behind your friends back for no apparent reason."

"Sounds like a plan! You two have fun."

-o-

"See? Books."

"Okay. But do you read them?"

Sting rolled his eyes. "No. I just collected enough books to cover every wall in the room because I think the spines look pretty when you line them all up."

"I knew it."

" _Anyway_ , if you get bored around the house, feel free to look at any of them. Or call me. I can pick one out for you, if you have trouble pulling them off the shelf."

"I'm not _that_ weak," Natsu snapped, and to prove it, he reached out to pull the closest book he could get his finger on off the shelf.

It didn't budge.

Seeing Natsu's horror, Sting patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't feel bad. All the shelves are overstuffed, so the books are backed in tight. Now that I've got the room for it, I'm probably going to get another bookcase."

Sting grabbed a book to demonstrate. The thing didn't move an inch when he casually tried to pull it back, and even when he yanked, it resisted. He had to brace one hand against the shelf and visibly strain to pull the book out, and when he did, four more popped out with it.

"We should have brought Lucy with us," Natsu realized. "She'd love this."

"Nah. She was acting _weird_. What's up with that love rival thing any—"

"Nothing!"

"—way…?"

Sting turned slowly to look at Natsu with a knowing grin. Natsu, in response, bent down to pick up the books that had fallen onto the floor when Sting proved his shelves didn't like to give up their goods.

"H-hey! Don't bend over so fast! I seriously thought you collapsed just there." Sting dropped down beside Natsu and gathered all the books in his arms. "Besides, remember the deal? No helping me shelve things. Lucy gave me the full report on your condition and if you have another attack, it is _not_ going to be on my watch."

"I can lift a book."

"Then you shouldn't have agreed that you wouldn't."

"Jerk."

Dropping the books sideways on their shelf to be properly put back in place later, Sting gestured to the couch. "Take a seat. We can talk while I get dinner ready. And stop making that face at me. Your main caretaker already doesn't trust me with you. Wouldn't you rather I prove him wrong by being totally responsible?"

Purely for the sake of being difficult, Natsu continued to stick his tongue out at Sting the entire time the blond helped him over to the couch, and even craned his neck to continue doing so as Sting set to work in the kitchen.

Sting took enough time to pull out a cabbage and start chopping before he asked, "So what did Gray do?"

Puzzle by the question, Natsu said, "He took an escort job. He's helping some ambassador make it to Pengrande."

"Okay. Cool, I guess. But what did he do that makes him special?"

Natsu shrugged. "I guess it's especially annoying when he's the one who tells me what I can and can't do. Since he's usually the one telling me that, and he does more telling me not to do things than approving of them."

In all fairness, no one really needed to tell Natsu when he _could_ do something. When he was in good health, the law was more a list of helpful suggestions that a set of rules to obey, and since falling ill he still helped himself to every last freedom and capability he still had. It was annoying nonetheless when Gray kept telling him what was off limits, even if Natsu had been forced to admit with the latest attack that Gray was right to be so anxious about everything.

"So he nags you and then up an leaves you to fend for yourself in the middle of town." Sting shook his head. "I don't know what you see in him."

The wording was vague enough for Natsu to feel comfortable with the assumption of Sting's ignorance, but then Lector spoke up and crushed that illusion.

"For someone so blunt, Sting's really bad at words. He wants to know why you like Gray."

Cautiously, Natsu said, "I like everyone in the guild."

"You try to make everyone in the guild jealous by pretending to be a love rival?" Sting asked.

"Shut up!"

"Didn't think so."

Natsu stuck his tongue out again. Sting grinned in response and resumed chopping.

"Rogue's coming over, by the way," Sting said. "Do you want me to keep pestering you while he's here, or are you going to tell me what's up with you and Gray before then?"

That was playing dirty! Natsu wouldn't put it past Sting to tell anyone and everyone, too. Not to mention that Frosch was bound to say something the next time they saw Gray, even if Rogue agreed to keep quiet.

"Nothing… really. I like him is all, and I told Lucy and now she wants us to get together."

This omitted a great many details, such as the hope spot that was Gray not returning Juvia's feelings, the beach trip, the odd way Gray seemed to take interest in Natsu only to say something to reinforce that they were only friends, and the mentions of Lucy. Actually, that Gray was beginning to refer to Lucy as someone Natsu was already or else ought to be involved with was something Natsu needed to mention to Lucy. Especially since the frequency with which Gray made these references was steadily increasing.

Sting, however, was largely satisfied with the bare bones answer. Rather than press for more details, he said, "I still don't get what's so likable about him, but I can try and help you make him jealous, if you want."

"If he doesn't get jealous, it should still give him a heart attack if you act like Juvia, so please do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once threw my boss into panic mode because I dropped into a crouch really fast, and she thought I'd fallen. It's really common for our patients to fall, so we always have to be on alert for anyone who might suddenly lose their balance and tip over.
> 
> Anyway, I have this headcanon that Sting's a bookworm while Rogue can be a total TV addict couch potato, but because of their temperments everyone always assumes it's the other way around, and Sting can never convince anyone that he's well read while Rogue can never convince anyone that he has no idea what they're talking about when they try to discuss books with him.


	25. Sabertooth

Gray returned from his job to find that Lucy was out of town. By all accounts, she'd planned to stay for _some_ reason, but a job had come up that she and Wendy desperately wanted to take, and she'd assumed it would be finished before he returned.

No one had any clue where Natsu was. That Lucy had even agreed to look after Natsu was news to them.

Panicked, Gray ran home to see if, after Lucy left, Natsu had returned there. Then it occurred to him that Natsu's house was nice and small and, for all its clutter, less distance for a Suraci's patient to traverse across. Also, it was Natsu's house, so if Natsu was going to go anywhere on his own, that was a good bet. Except Natsu wasn't in his own home either. Finally, Gray let himself into Lucy's through the window to see if there was any chance that Natsu stayed there and hadn't heard him banging on the door and yelling. Still no Natsu.

Natsu couldn't even get down the stairs from Lucy's apartment without help. There was no way he'd managed on his own. Gray's imagination ran wild with scenarios of what might have happened. Natsu being left to fend for himself, trying to get to the guild, and collapsing on the streets in a bad part of town. Natsu trying to run away, losing his balance, and falling to drown in a canal. What if an old enemy found him weak and unguarded and kidnapped him?

The distant sound of a train whistle jarred Gray into less grim possibilities. Lucy might have taken Natsu with her. After Natsu's last trip out on a job she should have known better, but maybe she thought it would be okay? The mission hadn't sounded like a dangerous one. From what Mira told him, there wasn't any fighting or strenuous activity. Even if Natsu followed, there wouldn't be too many opportunities to harm himself.

And with how uptight Gray knew he was known to be where Natsu was concerned, it made sense that Lucy might try and keep it a secret that she brought Natsu along with her. He made a mental note to tell her when she returned that there was nothing wrong with taking Natsu on such safe jobs. In fact, it was good. It let Natsu get out more, and surely he loved spending more time with Lucy. The two of them liked one another, so it was a good thing for them to run off alone, right?

…Right?

If Natsu was going to go to another town for some fun, low danger activity, Gray wanted to be there with him. For as much as he was around now, it felt _wrong_ not to have Natsu with him constantly. He liked having Natsu around. In fact, it hurt something awful to go through two weeks of Natsu none too subtly telling him to go away for a few days. But then he already knew that the one Natsu liked was Lucy. Since his feelings already weren't requited, Gray shouldn't have been surprised that Natsu didn't even feel the same way about the two of them being in one another's company.

He'd already resolved to help Natsu and Lucy get together, so there would be no letting Natsu know that hurt. Bringing his own feelings into things when the two were already prepped to get together would only complicate things, and not get him what he wanted anyway. Better to keep it to himself, then to make everyone miserable with him.

Rather than sulk over that, Gray turned his focus to what to do with himself while he waited for Lucy to bring Natsu back. He hadn't trained half as much as he ought to, between looking after Natsu and trying not to remind Natsu of what he couldn't do. If he felt charitable, he might agree to whatever couple activity Juvia suggested—although encouraging her was never a good idea, and going to the easiest girl he could get after his real crush went for someone else was… rebound-ish. If he wanted training _and_ social interaction, then he could look for someone to spar with… or maybe pick a real fight, if Sting showed his face in Magnolia again.

Then the possibility that Sting might really show up sank in. That idiot already somehow thought Gray was no good at looking after Natsu. What would he think if he came around looking for Natsu and found out Gray had no idea where exactly he was? Really, it was only an assumption that Lucy took Natsu with him.

The thought of having to deal with Sting, particularly when he'd again lost track of Natsu, pissed Gray off. It came as a great relief when two days passed and the blond didn't show up to give him grief. It then turned into a horrible day when, upon Lucy's return, Gray learned that if he wanted Natsu back, he would need to visit Sting himself.

"How could you let that asshole take him?" Gray yelled.

Lucy hadn't even had a chance to leave the train station before Gray showed up to grill her about Natsu's wellbeing. She winced at Gray's volume but, less than pleased with his behavior, held her ground.

"Natsu wanted to go. Isn't that reason enough?"

"Natsu also wanted to follow me and Erza on a demon hunting mission."

"And Sting swore he'd make sure not to let any harm come to Natsu. He's every bit as careful as you are. Maybe even more so. In fact…" A devious smirk split Lucy's face. "I think you might have some competition for who could take care of Natsu best."

Competition? Sting? As if! Storming past Lucy, Gray got onto the train himself. Natsu falling for Lucy he could tolerate. Natsu preferring to be in Sting's care was unacceptable.

-o-

It had been a busy week for Sting. Mostly it had been a busy week because Orga accidentally punched out a Councilor while trying to guard the man, and even though the whole thing was an innocent mistake, said Councilor turned it into a paperwork nightmare. Sting and Rogue both had spent most of their time at the guild that week scrambling to go through wizardry laws to argue that Orga should _not_ be arrested. They'd even recruited Rufus to the task.

Orga, in the meantime, was punished for causing so much trouble by being assigned the duty of keeping Natsu satisfied while at the guild. Sting had been mildly concerned as to what Natsu might think of being used as a punishment, but to his relief, Orga was the only person upset by it. Natsu, thoroughly used to the idea that he needed help accomplishing things, was more than happy to have someone required to follow his every order, no matter how absurd it might be. On the first day, Sting looked up regularly to make sure Orga was doing whatever was needed, from bringing Natsu food to helping him reach the bathroom, and discovered that Natsu had convinced the man that 'keeping Natsu satisfied' included wrapping a towel around his waist like a skirt and dancing.

When Sting wrapped up work for the day and went home, he was still busy. Natsu was disturbingly adjusted to his declined health, and when asked, admitted that reading stories was now a common way he passed his time. Most of them, Sting gathered, were stories Lucy wrote about the missions Natsu had been left out of, which seemed cruel, but Natsu liked them. If Sting really wanted, he could have tossed Natsu any of the several hundred books he owned and gone off to relax on his own, but that didn't feel right. He'd offered to look after Natsu while Gray was gone, so Natsu got his full attention. Sting dragged Rogue home with him each night and planned something to fill every evening. He didn't have much in the way of board games, but Frosch did, and everyone but Frosch knew plenty to do with cards.

The problem with Orga resolved itself when, despite Rogue and Sting providing more than enough evidence to defend him, the Council dragged him off anyway. This might have been more upsetting had one of the Rune Knights involved assured Sting that another Councilor would see their paperwork within a day or two and have Orga released.

This would have meant Sting's schedule was now completely free (save for the general duties of a guild master he was _technically_ supposed to perform). According to the plans he'd made with Natsu and Lucy, Gray was also supposed to come and take Natsu home that day. Sting used Natsu as an excuse to dump his work on Rogue and kept Natsu company for the day, and then the evening, and by morning he accepted that Gray hadn't come like he was supposed to.

"Well, he did a lousy job of looking after you anyway," Sting decided.

"Usually Gray is better about being there when he's supposed to be," Natsu said. "Usually he's around constantly even if I beg him to leave me alone. Do you think he was hurt on the job?"

"Lucy would have contacted us. The guy he's escorting was pretty old, right? I bet it's taking longer to get him safely to Pengrande than they thought it would."

Gray and his client were supposed to take a two day ride on an overnight train, and then Gray had a trip back paid for by the ambassador. As far as Natsu knew, an older person on a train moved across the country as fast as a young person, but then he'd never felt well enough on a train to be able to observe this in action. If Sting was like Gajeel and hadn't developed motion sickness until he was older, then he'd know better.

Thinking that Gray's job simply went longer than expected was easier than thinking something awful happened to him. Easier than considering that Gray might have gotten home on time, too.

"Maybe he realized he _did_ need a break," Natsu thought aloud. "I've taken up so much of his time lately. I bet it's nice to have his schedule free again."

"Could be the case," Sting acknowledged. He'd certainly enjoyed his time with Natsu, and most of what dragged his week down was the case with Orga, but he hadn't fully realized how involved caring for Natsu was.

On a certain level it was simple. Natsu could still get up and walk short distances, at least during the morning. Any tasks that required prolonged standing were beyond his abilities, but he could get himself up and dressed and onto Sting's couch with a book to keep entertained while breakfast cooked. Cooking breakfast and brewing tea were the only things Natsu struggled to do on his own. Getting to the guild was the main thing. Natsu couldn't walk that far, but Sting had expected to do about that amount of carrying Natsu around.

It was seeing Natsu more or less crash after few hours after lunch that took Sting by surprise. By evening, Natsu needed to be carried everywhere around the house. Bed. Bathroom. Everywhere. Entertaining Natsu was also quite the task. Sting liked to think himself a good entertainer, but he didn't have much practice with people who were so severely limited in what they could do. Sooner or later, they would all get sick of board games.

"Do you think he'd really do that? What if he was so mad when he heard I went to stay with you that he decided to hold off on picking me up?"

"I think we'd hear from Lucy if that happened. I can contact Fairy Tail first thing where we get to the guild tomorrow and see what's up, if you want."

Natsu shook his head. "It's… probably just that his job took longer than expected. Besides, if he's mad, I'd like to have more time to figure out how to tell him he has no right."

"Make sure to do that while I'm there. If it turns out he's holding off on picking you up, I'd _love_ to tear him a new one for leaving you with someone he doesn't trust."

"You almost don't even need to fake the love rival act," Natsu said with a laugh. "Aside from the part where you aren't in love with me."

"How do you know I'm not?"

Natsu froze.

Seeing the mortified look on Natsu's face, Sting burst out in laughter. "You believed that? Really! Aw man. And here I was thinking I couldn't do a convincing job of this. I'm going to mess with Gray _so_ hard."

As the day wore one, Sting's eagerness to play Gray's love rival died down. There was still no sign of Gray himself, and the longer they went without hearing from him, the most agitated Natsu grew.

After two nights had passed, Sting dragged Natsu into Sabertooth's office. Technically, there was an office for the guild master, although Sting mostly used it as a large storage closet. Holing yourself up in an office was for anti-social losers, so Sting only went inside for special occasions. Contacting another guild quickly, for example. As the guild's office/storage closet, it was where Sabertooth's communication lacryma was stored.

Sting sat Natsu down in a chair half hidden by a stack of papers he was putting off filing, then sent a signal out. A few seconds later, Mira's face appeared in the crystal.

"Hello, Sting. Is there something you need to speak to the master for?"

"Nah. You'll do. Gray took an escort job, right? Do you know if it's running longer than it was supposed to?"

Smiling, Mira shook her head. "The mission ran right on time. Gray came home a few days ago."

"I see. Thank you."

"Is there anything else?"

"No. That's all." Sting raised a hand to end the spell connecting their crystals before remembering to add one last thing. "Actually, pass a message on for me."

"Yes?"

"Tell him that if he ever comes around here, I'm going to kick his ass so hard he'll taste my boot."

-o-

Gray showed up at the front doors of Sabertooth ready to kick Sting's ass. The train ride over gave him plenty of time to realize that Natsu's begging him to take another job coincided not with acquiring new medicine, but with Sting's offer to look after him as needed. That Natsu, _his_ Natsu, had responded to this by sending Gray away and going to see Sting in secret was unacceptable.

He threw the doors open and looked around, ignoring the startled stares of the other guild members. He spotted Sting towards the back of the room, sitting at a table with Natsu and pretending not to have heard the doors bang against the guild walls.

"Hey!" Gray snapped.

Natsu glanced up and gave him an unsure smile, but looked away when Sting said something.

"What are you _doing_?" Gray demanded, storming over to the two. "Who said this was okay?"

"I'm pretty sure it's alright for him to sit and talk," Sting said, still not looking up at Gray.

"I mean—" Gray slammed his hands down on the table, leaning over into Sting's line of sight. "—Who said it was okay for you to take him?"

"I did," Sting replied. "And so did Lucy, and most importantly, Natsu. It's a good thing we all agreed, considering _someone_ who's supposed to be taking care of him decided to hold off on picking him up. It must be _so_ tiring to have to deal with him all the time, huh? What makes you think you get to decide everything for him, anyway? You can't even look after him when you're supposed to. You think you have the right to tell other people they can't?"

Natsu's kick was so soft, despite his best efforts to really hit the blond's shin and leave a mark, that Sting didn't even budge when it happened. Gray, thus, did not notice it happened at all, but Sting recognized the request that he not come on so strong. In fact, now that he really thought of it, there was something else he needed to give Gray grief for.

"Looking after Natsu is _my_ job," Gray said. "I don't trust you with him."

"Which explains _beautifully_ why it took you days to pick him up."

Unable to admit that he hadn't known where Natsu was—even if that was in part Sting's fault, Gray growled and said, "Natsu, you're coming with me."

Natsu pushed himself up from the table halfway before Sting grabbed his scarf and said, "Hold on. Why should I let him go back with my love rival?"

Rogue, who was sitting at the other end of the table and had been informed of this plan, had to merge into the shadows to keep Gray from seeing him try not to laugh. The rest of the guild, who had _not_ been let in on the plan, fell silent upon hearing the declaration. Even Natsu, who'd been there from the start, froze when Sting said it, and needed a moment to remember what Lucy had put Sting up to.

"Wh-what?" Gray took a step back, horrified. He'd told no one, so how could Sting know his secret?

"You heard me." Sting leaned way over the table to wrap his arms around Natsu, who had slowly reseated himself. "You're my rival. Why should I give Natsu to you? It's not just that I'm worried about what he needs that you _aren't_ doing for him. I have to worry about the thing that my love rival _will_ try and do with him."

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Gray grabbed Sting's nearer arm and yanked it off of Natsu. "For one… For one… I don't even know where to start!"

"Then don't start. You can leave now."

Sting didn't have to act the cold grin he gave Gray, even with Natsu subtly pinching his arm to insist that he tone it down. Gray's glower was similarly sincere.

"Actually, I think I'll just skip to the end," Gray said. "Natsu, we're leaving."

Fearing that Sting, in his mix of acted and genuine indignation, might push Gray too far, Natsu wiggled free and stood up. He took three firm steps into Gray's arm instead, then to make sure Gray knew that he wasn't the complete dictator of everything in his life, told Sting, "I'll see if we can arrange something like this again."

Sting smiled at him, then turned a smug grin Gray's way and said, "Did you hear that, _love rival?_ Natsu comes back to you when you throw a fit, but it's me he wants to see."

Gray's hearing wasn't as sharp as a dragon slayer's. Even a weakened one like Natsu. As he huffed and led the way out of Sabertooth, he remained oblivious to Rogue's increasingly weakening attempts not to burst out in laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor glitch where I accidentally uploaded the last chapter to fanfiction's doc manager twice under different names and thought I'd accidentally saved over the real chapter 25, but as you can see, I managed to relocate it. (Thank God for that. Having to rewrite a chapter is horrible enough when you don't have to railroad it to lead into events for the next X many chapters you have written to follow after it.)


	26. Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: So has anyone ever used dragon naturally speaking? I used to have wrist problems. I kinda still do, but I used to have BAD wrist problems. Now it's that I need to use a splint on my left wrist if I plan to do a lot of hand writing, but I used to need a splint on each wrist for pretty much everything. (Note: I am left-handed.) When it was at it's worst, during high school, I had DNS software on the family computer, and I'd speak into a microphone and let it interpret my words to generate text instead of typing. 
> 
> I still have the disk, actually. Although I might have scrapped the headset. I just figured it didn't hurt to hold onto. I went back to typing, though. DNS was alright for if I already knew exactly what I wanted to say, but a lot of the time I come up with sentences as I write them, and that only made DNS worse at deciphering what I said, so it would regularly produce sentences that were radically different from what I wanted, and because most people are used to typos where the wrong letter was used rather than where a word that sounds vaguely similar to what was intended appears, it made for some confusion. Worse, the thing DNS was most likely to get wrong was to use a positive where I wanted a negative contraction. "Is" instead of "isn't", for example. It happened enough that I decided to get back into typing. Also, my jerk older brother would hang out just outside the office door, then burst in and mockingly repeat some line I'd written. Luckily, he was only around during college breaks, but summer break is pretty long.
> 
> Anyway, I just noticed a non DNS related error where I meant "weren't" but wrote "were" by mistake. I really, really hate those kind of errors. They do a 180 on what the sentence says.

"Did he watch you sleep?"

"No."

"Did he insist on doing everything with you?"

"Well… I kind of needed him with me to get anywhere, but he left me alone whenever I wanted, and he was really busy with guild stuff for a while, so some of the other members kept me company while that was going on. I think one of their members went to jail and he was trying to lighten the sentence."

"He didn't demand you stay with him while he handled that?"

"No. We got into an argument over who hated paperwork more until Yukino offered to bake us cookies if we stopped talking."

"Did he feed you cookies?"

"Y-yes? He brought them over for me."

"Okay, but I mean more like picking a cookie up and placing it your mouth."

"Oh. No. I did that for him. Because his hands were… full with… papers… Um… Gray? Are you okay?"

Gray blinked, realized the dark expression he wore, and forced a smile. "Yeah. Fine."

"You're asking a lot of weird questions?" Natsu said. "Is this because Sting thinks you're his love rival? Because I know he was just being silly. We're just friends."

They both felt a stab in the gut when Natsu said that, but only Gray turned away.

"No," Gray said. "I don't care about that. I got male-Juvia vibes from him is all. Makes me even less comfortable leaving him with you."

Since Gray still had his gaze elsewhere, he didn't see Natsu's expression fall. As far as Natsu was concerned, Gray had no right to police who he saw. He especially had no right to say someone couldn't be trusted after taking his sweet time coming to pick Natsu up from that someone's guild. That Gray had yet to explain why he'd decided to wait a few days or apologize for taking so long didn't help.

But after all the goading Sting had done earlier in the day, Natsu didn't care bring it back up. He wanted answers, and some part of him that wanted to believe the way Lucy did also wanted to make Gray jealous. What he didn't want was to make Gray mad. Since pushing for answers would betray that he hadn't been _as_ happy to be with Sting instead as Gray thought, and since it might set Gray off, Natsu sacrificed that first want.

"Sting took good care of me. He wasn't weird or obsessive about it at all."

"He _really_ didn't try to push you into anything?"

"I mean, he threatened to force feed me my medicine one time."

Gray looked back at Natsu, alarmed. Sadly, Natsu knew that alarm was over the fact that a situation arose in which the threat was made, rather than over the threat itself.

"The taste of the tea didn't mix well with lunch. I'm always tired after lunch anyway, so I don't see what good it does to drink that stuff constantly."

Gray had no good response for that. Unable to think of anything to fill the silence, he stood and turned, getting to work on dinner.

Natsu wasn't wrong. The last attack had damaged him badly enough that even with the treatment that kept him going before, he was rarely up for anything by evening. Happy's account that Sting had somehow motivated Natsu to do something as low energy as a board game when the guild closed down from the day took Gray by surprise. In part because that was more effort than he expected Sting to be capable of, but mostly because that took more energy than he expected Natsu to have.

Even that new medicine, which was supposed to reverse damage, had yet to make a noticeable impact. Supposedly Alvarez was working against all good financial sense on making the pill more efficient, for all the good that did. Until they got the formula down, Gray could only hope that Natsu wouldn't let slow progress on his recovery get him down.

Glancing back, he saw Natsu face down on the table. Maybe he was setting his hopes a little too high.

"Hey… Natsu?" Gray asked. "If there's anything that might cheer you up… Anywhere you want to go… I could try and take you."

Without lifting his head off the kitchen table, Natsu said, "I want to go on a job again."

"Well… maybe. A light one. Someday. I was thinking more like… the beach. Or a camping trip."

Lucy's star gazing suggestion crossed Natsu's mind. That would certainly be a nice, low energy, thing to do with Gray. He could make a picnic dinner like they'd planned as an apology for sneaking off with Sting and everything. Except that now Natsu wasn't in much of a mood for apologizing. Now he wanted to know why Gray put off going to get him for days when the ice make wizard made it no secret that he didn't trust Sting at all. He wasn't the one who needed to apologize anymore, in his mind.

So in light of that…

"I want to visit Sting again."

"Something realistic, Natsu."

"You know, getting sick is the worst thing that ever happened to me," Natsu said, "and it's not because I can't walk across the street without falling over. It's because you let yourself get so obsessed with making sure I didn't collapse that you somehow convinced yourself you get to control every facet of my life. You know what? I take what I just said back. Getting sick on it's own wouldn't cause that. Gray, _you're_ the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

Wouldn't let him stay with Sting. Couldn't bother to come and pick him up from Sting's. Just then, Natsu was absolutely done with Gray.

"I want to move back to my own house."

-o-

It wasn't the most mature reaction, but Gray ran away when Natsu said that. He'd only made it two blocks before realizing what a horrible mistake he'd made, but then Gray couldn't turn back. He ran out without saying a word. How embarrassing would it be to go home and try and explain that one?

What Gray really needed to do was go back and apologize to Natsu for trying to keep him and Sting apart. It wasn't that he thought he got to control Natsu's life. If Natsu wanted to see literally anyone else in the world, even Zeref, Gray would put his own life on hold to make that happen. (Okay, maybe not Zeref. That would be stupidly dangerous even when Natsu was healthy.) He didn't like Sting. He didn't trust Sting. He didn't want Natsu near Sting. Maybe it was wrong of him to take advantage of Natsu's dependency on him to try and keep Sting away, but…

But nothing. Gray had no good excuse for that. It was wrong of him. He was jealous, and he let his jealousy get the better of him. Natsu pushed him into taking a job and going away for a week, then snuck off to see someone else. Someone he _knew_ Gray didn't want him around. And Gray came back to find that Natsu spent over a week living with _love rival_ Sting and feeding him cookies!

He needed to turn back. He needed to apologize and tell Natsu that there was no need to sneak behind his back to visit Sting. And then he maybe needed to not so subtly push the idea that Natsu and Lucy made a better couple. Lucy he could stand losing Natsu to. Sting… Sting was an asshole. An asshole who cared about Natsu's wellbeing, looked after him for over a week, and did his best to keep Natsu happy, sure, but Gray _knew_ that somehow, something was wrong with Sting. Having Sting declare them love rivals only made him more confident of that.

If only there was a way to convince Natsu of that. How serious a love rival _was_ Sting anyway? If Natsu pushed Gray away to see Sting, how much a chance was there for him to…

No! He'd already decided that Natsu and Lucy needed to be together. They were so close, and Sting was coming between them! He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let himself get too caught up on the idea of _him_ and Natsu either. It wasn't going to happen. Natsu didn't like him. Natsu liked Lucy, and maybe Sting, and all Gray was in Natsu's life was a friend and controlling caretaker.

Well, not so much of a friend anymore. The whole caretaker thing kind of ruined that, and now Natsu even wanted to try living on his own again, Gray let himself become so intolerable.

He _really_ needed to go back and apologize. Explain himself. Explain… Explain that he liked Natsu and acted out of petty jealousy and basically turned into the male version of Juvia back there.

For as much as Gray knew he needed to turn back, he found himself walking further and further from his home, and before long, turning back was hardly an option.

"Gra-ay."

He flinched when he heard that voice. The absolute last thing he needed after Sting declared him a love rival and he let it get to him was for _Juvia_ to find him. Well, second to last after running into Sting again, but still. He was _not_ in the mood to take her fawning in good humor.

"Gray, Juvia hardly had a chance to talk to you recently," she whined, immediately gluing herself to his arm. "Juvia was so worried that Gray might by avoiding her."

"I needed to take a job."

"And you went without waiting for Juvia to come along…"

"The client only wanted one person on the job, and the pay was too good to pass up."

Really, the pay had been generous, but Gray took the job because Lucy and Natsu insisted he leave town for more than one night, and it was the only one that gave him a set number of days he'd be gone. He'd considered that the job didn't let him take any teammates to be a downside, since it meant no working with Wendy or Erza (or Lucy, since she'd apparently never intended to look after Natsu while he was gone), but now it seemed like a blessing. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend _any_ time with Juvia. She was a guild mate and friend, after all. Whatever she thought of their relationship. It was just that a week in a train cabin—with no one else but her for half that time, was a little too much Juvia time.

She still pouted about it, but took the excuse as sufficient reason for Gray leaving her behind. Sooner or later he needed to outright tell her that he didn't feel the same way as she did. Again. Since telling her after the Games ended hadn't convinced her. Admitting that he'd fallen for someone else might hammer home that he wasn't looking for a relationship with _her_ , but then it might also activate her crazy jealous mode and sent her on a mad hunt for her love rival.

Juvia was tenacious when properly motivated. The last thing Gray wanted was for Natsu to find out about his feelings by way of Juvia bursting in and demanding he make Gray stop loving him.

"Is Natsu with Lucy today?" Juvia asked.

"No."

"You already brought him to the guild?"

"No."

"Then you have Erza looking after him," Juvia assumed, since the idea that Gray might leave Natsu unattended for more than a few minutes was unthinkable. (And since she would want more than a few minutes with him, so the situation had to be one that made him available.) "Now might be a good time to get dinner."

"I ate on the train," Gray said.

Come to think of it, Natsu had been too sick, even for a little while after they got home. He'd eaten such an early dinner too. Even if it was late and Natsu surely wanted to be in bed, Gray ought to have offered to at least heat up leftovers for him.

Instead, like an idiot, he'd chosen to grill Natsu over his and Sting's interactions, and look where that got him? Hopefully Natsu would change his mind about moving out once well rested, but Gray needed to come up with something that worked as a decent apology.

"Perhaps a pastry shop," Juvia suggested. "There's no such thing as too much desert with you're beloved—"

"Sorry." Gray pulled his arm out of hers. "I'm… running an errand is all. I can't leave Natsu alone too long."

Natsu had Happy, sure, but Gray still preferred a human sized assistant be present.

Seeing Juvia completely deflate, Gray bit his lip. Turning her down wouldn't be so damn hard if she didn't always make him feel bad for trying.

"Where is that pastry shop?" he asked. "Maybe some other time, we could—"

"Juvia can show you right now!"

-o-

In the end, he let her drag him there, although for the sake of drawing the line somewhere, he let her know that none of the sweets he ended up buying weren't for her.

"Natsu's not feeling his best right now, so these should cheer him up."

"Natsu, Natsu, Natsu," Juvia muttered, pouting. "If Juvia didn't know any better, Natsu could be mistaken for a love rival."

Gray had always assumed it would be the most annoying thing in the world if the one person Juvia didn't see as a bona fide love rival was someone he actually fell for. Now that this had happened—even if she still recognize Natsu as a rival for Gray's attention—he realized this was a blessing. Sure, it was annoying if everyone else was still a love rival, but he didn't have to worry about Natsu receiving too much ire, or Juvia trying too hard to steal Gray's affection away. In fact, since the last attack, she didn't even make more than the occasional half-hearted effort to grab Gray's attention away whenever Natsu was in need.

For Juvia specifically, Gray might have overplayed the amount of help Natsu needed. Just a little. Poor guy really did need a lot of help.

Box of cupcakes in hand, Gray bid Juvia goodnight and headed home. He'd brush off his running away however many times it took to convince Natsu that it simply was not up for discussion, offer the cupcakes, apologize and say that maybe seeing Sting wasn't off limits after all, and then ask Natsu how he felt in terms of capabilities. That was the important one. No telling Natsu flat out that in his current condition, moving back to his old place might be too difficult. He would phrase it as a question that forced that confession from Natsu instead. Or get Happy to point it out in the morning, if Natsu felt stubborn and pretended those pills were working faster than they were.

Gray let himself back in the house with a whole speech planned out, and found it dark. The lights were out, and when he searched the place, he found Natsu had gone to bed in his day clothes.

Anyone else Gray might have woken up to say what he felt needed to be said. Sure, they'd be annoyed, but Gray hated waiting when it came to saying something important. Natsu, on the other hand, _needed_ sleep. His condition sapped his energy, and Porlyusica had been very clear on the importance of a regular sleeping schedule. Disrupting Natsu's rest could throw him off for days.

Hopefully apologizing could wait until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gray seems to have forgotten something.
> 
> Anywho... Um... I actually don't have much to comment on with this chapter. Ciao!


	27. Burned Out

The cupcakes for breakfast were a pleasant surprise, but Gray only apologized for forbidding that Natsu see Sting. There was no mention of choosing not to pick him up for days. Natsu ate his sweets, glowered, and only spoke to ask if they could go to the guild.

The trip to the guild was awkward. Too weak from his Suraci's to walk more than a few dozen feet, Natsu needed Gray to carry him the most of the way. Still fuming about how Gray ignored all need to explain why he took so long to come for him, Natsu pouted and refused to talk the entire time. Gray found himself grasping at straws for what Natsu did or didn't want once they reached the guild, and ended up setting him at a table near the bar, in case he wanted to socialize with tablemates, or with anyone on the bar stools.

With Natsu scowling at him, Gray took the hint and went to talk with Erza in the hope that she had some idea what to do to make up for the gaffe with Sting. Granted, while Lucy had Natsu over regularly and Wendy liked to check up on him with her magic, Erza had no service to provide and was rarely requested by Natsu for house visits. That she only saw him if they were both at the guild made her the least likely to know about Natsu's thoughts and feelings on anything that his disease impacted. Lucy and Wendy weren't there, however, and Happy had given Gray a similar silent treatment, so that made Erza the next choice to go to for help.

While Gray ran off to talk to other guild members instead of begging Natsu to break his silence and asking what he could do to fix things, Natsu sulked briefly about being quasi-abandoned. Lucy wasn't there to vent his romantic woes to, and in a quick scan of anyone present who might do, Natsu found himself settling on Mira. For as much of a gossip as she was, mentioning that he actually had _feelings_ for Gray wasn't going to happen, but complaining about Gray was something he could do without throwing out there how much heartache Gray gave him.

Mira noticed the second Natsu stood from his table. Everyone noticed every little thing he did, since they'd all adapted a mild version of Gray's paranoia since his last attack. She waited for him to take a seat by the bar before moving over to talk with him.

"I miss having my helper," she said.

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss helping with all your boring work. At least I was _doing_ something."

"Does the new medicine help?"

"A little? I guess. Gray's been measure how far I can walk first thing in the morning before I need to sit, but it seems to go up and down." Gray swore that meant nothing, and that a general trend up over time was more what they were looking for. Natsu knew it was going to be a gradual improvement, but that didn't make the lack of immediate progress any more bearable.

"He takes good care of you," Mira said.

Natsu could only snort in response.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. Gray."

Mira dropped her sweet smile, leaning down so no one else could easily overhear, and asked, "What did he do? I can't imagine he'd neglect taking care of you, so it must be that he was overbearing, right? What's he doing that takes things too far?"

"Actually," Natsu said, "it's a bit of both."

Apology or not, the fact that Gray had put so much effort into keeping Sting away still made Natsu's blood boil, and he detailed to Mira all the effort that went into visiting Sting. How well meaning and careful a caretaker Sting had been was explained at length, with extra details like the whole love rival argument being omitted. Gray wasn't in love with anyone anyway, so it wasn't like Mira would miss out on essential details for understanding Gray's hatred of Sting. From there Natsu went into explaining how late Gray was, choosing to wait days without any warning or explanation to come and pick him up, and then pretending he'd done nothing wrong.

"If he doesn't trust Sting with me, you'd think he'd want Sting to have me for as little time as possible," Natsu finished off with.

To his relief, Mira agreed. "What if he left you with someone who really didn't care?" She asked. "He might have been too critical of Sting, but there has to be plenty of people who really wouldn't do what it takes to help you. If Gray's fine leaving you with someone he doesn't think will do a good job, then how closely is _he_ really looking out for you?"

The main hurt Natsu felt came from the fact that Gray had opted not to pick him up with no warning, explanation, or even reason that Natsu could discern, but he nodded along with this. It wasn't the biggest reason he was upset with Gray, but it was still an issue he was aware of. Compared to the excessive amount of teaching Gray had previously done with Lucy and all the complaining he'd done about every detail Lucy overlooked—even when Natsu needed less help than he now did—it was stunning how little he seemed to worry about the idea that Sting might have provided sub-par care. Even his interrogation the night before had focused more on Natsu and Sting's relationship than it did on how well Sting had performed his role as caregiver.

To have someone from the guild agree with him that Gray's behavior was wrong was a tremendous relief, but stopped being one the second Mira said, "I should report this to the master. Will you be okay sitting by yourself for a few minutes, or should I help you over to someone else's table first?"

For need of assuring people that he only needed so much babying, Natsu's immediate response was, "The tables aren't too far for me to walk to. It's not like I'm alone in the _guild_ anyway." It was only after he'd gotten that out that the first half of what Mira said sank in. "Will Gray get in trouble?"

"Maybe. He got lucky this time, since you were with someone who took good care of you, but what if you weren't? What if Sting's guild wasn't happy to step up and help when things got busy for him, and he decided to leave you on your own all day anyways?"

That hadn't happened, but for as little faith as Gray had in Sting, Natsu could see the worry that he would be left with someone who actually neglected him.

The weirdest part of it, he realized as Mira left to speak with Makarov, was that Gray had no issue with Lucy. The ice mage had been furious the first time he found out that Lucy didn't do everything she was supposed to in looking after Natsu. That Lucy hadn't made Natsu take his medicine or even get out of bed was less a matter of neglect and more her trying too hard to be accommodating after he received bad news, but Gray still acted like it was as bad as deliberate abuse, and still left Natsu in Lucy's care twice more.

Not, of course, that Natsu objected to spending a few days with Lucy. The issue wasn't being left with Lucy. It was Gray leaving him with someone who did something to make the ice mage consider them unreliable.

Mira returned, smiled for him, and said, "The master is taking care of it. Can I get you anything to drink? It's on me."

The subject was dropped there. Natsu, aware of how early in the morning it still was, ordered a non-alcoholic drink and sat with Mira, listening to her gossip about the latest guild happenings. Natsu needed no update on Juvia's antics, but there were a lot of people who he no longer saw as much of. Erza, who had practically returned to working solo, disappeared for three days and came back looking oddly satisfied, which Mira considered to be of note because Crime Sorciere had been seen in the nearby area during her absence. Gajeel was seen carrying Levy's bags on a clothes shopping spree, but informed everyone that this was due to a lost bet with Pantherlily. Elfman and Evergreen still weren't dating, and just happened to go to an amusement park together for reasons unknown. Max had sworn off cleaning duties after a fight with Warren went awry. Lucy submitted a novel to an agent, but she didn't want anyone to hear about it unless she got good news back, so Mira was to tell no one, so Natsu was to pretend he didn't hear it from her.

Maybe, Natsu thought, he would go back to helping Mira around the guild once he'd been on the new medicine for long enough. Boring as it had been, depressing as it was to set his goals so low, it at least gave him reason to be here and there around the guild. Now that he was so thoroughly adjusted to the idea that he was off active duty for good, it would probably be easier to talk with everyone too. No trying to ignore the elephant in the room, or temper tantrums when his condition was brought up. He missed all that interaction. As it was, with his energy level, he was restricted to whoever sat at his table, or the tables immediately next to his.

Mira was the only one to go out of her way to talk with him that day. Natsu never saw any of his old team mates turn up, save for Gray, who knew he was in the dog house. A few people greeted him as they passed by, but most went to mingle with their own teams, or were only there for work.

This was fine… ish. Natsu knew he hadn't been the easiest person to socialize with as of late, and it wasn't anyone else's job to fix it. As he recovered, he would simply have to make more of an effort to reconnect with everyone. from Gray avoiding him to Mira gossiping with him to everyone else minding their own business, Natsu was fine with everything going on in the guild that day.

Everything except the part where Makarov climbed up onto the bar and told him, quietly, to come into the office so they could discuss relocating him from Gray's house.

-o-

"If it were purely a matter of what you do or don't want, we would never have stopped you from taking jobs in the first place."

"I'd have stopped on my own," Natsu argued. When Makarov raised an eyebrow, he blushed and added, "by this point."

"Ideally, you're health wouldn't have reached this point."

"I still don't want to move in with Laxus."

"It's only temporary. Once Lucy comes back, we can arrange for you to stay with her instead. I'm sure she'll be alright with it, all things considered. Gray might be fine leaving you for days on end with someone he doesn't trust, but I'm not. If Gray could do something so irresponsible, then someone else needs to look after you."

Natsu never thought he'd miss the time immediately after his diagnosis, but he missed only needing to be 'looked after' when walking between the guild and his house. How absurd he'd been back then to think _being walked home_ was the epitome of no freedom.

"I'll look into what's happened with Gray," Makarov went on. "This isn't the first time someone has come to me with concerns regarding him acting as your caretaker. Quite a few members have come to me worried about the level of control he imposes on you, or the fact that your last attack happened when he was the one present."

Lucy was the one who'd been tasked with looking after him when that happened, but the last thing Natsu wanted was for her to be barred from looking after him too, so instead he said, "That was my own fault. I snuck out and followed him when I wasn't supposed to."

"And in the aftermath quite a few people came to me and expressed suspicions that the degree to which Gray already restricted you had influenced your decision to do so. Hearing signs now of him burning out as your caretaker only makes me more concerned."

Natsu bowed his head, eyes on his lap. He was mad at Gray for leaving him for days, but not enough so to really want them to split up. Even when he'd mentioned going back to his own home the night before, he'd done so more out of frustration than out of the honest belief that it would be better for him.

Reaching across the desk to put a hand on Natsu's shoulder, Makarov said, "I'm sorry, Natsu. I know this is hard. You've had to face a lot of major changes the last few months. I wouldn't force you through another if I wasn't worried about what might happen otherwise."

Natsu grunted a vague affirmative noise in response.

"Is there someone other than Laxus who you could stay with until Lucy gets back? Gajeel's in town, or you could stay with the Strauss siblings."

There was Sting, but Natsu didn't know just how open Sting's offer to help take care of him was. The white slayer hadn't seemed upset with the prospect of a few extra days with Natsu, but he'd also been plenty busy while Natsu was there. If he was behind on work, how fair would it be to come right back to him? Especially when the last caretaker he'd liked so much had apparently needed time off so badly as to leave him with someone they didn't trust for days without saying a word. He didn't want things with Sting to turn out the same way.

"No one in particular."

"Are you sure?"

"Gajeel's an idiot. I don't want to stay with him. It's only a few days with Laxus, right?"

Makarov nodded. "Lucy can take over for you once she's home, or Erza, possibly. She would need to move into your own house with you, but it could work, if you two are willing to work that out. If I determine that what I've heard about Gray has been over-exaggerated, then we'll see about reuniting the two of you. Until that happens, you can still see him at the guild."

"…Right."

Makarov gave Natsu's a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "I'll call Laxus in. We can pick up your things from Gray's and have you set up and cozy in his house by evening."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caregiver Burnout is actually a thing you can diagnose people with, but that wasn't really on my mind when I named this fic. I just wanted something to do with decline that also had a fire or dragon pun in the name. (Don't know if I mentioned this before, but the placeholder title for this story was Malade. So glad I thought to call it Burn Out instead.)


	28. Laxus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't have a lot of Laxus in it specifically and for that I am sorry.
> 
> Unless I am stricken with horrible depression tomorrow, next chapter should be up by the end of the week. My plan is to then have chapter 30 up by next Monday. I do want this part in the story, but I'd also like to not drag it out.

Natsu was not cozy.

Laxus's house was too big, especially for someone used to a one room shack. The building was two floors and a massive layout with a great room large enough that Natsu hated having to walk across it. Also, Laxus lived there. Laxus. For as humiliating as Natsu used to think it to have Gray fussing over him, Laxus was a million times worse.

Granted, Laxus did his best. He set Natsu up in a room right next to one of the bathrooms (Who needed more than one bathroom when you lived by yourself?) and made sure first thing to get Natsu's hammock set up with a mattress underneath to catch him if he fell. _Some_ thought went into accommodating his condition.

None of that changed that Natsu had been thrown into someone else's home with almost no warning, nor that the house was too large. The guest room was on the second floor, and stairs had become the bane of Natsu's existence. Between having a bathroom he could probably reach without help during the night and being on the same floor as the main living area, Natsu had to admit that the bathroom was less embarrassing. Explaining to Sting that he needed help reaching the toilet had been awkward for both of them. Being able to reach most of the locations in Gray's apartment without overexerting himself, however, had been ideal.

Then again, Gray left him for days without a word, and Laxus agreed to take care of him until Lucy returned on even shorter notice than Natsu had been given for this change.

"Make yourself at home," Laxus told Natsu, and Natsu might have felt more capable of that if Laxus hadn't then shut his bedroom door.

"W-wait!" Natsu called out.

The door opened back up immediately.

"Can I sit in the kitchen?"

Laxus shrugged. "I won't stop you."

Trying again, Natsu said, "Can you carry me down to the kitchen."

"You… need help getting _down_ the stairs too?"

"Nevermind." Natsu pulled his scarf up over his nose to try and hide that he was blushing. "I'm fine up here."

"No. Sorry. I didn't realize your condition was… Let's get you down."

-o-

The news hit Gray like a bombshell. 'Unfit to continue looking after Natsu.' His life had revolved around making sure Natsu was okay ever since the diagnosis, and now he was unfit. Makarov wouldn't even tell him what precisely made him unfit, only that there had been many concerning reports which he wanted to look into.

What _had_ he done wrong? He apologized to Natsu for the thing with Sting and promised to let them meet back up. He backed off on that controlling business, and even then, most of his offenses were things done for Natsu's safety. Like opposing Natsu going on a job. Look how well _that_ turned out. Other than that, he'd done his best to be supportive while Natsu came to terms with his situation, he'd made himself available to help with all of Natsu's physical needs, and he'd always been careful to make sure that when he couldn't be there for Natsu, someone else would be. He'd even given up all hope of having Natsu for himself because he knew Natsu would be happier with Lucy.

Considering that, Gray knew he ought not to fuss. Natsu was to live with Lucy now, and they were sure to appreciate so much alone time together. If he really wanted Natsu to be happy, then why would he fight to drag Natsu back to his place?

This was what Gray reminded himself as he crossed his arms, planted himself firmly in the chair of Makarov's office, and said, "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what was said to make you think I can't take care of him."

"Gray, don't make this any more difficult than it has to be. I didn't split the two of you up because I wanted to."

"Then why _did_ you?" Gray demanded. "Why am I suddenly _unfit_ to look after him?"

"It's not something that came on all of a sudden," Makarov stressed. "People have been expressing their concern to me almost since I first asked you to walk Natsu home. Walk Natsu home, Gray, that's all you had to do, and do you know how many times I heard people suggest you were overstepping your bounds?"

Gray bristled, and opened his mouth to argue that he'd also been put in charge of assessing Natsu and helping with his physical therapy, but Makarov spoke again before he could get the words out.

"I've had too many people come to me wondering if you two are a good fit. Natsu himself has brought issues to my attention in the past."

"This is about Sting, isn't it?" Gray asked before he could stop himself. "Natsu's still mad over me not liking Sting. I already admitted I was in the wrong there." He shoved his chair back and stood, trying and failing not to glare at Makarov. "Fine. Whatever. If Natsu's that fed up with me, that's his call. Thanks for at least convincing him he still shouldn't be on his own."

Despite Makarov's protests that he wait and calmly talk things over, Gray slammed the office door and stalked off.

Unfit to continue caring for Natsu. _Please_. He was the only one in the whole damn guild to recognize that letting Natsu tag along on jobs would end badly. He was the one who made sure Natsu did his therapy without overexerting himself, and took his medicine whenever he was supposed to. He was the one who went way out of his way to do whatever he could to cheer Natsu up after the news that he had to retire came out, when everyone else felt it best to leave him alone. Lucy let Natsu lay in bed for a whole week without bothering to take any of his treatments, then paid so little attention to where he was that he slipped away, came on a job, and wound up having another attack! Lucy was the one who snuck Natsu off to another town then left without telling anyone where he was! Why was _Lucy_ considered more fit to see to Natsu's care than _he_ was? Hell, why was _Laxus_? Had Natsu and Laxus even _spoken_ since the diagnosis? Did Laxus even know what all Natsu's needs were?

Gray swallowed back a frustrated scream. Natsu liked Lucy, so for as badly as he wanted to run back and fight Makarov, he had to let it go. He had to. For whatever Lucy's failing were, Natsu liked being with her. He couldn't deliberately do something that jeopardized their ability to be together. Natsu would hate him for that even more than he'd hated being he couldn't see Sting.

Gray hated that. Hated that it was Lucy that Natsu liked. Hated that Sting could waltz right in and pluck Natsu away and not have Natsu ever get snippy with him about what the roset could or couldn't do. _It wasn't fair_. Gray loved Natsu. Gray wanted what was best for Natsu. Why did Natsu have to like someone else? Why did everyone think he wasn't even _good_ for Natsu?

Elfman called out to him as he stormed past, asking if he was alright and if he intended to leave without taking Natsu with him. Gray ignored the words as best he could, slamming the guild's front doors on his way out.

If he'd taken a moment once outside to gather his wits, Gray would have gone home and continued to rage there. He never got the chance to have this moment. No sooner had he shut the door than was Juvia out it as well, putting a hand on his shoulder and attempting to offer comfort.

"Juvia couldn't help but hear what the master had to say. Gray shouldn't be so upset. Juvia knows Gray did his best with Natsu, and now there's more time to be together with Juvia."

"Not now."

"If Gray needs to talk, Juvia is—"

"I said _not now!_ " Gray snapped, shoving her away. "What will it take to get it through your head that I _don't want you around?_ "

He would regret saying that to her later, and not just because her tearing up and running away triggered a rainstorm that he then had to walk home in. Already in too bad a mood to care that he'd gone too far in telling her off, Gray scowled up at the rain and stormed off in the first direction his feet took him.

Paying as little attention as he was to where he was going, Gray only had a vague idea that the path he'd set himself down automatically was a familiar one, but it wasn't until he stepped past the town's border that he realized why that was. This was the path he walked Natsu back and forth on up until the last attack. Without realizing it, he'd taken himself in the direction of Natsu's home.

Gray almost turned around. He didn't want any reminders of Natsu, and thus of what people thought of his dedication to taking care of Natsu. He wanted to run home and pretend the whole day hadn't happened. No Natsu refusing to speak to him or Makarov calling him unfit. In fact, Gray wanted to pretend the whole damn month hadn't passed. Then he could avoid Sting as a love rival and Natsu asking to move back home too.

Instead of turning around, Gray strode forward. Natsu asked to move back home, after all, and it wasn't too unreasonable a request. His house was small enough that he wouldn't need much help getting from one end to the wall from the other. The main concerns with leaving him there were that it was a little way's out of town, and that all the clutter was a safety hazard. Happy could help with any minor issues just fine, and even if Gray wasn't fit to keep Natsu in his home, he'd proven himself more than capable of _walking_ with Natsu. So long as he tidied up the place, it would be ready for Natsu to move back in as soon as he no longer needed someone with him constantly.

He expected it to be hard to go back there, and it was, just not for the reason he thought. Letting himself into Natsu's house triggered no memories of how he'd come to be the one always taking care of Natsu, but instead of what it had been like before Natsu needed so much help.

The walls were papered with all of the jobs Natsu went on, and memorabilia from major events was scattered here and there around the room. A bone from the dragon graveyard rested in one corner. Pressed leaves from Sirius Island's tree were pinned to a shelf, on which rested a scroll that Natsu had most likely stolen from the Zentopia church. This was the house of someone who used to be active. Someone who went on a new adventure every week.

Someone who didn't have the energy to get himself to the bathroom by dinner time.

It was like watching Natsu take in that he wouldn't recover the ability to fight and run all over again. Gray's throat constricted as it hit him anew just how radically this disease had altered Natsu's life. Half a year ago he'd been a hyperactive idiot who the guild couldn't help but see as invincible for all his triumphs. Now the most Natsu could do to assert himself was give someone the cold shoulder when they controlled his life in a way he didn't want.

Gray missed the Natsu who called him 'droopy eyes' and got into fist fights with him over who had to tell Erza that the store ran out of cake before they could buy one for her. The Natsu who sulked when he forced things his way but didn't put up any physical resistance was easier to keep from having another attack, but it was depressing to think of how thoroughly Natsu had fallen to grow so resigned.

Was that what everyone else saw? They didn't have to worry nearly as much about Natsu's wellbeing. It was Gray's responsibility, not theirs. Without needing to consider how Natsu's behavior impacted the odds of him running off and getting himself hurt, one could easily notice only how distinctly un-Natsu-like it was for Natsu to submit to every restriction Gray placed upon him. No wonder so many people voiced concerns to Makarov. If Gray saw Natsu suddenly become so submissive and abruptly move in with someone who had a track record of trying to stop him from doing what he wanted, Gray would be worried too.

He would speak to Makarov again in the morning, Gray decided. Once he'd had time to cool down, he'd go back into that office and make his case. Explain that Natsu was the one who'd insisted on the move in, fearing that he might be left in the care of strangers otherwise, and that the change in temperament was from fear of another attack after the last one was so crippling. Insist that he wasn't being controlling or abusive, and even if he'd let his feelings get the better of him once, he'd quickly apologized for it.

It wasn't like he'd done anything else wrong, so that should have been enough to smooth things over. He's apologize to Natsu again too. Until then, it would take him at least the remainder of the day to get Natsu's house organized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I don't really know what to say for this one. Bye.


	29. Denied

Natsu didn't even try and ask to go to the guild. It wasn't that he doubted that Laxus would take him. It was that everything that man did was so blasted _awkward_. In a fight, Laxus always came off cool and collected. In the home environment, trying to look after a sick guild mate, whatever it was that gave Laxus that air in battle made him fumble. Not a single conversation had passed between the two of them without Natsu feeling as uncomfortable as Laxus looked, and the more than happened, the less willing Natsu was to start a conversation at all.

His first morning with Laxus, Natsu didn't even call down the stairs for help, nor did he feel it was worth the effort to wipe himself out going down on his own. After he'd been up for a few hours, watching from the window as people on the street bellow went about their day, Laxus came up with a plate of the previous night's leftovers and a cup of Natsu's tea. This lead to an awkward conversation over how Laxus was making sure not to miss any of Natsu's care regiment, and Natsu didn't have the heart to point out that the pill he was supposed to have with breakfast had been forgotten. Then Laxus insisted on hovering in the door and watching Natsu eat—apparently recalling Gray's account of Natsu trying to sneakily snub his tea—which made the entire act of eating awkward.

It was Natsu's hope that Laxus would leave for the guild, and that Happy could then carry him to some nearby resting place outside where he could at least chat with the general townspeople. He'd never been super close to anyone outside of Magnolia, but they'd all known him, and occasionally there was someone interested in how he was doing.

No dice. While it was probably a good thing that Laxus opted to stay at home when Natsu insisted he didn't feel like going anywhere, Natsu hadn't wanted to go anywhere because it meant having Laxus around.

"Lucy can't get back soon enough," Natsu muttered after Laxus left to go and wash his lunch dishes.

"What if they let you go back with Gray?" Happy asked.

"Not likely." Gray left him with someone untrusted for days while he hung around Magnolia and took some time for himself. Whatever else people had complained about to Makarov, that was something Natsu didn't doubt, and it was a pretty major problem. Not to mention what it said about Gray's views on the issue that he would do such a thing. "I don't think he'll put up much of a fight to get me back anyway."

"Gray's a friend."

"Who got fed up with doubling as my nanny."

Wouldn't it be awful if the same thing happened with Lucy? Maybe he'd steadily go through all the guild mates he was close to and end up in some old folks home at the age of twenty just like Laxus had proposed, except with all his friends so burnt out from trying to take care of him that no one ever came to visit.

Happy wasn't privy to Natsu's thoughts, but seeing his companion's expression shift to one of horror, put a hand on Natsu's and said, "Gray's a friend. He wouldn't give up on you completely."

"No. But I'm sure he'd like a break from me."

"That's not true."

"Watch him not come by to make sure Laxus knows what he's doing."

"He will."

"Watch."

-o-

"It would be for the best if you gave it a few days before going to see Natsu. He needs some time to adjust to this latest change."

"Are you _kidding_ me? You don't even trust me to say _hi_ to him?" Gray demanded. "I explained everything. Natsu was fine with me. Why can't I even _see_ him?"

"So he and Laxus can become comfortable with one another."

"Who cares. Lucy's going to get back before that happens."

He was right, but Makarov couldn't say as much and still tell Gray to keep away. "Don't argue with me," he said instead.

"But you're being ridiculous. And I _told_ you, whatever anyone said about the way Natsu's been acting lately—"

"I'll take that into account, but it doesn't explain some major oversights that have been brought to my attention."

Gray paused. There was _more_ that people complained about him doing? What else had he done to make them concerned? Lucy was the one who arranged for Natsu to sneak off with Sting and everyone who knew Natsu left town knew that, so they wouldn't have reported to Makarov when Gray came back and had no idea where Natsu was until Lucy came home. Did someone think it was wrong that he always made Natsu take his medicine? That was his _medicine_. Of course he needed to take it. What if someone had completely made up an accusation against him? Would anyone do that? If they thought he was trouble for other reasons, he could see a guild mate fabricating a more extreme accusation to get Natsu into 'better' hands.

"What exactly would that be?" Gray asked. "I can't defend myself over accusations I don't know were made."

"You kids get into enough fights without me adding fuel to the fire. I'm not going to tell you what was said and let you trace it back to the source. Never mind that I'm already over budget this month for replacing furniture. I don't want anyone else thinking there might be repercussions on their part for notifying me if they see something worrisome."

"Okay. Now suppose I promise to _only_ use this information to explain how whatever they think happened isn't the case and didn't confront anyone about what I think they said."

Had the person who reported Gray's alleged neglect been anyone other than Natsu, Makarov might have allowed this. While he had his moments, Gray was by and large good at keeping himself from reacting entirely based on emotion. Since it had been Natsu who complained that Gray left him somewhere questionable for days without so much as a word, Makarov saw no point. Natsu had a better idea than anyone else of what Gray did to Natsu, and the only reason he might make up an incident was if he wanted to get away from Gray, a change which he'd resisted when Makarov insisted upon it. Besides, good at acting on more than just emotions or not, if Gray was guilty of neglect, it was never a good idea to let an abuser know that the person they'd abused was the one to report them.

"My decision on this final, Gray.

-o-

"Told you he wouldn't come."

Happy had no good counter for that. Gray _didn't_ come, there was no denying that. Instead of trying to pretend otherwise, Happy flew up into Natsu's lap and placed a paw on his shoulder.

"We'll ask next time we see him."

"Yeah. He was real forthcoming explaining the whole thing with Sting."

"Something had to have gone wrong," Happy insisted. "I can't believe Gray would chose not to at least make sure Laxus knew what he was doing. We're not that far from the guild. It doesn't make sense."

It made more sense leaving him with Laxus without making sure the arrangement worked than it did leaving him with Sting while being certain it wouldn't. Natsu's throat constricted as his mind fully settled on the idea that Gray was tired of helping him. He lost a friend because he was too much of a burden to help, and Gray couldn't keep up with it anymore. He should have just let them send him off to a home where people could visit often.

"Do you think I should turn down the offer if Lucy says it's cool for me to stay with her?"

"If?"

"She might not want me in her apartment indefinitely. It'll probably raise her rent."

"The guild would compensate her. They did for Gray, and he only had food expenses extra."

Natsu hadn't realized the guild was still handing out money for him. Even though, in the back of his mind, he knew that whatever Gray was paid wasn't as much as he made on jobs, it certainly made the act of taking care of him seem a lot more altruistic. Maybe Lucy already got money too, whenever Natsu was left with her while Gray worked. He wondered if she was paid for the time he was at Sting's.

Natsu almost suggested that he wanted to stay with Laxus. The awkwardness was borderline unbearable, but he knew for certain that Laxus took him in only because Makarov asked, and it wouldn't be as big a loss if Laxus were to grow fed up with him. He almost said it, except that he also knew Laxus agreed to look after him with the expectation that it would only be until Lucy returned. How would he explain his interest in staying somewhere he so clearly hated it?

"I hate this," Natsu said. "I _hate_ this! This whole stupid mess! I hate Gray! I hate not being able to walk or run or do _anything_! I hate this stupid disease!"

"You okay?" Laxus shouted from downstairs.

'No,' Natsu tried to shout back, but the word caught in his throat, and what came out instead was a sob.

No, he wasn't okay. The life he'd wanted was gone forever, and he couldn't even live on his own anymore. The friend who he'd most come to rely on with his disease had abandoned him, and now he was certain it was only a matter of time before everyone else did. After all, if Gray, who'd been so dedicated to helping with his condition, could give up, then who was to say that no one else would.

Laxus reacted to hearing no response from Natsu by staying downstairs, which served Natsu just fine. Crying was embarrassing enough without someone hovering over him and making it awkward. He was fine with only Happy hugging him and saying that things would get better somehow. He would have preferred to have Gray there to offer consolidation too, but obviously that wasn't going to happen.

"Lucy isn't going to leave you too," Happy said, correctly guessing the fear that had been on Natsu's mind ever since he accepted that Gray no longer had it in him to be a caretaker.

Under normal circumstances, being told that whatever he was afraid of wasn't going to happen would be consoling. This time, it was the exact last thing Natsu needed to hear, as if having the fear vocalized made it a real thing. Unable to take it anymore, he threw his hands over his face and wailecd.

Gray didn't want him. He was such a burden that Gray no longer wanted him, and if Gray could give up on him, anyone could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy chapter is happy.


	30. Lucy returns

Lucy expected to be met with utter chaos when she returned from her job. The second to last job she'd taken longer than she'd expected, and she ended up not making it home in time to direct Gray to Sting's house. Gray's fury then was directed more at the fact that Natsu was at Sting's than with Lucy for not notifying anyone, but she knew that sooner or later Gray would turn on her over the whole ordeal, and that he would justified in doing so. He was Natsu's main caretaker. He needed to be informed on where Natsu was.

Knowing Gray, she figured it would take him just long enough to fetch Natsu and get the roset settled back in at home before he chased her down and tore into her. Not looking forward to what she knew was a well-deserved scolding (how hard would it have been to tell Makarov where Natsu was before leaving town?) Lucy decided to quickly grab another job and make a run for it.

As the train pulled back into Magnolia after her latest job, Lucy watched from the window for any signs of Gray waiting for her at the station. She took it as a good sign, no, a _wonderful_ sign that he wasn't there. If he wasn't angry enough to wait for her arrival, he'd had time enough to calm down, and there wouldn't be too big a fallout to deal with. At least, that's what she thought.

Everything seemed so calm and normal, so it came as a total shock to Lucy when, after seating herself in the guild and Cana came up to her to ask, "Planning to do anything naughty with Natsu now that he's all yours? I've heard about him sneaking into your bed before. He can still show you a good time, can't he? Or is his disease too serious for anything that physical? I'm sure if you two shot for some time in the morning, he'd still have the energy for it."

It took Lucy a second to process what Cana was talking about, and once she got it, her face turned scarlet.

"I-I-I'd never…! Natsu and I are just…! C-Cana!"

"Like you never thought of it. So, how good is he? Probably not too freaky, right?"

"I-I wouldn't know," Lucy said. "If you insist, you're probably right about him having to do… th-th-that… in the morning, but you've seriously misunderstood our relationship. Natsu and I are _friends._ Nothing more."

"Oh? Are you sure about that? He may have feelings for you, you know. You're both so bad at expressing your—"

"He confided in me that he likes someone else, and I have been trying to help him get their attention," Lucy said.

This gave Cana only a moment's pause. "Really? Not Gray? Seems like he'd be a better one to go to, with his weird fetish for helping Natsu."

Lucy wished Cana hadn't phrased it that way, but it was too late to unhear what had been said. "Well, Gray wasn't really an option. Besides, how good could _Gray_ be at offering advice with opening up to someone you like?"

As soon as she said it, Lucy regretted her words. She should have skipped that whole first part, which made it so _obvious_ to her that she was talking about how Gray was the one that Natsu liked.

To her relief, Cana's only visible reaction was to laugh and say, "True. He's not the most emotionally expressive guy, is he? I bet he'd have turned into some sort of overprotective dad towards whoever Natsu likes anyway. Hey, y'know, maybe that's why he got to be so weird about Natsu going to stay with Sting."

Lucy hadn't mentioned Natsu and Sting's agreement to anyone, but she smiled and nodded as if she perfectly understood what was going on. If nothing else, she knew about the reaction Cana referred to. As for how Cana knew about it…

"Well, it's probably for the best that Natsu went to you about Sting instead. He'd be pretty lost right now otherwise, but he still has you to get support from." Can gave Lucy's arm a light punch. "Take care of him, kay?"

"Y-yeah." Whatever that all meant. "Do you know where Natsu is right now?"

"Probably at Laxus's," Cana said. "Sometimes Laxus drops by for a few minutes to report on how he's doing, but neither of them have left much since the Gramps rearranged Natsu's housing. Natsu's sulking. Laxus doesn't want to leave him alone. I think they've got Fried running around doing all of Laxus's errands until Natsu finally asks to come here again."

And suddenly Cana's last comment made sense. "The master separated Natsu and Gray?"

"You didn't hear?"

"I just got back…"

Cana shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hadn't wanted to be the one to give a serious explanation. "I guess Natsu complained to Mira about some things Gray did wrong—really wrong—earlier in the week. Day after you left, in fact. Gramps decided that he'd heard enough of people taking issue with how Gray did things. Neither of them's really come around since. Gray dropped by to try and change the old man's mind, but it didn't work and no one's really seen him since.

"Natsu… Not sure what Natsu's issue was. He wasn't happy to be separated from Gray, but everyone who had the whole story thought it was for his own good. I'm not a part of that everyone, but wave Mira down when you see her and she'll have the whole scoop. They were hoping you could take Natsu indefinitely when you get back, although they'll need to work out something more final so you can still pay your rent. Anyway, Natsu's been sulking up in Laxus's guest room. At least according to Laxus. No one's really sure if it's because he wants to stay with Gray, or because he didn't want to live with Laxus."

"Or because he made a choice about where to stay and was told that his opinion on the matter was irrelevant," Lucy added.

"Huh. Didn't even think of that one."

"Gray and Natsu's fight over Sting," Lucy said, "mostly came down to Gray telling Natsu that he couldn't see Sting and that was that, which Natsu felt was too controlling. He's… I mean… He's weak now, and I'm sure it's hard to have to hope that people will help you do what you want, even if it's easier for them to make things go their way."

This time Cana had nothing to say in response. The whole guild had watched uncomfortably as Gray forbid Natsu from something in the name of safety, feeling it was wrong for Gray to act so controlling. The whole guild had then nodded along as Natsu was taken from Gray against his will in the name of safety. Lucy had become rather infamous for the liberties she granted Natsu before his last attack, but even if there was a general sense that she gave Natsu too much liberty, it was hard to dismiss her when she pointed something like _that_ out to them.

"I'm going to go see Natsu." Lucy said, standing up from the bar. "If you spot Gray anywhere, ask him to stop by my apartment."

Lucy _couldn't_ believe Gray might actually do Natsu any harm. Aside from their argument over Sting, the two of them had reached an understanding. Natsu knew that Gray had his best interest at heart and paid attention when Gray thought something was ill advised, and while Gray insisted on certain things, he generally deferred to Natsu when it came to what to do. It to kept Natsu happy and allowed him some control over his life, and since Natsu had finally resigned himelf to asking only for things that were realistic with his condition, they rarely fought over what he wanted. Sting was pretty much the only point of contention, and with the way Sting and Gray acted around one another, Lucy could understand why.

Had she not been in such a rush to make sure Natsu was alright, she might have thought to ask Mira what exactly the two had been separated over, but Lucy reasoned that it was an acceptable oversight. She could always ask Natsu for the details. Natsu account of the incident was something she would need anyway.

-o-

Natsu wept for joy when he saw Lucy.

"You missed me that bad, huh?"

He nodded, trying to wipe his cheeks dry as he smiled up at her. Keeping it to a simple 'missed you' spared him from having to explain that life with Laxus was so horribly awkward that he'd contemplated running away. Not to somewhere he'd never be found, of course. If no one could find him, he half suspected he'd die from being unable to look after himself. But if he made it back to his own home, then maybe Happy would have been able to take care of him alone. If everyone came looking for him and found him getting by, they might not make him go back to Laxus. The only thing stopping Natsu was that he had yet to figure out how he'd afford to keep himself fed.

The way Laxus seemed so unsure of how to handle him only made Natsu feel like more of a burden than ever before. In the three long days since he'd been moved in by force, Natsu had come to resent himself, not his illness, for his inability to handle things. To finally see Lucy, who he knew would take him in and who Makarov approved of, was the greatest relief he'd felt in a long time.

"This certainly isn't where I expected to find you," Lucy said. "What happened?"

"Gray ditched me. Gramps said I couldn't stay with him anymore after that. Said too many people came to him saying they saw Gray do something they didn't like."

"How did that happen?" Lucy asked. "Gray didn't just _leave_ you, did he?"

"More or less. I wasn't in any danger, but he had no way of knowing that."

He took comfort in the disbelieving look on Lucy's face. Having spent the past week thinking of how cumbersome taking care of him had been for Gray that'd he'd ultimately be left behind, such skepticism as to the idea that Gray would really do such a thing was to be appreciated. Maybe some of that self-doubt had been a figment of his imagination.

"Did you confront Gray about it?"

"Not really. We were busy arguing over whether or not it was okay for me to visit Sting again. Since I wasn't really in any danger, I was more upset over him telling me I couldn't be with a friend. It only came up because…um…" Natsu blushed and looked away, feeling ashamed as he admitted, "I was mad, so I went to Mira to complain about him, and I mentioned how Gray just… _left_ me for a few days. I wanted him to sound bad so she'd side with me when I complained about him, but… I hadn't thought of how Gray didn't know I was alright all that time, and when Gramps made a big deal of it…"

"Hey left you…?"

That didn't sound right. No part of that sounded right. Especially not when Lucy thought of how frantic Gray had been when she returned from her last job and he saw that Natsu wasn't with her. When he ran off after the explained where Natsu was, she thought he would head straight to Sting's place. No way would someone who couldn't even stand for Natsu to be in the care of someone he didn't see eye to eye with leave Natsu in the care of no one.

"You're sure?" Lucy asked. "He really refused to even come and check in on you?"

"I mean, he came eventually, but when we contacted the guild to see what was taking Gray so long with picking me up…"

Seeing the downcast look on Natsu's face as he recalled all of this, Lucy resolved to find Gray. Either there was a missing piece to this whole affair that he might be able to clear up, or she was going to kick his ass so hard the heel of her boot would scratch his throat.

"So I was right," Natsu said, drawing Lucy's attention back to him. "He didn't like me."

"Jellal tried to murder Erza, and I think it's safe to say he likes her," Lucy said. "Give me a few days to investigate before you give up on him."

"He hasn't come to visit either."

" _Give me a few days_."

Natsu recoiled, shocked by the sudden forceful tone and dark scowl. "O-okay."

"And in the meantime, cheer up," Lucy added, making herself smile again so as not to scare Natsu any further. "I'll get Laxus to help me move your things into my apartment while we sort everything out. You and Happy fly there whenever you're ready. I'll make hot cocoa."

Natsu looked at her in confusion. "That's better when it's snowing out."

Now it was Lucy who looked confused, even a little alarmed. Natsu was sitting right beside a window, after all. How he could have failed to miss the light blanket of snow on the streets below was beyond her.

"Are you looking outside at all?"

"Kind of." Natsu glanced out the window. "Oh. Kinda early for that… Okay. Let's make cocoa. Should help warm me up after the trip there."

The only comment Lucy could think to make was about what a shame it was that Natsu no longer had enough magic to warm himself, but she dared not say as much to him. She smiled and ruffled his hair instead.

"Leave everything to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals tomorrow. Yay.


	31. Mystery Solved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the point that I wrote these past few chapters, it seems I was really into the idea of almost kissing someone because emotion X was so overwhelming...

Lacking cocoa mix, Lucy opted to go the old fashion route and actually melt hot chocolate into milk. Given how somber Natsu still acted when he and Happy arrived at her apartment, she doubled the amount of chocolate she'd first thought might be needed, and the result was sweeter and creamier than she'd intended.

Natsu had three servings before she made him stop with the warning of a sugar crash.

"We can make more tomorrow," she promised. "Don't overdo it for now."

"I miss overdoing things."

"I miss you overdoing things too. It feels wrong to finish a job and not owe anyone half my earnings in damages."

"It still doesn't feel right to not take any jobs."

When Lucy took the half drunken mug of hot chocolate from Natsu, she placed a small stack of papers in his hand. "Here. I have a few new stories written up for you. I know it's not the same, but it might kind of be like being there."

Happy nested himself in Natsu's lap while Natsu adjusted his glasses, letting the magic lenses refocus for him on the fine print. How well he could read without them, Lucy didn't know. He could at least find his way around without them on, but after him having had the best vision of anyone he'd known in the past, it still looked strange to her to see Natsu depend on something like that to see clearly.

His vision was good enough that, out of the corner of his eye, Natsu caught her looking upset. "What?"

"Nothing. Just… It's nothing. How are you feeling after the trip over? You can read in bed if you want."

"The chair's comfy enough," Natsu's eyes drifted back down to the story. "Are we sleeping together tonight, or do you want me on the couch?"

"You've demonstrated more than once that we both fit on the bed. You can have the window side if you want."

Natsu grinned and nodded, not suspecting for a moment that Lucy was worried he might fall out of bed. Not that he'd fallen off her couch the last time he was over, but if _Gray_ had lost his Natsu privileges for assumed carelessness, then Lucy wasn't taking any chances. Besides, the bed was soft and the view from the window was pleasant, and Natsu clearly wasn't happy with the situation with Gray. He wasn't going to complain about a little special treatment in getting explicit permission to share the bed with her.

"I'm low on food, by the way," Lucy mentioned. "I'll see you two to the guild tomorrow, but after that, I need to go shopping."

"I don't wanna go to the guild," Natsu said.

"Why not? Fairy Tail is like a second home." In fact, she'd always suspect that it was closer to being Natsu's _first_ home.

"He's worried that Gray will be there," Happy said. Whatever he intended to say after that, Natsu clapped a hand over the cat's mouth before it could be said.

"Everyone's only seen Gray _once_ since they split you two up," Lucy informed him. "It would be a pretty big coincidence if he showed up. And if he does, you can ask him for me what on earth was up with him leaving you behind."

Natsu made a noncommittal noise and held the story up to feign focusing all of his attention on it.

"I only have so many people I can leave you in the hands of. I think you and Happy could manage for an hour or two on your own, but I'd rather not risk having the master drag you back to Laxus's tomorrow night. Please, Natsu, agree to go to the guild."

She'd picked her wording carefully. Throwing in the threat of life with Laxus while making it sound like she wasn't threatening him, and phrasing the whole thing as a request. Natsu didn't bristle quite as much over others deciding what to do for him anymore. Not when Gray had done just that more times than any of them could count. He did still like to have control over his own situation, though. Presenting the guild as an option earned less resistance as compared to an order.

"Fine," Natsu said, "But I'll hate you forever if Gray's there."

"And here I thought you loved him," Lucy said, forgetting for a moment that Happy wasn't in on that secret.

Natsu, momentarily oblivious to the cat on his lap, shut his eyes and said, "That's the problem."

-o-

Because Natsu wanted to train her, Lucy carried him on her back the whole way to the guild. Happy held onto Natsu's jacket, wings out, pulling up to lighten Lucy's load whenever her knees threatened to give out. By the time she reached the guild she was beat, but Natsu had a fun time with it, and until she fixed whatever mess started with Gray, he needed all the cheering up he could get. Lucy herself had never been in love, but it wasn't hard to imagine how badly it must have hurt to be in Natsu's position.

"What do you do when you're frustrated?" Lucy asked. "What kind of coping methods have you tried?"

"Beat things," Natsu said. "Go on a job and beat up people, or go punch a bag in my room. I drew Gray's face on it a while back. Before I got sick and everything."

Happy, who now knew what 'everything' entailed, snickered.

"Can you still do that?"

"No. Now I… I don't know. I just deal with it, I guess. Not like I have much of a choice."

"I'm going to buy you a stress ball while I'm out. You can squeeze it when you're upset."

"Squeezing stuff helps?"

Lucy regretted nodding at that, because Natsu promptly squeezed her arm. It didn't hurt exactly. Natsu's grip strength was abysmal. It did make her feel bad, though. She already knew Natsu was distressed, but she didn't exactly need such an abrupt reminder.

She got him to the guild, suffering through applause and laughter at the sight of her and Happy struggling to carry Natsu together in order to get him to a table near the back of the room where Erza sat.

"You have babysitting duty whenever I need to work," she told Erza as she set Natsu down, "so you can practice looking after him now. I need to run some errands."

Natsu took the teasing in good spirits, but Erza went stiff, eyes widening at the implication that what they were doing for Natsu could be called babysitting.

"Don't take too long," Natsu told her.

"I'll be back before you can have any unpleasant encounters."

It wasn't a promise Lucy could really make, but since she intended to track Gray down herself, she didn't anticipate Gray showing up and giving Natsu any grief before she could get an explanation out of him.

-o-

Had they been characters in a story, Lucy would have expected all the assurance she gave Natsu that he wouldn't encounter Gray to be a sure sign that Gray would show up at the guild. Since they weren't just a bunch of fictional characters playing out certain clichés, she expected to find Gray sulking in his apartment. Much to her satisfaction, when she knocked on his front door, he opened it up for her and proved her right.

"Your back."

There was something unsettling about the bland way he said it, and Lucy hesitated when he stepped aside so she could go in. Gray's eyes were dull, and he hadn't shaved that morning. Natsu, at least, had kept up his daily maintenance.

Natsu would also have the whole guild descend on him looking for signs that he was unwell if he showed up unshaven, but that was neither here nor there.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just… been a while since I didn't have any reason to get up and work. You picked Natsu up from Laxus's place?"

Lucy nodded. "He's staying with me for now, but I have someone else keeping an eye on him what I'm here." Out of consideration for Natsu, she left out that that someone else was watching him at the guild. "I wanted to talk to you about… _whatever_ happened that made the master split you two up."

"I'd love to talk to _anyone_ about that," Gray said. "No one's told me what I did wrong. Gramps thinks I'll harass whoever reported me."

"It was Natsu," Lucy said, confident that Gray wouldn't actually harass him.

"Na… Natsu?" Gray paled. He had the same heartbroken look on his face that Natsu did when admitting that he was afraid of seeing Gray at the guild, and for a moment, Lucy wondered if maybe Gray really was going through a similar heartbreak to Natsu. The kind where you thought it was someone you loved, not just a friend, who wronged you. "Why did… We… We fought the night before over Sting… but I told him in the end that it was alright for the two of them to see each other. I can't think of any other reason Natsu would have gone and tried to get me into trouble."

The implication that Gray hadn't actually done anything to deserve being mistrusted wasn't lost on Lucy.

"So what happened then?" Lucy prompted. "Natsu mentioned that there was a fight and he complained about you after, but he didn't seem to have much of an idea as to why everything happened the way it did. Why did you leave him behind?"

"Why did I _what?_ " The confusion on Gray's face looked too sincere for Lucy to doubt.

"Natsu said you left him somewhere you weren't sure was safe. That's what the master is upset over."

"No… I…" Gray took a seat at his kitchen table, staring down at his hands as he wracked his brain for whatever incident Natsu might have meant. "Maybe… the day Sting offered to have Natsu stay with him? That was a while ago, but I can't think of any other time, and I did little things like that often. Left him home or at the park with Happy to cover for me while I knocked out errands. Not too long after he got his bandages we got separated from Happy and checked all over town for him. Natsu didn't want to deal with the guild while everyone wanted to know how he'd faired from his attack, so when we stopped for lunch I asked him to wait in the café and ran to check the guild on my own. When Happy and I came back, he was gone. He'd left after some waitress said something about him, and Sting and Rogue found him and helped him back to his place. Sting was pissed with me when I caught up with them. He might have complained about that more while Natsu was staying with him, and then Natsu brought it up because he was mad at me for telling him to stay away from Sting. Do you think that's it?"

"Maybe." Lucy thought from talking to Natsu that it had been a matter of days that Gray was AWOL, not the kind of brief absence Gray described. "How mad was Natsu the morning they split you two up?"

"We weren't talking."

Livid then. Lucy had never seen Natsu give anyone the cold shoulder treatment, and it seemed strange to her that Natsu would react that way to being told not to see Sting. That was already something Gray forbid—hence their sneaking behind Gray's back to get Natsu over to Sting's in the first place. Even the incident with the café that Gray recounted couldn't explain that kind of anger, which meant that there was something else they weren't accounting for.

"It's not that I don't believe you," Lucy said, earning herself a dark look from Gray, "but nothing I'm hearing lines up right. I'll be back when I have the chance, but let me see if I can get more detail out of Natsu first. I don't think that abandonment complaint he had is the same one you've mentioned."

"I can't think of any other time I've left Natsu with anyone I don't trust. He could get himself where he needed before that incident, and I've been extra careful ever since."

"Natsu definitely said you left him alone for days."

"I would _never_ do that. It kills me just to leave him with Laxus."

Despite her best efforts to remain neutral and keep things amiable with Gray, Lucy couldn't help but sound annoyed when she said, "Which is why you haven't gone to check on him."

"I was forbidden from seeing him!" Gray snapped, pushing up from his chair to defend himself. "You think I wouldn't be there _every second_ if I was allowed? I _kills_ me not to be with him!"

Lucy hadn't realized she'd backed away when Gray yelled, but as he steadied his breathing, she noticed her rear pressed hard against the corner of his kitchen counter. What was she even supposed to say in response to something like that? That Natsu wasn't happy either? If what Gray said was true, that would only make things harder on him.

Watching him attempt to calm himself, it almost seemed to Lucy that Gray was taking the separation harder than Natsu was, which might make sense to anyone who saw only Gray's neuroticism and Natsu's frustration with all the mothering he received as a result, but Lucy knew better. Natsu loved Gray, and it crushed him to be taken away and left to feel abandoned. The only reason Gray should have to feel that same level of hurt…

"Do you like Natsu?" Lucy dared ask. Natsu would murder her if he learned she was so upfront, but she wasn't asking on Natsu's behalf.

"You think I'd go as far as I did for someone I can't stand?" Gray asked. "Gramps said you're taking over Natsu's care when you get back, so… I can deal with that. You know what you're doing with him now The two of you make a good couple anyway."

With Gray being as particular as he was about Natsu's care, Lucy almost let the praise of being an acceptable caregiver distract her from that last little bit. "Couple?"

"Yeah. You and Natsu."

"We aren't a couple."

Gray snorted. "Nice try. Half the time, I catch you two sleeping in the same bed. Watch out for Sting, by the way. He actually declared himself a contender for Natsu's love, so you have yourself a rival. Beat Juvia to getting one, I guess."

Whether or not anyone else knew it, there had been a love rival for Juvia for a few months. More important to clarify than that, however, was the Natsu-Lucy relationship. "Natsu crawls into bed with me because I only have the one and he has no sense of personal space. We're _friends_ , so he doesn't think anything weird of it. I've given up on stopping him by this point."

"Natsu and I are friends too," Gray said, "and he thought it was extremely weird for us to share a bed."

"When did that happen?"

"We didn't get his hammock moved over the first night he was here," Gray said. "In any case, Natsu only wants to sleep with you."

Or, maybe, Natsu didn't want to sleep with Gray because wanting more than just friendship with him made him think of it was weird to share a bed while their relationship was anchored. But Lucy couldn't say as much without breaking Natsu's trust in her. "Natsu and I aren't interested in one another that way. Natsu… I don't know if he wants me telling you this or not, but he came to me for advice with his _actual_ crush."

Lucy had never realized had appropriate a term 'crush' was, because 'crushed' was an apt description for how Gray looked when Lucy told him that. She couldn't wait to rub it in Natsu's face that she'd been right about him having a chance if he confessed. If Natsu still wanted to confess. She _needed_ to sort out whatever happened between him and Gray.

"Who…"

"Sorry. Sworn to secrecy." Seeing Gray only look further crushed at that, Lucy gave him a sympathetic smile and said, "You wouldn't want me to run any tell anyone if you confided in me about who you liked, right? Especially not Juvia."

That made Gray laughed, albeit nervously.

"I can't betray Natsu's trust, and I'd do the same for you."

"Then do you mind if I confide in you?" Gray asked. "Since I can't tell the person I like anymore."

"Go for it," Lucy said, already knowing his answer.

"I… I might… like Natsu. I don't know when I started thinking about him differently. Definitely not before he got sick, but… I-I mean, I didn't offer to help because I'm into him or anything. I just… Makarov asked, and then I felt like he needed someone there, and… I don't know. At some point it stopped feeling like something I did just 'cause he needed it."

"Don't worry." Lucy clapped her hand on Gray's shoulder. "I'll get to the bottom of this and have you two back together in no time."

"Ah. But Natsu's crush—"

"That's for him to tell you." Lucy was so excited to have confirmation on Gray's feelings that she could almost kiss him. "Gotta go pick him up now. Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best hot chocolate is made with actual chocolate. Just FYI.
> 
> Oh. Another FYI. Don't get too excited for the next chapter. I'm not done being a brat with the drama yet.


	32. Love Rival Won

Conscious as he was of his ban on seeing Natsu, Gray gave it a full day after Lucy left before heading to the guild. He hated going the past few days. Whether or not everyone knew the details, they at least heard that Makarov took Natsu away from him. It felt like a walk of shame to go into the building and have everyone stare, thinking about what he might have done to be deemed untrustworthy. Gray still had only the barest idea himself.

Once he was certain Lucy and Natsu were gone, he stole himself and went in. If he felt confrontational, he might have gone to Makarov's office and demanded to know exactly what Natsu said he did. He didn't have it in him to be so bold. The past few days being told he wasn't safe for Natsu had taken their toll on him, and if him knowing Natsu was the one to report him was a risk to Natsu's safety, then Gray didn't dare get Lucy in trouble. Instead, Gray went up to the bar to get a drink and see if Mira could confirm for him that Natsu was doing alright. Lucy had already given a brief summary, but it wasn't enough detail for Gray to be comfortable with.

He felt numb as he took his seat. Natsu liked someone. He wasn't involved with Lucy after all, but he was still out of reach. Who was he really drawn to? Lisanna? Sting? Gray didn't know if he could act supportive if that's who Natsu really wanted. Not that it mattered, if Natsu made up a story about Gray abandoning him for days in order to split them apart.

First making up an excuse of wanting Gray to have a break so he could sneak off with Sting, and now this. If Natsu really hated his company that badly, he should have said so upfront.

No one smiled at him. A few people even pretended they couldn't see him as he waved to Mira, who wasn't allowed to ignore him. She at least didn't look like she suspected he was plotting a murder when she came over to greet him, but it was never a good sign if Mira didn't smile at you on the job.

"What do you want?"

"Uh…" That was not a cheerful greeting. "Anything strong."

"Before lunch?"

"It's not like I have anywhere I need to be after lunch."

Now outright scowling at him, Mira turned and grabbed two bottles from behind the counter and mixed their contents.

As if she could sense the opening of a new bottle, Cana plopped down in the stool beside Gray. "Oo. Breaking out the heavy duty stuff? Pour me one too."

"Coming right up!"

Gray sighed. He was going to get some serious Jekyll and Hyde vibes if Mira planned on being cold with him while acting her usual cheerful self with Cana.

The drinks were mixed and poured and set down for the two of them. "This is all either of you get before noon."

"Lame," Cana muttered.

"I'm sure you can coax more alcohol out of her," Gray said.

"She always does this in the morning. One drink only. You wouldn't know 'cuzz your normally too uptight to live a little."

"There are more ways to live a little than getting wasted before lunch."

"Those ways aren't as fun," Cana said. "You still upset over the whole thing with Natsu? Laxus says the poor guy needs help getting up and down the stairs. I'd think it'd be a relief not to be responsible for him anymore."

The night that Gray agreed to let Natsu move in with him, he'd found Natsu crying. Makarov, Laxus, and Mira, assuming that his hearing had declined along with his vision, had a conversation outside the infirmary door about what to do with him when the amount of help he needed increased by such a tremendous margin. They'd discussed removing him from the guild, even going so far as to put him in a nursing home. The logic there being that they thought it wouldn't be fair to anyone to expect them to handle Natsu's care in its entirety.

Seeing Natsu crying then, Gray had wanted to hurt everyone responsible for upsetting him, but he hadn't known the culprits at the time. Now, listening to Cana say something so bluntly, even if Natsu wasn't there, it took all Gray's self-restraint not to slug her. Natsu couldn't help it that there was so much he couldn't do on his own.

"Maybe the old man shouldn't have sent him to a two story house. You guys all saw him trying to get up to the second floor here when Porylusica assessed him. Have some common sense."

"Says the guy with a second floor apartment."

"He didn't need help getting anywhere inside the apartment," Gray countered, leaving out the detail of how Natsu needed help getting anywhere by sundown. Laxus had likely complained about that, if they all heard of Natsu struggling on Laxus's stairs. "I never had any issue with helping him in or out of my apartment, so if you guys think helping him on the stairs is such an imposition, I'm happy to take him back."

"The master wouldn't be too happy if you did." Gray forgave Cana for laughing when she said that because, in all likelihood, she'd already downed a six-pack before coming to the guild. And talking ill of him wasn't as bad as saying things that would upset Natsu. "That reminds me, Lucy's back. Her apartment's up some stairs to, so I guess it just sucks to be Natsu, but he's staying with her now. She told me to have you go talk to her."

"Yeah. I saw her earlier…" Gray fought the urge to gossip, but he needed to confirm that he hadn't been the only one to get the Natsu-Lucy relationship wrong. "Did you know Natsu and Lucy aren't together?"

"Yeah! Weird, right? I would have thought they were, but Lucy told me a week or so back about how she's been playing match maker for him. I guess he's got a thing for Sting."

"She told you? She told me it was a secret."

Cana shrugged. "She didn't name any names, but it seemed obvious from how she brought the whole thing up. Helping him with someone he liked, then bringing Sting up like that. Natsu and Sting. Must be like falling in love with a yellow tinted mirror."

"Or rose," Gray said, trying to sound like he was joking. Like he could joke. Like this wasn't the worst news in the world. He'd rather have heard that he needed to amputate his leg. It would feel like he lost less of himself than he just had listening to Cana as she ripped out his heart.

"Yeah. I've heard somewhere how people usually go for the ones that balance them out, but I guess dating someone who's like another version of you is a thing. I take it you don't approve."

With so many people watching him, Gray couldn't be too vocal in explaining how thoroughly against the mere notion he was. "It's Natsu's choice. Doesn't matter what I think."

"So what were you fighting about then?"

"Sting's an asshole. Whatever Natsu thinks of him, I'm allowed to not like him. The prick hated me by default anyway." Technically Sting hated Gray because the blond thought he'd abandoned Natsu on the street, which Natsu had likely failed to clear up given the current situation, but that was neither here nor there. "Since I guess I'm not allowed to stop by Lucy's, let her know if she comes here that I'm always available for an update."

"On Natsu?"

"Him too. How's he doing at Lucy's?"

"He seemed happy to be out of Laxus's house, but last night was the first he's spent with her so far."

Right. Obviously. "Good," Gray mumbled. "Tell him… nah. Let Lucy know I'm waiting for more news from her." It wasn't like he had anything to report himself. He still wanted the whole situation sorted out, even if Natsu liked Sting, but…

Natsu and Sting…

"I think… I'm gonna go home."

"You don't want to take a job?" Cana asked. "Been a while since you didn't have anything keeping you away from work."

"Yeah… maybe." Gray mumbled. Sting and Natsu. Natsu and Sting. He didn't even want to think of it. Maybe it wasn't even a good idea to see if Lucy could get him and Natsu back together. Even if he wanted to at least be trusted with Natsu again, supporting Natsu while seeing him and Sting together would be too painful. "Forget what I said before. Let Lucy know I'm gonna be out of town for a while."

Natsu had Lucy to look after him, and she knew what she was doing. If Natsu really did love Sting, then Gray wasn't sure he could ever bear to set foot in Fiore again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo. So close.


	33. Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!
> 
> Actually, I had fun with this stretch. All the little details that came together in just the right way to make people discuss things in such a way as to only add to the confusion. But it's nice to get to the point where things begin to clear up.

"Sting pulled out a lacryma for us to contact the guild. Mira told us that Gray was back, but he didn't come to get me for days after she said so, and when he showed up he acted like nothing happened. He grilled me on what all I did with Sting and got weird about how Yukino made us cookies to shut us up once, but he acted like he hadn't waited forever before picking me up. At first I thought that he wanted a few days off from having to help me, and that… I didn't like to think that, but I understood it. But then when I complained about it to Mira and she pointed out that Gray decided to leave me even though he didn't trust Sting, it just… it seemed bad. Like, maybe he was too tired of me to care if something went wrong."

"That can't be right. Gray told me he ran to get you as soon as he could." Something about this nagged at the back of Lucy's mind. Something that told her that this was not only wrong, but that whatever piece she was missing was one she'd played a major part in. "Gray and I met at the train station, and I could have sworn I watched him buy a ticket once I told him where you were. At first he thought I took you with me when… Oh. _Oh_."

"What?" Natsu asked.

"I'm so _stupid!_ Oh my God, Natsu, I'm so sorry! I went and ruined everything!"

"What is it?" Natsu leaned so far forward in curiosity that Happy grabbed his arm to make sure he didn't fall off of Lucy's bed.

"I took a job," Lucy said. "It was only supposed to last a day and I would have been back before Gray. I've had trouble with my rent ever since you… well… you've been off active duty and Gray hardly worked because he wanted to be there for you, and Erza and Wendy and I started taking jobs with other people while we waited for the two of you to come back. After we learned you wouldn't… we just stayed apart. The whole team wasn't getting back together, so it felt weird to go on without you two. We still take jobs together sometimes, but usually I'm on my own, or tag along with Levy, so I can't do as difficult of work. I mean, Levy and I are alright, but Jet and Droy are… not… and none of us are as good as Erza." She almost said 'as good as you or Erza,' but caught herself before she could throw out such a cruel reminder. "So an easy, high paying job came up and I couldn't pass it over. I was supposed to be there when Gray got home, but there was an incident at the train station that delayed everything for _days_."

"So Gray came home and you weren't there."

"And I might not have told anyone else where you were," Lucy admitted. "You were confident in Sting, and he and Rogue seemed alright the day they visited here, but I'd seen a few people go to Makarov whenever they thought Gray mishandled you, and I was worried that they might think I'd done the same if they found out I left you with… well… _Sting_."

"Sting took good care of me."

"Yeah, but Sting and being a good caretaker is like Sting and reading. Apparently it's a thing, but you wouldn't guess at first glance. I was mostly okay with it because I figured Rogue would be there to help too."

Natsu had to concede that one. If Sting and Rogue hadn't taken charge the day he nearly fell into the canal, he wasn't sure he'd have expected either of them, or at least not Sting, to put too much thought into what all he needed others to do for him.

"So then Gray…"

"I got home a few days after him. Gray probably didn't apologize for coming late because he didn't realize we all expected him to get you a few days earlier. He just thought I took you with me when I left town, since all I had to do was provide special effects for a show. And form his perspective he didn't waste a second going to pick you up."

Lucy expected Natsu to be angry with her. Her carelessness caused the split between him and Gray and even forced him to spend a few nights with _Laxus_. Natsu, however, was completely uninterested with being angry. Instead, he lit up upon hearing this theory.

"So we can tell Gramps is was a false alarm and I can move back in with Gray?" Natsu asked. "He _didn't_ want time off from me. I'm _not_ wearing him down! I didn't burn anyone out!"

His elation only made Lucy feel worse. She'd been fixated on how Natsu felt about Gray in particular. She'd forgotten about his own self-esteem. Wearing people down. He certainly needed a lot of help, especially as the day wore on. She could see how someone else in a similar situation might want time off from whoever they took care of. Lucky for Natsu, his friends were too loyal for that.

Too bad she went and made it seem like Gray wasn't so loyal.

"I need to let Gray know right away," Lucy said. Now that she knew there was nothing to worry about in stepping out briefly, she asked, "Will you be okay with just Happy?

"Aye!"

"Good. I'll bring back takeout for lunch—or we can go to the guild to eat. We need to straighten things out with everyone else too. I found out that you two were separated when Cana _gossiped_ about how Gray had his Natsu privileges revoked."

"So what you're saying," Natsu clarified, expression dead serious, "is that it's a privilege to be with me."

Lucy swatted his arm. "I didn't mean it that way. You take care, alright? I won't be gone long."

"Bring Gray back with you."

"Will do!"

-o-

Gray wasn't home when Lucy knocked. Had Cana not told her that Gray was avoiding the guild, she would have gone straight there, but Cana had told her that Gray was avoiding the guild, so Lucy waited outside his apartment instead.

Once enough time had passes that she could no longer assume he was simply running errands, Lucy decided to check the guild anyway. Even if Gray was depressed and avoiding everyone, neither he nor anyone else in the guild could go indefinitely without someone to interact with. Besides, he worked maybe once or twice a month while looking after Natsu. If she were in his shoes, she'd have taken advantage of how open her schedule would be to gather up some savings while her super cute and amazingly generous friend sorted everything with Natsu out for her.

She reached the guild but didn't see Gray anywhere. She might have left and spent a few minutes searching the town before returning to Natsu, but Cana was at the bar waving at her, and Lucy figured she could take a few minutes to give an update on how Natsu was doing. She needed to straighten the record out regarding Natsu and Gray anyway.

"You're going to stick around town now that you've got Natsu, huh?" Cana asked.

"You say that like I wasn't already around plenty."

"Please. You were out on a job every other day unless Gray asked you to take over for him. So, how's the little spitfire?"

"I haven't seen him spit fire in months," Lucy reported. "He's cheering up. I had to bribe him with hot chocolate to make his drink his tea, but he takes his pills without complaint, and he's diligent with his exercises. Physically though… it's not one of his better days. I guess the move yesterday wore him down more than I realized. I couldn't even get him to leave my bed. My legs are too sore to carry him again anyway."

"Yeah. I saw you dragging him in the other day. Got a kick out of it. If you're short on rent, I'd pay to see you do that again."

"We're _not_ doing that again. I wouldn't have gone along with it _once_ if Natsu didn't need cheering up."

"He thought it was funny to watch you struggle too?"

"Gray got him hooked on piggyback rides, so he's training me," Lucy corrected. "And there's no point in that now, because he's going back with Gray soon."

Cana cocked her head in confusion. "Not if the old man has anything to say about it. Gray ditched Natsu somewhere, remember?"

"No!" Lucy cried, standing up from her bar stool so fast she knocked it over. "This was all a misunderstanding! Gray was innocent. I-I mean he's still kind of an idiot about Natsu and Sting being friends, but he didn't leave Natsu anywhere unsafe."

"Riii-ight. _Friends._ " Cana chuckled to herself. "I mean obviously Natsu came back safe, but from what I heard from Mira, Gray had no way of knowing that."

"Oh, Nevermind. You can hear the real story from Mira later, if her account means more. Have you seen Gray? I need to let him know I figured out what went wrong?"

Still convinced that Gray was went wrong, Cana gave a thoughtless shrug. "He took a job and left. Said he'd be gone a while. You missed him by about half an hour." Seeing Lucy's exasperated disbelief, Cana grinned and added, "You might still be able to catch him if you run for the train station."

The train station was on the other side of town, and Lucy was in heels. Maybe if she'd brought Natsu and Happy with her, then she'd be able to borrow Happy to make the trip. Then again, if Natsu made her carry him again, they wouldn't have reached the guild until Gray was long gone, and neither of them were up for that kind of excursions anyway.

"Forget it."

Lucy tried to sink back down into her seat. She squatted down to where the stool should have been, had she not knocked it over, then lost her balance and fell the rest of the way to the floor and crash landed on her butt.

When Cana's laughter subsided enough, Lucy heard Mira say, "Oh my. You aren't hurt, are you?"

"No. I've been put through worse."

"That's a relief." Mira reached over the bar to offer Lucy a hand. "You need to be more careful. You take jobs on your own now, Lucy. What if you make a mistake like that during battle?"

Lucy had taken a great many jobs that didn't involve battle since her team unofficially split up, and Mira knew that, but she did still take some fighting jobs, so she accepted the point without dispute. Taking Mira's hand, she let herself be pulled back up to her feet before returning the bar stool to its rightful spot and sitting back down.

"You sure looked animated," Mira mentioned. "Good news?"

"Kind of. I was hoping to tell Gray first, but… I guess he isn't here." Lucy couldn't help but sign. So close. _So_ close to getting the two of them together. If Natsu were too afraid to confess first, she could have pushed Gray into it. "Is the master in? I need to speak with him. It's about Natsu."


	34. Raccoon

Gray always assumed heartache would hurt. Like a pain in his chest, or something. The name had to come from somewhere. Instead, it was as though he felt nothing at all. No pain or anger or disappointment. Gray wasn't even certain he felt apathy, which didn't seem right if he felt nothing else, but then who was he to say how heartache was supposed to go?

There hadn't been any jobs that would take Gray out of the country forever, so he settled for one that would take over a week a few towns over, then never checked out of his hotel room. Some little voice in the back of his mind, one that had yet to break free of old habits, told him that this was a bad idea. He needed to save up as much as he could so he wouldn't need to work too frequently while looking after Natsu. He didn't like that little voice. That little voice was just rubbing it in that Natsu was gone.

At one point, Gray considered seeing how much he could drink before he needed to be rushed to the hospital to get his stomach pumped, but he refrained. Drinking that much would cut into his hotel budget, which meant going back home faster. Going home meant dealing with all those suspicious looks from everyone. All his guildmates wondering what he'd done to Natsu. No… feeling vindicated in their suspicions that he was bad for Natsu. He wasn't. He'd tried so hard to make sure Natsu was safe and happy, and it was unbearable to have everyone suspect him. Even the townspeople were picking up on the guild's attitude, noticing Natsu with others when, previously, Natsu was only out with someone other than Gray when Gray was out of town. He didn't want to go back to that.

Worse, once he went back to Magnolia, he might see Natsu. Natsu being friends with Lucy, but not talking to him. Sting visiting Natsu, and Natsu loving Sting over Gray. Natsu… Natsu…

Natsu who was sick and needed a lot of help. Natsu who Gray was a terrible person for thinking of so selfishly. If Natsu wanted to try and move forward with his life and that meant finding someone, then all the power to him. But Gray? Gray was his caretaker, emphasis on the _was_ part. His role was to help Natsu manage with his disease, not to use the fact that they were (emphasis on the _were_ ) doing everything together to further his own romantic interests. If it weren't for the part where Natsu hated him so much for something he didn't remember doing as to have Makarov forcibly separate them, it would be better that Natsu was with Lucy now. It removed any ethical dilemmas involved in Gray wanting to…

Gray shook the impure thought from his head. Whether or not he was Natsu's caretaker, that had to qualify as taking advantage of him. Even a little kiss when Natsu couldn't fight back would be wrong.

It would have truly been better if Natsu never developed Suraci's in the first place, and Gray had realized what he wanted while they were both in good health. Maybe they could have gotten trapped during a job and lost themselves in a kiss while waiting for the girls to rescue them, or something similarly sappy and clichéd.

On second thought, Gray thought he needed that alcohol poisoning after all.

-o-

The bartender cut him off before he could get too drunk, which was annoying. Gray didn't even feel any better, for as loopy as he'd gotten himself.

He stumbled out of the bar with the intent of finding a seedier dive that wouldn't care how drunk he got so long as he paid for everything upfront, but no sooner had he turned down the street than did he see the last person in the world he wanted.

Gray wasn't too wasted to realize, when he spotted Sting and Rogue across the street chatting, that it would spare him a drunken confrontation if he walked on and focused on his next dive. Then again, he was pissed about the situation with Natsu, and there was the asshole who stole Natsu's heart away from Gray, just standing there laughing like some kind of idiot who's whole life hadn't just fallen apart. He _wanted_ a confrontation with Sting. That old guy who was in charge of Gray's guild, whatever his name was, would probably let Natsu stay with Sting too, and just thinking of that pissed Gray off.

"What're you doing here?" He shouted.

Sting glanced back at him, scowling, and almost turned to face Gray fully, but Rogue grabbed his shoulder and said something to stop him.

Gray waited long enough for Rogue to let go before yelling, "You too chicken t' come over and face me?"

Rogue didn't have the chance to grab Sting before the blond bolted across the street, forcing a magic 4-wheeler to swerve around him, and then Rogue was too busy apologizing to the driver to stop Sting from tacking Gray to the ground.

"Where's Natsu?" Sting demanded. "You leave him to fend for himself again?"

"You _would_ ask about him first thing," Gray spat, which even he realized didn't make a whole lot of sense. Natsu was the first thing _everyone_ asked him about. Or course Sting would ask right away.

"I'll take that as a yes. It's a wonder anyone trusts you with him."

In all fairness to Sting, there has been no word from Natsu since Gray picked him up, and no statement from the guild as to changes in Natsu's care. In fact, Fairy Tail _still_ hadn't put out any official information about Natsu's condition. Sting might have suspected that the comment warranted a punch, be he had no reason to realize just how sensitive a landmine he stepped on.

When Rogue reached the two, Gray had already flipped Sting over on his back and given the blond what would develop into two black eyes.

"Calm down!" Rogue shouted, straining his voice to be heard above their incoherent yelling. "Both of you calm down!"

Neither of them, of course, calmed down just from Rogue insisting they do. Rogue grabbed Gray's shoulder and tried to pull him off, but Gray wiggled out of his grasp. Hissing in frustration, Rogue jumped into Gray's shadow, then grabbed Sting and pulled him in as well.

Gray was drunk enough that when Sting slipped through the pavement, he still punched twice more before realizing he was only going to do damage to himself. Angry, he stood, took a moment to make sure he had his balance, then slurred, "Say that again, you bastard."

"Let me go, Rogue," Sting's voice rose from the ground. "I'm gonna kick his ass."

"Sting, no. He's drunk."

"All the more reason."

Rogue emerged, leaving Sting behind in Gray's shadow. It was Gray's anyway, so Sting would be dragged along with them. When Gray swayed, Rogue hooked an arm under the man's elbow.

"Come on," he said. "Let's get you back to your hotel. We can talk calmly there."

"I'm not doin' calm."

"We can talk calmly, or I can chain you to the bed, and then we'll talk until you're calm enough for me to let go," Rogue said, voice somehow conveying a world of annoyance by maintaining a perfectly even tone. "I think you might need some sleep before you're up for intelligent conversation anyway. We'll get you something non-alcoholic to drink on the way to bed, and hopefully you won't be too hungover."

Rogue made a point of stamping a foot on Gray's shadow with the first step the two of them took together, and Sting dared not give a quip about how Gray deserved whatever headache he had coming.

-o-

Gray dozed while they waited for the alcohol to wear off. He woke with a mild headache and one hand cuffed to the frame of his hotel bed, and it took him a moment to figure out why.

"You actually had a chain on you?" he asked, looking around until he spotted Rogue playing cards with Frosch and Lector on a table against the wall. "What the heck? Please tell me you bought these after I passed out."

"I wasn't convinced you'd keep calm," Rogue said, skipping over the detail of where the handcuffs came from. "Sting? He's awake."

"I heard." Sting's voice echoed from the bathroom.

Despite his situation, Gray couldn't help but grin when Sting stepped out. He held an ice pack to one eye, but the other was still dark purple and swollen. Gray imagined the dragon slayer vision that far outdid that of a normal human's wasn't working too well for Sting just then.

"Now that he's sobered up, can I kick his ass?" Sting asked.

"He beat you up drunk, so probably not," Rogue replied, sticking a leg out to block Sting from getting too close when the blond retaliated to the teasing with a swing at Rogue. "Settle down. Didn't you have something to ask him?"

Sting froze up, remembering, then whirled around to face Gray. "Where's Natsu? You didn't tell us anything drunk, and he's not in the hotel. I can't smell him at all. I swear to god, Gray, if you dumped him in some bar before you got yourself wasted, I'll break both your arms."

"Natsu's back home!" Gray snapped. "As if I'd take him into any potential danger. The only time he ever came along on a job with me was when everyone else in the team overruled my vote."

Rogue nodded his approval at this, but Sting, who had two black eyes and vaguely resembled a rabid raccoon, wasn't willing to let go of his anger so quickly. "And what were you doing, then? Because what we saw wasn't work. I guess you're in the habit of dumping Natsu on others so you can goof off, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" Gray demanded "I've never left Natsu alone longer than I could help it."

"Bull."

Gray bristled, gave the chain a good tug, then let his arms go slack. He could break the bedframe if he wanted, but it wasn't worth it just to sock Sting rather than fessing up. The brat would only run to Magnolia for answers anyway. "I lost him."

"You _what!?_ " Sting shrieked.

"Not like _that!_ " Gray cried

"We're in a hotel," Rogue reminded them in an indoor voice. "Try to keep your volume down for the other guests."

"He _lost_ Natsu!" Sting yelled in a still outdoor voice.

"Natsu's safe at home," Gray said. "The old man doesn't want me looking after him anymore. I don't even know why. Natsu complained to the guild about something instead of telling me off himself like he normally did, and apparently enough people had come forward saying they thought I was controlling so that was the final straw."

"You shouldn't have been controlling, then," Sting said, imitating Rogue's obnoxiously calm tone.

"Sorry for telling him he couldn't run off and try to do everything that would make his condition worse!" Gray snapped. "Back when he could still kind of run, sometimes he would just for the heck of it, even though he could get fifty feet before he'd collapse, and wouldn't be able to do anything the rest of the day! You two didn't see him until he fought all his restrictions so hard that he got himself too weak to keep fighting! I'm _sorry_ for trying to keep him from getting to that point! Apparently, everyone else just wanted to see him wreck himself, so long as he was happy doing it!"

Neither Rogue nor Sting responded while Gray caught his breath, struggling to regain his composure. The whole thing had been so unfair. He'd only wanted to keep Natsu safe and healthy, knowing Natsu would be happier in the long run if he retained as much ability as he could. No one else had seen how he took it, just hearing that he couldn't run anymore. They kept pandering to him, letting him take stupid risks for instant gratification and patting themselves on the back when that made him grin, and heckling Gray for actually thinking of how they put Natsu in harm's way. That they then brought up the idea of dumping him in a _nursing home_ when their lax attitudes towards his wellbeing left him all but unable to walk was just icing on the cake. He'd been right, and he'd been the one to do everything Natsu no long could thanks to the recklessness everyone else enabled, and they still thought he was out of line for having tried to reign Natsu in.

"Well, not like you care, anyway," Gray grumbled, turning away so he wouldn't have to look at Sting. "Just means I'm not in yours and Natsu's way, doesn't it?

Looking for an explanation, Rogue turned to Sting, whose eyes might have widened in realization if they weren't in danger of swelling shut.

"Damn. I thought Lucy just wanted me to mess with you. You _like_ Natsu?"

Gray's swerved back to Sting. "You _don't?_ Why even invite him over if you can't stand him?"

"No. I mean, not like... dammit, Gray! I meant you have a _thing_ for him!" Sting snapped, and this time Rogue was too distracted to scold them for getting loud. "Agh. Why couldn't you give me a black eye during that stupid love rival thing instead? Natsu wouldn't have even _cared_ that you dragged your feet bringing him home if you got that possessive."

"Who dragged their feet? I went straight to your stupid guild!"

" _No_. You spent _days_ wandering around town first."

"I got on the first train I could the second Lucy told me where Natsu was!" Gray snapped. "Sorry if you had some secret schedule I was supposed to follow! Since you pulled the whole damn thing off behind my back, I didn't realize there was a certain day I was supposed to magically know that he snuck off with you!"

"Oh." Gray, who usually tried to keep an at least moderately cool exterior, felt like every emotion he normally tried to keep in check was boiling over. Seeing Sting calmly shrug at that made him want to sock the blond brat and break his nose on top of having given him those black eyes. "I guess I assumed Lucy would stay in town. Natsu thought you'd run straight to her place when you finished your job."

Gray had, and knowing Natsu had his number made him too embarrassed to admit as much.

"Well, that's an easy fix. Tell Natsu it was an innocent confusion, straighten things out with whoever said you couldn't keep looking after him, kiss him, and help him move back into your place."

"Kiss him?" Rogue asked before Gray could.

"Well, yeah. They like each other, right?"

Gray snorted, unable to process that his feelings might be requited. "The way they act, you'd think Natsu and Lucy are a couple before you'd think he feels anything for me."

"Yeah," Sting deadpanned. "Because there are so many couples where the girl is trying her hardest to hook her 'boyfriend' up with a mutual friend of theirs. You know Lucy was the one who put me up to that stupid love rival thing, right? Natsu's been trying to get a read on whether or not you like him back for months. They wanted to see if I could make you jealous."

If Gray could see himself in a mirror, he was sure his entire face would have turned a deep scarlet, because that plan had worked too perfectly. He got jealous. So insanely jealous that he did nothing but grill Natsu on how things went with Sting. They argued about nothing but Sting, and he got Natsu so worked up over how much he couldn't stand Sting that Natsu went and complained about the delay in being picked up instead of asking Gray about it first.

"O-okay. Fine. How much beer did you and Lucy bribe Cana with to make her play along?"

"Honest?" Sting asked.

"I want to ask her it was worth it."

"Well if you really want to know…" Sting leaned forward,, and Gray leaned towards him as much as the handcuffs allowed.

Sting paused for effect, then, dropping into a whisper, told Gray, "I have no idea who Cana is."

"Wh-what? But… she said… She said you and Natsu…"

"Maybe she overheard something and misunderstood. Or maybe it was another attempt of Lucy's to get you jealous. If you slugged me over something she said, then I'd like to have a word with _both_ of them before they get me involved again without even shooting me a heads up."

"You were already running over to punch him yourself," Rogue reminded Sting. "You're not mad anymore?"

"Well, he didn't ditch Natsu anywhere this time, and I guess he didn't ditch Natsu last time either. So long as he lets me make him look like a raccoon too before we go, I'll call it even."

"We're not giving him two black eyes."

"I didn't say you had to help me with it."

"Neither you nor I will attack Gray," Rogue amended.

"Does that mean you're going to undo these cuffs now?" Gray asked. "Legally, I think it's considered assault to restrain someone like this."

"They won't leave any damage if you don't struggle, and I don't trust you not to hit Sting again. I'll give you the key once Sting's gone."

"Okay. But then I'm going to have to smack _you_ the next time we meet."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Please don't," Sting said. "If you're not gonna let me hit him now, I'll need to excuse later. You can't complain if I'm defending you, right?"

Rogue's voice dropped alarmingly low as he said, "Sting…"

"You know I'm right. You also can't complain if I give whoever Cana is a talking to about going and spreading rumors about me."

"Sting, after your little _love rival_ stunt, half the guild thinks you like Natsu," Rogue said. "I mean, a few of them already thought that, but you didn't exactly discourage any rumors."

"That's neither here nor there," Sting said. "The important thing right now is that I went through all that trouble to make Gray jealous, and now some stupid misunderstanding is keeping Natsu from enjoying the aftermath of that."

"And here I thought you didn't want me around Natsu," Gray muttered.

Sting paused, giving Gray a long, hard look over. Finally, and it seemed to paint Sting to say this, the blond said, "Natsu likes living with you. Heck, for whatever reason, Natsu likes you as a person. Like, he _likes_ you likes you. I might question his taste, but there are other people looking after him to make sure you don't get him hurt, and if Natsu wants to be around you, it's not really my place to tell him no."

That was thoughtful of Sting. In fact, it put Gray and his jealous behavior to shame. He had to remind himself that only one of them thought the other was trying to steal Natsu away to stop himself from burying his head between his knees in shame.

"Well, however Rogue plans on freeing you without giving you a chance to sock him, I'll leave him to it," Sting said. "I'm guessing your own word doesn't mean much for defending yourself, so _for Natsu's sake_ , I'll go tell your guild master that you're probably innocent."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Sting and Rogue. My favorite chapters to write are always the ones where they banter.


	35. Shower

Natsu smelled Sting in town, but when Lucy asked if they wanted to greet him, Natsu declined. He'd cheered up considerably since moving to her apartment, but wasn't back to his old spirits. Not even the dampened by illness but still somewhat optimistic spirits he'd been in while living with Gray after the bandages around his eyes came off.

"It might be nice to see a friend."

"If he wants to see me, he can come here."

He'd been like that ever since Gray left on his latest job. Lucy accepted some blame for that. She'd tried to be coy, hinting to Natsu that there was an explanation for what happened with Gray and that good things were on the horizon, then arrived to find out that Gray left on the lengthiest mission he could grab. Natsu took it as a sign that Gray didn't want to be around him at all, perhaps out of bitterness over Natsu complaining about him and getting him barred from visiting, and cut Lucy off any time she tried to correct him to yell that he didn't want to hear about Gray anymore.

Last summer, Lucy would have responded to that treatment by kicking him and commanding him to listen to her. Now she didn't dare. She'd instead started working out different plans to let Gray explain everything.

"Natsu, of course Gray wants to see you," Lucy said. She didn't add that if Sting stopped by the guild first, they'd warn him that Natsu was in a bad mood and needed space. She'd told everyone as much behind Natsu's back, to explain why he'd stopped visiting again, and with how touchy he'd been, didn't want to admit to that if she didn't have to.

If Sting didn't show up, Lucy decided she'd confess to Natsu that the guild likely told him not to.

"Can I at least get you something? How about hot chocolate? Are you cold?"

"A little…"

Natsu was wrapped up in a blanket, watching the fireplace. Lucy's apartment lacking any other sort of heating unit, curling up by the fire was the solution for keeping warm, since winter came early. For Lucy, who was used to needing a coat and had spent snowy days in her apartment before, this was normal. For Natsu, who was used to providing his own heat, this setup came as a shock. Even needing a jacket during fall hadn't prepared him for facing freezing temperatures without his magic.

Lucy set a pot of milk on the stove and went to join Natsu by the fire. He was reading one of the many stories she'd written special for him. Truth be told, she'd hardly worked on any of her own stories while working to record her adventures for Natsu. Even though he hadn't read them up until now, it made Lucy feel better to do something to try and continue to include Natsu on the jobs she took.

With his glasses on, curled up in front of a fireplace as he thumbed through page after hand-written page, you could almost mistake Natsu for the studious type. At least if you didn't know that he was Natsu, and that he was only reading about what fun his friends had in his absence.

Thinking about it that way made Lucy feel a little guilty, and she wondered if that was what accounted for the slight frown on Natsu's face. He kept reading, though, so she held her tongue.

When the milk was hot enough, Lucy broke up a chocolate packet and stirred it in, letting the concoction turn into a thick, creamy brown before pouring mugs for herself and Natsu. He accepted his wordlessly, and his first sip left a chocolate mustache.

"Do you need a napkin?" Lucy asked.

"Nah. Why isn't Gray in any of these? Where was he?"

Lucy had to stop and think to remember why, and it seemed silly that he had to think at all once she realized. "Gray was with you. He hardly ever takes jobs with us anymore, because he wanted to stay with you. Remember?"

"Because he had to stay with me."

"I was willing to pitch in, and Erza would have too, if asked. The master almost asked her to be the one who helped you with therapy and walking to the guild when you were first diagnosed. None of us did more than we did because Gray insisted on doing so much himself. Because he _wanted_ to. He liked being with you."

"Sure." Natsu flipped to the next story. "Erza isn't in all of these either."

"Ah, well…"

"I broke up the team."

"Not true! You just… I mean, none of this was your fault, you know. And it's not like the team broke up entirely. Wendy and Erza and I still go on a lot of jobs together, and I'm sure they would start working with Gray if we don't get the situation with you and him all patched up soon. Erza and Wendy splintering off only happened when Gray needed to work and I stayed with you, and he's worked with Erza in that time."

"When I snuck off on that job…"

"Gray already begged off of most missions to stay home with you. He even made you stay with me while he was away back then, remember?"

Natsu grunted an affirmative and took another sip of his hot chocolate.

"It's not your fault," Lucy insisted. "The four of us could have kept on going on missions without you if we wanted, but Gray and I opted out because what we really wanted was to stay here, and Erza and Wendy would have done the same."

"So if I hadn't gotten sick, you wouldn't have had a reason to stay home."

"You can't help being _born_ with a disease."

She was right, but Natsu still felt he was due some blame. He could have told someone when he first felt something was wrong. He could have backed off on that mission where he had his first attack, admitting that he was dead tired instead of pushing to keep up with everyone. He could have admitted to feeling weaker afterward instead of putting up a front to avoid everyone fretting over him. If he'd called everyone's attention to his condition sooner, if he'd taken it seriously, he would have still been able to go on easier job with everyone, and no one would need to stay home with him.

Seeing Natsu only look more and more disappointed as he stared blankly at the papers, Lucy reached forward and gently pulled the stories from his hand.

"Finish up your hot chocolate. I'll make more if you want. Let's get a board game set up for when Sting drops by."

"If Sting drops by."

"Natsu Dragneel, we are playing a board game, and that is final."

Natsu looked around, and saw it was only the two of them. With Natsu trapped inside more by the stairs leading out of Lucy's apartment than he was the snow (although the snow was another deterent), and with Lucy insisting on keeping Natsu company while he sulked, Happy was the one left to run errands. He would have been a better comfort, but he also wouldn't have made hot chocolate, and he was better at catching Natsu when he cheated on board games.

"Okay. Warm up round before Sting shows up."

-o-

When Sting stopped by, Lucy almost wept from relief. Natsu was used to the guild waiting for him to drop by, rather than them coming out to visit him. But Sting was someone who came by whenever he damn well pleased, the same way Gray used to insist upon being around Natsu. Sting opting not to show up would have been a huge blow to Natsu's already fragile self-worth.

"Look at that." Sting beamed down at Natsu as he let himself in. "Guild said he wasn't in the mood for visitors, but his face lit up when he saw me. Shows what they know. Speaking of not knowing things, Lucy, did you realize your lock is broken?"

"It's been that way for a while," Lucy grumbled. "People keep letting themselves in and someone turned the doorknob too hard."

"At least they didn't break it off and trap you inside," Sting said.

"As if people could pick a time when I'm _here_ for them to let themselves in without asking."

"But that's always when I let myself in," Sting pointed out.

Lucy raised a finger, prepared to accuse him of other incidents, but he was right. Technically, she'd always been home when Sting came in without waiting for an invite. Even the time she'd been in the shower, Natsu had still been in the room to see Sting enter. Obnoxious as it was, he was the most courteous person she'd met to date when it came to coming in unannounced

"Okay. Fine. Maybe you could knock before letting yourself in though?"

"I never knock," Natsu pointed out.

Lucy paused, unsure how to answer that one without coming off as mean. Natsu didn't need to knock when Lucy was either the one helping him in or Gray knocked for him. And before he needed help getting to her apartment, he usually came in through the window.

"Well, I guess I could usually tell if you were around or not," Natsu went on, not noticing Lucy's look of panic. "No sense in knocking when no one's home. Are you going to play with us or not?"

Sting glanced down, seeing the board game they'd set up for the first time. "Yeah. Sure. Rogue's handling papers, so I can stay a little while."

When he sat down in front of the board and Natsu, who was still comfortable bundled up by the fire, had yet to say anything about Sting's appearance, Lucy decided to be the one to ask.

"Did you just come back from a mission. It must have been rough, if you took such a beating."

"Oh. Kind of. I finished the job just fine, but I met Gray afterward and we don't exactly get along. He'll probably be back soon, by the way."

"I'm surprised he didn't race to get here before you," Lucy said.

Sting laughed at her anxious tone, even rubbing the tender purple skin around his eyes when he teared up. "Let's just say that Rogue helped Gray show some restraint once he sobered up. Oh, but I think him and Rogue are going to get into a fight next time they see each other, so that's something I'll have to keep in mind the next time Gray comes by my guild to pick Natsu up. You do want to visit me again sometime, right Natsu?"

Natsu, who had been in the middle of dealing chips to set on the board, looked down at his hands. "I'm not living with Gray anymore, but yeah."

"Eh. You two will probably move back in together soon." Sting shrugged, and Lucy and Natsu both were surprised to see him make no effort to pursue what separated Natsu and Gray when he'd previously been opposed to the two of them being kept together. "So do you guys plan on explaining the rules to me, or are you just going to leave me to figure out why all of these chips have a picture of corn on them?"

-o-

Sting lost the first round, and even after Lucy and Natsu took the time to explain not only the rules, but the way different strategies worked, he lost the next two rounds as well. Declaring the game weighted against him in some way, Sting gave up and talked Natsu into instead trying strip poker. Lucy, not wanting to show as much skin as Sting (who had shed his winter coat to reveal a belly shirt), excused herself to go make hot chocolate.

"I promised Natsu he could have some if you stopped by. He smelled you earlier."

"It smells like you guys already made hot chocolate."

How annoying dragon slayer noses were. Lucy kept up a pleasant smile and said, "That must be from yesterday."

"This dirty mug has been sitting there since yesterday?" Sting asked, picking up the mug Lucy had been drinking from earlier, which she'd left on her desk while getting the board game set up. "Hey, there's still hot chocolate in here. It doesn't feel cold either."

"Do you want fresh hot chocolate or not?"

"I get hot chocolate, too? Well, if you haven't had any since yesterday, I'd hate to deprive Natsu of it now."

Taking the mug, still trying to keep up her smile, Lucy said, "How generous of you," through clenched teeth.

Sting packed the game up while Lucy cooked, then dumped the game's contents back onto the floor and repacked it in a way that would allow the lid of the box to fit properly. Lucy came back with mugs for the boys, and they sat by the fire and drank and talked about how busy being a guildmaster kept Sting. Or rather, how much work he shirked off onto Rogue and, lately, Minerva and Rufus.

"She used to help her dad, so she's familiar with the process, and Rufus has a good memory, so we made him read up on all the different laws the council imposes, and go to him whenever we need to find a loophole in one, or make sure that what we're about to do doesn't warrant an arrest."

"Rogue lets you do things that could end with an arrest?" Natsu asked.

"Sometimes. When he's drunk, usually. Or when he yells ' _Go ahead! See if I care!_ ' and storms off. But the thing is, every time I do go ahead, it turns out he cares an awful lot. He's so bossy at times, but I guess his heart's in the right place, even if he can be a total nag."

"He sounds like Gray," Natsu said. "I don't remember him putting up much of a fuss while I was there."

"Yeah, well, we must have both been behaving for each other, 'cause I never saw you do anything that warranted nagging either," Sting said. "So you miss Gray then?"

"Why would I miss someone who doesn't miss me?"

"He said he was forbidden from visiting you," Sting said. "Seemed torn over it. Pretty sure it's why he gave me the black eyes. I might have said some things about how he wasn't with you."

Natsu grunted, but didn't dignify the remark with any further response. Instead, he made a point of becoming fascinated with the way the hot chocolate moved in his mug when he swirled it gently. After swirling it a few times, however, he found his arms getting tired, and set the mug down.

Watching this, Lucy shook her head in disbelief. She'd expected Natsu to be happy to hear that Gray didn't willfully abandon him to Laxus, but either there was more to his depression regarding Gray than she'd realized, or he was simply too stubborn to let go of being upset so easily.

"Well, at least you two are still allowed around one another, although you'd think Makarov would repeal his ban on you and Gray being together by this point." Sting shrugged. "If you're free next Monday though, maybe we can go do that shooting star thing Lucy mentioned?"

Natsu cocked his head in confusion, having completely thought that Lucy ever said such a thing. Of course, most of attention since had been on having fun with Sting, being made at Gray, feeling rejected, and sulking at Lucy's while worrying that she might soon grow tired of looking after him too. And even when Lucy first mentioned it, it had been a casual suggestion while Natsu focused less on the activity and more her suggestion that he prepare some meal for Gray while they went to participate in said activity.

Sting, on the other hand, had been completely lost during that conversation, and so everything said that seemed particularly odd to him had stuck out. That Lucy had proposed Natsu and Gray going on a star gazing picnic was something he had no trouble remembering.

"That's _Tuesday_ ," Lucy said, "And it's going to take place awfully late at night. Nearly midnight. It's going to be cold, and Natsu has trouble staying up long past dinner."

"We have time to shift his sleep schedule," Sting said. Then his eyes went widened, and he lifted his mouth to his hand in an exaggerated gasp. " _Tuesday?_ Rats! I have to be back at the guild all day for some stupid building inspection. I'm not sure I can make it."

Unlikely as it seemed that a building inspection would go past dinner time, Lucy was certain Sting _could_ make it. But even before Sting took advantage of Natsu turning to set his mug down in order to wink at her, she could tell what he was up to.

"It's only a few days away, and it's not good for Natsu to have too unreliable a sleep schedule," Lucy said, recalling one of Gray's many lectures to her before leaving Natsu at her place. "We'll see how late we can get him staying up though. He's holed himself up too much lately, and I'm sure he'd love to be out there. He has a winter coat, and we can bring blankets. I could even scout out a good spot early and set up a fire pit. Oh! And if there's a fire, then Natsu could make s'mores. He'll crash later, but the sugar would help keep him up for the show."

"Can we make s'mores in this fire?" Natsu asked, pointing eagerly to the fire place.

"Nope. You'll crash once the sugar high wears off," Lucy told him. "We _have_ to keep you up as late as we can tonight. We don't have long to get you used to staying up after dark."

His first attack, Natsu suddenly recalled, had been brought on by two nights of sleep deprivation. Staying up well after dark used to be something he was perfectly adjusted too, and yet…

"What if I have another attack, not sleeping?" Natsu asked.

That gave both Lucy and Sting a pause, the two blonds freezing as if they'd completely forgotten that there was still a chance for Natsu to get worse.

"You said you get some sort of warning when one's coming on, right?" Sting asked.

Right. A sense that something was wrong, even if Natsu couldn't ever say what exactly the source of that wrongness might be. A prickling of the hairs on the back of his neck that grew into a near panic as he drew closer and closer to a potential attack. With as careful as he'd been since the last attack, he almost never felt that anymore. In fact, he half suspected that he was too tired most of the time to push himself to the point of triggering another attack. But surely ignoring that exhaustion to adjust to a later schedule was a risk.

Still, there was a warning, and he nodded knowing what Sting's response would be.

"If you notice that warning sign, then go to bed. Until then, doesn't hurt to try."

That made sense, and Natsu was happy for an excuse to change his routine, so long as it wouldn't blind him, or leave him completely bed bound. Or maybe it would be his hearing that went if he had another attack.

Thinking of that made Natsu's throat knot with worry, but Sting made it sound like a safe enough chance to take, and even if he wasn't wholly convinced by Sting's claim that Gray hadn't willfully ditched him, Natsu _was_ getting a little tired of never seeing anything beyond Lucy's window. It would be nice to get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always proud of myself when something I set up early actually gets used in the end. Tbh I pretty much abandoned plans for the meteor shower once I decided to split the boys up. I was pleased with myself for leaving my buffer as large as it was (although it shrank down to half it's original size recently) because it gave me time to extend the date for the shower. Originally it was supposed to be a few days after Gray was due to pick Natsu up from Sting's.


	36. Honor Restored

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Obligatory Zuko joke]

Because someone decided to leave the key to the handcuffs at the reception lobby with instructions for a cleaning lady to drop them off later, Gray returned to Magnolia almost a full a day after Sting dropped by. There weren't as many trains running late at night, and he had to wait an hour before he could board anything homebound. Anxious as he was to get back, clear his name, and see Natsu again, Gray couldn't sleep a wink.

He stumbled off the train at sunrise, and although he wanted to go first think to Natsu, it occurred to him that he was filthy from his bar hopping and fight with Sting, hadn't shaved the next morning thanks to the handcuffs, and not only had nothing but boxers on, but what clothes he hadn't lost somewhere around town or on the train were all dirty. None of that would present well if he tried to convince Makarov that he was suitable to look after someone else, and being sleep deprived when he went to explain himself to Natsu and apologize for the mix-up was asking for disaster.

His apartment was no further from the train station than Lucy's, but in a completely different direction. That was for the best if he wanted to clean himself up first, but it still annoyed him to move _away_ from Natsu.

Somehow, it still seemed surreal to Gray that Natsu might like him back. Part of him worried that Sting had only claimed as much to watch Gray embarrass himself. The two of them didn't exactly see eye to eye, and if Sting really was gunning for Natsu and wanted to see his love rival further self-destruct…

Gray shook his head. He was thinking too much like Juvia, viewing everyone as a love rival. Which was pretty bad, because going out of his way to _not_ think like Juvia, with her interpreting everything as a sign of romantic affection, had no doubt played a part in his failing to notice that maybe, just maybe, his feelings were reciprocated. Thinking back to all those little moments, Natsu blushing like mad at the beach, the crepes, the way Natsu actually hadn't looked too flattered when Sting declared his love for the roset, Gray wanted to smack himself for thinking that Natsu might love Sting over him.

As for Lucy…well, Natsu and Lucy were certainly close, but how often did Gray see them blushing over one another? How often did he see them doing _anything_ that couldn't easily be explained as them being close friends?

Natsu liked him. Like him enough that even an asshole like _Sting_ was willing to pitch in to get them together, if it would make Natsu happy. The idea sounded too good to be true, and yet Gray refused to deny it any longer.

Twice, Gray caught himself humming an upbeat tune as he showered, even though such a thing had never been his habit before. He set his alarm to give him an hour of sleep, which he reasoned would leave him sufficiently rested to not have any sort of overly emotional reaction, then laid his head down to take a nap.

-o-

The sun was down when Gray woke up, although the smashed remains of his alarm clock against the far wall suggested that he had partially woken up at the proper time, if only to turn off the alarm and go back to sleep.

Were he planning to see anyone else, Gray would shrug at this, dress appropriately for the meeting, and hopefully still be dressed by the time he reached their house. Since Natsu's condition lead to him going to bed early, or at least being too drowsy by sundown to typically be in good shape for productive conversation.

One sulking session over a cup of instant ramen later, it occurred to Gray that he needed to talk to Makarov too. The old man, liking to keep an eye on the guild after it became socially acceptable to drink (since the guild already consumed enough alcohol before lunch time), could be counted on to be up during the evening. Gray downed the rest of his rehydrated broth, grabbed his jacket, and ran for the door.

After everything that had happened lately, Gray wasn't eager to go to the guild. He was still the guy who Natsu was taken away from, who it turned out people thought was too controlling, and who had run off sulking when he didn't get his way. Even if he could prove that he hadn't abandoned Natsu, and even if the real story of what happened spread as fast as it could, Gray still had to walk into a guild full of people who thought he was irresponsible and entitled in order to tell the real story.

If he wanted to see Natsu again, Gray had to suck it up and bear all those judgmental looks. Sighing to himself, he grabbed a jacket and scarf that he didn't expect to still be wearing by the time he reached the guild and headed out to set the record straight.

-o-

Gray's plan to sneak in without drawing attention to himself and talk with Makarov in private was dashed within seconds of stepping through the guild door. No sooner had he shut the door behind him, and as quietly as possible at that, then did he hear a bone chilling squeal.

"Gray, my love! Oh, when Juvia heard you left, she feared you would never return!"

He was tackled to the floor by a damp object about as heavy as the average adult female, which proceeded to spill water all over him. Gray struggled to get out of Juvia's embrace, shouting assurances over all the fears she cried out. That he was still a member of Fairy Tail. That he hadn't left to get away from her. That he would still be in town come morning. Admitting the last one might not have been wise, as more than once Gray had gotten up for the day to find Juvia waiting outside his door, but anything to make her stop making a scene.

Besides, he'd already tried concealing his schedule, and once even moved into a hotel for a week to test whether or not a change of address might throw her off the trail. It had not.

When he finally extracted herself from her arms, the whole guild was watching. Some grinned or snickered, but for most Juvia's antics were old, and any humor in them had long ago dried up. Many, mercifully, had ignored the incident altogether. Others Gray was sorry to see watch him like he was a petty thief looking for something to shoplift.

More than anything else, it sucked that he had been kept away from Natsu, but that it was his own guild that found him untrustworthy only rubbed salt in the wounds.

Seeing Gray's face fall as he met the eyes of his guildmates, Juvia took his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. "Fear not. Juvia knows Gray would never do anything to hurt Natsu."

"Thanks." Despite knowing it would likely give her the wrong idea, Gray gave her a genuine smile. "At least someone believes in me."

Juvia beamed back, having absolutely interpreted the smile the wrong way. Mercifully, rather than take the opportunity to insist on some fanciful romantic action, liking her helping hide Gray from all those suspicious looks by pulling him into the closet so they could make out, she pushed Gray towards the bar.

"Sting was with the master not long ago to talk about Natsu," Juvia told him. "If you don't want Natsu moving to Sabertooth, then you have to hurry and convince the master otherwise."

Had Sting not promised Gray that he would give his own account of what happened, Gray might have panicked at this. Some little part of him that still worried Sting was pulling his leg was, in fact, in full disaster mode. But whatever else Sting was, he cared about Natsu. Gray couldn't bemoan that people didn't realize that he put Natsu above all else and then disregard that Sting would do what he thought was best. He could only hope that he'd been right in believing that Sting thought that reuniting him with Natsu was for the best.

Makarov sat by the bar, laughing a little too loudly at something Mira said for someone who showed no other signs of being drunk. When Gray approached him, the old man averted his gaze, and even tried to push a new subject of discussion. Mira followed along for a few sentences but, seeing Gray approach, smiled wickedly and put a hand on the guild master's shoulder.

"Master, I think one of our guild members wants to speak with you."

By all accounts, Mira was the one who came to Makarov and relayed Natsu's report of abandonment. Either she'd absolved herself of any guilt in the confusion that had been cleared up, or took delight in another incoming rejection from someone who Sting had insisted still shouldn't be trusted with Natsu. That Makarov gulped nervously and refused to make eye contact strongly suggested the former, but after having been so suddenly relegated to the status of untrustworthy scum recently, Gray still feared the latter right up until Makarov spoke.

"Sting and Lucy both have come to talk with me. You want to ask about Natsu again."

"Lucy told me she would look after him while I was at work, and I went to get him from Sting's as soon as I knew where he was."

"You shouldn't have made them go behind your back," Mira teased. "Jealousy is unbecoming of you, Gray."

Gray tried to take a page from Natsu's book and pull his scarf up over his nose to hide his blush, but his hand found only skin, and he realized he had somehow stripped down to his pants. He turned the gesture into an awkward neck rub to try and cover up his slip. Sting and Lucy both knew his secret, and whichever of them (Sting, definitely) had decided to let that cat out of the bag, he would have to pay them back for that later.

"Lucy's confident that Natsu would like to return to you, although someone will need to verify that. Apparently… um…" Makarov bowed his head in shame. "Well, she's told Natsu how this whole mix up came to be, of course, but he's been disheartened by the fact that you… didn't… visit."

"You didn't let me."

"Well, maybe he expected you to fight that?" Makarov tried to protest, but his voice came out strained. He messed up, and even if they had been right about Gray failing to look after Natsu properly, Gray still should have been allowed to visit at least under supervision.

"Sorry for behaving myself," Gray said.

If he'd known from the start what went wrong… Well, if he'd known that, then he'd have explained to Natsu on the trip home from Sting's why he took so long if he'd know that Natsu thought he'd been left for days. But if he'd known that convincing everyone that he could be trusted with Natsu only took explaining the right issue, he wouldn't have gone out of his way to try and appease everyone by following their orders to a T.

"Y-yes. Well, Lucy agreed to speak with him on your behalf, and you're free to see him yourself. Tomorrow. By this time, Natsu—"

"Should be asleep," Gray said. He didn't need to be told that. He was the one who reported on Natsu's status to Makarov. "I can visit him first thing in the morning. If he wants to pitch a fit over how I didn't show up for so long, that's when he'll have the energy to let his frustration out."

The corners of Makarov's lips twitched up. "How sacrificing of you to consider his feelings like that."

"Not really. He doesn't throw that hard." It was meant as a joke, but Gray felt guilty for saying it. "A-anyway, I'm glad… I'm glad you trust me again. Really. I am. I'll be by to see him first thing tomorrow morning."

-o-

First thing the next morning, Lucy met Gray outside her apartment.

"Natsu's still asleep," she all but whispered. "He was up late last night, so I don't want to disturb him yet. Have you spoken to the master? Sting went to vouch for you earlier."

"I heard," Gray said, mimicking Lucy's volume. If Natsu hadn't been asleep for long, then he wasn't going to make a ruckus. Natsu needed all the sleep he could get. "What was Natsu doing up late?"

Lucy giggled. "Of course you would ask that first. No plans for moving Natsu back in with you?"

"Lucy."

"Okay. Okay. The meteor shower is tomorrow. We're trying to adjust his sleep schedule gradually so he can stay up for it," Lucy said.

"What meteor shower?"

"The one Natsu was going to surprise you with before _this_ whole affair happened." Lucy sighed. "It was a shame. We had all these plans for a late night picnic. I even went and got him a thick winter coat, since he can't keep himself warm, and it gets so cold at night. But now you're back, and if you're willing to wait just a little longer, maybe we can still surprise someone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show of hands. Who thought this was going to be the chapter where they finally hook up?
> 
> I'll make it easy on you guys, since by this point I'm sure you're tired of me yanking your chain. It's the next chapter.


	37. Peppermint

Natsu felt lousy.

Natsu normally felt lousy. Being weak made him feel lousy. So did being unwanted. He knew Gray had at least come down Lucy's street the day before, but not stopped in to so much as say hi. He could smell Gray when the window was open.

Lucy didn't say anything about it, which made Natsu all the more certain that Gray had decided not to stop by. He didn't know why Gray would do that. The part of Natsu that still clung to any little hope he could find that he might be at least kind of wanted thought that maybe Gray had wanted to visit, but was afraid that Natsu was mad at him after everything that happened. The other part of Natsu, the part that hated how weak he was and what a burden he placed on others and hated everything in his whole stupid, weak life, was sure that Gray probably had some errand to run, and it just happened that taking Lucy's street was the fasted way to get wherever he was going.

Natsu felt tremendously lousy, so he snapped at Lucy when she asked for help preparing food.

"I can't even stand over the kitchen counter long enough to do all that!"

All she'd asked for help with was slicing lettuce, and hearing Natsu call that impossible made Lucy freeze where she stood. She'd known it got to him that he couldn't do much for himself anymore. You'd have to be an idiot not to see that. But that was a whole new level of defeatism. Especially coming from _Natsu_.

And seeing Natsu sink that low was intolerable.

"I'll pull up a chair for you," she told him. "You can help pack the rice balls too."

"This is too much," he protested.

"You complained that it was too little when Mira asked for help with more than this," Lucy reminded him. "Do you want me to help you into the chair, or can you manage on your own?"

Natsu crossed his arms and leaned back further into Lucy's sofa. For his efforts, he was unceremoniously yanked into the air when she summoned Taurus, who Lucy had decided could be the one to carry Natsu from place to place if he insisted he couldn't walk for himself.

"I like it better when everyone treats me like a fragile flower," Natsu decided when Taurus dumped him into the chair Lucy pulled over.

"Only when you're caught up with feeling sorry for yourself," Lucy told him. "Come on. This will be a good night. Let's get a good picnic prepped for it."

Grumbling to himself, Natsu leaned forward and grabbed a pickled plum, packing rice around it.

When Lucy originally proposed that Natsu make a meal for himself and Gray, over a month ago now, she'd envisioned him doing it all himself. Now, fearing that even the little things might wear him out, she tried only to give him enough room to feel like he contributed. She laid out standard rice ball fillings and seasonings, and looked over frequently to make sure Natsu continued to work. When she saw him abandon the seasonings and salmon and plums to sneak in things like tomatoes, chocolate spread, jam, and one terrifyingly large glob of wasabi, Lucy stopped looking. She didn't want to see what Gray's tongue might be subjected too, and that Natsu was grinning as he made his prank rice balls meant he was into the task enough that she didn't need to force him to keep going.

She needed to push Natsu to do more, Lucy realize. And maybe start a running journal of how well he did, too. Gray had tried to track Natsu's status to see if those pills were helping, but Lucy hadn't kept track at all. Whether they were or weren't, for Natsu's sake, he needed to be encouraged to do more to help out. They'd done everything for him while he sulked the last few weeks, and it had only reinforced the idea that he could no longer do anything for himself.

When he ran out of rice, Natsu moved on without prompting to mixing mayonnaise and potato, although Lucy grabbed the celery to mince before he had the chance. She wanted Natsu to be more involved again, but she also wanted him to be able to stay awake when he met up with Gray that evening. With no way of tracking his energy level, she didn't want to take chances.

In the interest of keeping Natsu energized, she pushed a light nap before dinner, which Natsu agreed to with a much suffered sigh.

Helping out earlier in the day had gotten him enthused to be up and about again, but he'd grown familiar enough with people fretting over his health that he didn't fight it anymore when the insisted he rest. It meant a lot to Lucy that he go and see those shooting stars, for reasons Natsu couldn't fathom, and he would abide by every precaution she insisted on to keep him from having an attack staying up that late at night. As it was, he would need help getting to the hill she claimed was the perfect spot for stargazing, much less getting _up_ that hill. Another attack, and he might be completely bedbound.

While the thought of how flustered Lucy would be if she needed to help him with a bedpan did give Natsu a chuckle, he knew she'd get used to that situation eventually. After all, he was used to being weak now, and a year ago he'd have laughed if anyone told him he'd ever feel weak, even in his old age.

But it had been nice to help with food preparation. Maybe he would ask to help Mira in the kitchen again. Running orders back and forth was too much for him, but if there was something— _anything_ he could do to feel like he was still a real part of the guild, he'd take it.

-o-

To Natsu's relief, it was Loke that Lucy summoned the next time he needed to be carried. Not that he particularly wanted to be carried by Loke, but it beat Taurus. In particular, it was nice not to be carried by a giant, perverted cow all the way out of town and up the hill Lucy deemed perfect for stargazing.

"At least one of us is happy with the arrangement," Loke said when Natsu rested his head against the spirit's shoulder. "I'd rather be carrying a fair maiden."

"I don't need carrying," Lucy said.

Loke threw her a wink, and Happy snickered, rolling his tongue as he said, "They're in llllove."

"Shut it, cat!" Lucy snapped.

It had been a long time since Natsu heard that exchange, and the familiarity of it warmed his heart as much as it made his chest ache. He still saw Lucy plenty, but with his condition being what it was, the number of situations he saw Lucy in were limited. He missed all of the teasing they subjected her to while they were out on jobs. Even if Lucy wrote everything up to make him feel like he'd been there, the absence of all their old connections could be felt in her stories as much as it could in Natsu's daily life.

"I wanna go to the guild again tomorrow," Natsu said. He'd let too many relationships fall to the wayside since falling ill. He could count the number of times since his last attack that he spoke with Erza on one hand.

"We'll see," Lucy said.

"That means no, doesn't it?"

"It means we'll see, since it isn't up to me."

Thinking she meant he was likely to throw another fit the next day and decide he didn't want to go anywhere, Natsu huffed and crossed his arms. "If I say I don't want to go, then drag me there."

"I'm not dragging you anywhere."

Natsu was a little skeptical of that, considering that Lucy was the one who pushed the idea of the meteor shower so hard, and especially considering how she did have him dragged over to the kitchen counter to help her prepare for the event. But Natsu would have plenty of opportunities to goad Lucy about that at a time when Loke wouldn't be around to give him grief in return. Lucy had already promised that Loke would be elsewhere. (Not that Natsu had asked he be, but since he just _knew_ Lucy was going to bring Gray up somehow, he was grateful to hear that he'd have a little privacy)

Thinking of Gray instantly killed Natsu's mood. He still didn't know what was up with Gray passing by that morning. And come to think of it, the star gazing had initially been proposed as an event that Natsu and Gray could go on together. Some silly romantic moment that Lucy had hoped to set up which was never going to happen. Because Gray didn't want to see him. And even when Gray was around all the time, Gray didn't love him back.

Lucy didn't notice the change in Natsu's mood until after she cleared the snow from her ideal spot, rolled out a foam barrier for insulation, laid a blanket over that, and then gestured to Loke that it was safe to put him down. By then, Natsu had been sulking for a good couple of minutes, and Lucy having put up with his sulking for days on end, he wasn't surprised when she excused herself.

"I think I dropped something," she said, which was a lie. Natsu's eyesight wasn't as good as it used to be, but his hearing was as stellar as always, and he'd heard nothing fall. "Loke, come help me look. I'm going to need your light."

Natsu didn't questions that, given how dark it had already gotten. In the darkness, he almost didn't notice Lucy grab one of the baskets they'd brought, although it was hard to miss that she and Loke set off in the exact opposite direction they came from. That Happy ran after them snickering only drove the point home. Natsu _thought_ it was weird that Loke didn't try once to insert himself into a stargazing event with Lucy.

Well, if that's how they wanted to play at it, then fine. He hoped they got the riceball packed full of wasabi. Natsu even grabbed a fistful of snow in his glove and hurled it towards them, although it landed halfway across the picnic blanket.

Hissing in frustration, Natsu flopped over on his back. After making such a big deal of how this was going to be a special event for him, Lucy let him be a third wheel.

That's all he was ever going to be for the rest of his life. That extra person who someone or another was stuck with because he couldn't manage on his own. He couldn't even throw a freaking snowball on his own, and the fact that he hadn't just been horsing around when he tried to hit her made his throat clench. Last year, every snowball Natsu threw had been for fun. Since when had he become such a bitter person?

After all that time telling himself not to get his hopes up with Gray, prepping for rejection, telling himself nothing would come of his feelings… After all that time, it was like he'd still expected butterflies and rainbows, and when the rejection he'd known was coming arrived, Gray turned his heart to ice.

He needed to get his mind off of Gray. Gray was gone. He didn't visit at all after Natsu moved out, left town the day Lucy resolved the affair with taking days to pick him up, and even after coming home, hadn't stopped by once. Even if their separation hadn't been something Gray chose, prolonging it had been.

Natsu scrunched his eyes shut to try and keep tears from falling out, cursing himself and covering his face with his scarf. He needed to stop. He was so obsessed with Gray that he even thought he could pick up the man's smell everywhere now, and he needed to stop that.

"You know, I like it better when you pull that scarf up to hide when you're blushing."

Natsu knew that voice. Eyes snapping wide open, he tried to scramble to sit up, but fell on his side instead.

"Whoa! Careful!" Gray pulled him back up. "Don't move that fast."

"I missed your nagging," Natsu said, voice barely a whisper as he tried in vain to blink back tears.

"I was hoping you missed the rest of me more, but I'll take what I can get."

That hadn't been the first thing Natsu wanted to say, and he choked on a laugh at Gray's joke before breaking down in sobs.

"Hey there. It's okay." Gray scooted closer, wrapping both arms around Natsu and holding the boy against his chest. "It's okay, Natsu. I'm here."

Natsu hiccuped and pulled his scarf over his face completely. This wasn't how he'd wanted to handle their reunion at all. Gray was trying to take care of him and it had only been a few seconds. He'd wanted it to be a situation where he didn't feel like a load. If not something happy, he'd at least wanted a reunion filled with him giving Gray an earful for leaving him for so long. Never mind that delay getting him from Sting, he'd wanted to see Gray since the second Makarov decided he needed to move.

"Come on, now." Gray pulled the scarf down and brushed a tear from Natsu's cheek. "I haven't been allowed to see you for so long. Don't hide from me."

"H-how c-c-come you're n-not crying?" Natsu asked, embarrassed with his own outburst. All his pent up anger and worry and despair had bubbled out with his burst of relief, and he couldn't help himself one bit. He didn't like being the only one in that position.

"Believe me, I've had more than my share of outbursts lately. Besides, why would I cry right now? I have you by my side again."

A chuckle slipped in between Natsu's sobs. "That s-sounds really corny. Did y-you steal that line fr-rom Loke?"

"Hey. Come one now. I spent all day preparing what I was going to say to you."

"You should have had someone proof-read your speech," Natsu said.

"I thought you were supposed to go from the heart when you said this kind of stuff. Go easy on me. I'm not used to doing this."

Reaching up to rub his own cheek, Natsu sniffled and said, "You talk a lot, though."

"This kind of talk," Gray clarified. "Do you always talk from the heart? That's cute."

Natsu thanked the stars above that his flushed cheeks could be discounted as a sign that he was cold. Gray thought he was cute. But no doubt he meant that in a kiddy way. Maybe Lucy had been right after all about Gray staying away because he was forbidden, but it didn't change the fact that Gray didn't love him.

They were just friends. Anything romantic was all in Natsu's head. It was just his fantasy run wild when Gray leaned down and kissed him. And what a vivid imagination Natsu had. He could feel the details of Gray's lips pressed on his and everything. Even the peppermint taste of Gray's tongue in his mouth.

It wasn't until Gray pulled back, with a little bit of saliva caught between his lips and Natsu's, that it occurred to the dazed roset that he might not have imagined what just happened.

"Did we kiss?" Natsu asked.

"That's what I would have called it," Gray said. "Was it bad? You didn't seem that into it."

"We kissed?" Natsu verified. "I didn't imagine that?"

"No. _Was_ it bad? Juvia's made me a few times, but she'd never tell me if I messed up. I-I messed up, didn't I? Sting lied to me."

Natsu shook his head vigorously. "No! No, wait! Let me try again. I didn't realize that was really happening."

"What did you think was happening?" Gray asked, face still pale from concerns that Natsu hadn't actually wanted to be kissed.

"Um… That… uh…" Natsu looked down at his hands, fiddling with the fabric of Gray's impressively still present scarf. "That I was turning into Juvia and my imagination got away from me."

Normally, Gray found such fantasies extremely annoying. It was an unending frustration in Gray's life to say something as simple as "Let's work together" and have Juvia hanging from his neck sobbing about how she would happily marry him. This, however was new. Despite Natsu's embarrassment, Gray couldn't help but throw his head back and laugh at the notion that someone might mistake that which had really happened for a fantasy.

"Jerk," Natsu murmured.

"Sorry. Sorry. I'm just used to that going the other way around." Gray ruffled Natsu's hair, which Natsu responded to by ducking away from his hand. "Alright. Take two. Keep in mind this time that it's really happening."

-o-

Had he thought it would have any impact, Natsu would have smacked Gray when he learned how he'd agreed to Lucy's plans to make their night a surprise. He really had thought that morning that Gray gave up on seeing him. It took heavy assurance from Gray that it was only a single day that he held off on visiting Natsu for the surprise night. Any other rejection Natsu might have felt from their extended separation was pacified when Gray explained his reasoning for complying with the visitation restriction. If the guild didn't want them together, they would have to run away to avoid everyone, and not only did think that Natsu wanted not to be separated from the guild, but Gray had also hoped that the most diligent of obedience would convince Makarov that he could indeed be trusted with Natsu's care. Besides, for most of their time apart, Gray was under the impression that Natsu was the one who'd wanted them separated.

"You were pretty pissed with me over Sting."

"You were pretty pissed with _me_ over Sting," Natsu corrected. "I didn't get upset until you went crazy and got all weird and controlling. And I thought _I_ was the one turning into Juvia."

"Juvia isn't controlling. She's just… invested."

"Didn't she force her way into your house once and refuse to move out?"

"I'm not controlling."

"Sure. Sure." Natsu nuzzled his cheek deeper into Gray's chest.

The meteor shower had yet to really get going. The occasional streak went across the sky, but that didn't interest Natsu. Really, nothing but Gray interested him, which was why he was surprised when Gray glanced down at him, worried, and asked, "Are you cold?"

Natsu had to give that a moment's thought before nodding.

"Here. I practically sewed myself into this thing to make sure I'd be able to give it to you."

Gray shirked his own coat and hung it around Natsu's shoulders, then pulled his scarf over his head and wrapped it into a makeshift hat for Natsu. Knowing how much effort it must have taken for Gray to make sure he remained clothed just for him, Natsu felt truly special.

But despite that, something felt wrong.

It had been some time since Natsu felt that, and he only identified it after several minutes leaning against Gray's bare chest (which was tragically difficult to see in the dark, but Natsu knew he'd have more opportunities to look than Gray intended come morning). Natsu bit his lip, weighing his options. His health was already thoroughly screwed up from trying to power through that sensation before, but he _wanted_ this night.

As if he had a sixth sense for Natsu's wellbeing, Gray asked just then, "How are you holding up?"

Natsu hesitated a split second before he said, "I'm a little tired."

Gray produced a box of, of all things, an opened pack of candy canes from his pocket. "I thought you might need a little sugar boost. Lucy didn't say anything to me about you guys bringing food. Do you think you need anything to make it through the shower?"

Natsu hesitated again, and this time Gray caught on.

"Let's go."

"It's fine," Natsu insisted, which earned him an exasperated look from Gray. "Really. It is. I'm just sitting here. I'll doze off if I get too tired. I haven't done _anything_ since I came home from Sting's. And I haven't even lain around and done nothing with _you_."

"There will be plenty of opportunities to do thing together later," Gray said. "Do you want me to take you back to Lucy's? I have permission to bring you home with me again, if you'd prefer that."

Natsu looked around for some excuse to get Gray to let him stay, and his eyes fell on the picnic basket.

"Food first," Natsu said. "I made rice balls and there's sandwiches and some weird potato salad Lucy put together. We can go home after it's all gone."

It was a compromise that he hoped would satisfy Gray. So long as Natsu didn't eat like pig, it would take at least a little while to empty the picnic basket, but not so long that Gray would go into full panic mode over the idea that Natsu was in danger of having an attack.

Natsu's heart almost broke when Gray looked disappointed by this, but then Gray looked away and awkwardly muttered, "And by _we_ can go _home_ you mean… um…?"

He was only worried about what it meant that Natsu hadn't answered his last question, and Natsu grinned and said, "Your apartment."

It occurred to Natsu that Lucy would need to know where he was if went home with Gray, but before he could ask if she was aware of the possibility that he wasn't returning to her apartment, Gray lunged forward and pulled the basket over. He flipped the top off and grabbed the first rice ball.

"Dig in," Gray said, obviously eager to get Natsu to bed as soon as possible.

A sharp scent hit Natsu's nose, but he didn't register what it meant in time to warn Gray. He'd made sure to leave the wasabi stuffed rice ball at the top so Lucy would grab it right away. What was meant to be a silly prank on her, payback for making him go along with her evening plans when all he wanted was to sit and mope, now went into Gray's mouth.

Natsu expected the result to be immediate, but for three agonizing seconds, nothing happened after Gray sank his teeth into the wasabi bomb. When the reaction hit, it felt to Natsu that it transpired in slow motion. Gray's eye widened as the angry burning sensation hit his tongue, then the hand that had been resting on Natsu's shoulder went up to Gray's mouth, twitching as he fought the urge to spit everything out. Natsu was impressed when Gray forced himself to swallow what he'd already bitten into down, but unsurprised when his willpower gave out and he tossed the remains of the rice ball, abandon his post holding Natsu, and scrambled to the edge of the picnic blanket to shovel snow into his mouth.

"The candy canes just make the heat worse," Gray sobbed, and Natsu shrank back with guilt.

Even if Natsu hadn't declared himself the rice ball maker, that one would have obviously been his doing. He tucked his knees in against his chest and waited for Gray to return to his side, nose and eyes both streaming, face scarlet, before saying, "Lucy was supposed to eat that one."

"What did Lucy do to make you hate her?" Gray asked.

Unable to think of a mature response, Natsu pointed skyward and cried, "Look! A shooting star!"

Gray glanced up despite himself, and when he looked back down Natsu had stuffed his face with a salmon rice ball.

Shaking his head in amusement, Gray put his arm back around Natsu's shoulder before grabbing an easier to inspect sandwich. If only one of them ate, they weren't going to get Natsu home within a reasonable time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a fan of the idea that someone just tastes like something. Y'all taste like saliva. If you taste food when you kiss a person, they probably haven't brushed their teeth since the last time they ate.


	38. Onward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Souffles are my go to meal request for when I want to make someone act difficult.
> 
> They're also the go to meal request I make when I want to give someone grief, although most everyone who knows me knows that I don't usually want them when I make that request. (Bacon wrapped meatballs, on the other hand, I am always serious about when asking for.)

Natsu fell asleep on Gray's back on the walk back to the apartment, which Gray wasn't about to complain about. Importance of being well rested aside, Natsu was cute when he slept. Gray was almost willing to let go of the wasabi incident, which he would be sure to give Natsu no chances to dodge come morning.

He fumbled with the keys when he reached the apartment, out of practice with unlocking the door while carrying Natsu. For one shameful moment, Gray almost absentmindedly dropped Natsu when he and his beaten down pride suspected that everything else that night couldn't have possibly happened. Even with Natsu's weight on his back, some part of Gray still suspected he was dreaming.

It wasn't until Gray managed to get the both of them into his apartment that he realized Natsu's things were all still at Lucy's. He'd rushed to the hill in order to drop in on Natsu the second Lucy and Loke bailed, and he didn't know for certain that Natsu wanted to move back in with him, so he hadn't stopped to grab that hammock Natsu made such a fuss over wanting to sleep in.

Glancing back at Natsu to confirm he was still sound asleep, Gray crept into his bedroom and set Natsu down gently on the mattress. He sucked in his breath when Natsu murmured and rolled over, but the boy remained asleep, and Gray let his breath go.

Recalling how flustered Natsu had been with the idea of them sharing a bed in the past, Gray almost went to sleep on the couch, but a thought stopped him. Natsu and Lucy sharing a bed was a-okay because they were just friends. Him and Natsu sharing a bed had been _the end of the world_ because Natsu liked him and thought Gray saw the two of them as only friends. Now that they both knew they liked one another, it was probably okay. If nothing else, there was enough of an argument as to its okayness that he could justify his actions come morning, should it turn out that Natsu still found the idea to embarrassing. To add to his defense, Gray placed himself on the outer end. It gave him the excuse to claim he was making sure Natsu didn't roll out.

-o-

Nobody rolled out of bed in their sleep, but Gray's morning did begin with a rude awakening courtesy of Natsu shoving him off the mattress. He woke with a start, scrambling to his feet and orienting himself before he noticed Natsu's outstretched hands.

"Too soon?" Gray asked.

"What?" Natsu blinked, cheeks scarlet, and looked down at his hands in surprise. As if he hadn't noticed himself pushing Gray.

Gray almost would have bought the act, if Natsu were in better health. Shoving him like that should have taken all of Natsu's strength, and would likely leave him sapped for the rest of the day. And he was already off to a bad start after having stayed up so late.

"Do you think it's too early for us to sleep in the same bed?" Gray asked, leaving no room for feigned misunderstandings. "It's okay. I haven't picked up your hammock yet from Lucy's. That's all."

"No. It's fine." Natsu tried to push himself upright, and managed to get himself sitting on the second attempt. "It took me by surprise. That's all. If we're getting my hammock back, can we hang it over your bed?"

"So you can wake me up each morning by falling on me?"

"Not _most_ mornings. Besides, doesn't that sound like fun?"

"I think we have different ideas of fun. You get dressed. I'm going to make breakfast."

Gray hovered in the doorway a moment to make sure that Natsu could stand and balance himself properly before looking to see if he even had supplies to make breakfast with. He couldn't remember eating breakfast since Natsu left and, now that he thought of it, wasn't sure he'd ever bought groceries either. He was unsurprised to find a thin layer of mold growing in a container of unappealingly colored leftovers in his fridge.

There weren't enough eggs to properly split between the two of them, but he had bread, and honey was kind of like syrup, so Gray set to work making French toast. To Gray's relief and embarrassment, the only item he was really prepared to make was Natsu's tea, which he started alongside the toast without even thinking about it.

While he cooked, Gray ran through plans for the day. Making sure Natsu was okay, as always, was the number one priority. Especially after a late night and that abnormal awakening. After that, there were a number of things Gray would like to do. Kissing Natsu couldn't take too much energy. Nor would something as quaint and normal as watching a movie with Natsu. If Natsu was up for it, they could eat out, or go for a walk, or do any of the other dozens of things that they'd done plenty before, but could seem special now that they both knew they liked one another.

Natsu got himself into a chair by the time Gray had toast ready, and politely didn't comment on Gray drizzling honey onto his food instead of syrup. He still scarfed the food down, letting out a small moan and something that might have been a comment about Gray's cooking, although it was hard to make out exactly what Natsu said while his mouth was stuffed.

Once Natsu's plate was cleared, Gray intended to propose an activity that would be low energy while solidifying the fact that they were together. They seemed to be together, at least. Maybe verifying that Natsu thought they were a couple wouldn't hurt.

Before Gray had the chance, Natsu asked, "So when do we go to the guild?"

"You want to go today?" Gray asked, hurrying the dirty dishes to the sink so Natsu couldn't see his disappointment.

"We need to clear your name, right? And I wanna tell Gramps I'll fight him if he makes me stay with Laxus again. And I was thinking of asking Mira if I could help in the kitchen again. Not running plates to tables or anything hard like that. But I can cut up the stuff she puts into salads or something. It's better than doing nothing at all. Oh! I bet Mira will forgive you if you let her be the one to tell everyone we're a couple. We _are_ a couple, right? I'll fight _you_ if you kissed me just to mess with me."

"You're not fighting anyone. And of course we're a couple. How could you even question that?" Gray asked. As long as he kept calm while he said it, Natsu never had to know that doubt had existed. "I need to buy groceries anyway, so we can swing by the guild. I'll let you fill Mira in on whatever she wants while I stock up for dinner."

"Can we do soufflés?" Natsu asked.

"No. You tricked me into eating a fist-sized ball of wasbi."

"You only took a bite of it, and it's not my fault if you ate food I made for Lucy," Natsu argued. "Do we have enough ingredients for soufflés?"

"If I make you soufflés, I'd better get a kiss out of it."

"I was going to give you one anyway, but if that's how it is, no kisses until I get my soufflé."

Chuckling, Gray yanked the fridge open and told Natsu, "Get ready to head to the guild. I've gotta take stock of what I'm missing." Also what needed to be replaced. It looked like his cheddar cheese decided it would rather be blue cheese. "Oh, and you've been taking those pills while we were apart, right? I'm sure your tired from last night, but we should start tracking your progress again."

"Got it!"

Gray pulled the cheese out and tossed it in the trash, alongside a few vegetables that had gone limp or brown, and scribbled down a list of ingredient he would need for soufflés, breakfast for the week, and other general meals that he intended to keep simple and not let Natsu badger him into going well out of his way to make. Only after he'd completed this did he look up to tell Natsu he could lend a hand with getting ready to go, at which point he saw that neither Natsu nor Happy were still in the kitchen.

Hesitantly, Gray pocketed his list and peered into the bedroom, where he saw no Natsu. Gray still didn't panic until he checked the guest room and found it completely empty as well.

Not daring to throw open his front door when Natsu couldn't have gotten much past it—it wouldn't do to hit Natsu with the door and send him tumbling down the stairs—Gray hurried out the apartment as fast as he could. Natsu wasn't anywhere on the small balcony outside the front door, nor was he on the stairs. Instead, Gray spotted Natsu on a bench across the street, Happy snuggled up in his lap.

Natsu wasn't wearing a jacket, and Gray could see that his fingers were pale, so he ran to grab one before rushing down the stairs to Natsu's side. Natsu gave him a toothy grin when handed the jacket, but Gray couldn't figure out why until Happy asked, "You couldn't get one for yourself while you were at it?"

Gray glanced down and saw that he was not only jacket-free but shirtless as well. That was something he might need to rectify, but Natsu had already made it across the street when Gray wasn't looking, and Gray didn't want to lose sight of him again.

"It's okay." Natsu pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "I don't mind."

It had been a long time since the lack of a shirt alone bothered Gray. It was more losing his pants that he worried about, especially since his boxers were at risk of being next once the pants were gone. Seeing Natsu not realize how high up Gray's eyes were—and realizing that all those other times Natsu had failed to look high enough hadn't all been necessarily been due to disappointment or embarrassment, even if Natsu was often blushing at the time—made Gray extremely self-conscious.

"H-Happy, don't help him any further, okay? I'm gonna get a shirt"

"I didn't help him yet," Happy said.

That gave Gray a pause, and he looked back at the apartment door, up on the second floor, then down to Natsu, who was calmly pulling his jacket on.

"How are you feeling?" Gray dared ask.

"Like my legs are made of lead. The usual." Natsu made no attempt to mask the bitter note in his voice. "I couldn't make it that far at all. But maybe once we're close I could try walking a little more? Please? My legs are already getting ridiculously scrawny from being carried all the time."

Natsu stuck his leg out so Gray could see how baggy his pants hung on him, but Gray's attention was still on the stairs. Those would have wiped Natsu out before. The poor boy could only make it halfway up, and would have needed to sit and rest on the bottom step if he went all the way down in one go. Natsu still got himself across the road after that.

It wasn't a miracle, but it was a start.

"Climb aboard," Gray said, dropping to his knees so Natsu could easily get onto his back. "But by this time next year, let's see if we can get you walking the full distance on your own."

Natsu's soft scoff told Gray that he had abandon hoping for that, but Gray saw it as a real possibility. After all, Natsu had to have doubled his stamina in the month or so that they'd been apart.

Despite his pessimism with his condition, Natsu still kept in high spirits as they made their way to the guild. He talked about his plans to do some sort of work again, and how soon he was going to actually earn his keep, so Gray wouldn't need the guild's charity to support the two of them. Gray nodded along, refraining from pointing out that the bare minimum help Natsu was able to do at the time wasn't worth as much as the charity money supplied. Who knew. Maybe, in time, Natsu would be back to all the old guild work he'd helped out with in the past.

He didn't say as much, not wanting to kill Natsu's mood. After so many false hopes in the past, Gray didn't blame Natsu for not taking ideas of how much he might improve seriously. He might mention later how well Natsu did with the stairs, but just then Natsu had made a game of kissing Gray's temple whenever no one else on the streets was looking their way, and if Gray struck up a conversation, then Natsu would stop what he was doing to talk.

It wasn't perfect, but for the first time since Natsu fell ill, Gray thought everything was looking up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because an "everything is all totally back to normal and Natsu's health was restored" ending would have been a lot happier, but it also woulda been a total cop out.
> 
> Ha... I feel sad ending this. I might have delayed posting this chapter a few days because I didn't want to see it come. I looked for ways to extend the plot without the story really suffering for it, but nothing really worked out. It was fun though, and you guys were all super supportive. It's been a long time since something I wrote got this much attention! (Probably doesn't help that I spent a few years writing mpreg about minor characters or dabbling in small fandoms, but that's just a detail.) I honestly didn't expect this story to get as popular as it did, though. People even started to recommend me as a Gratsu author, which is a little terrifying, because I never wrote Gratsu before this and hardly ever started reading a fic about them, much less finished one. 
> 
> But I'm kinda glad I did. I never admitted as much before, but the reason I switched this premise from using Sting and Rogue to Natsu and Lucy (and then Natsu and Gray when I was about three or four chapters into writing it) was just because I was curious about whether or not it would attract a larger audience if I used more popular characters, and I wasn't too invested in Natsu or Gray. But they really grew on me. Like, a lot. A lot, a lot. I can't proudly declare that I don't like Gray with anyone anymore when people claim that the only reason I hate on Gruvia is because it gets in the way of some other ship I like, even if my newfound love of Gratsu still isn't why I take issue with Gruvia. But I'm getting a little off topic. School's keeping me pretty busy this spring, so I can't double up on projects and I already started another story with Sting and Rogue, but I definitely want to do more with Gratsu in the future. Maybe come summer, hopefully.
> 
> (Side note: Does anyone remember that movie about Abraham Lincoln as a vampire hunter? Apparently the guy who wrote the book that movie was adapted from decided to write it because the two best selling subjects at the time were Lincoln and vampires, and he figured some combo of the two would probably do well.)
> 
> In the meantime, I DO have a little left to give for this fic-verse. There's gonna be a three part epilogue, which is pretty much pure fluff, but after all the angsty shit you guys put up with from me, I think you're owed some light-hearted moments. Some of it's stuff I kind of wanted to include in earlier chapters, but didn't feel like it was an appropriate time for with where Natsu was emotionally. Some of it's just wanting you guys to see him improve more with time. Look forward to it.
> 
> Oh! And as a shameless plug, feel free to check out my new story as well, since I think it's safe to assume y'all like angst. The basic premise is that Ultear was unable to turn back time during the Eclipse incident, so no one was saved, and Rogue is forced to deal with the repercussions of his future self's actions as a result of everyone treating the incident with much more weight than they did in canon.


	39. Bonus Chapter 1

Natsu was the one to suggest they return to the beach, guilt tripping Gray into the splurge with the confession that it was on their last trip that Natsu came to realize that his feelings were Gray ran deeper than mere friendship or gratitude, and that it was almost like Gray didn't think that was significant. Natsu's work in the kitchen wasn't worth a steady income, but Makarov still paid him a few Jewels each day to encourage him being up and active, and Gray still received payment for seeing to Natsu's care while Natsu couldn't actually earn a decent living wage, and since Natsu had just come back from a week with Sting, Gray had taken a few fast jobs and had a neat little stash of money that could earn them a fun weekened.

Of course, Natsu hadn't _just_ come back from a week with Sting, but a week with Sting during Sting's vacation, which Sting chose to spend at the beach. But Gray was certain that this had nothing to do with Natsu's heartfelt plea that he and Gray immediately go to the exact same resort.

A resort was out of Gray's budget, but the same hotel he took Natsu to the year before was not. The last time they'd been there, Natsu's health hadn't declined too greatly yet. He wore out easily, and he barely if ever used magic, but he'd gotten himself from the beach to the hotel on his own when sulking over how Gray attracted attention from other women. He'd taken Gray's swim trunks with him too. While Gray would have preferred that Natsu still be able to walk that full distance by himself, there was a silver lining in that no one would be able to make him run all the way across town with only frosted ice to preserve his dignity.

He carried Natsu from the hotel to the shore, the two of them having agreed that they would see if Natsu could walk all the way across the sand to the water on his own. Natsu made it five steps before scampering back and clinging to Gray, almost trying to pull himself up. It took Gray a second to realize Natsu _was_ trying to pull himself up, and he hoisted the roset off the ground.

"What's wrong?"

"It's hot!" Natsu said. "No one ever told me the sand gets hot."

Gray's own tolerance for the cold was as much from pure resistance training as it was magic, and the idea that he might find snow cold even without his magic seemed absurd to him. But then it was probably a good thing that Igneel taught Natsu to resist the effects of heat with magic, rather than by breathing fire on him and hoping that he would stop burning eventually.

"It's like that mid-day. Want me to make you ice sandals?"

"They'll melt before I'm halfway to the water."

"I'll make more."

Gray ran a hand under Natsu's feet, coating the soles with a thin sheet of ice, then set him back on the ground. Natsu took one step, then over-acted slipping and falling back into Gray's arms.

"Alright, princess. If it's _that_ hard for you, I can carry you to the water."

"I can do it!" Natsu pushed himself upright. "I can do it! Really!"

The ice shoes had to be reapplied twice more before Gray made them an inch thick, and they still melted when Natsu was a few steps away from where the sand grew wet and cool. He skipped across the last couple steps before his feet met with safe ground, and from there he walked the slow, steady pace that he'd grown accustomed too over the past year.

It no longer seemed strange to Gray to watch Natsu move so cautiously and deliberately. Rather, it seemed strange to remember how energetically he used to move about. They'd had plenty of time to adjust to his condition, and it was almost weirder to see him walk all the way to the water on his own, or to be able to skip across those last few steps in an effort to keep from burning his feet.

The effects were gradual. A few times, they'd gone to Natsu's house and seen how much of the walk to the guild he could manage on his own, but he still couldn't make it all the way there. Still, he could get up and down the steps of Gray's apartment consistently. Sometimes, he grabbed Gray's wallet and took himself to the convenience store on the far end of the block to buy candy. Gray had initially discouraged this by telling Natsu he was worried about what might happen when he tried to get back up the stairs, and when Natsu prove himself capable, had to admit that he didn't like the excessive markups on the store's wares. He wasn't strapped for cash, but he wasn't rolling in it either, and he hated pointing that out to someone who knew they didn't quite pull their weight.

Gray thought Natsu was getting much better with handling his own weight, although Natsu always sulked when anyone called attention to his steady recovery. The projected capacity for improvement still had him living a magic free life, and Gray knew that to Natsu, who still had that desire to bounce off the walls even if he lacked the energy for it, it still felt wrong to be so feeble. That was the real reason Gray let himself be guilted into the beach trip. It cheered Natsu up when how serious his condition was first sank in, and Gray wanted to see Natsu smile as brilliantly as he could.

Natsu laughed when the first wave reached his toes, dancing back from it. The second time he let the water wash around him, not daring to dodge it more than once. His goal was to make it until dinner before he was completely dependent on Gray, so he had to be cautious with where he spent his energy.

This meant finding more ways than running around to keep himself entertained. Initially, Natsu and Gray had discussed sand-castle building, as it had been as easy enough activity for Natsu the last time they went to the beach, but with the sand so ungodly hot, Natsu was no longer sure he wanted to go that route. Instead, his wandering eyes found a stage a little ways down the beach, and a crowd milling about around it.

"Is there a concert?" Natsu asked. "I don't see a band name anywhere."

Following Natsu's gaze, Gray squinted at the stage. Still dependent on his glasses, Natsu would be no better than Gray and reading any banner, but there was no banner present near the stage at all, which did seem strange for an open air band performance.

"Probably some sort of contest. It's a resort town. I'm sure they hold all kinds of events during the summer."

"You should join."

"You don't even know what it is."

"Take me closer so I can tell you exactly why you should join."

Chuckling, Gray hoisted Natsu up onto his back and set off towards the stage. It seemed most likely to him that it would be a kiddie talent show, or a bikini contest, or some other event that he was ineligible for and likely required you register at least a couple days in advance anyway.

It was a wet t-shirt competition. With open registration. And male and female divisions to compete in.

"You should sign up for the girls' division," Natsu said. "You'll stand out more that way."

"I'm _not_ signing up for this. I'm not an exhibitionist," Gray said, balking at the registration sign.

Just looking at it gave him chills. Like it was Juvia sitting in that bucket suspended over the stage, ready to drop down into his unsuspecting arms and says that if he was really so hot, she could help him take his clothe off, although things might get a little steamy after that.

In truth, Juvia hadn't given Gray trouble for some time. When Mira spread the news like wildfire that Gray and Natsu were a couple, a blizzard snowed everyone in, which went on for days before someone figured out that the cold weather was effecting Juvia's rain making abilities. A mixture of coping mechanisms had been pushed on her by the guild at that point—no one daring to suggest that Gray set Natsu aside to sooth her after they'd split the two up so recently—and she'd kept on with her various therapies after the blizzard ended.

At the time, Gray had been more concerned with being trapped with Cana and Mira and all their teasing, and hadn't paid her much heed. He'd been so caught up with dodging their questions about how far he and Natsu had gone and would go to notice anything about the storm other than that it made it hard to physically escape from questions about whether or not he thought Natsu was up for sex. It had been a bitter stab of guilt right in the gut when he heard how she'd taken the news that he gave his heart to someone she dared not sincerely tackle as a love rival. He'd known she wouldn't be happy when he finally got it through to her that he wasn't interested, but his lack of returned feelings didn't mean he wanted to hurt her.

He still saw her gnash her teeth if he and Natsu got too affectionate at the guild, which was why kissing was more of an at home affair than something the two did in public, but Juvia wasn't there, and Natsu was getting pushy. Gray twisted his head back and kissed Natsu on the cheek before saying, "None of this nonsense. You see me shirtless often enough anyway."

"Yeah. But no one else gets to see what an awesome boyfriend I have."

"Natsu, everyone sees me shirtless. I got arrested last week when everyone saw my everything. People know you scored."

Natsu smacked Gray on the back of the head. "Only I get to brag about you. When you do it, it sounds cocky."

"Fine, fine."

Not that it hurt when Natsu struck him, but Gray liked to pretend it was something worth avoiding. It no longer made Natsu sulk to see how much his strength had dwindled. Even if you didn't take his Suraci's into account, Natsu had lost all muscle definition from being so sedentary, and he'd seen himself in the mirror often enough to accept that it was a thing that happened.

Natsu grinned, satisfied to see Gray give in, and decided to push his luck. "As punishment, you have to compete."

"Natsu, no."

"C'mon. We came all the way out here to have fun. Doesn't it look like fun."

"For you, maybe."

"You don't want me to have fun?"

It wasn't the question so much as the faked look of hurt Natsu gave that crumpled Gray's resolve. Getting up on stage like that looked embarrassing, but it looked better than seeing Natsu upset.

-o-

Gray somehow lost his swim trunks on the way to the back of the stage, which was just as well. Everyone had to wear the clothes the contest host selected anyway, so he had shorts to change into. Granted, he was going commando in them, and that was a dangerous thing to do when you were Gray.

The rules were simple enough. Stand up on stage, have water dumped on you, and a panel of judges selected from the female audience would decide who was the most attractive. Gray peeked out into the crowd four times as he dressed to make sure Juvia wasn't there. She might have toned things way down at the point that she lost to a sickly love rival, but Gray was still trained to be wary of any activity that might end with him being tackled by her.

Once he was confident that Natsu was the only person he knew in the audience, Gray pulled the thin white shirt he'd been provided over his head and lined up with the other contestants to be paraded in front of his boyfriend and a bunch of perverted girls.

He really wasn't an exhibitionist. Not in the sense that he got off on flaunting what he had to others. The stripping issue was a bad habit that he learned not to be too embarrassed about around people he knew, but didn't enjoy others catching him in too great a state of undress. He especially didn't like people thinking he enjoyed flaunting his body, even if he didn't mind people letting him know he looked good.

Trying not to feel too embarrassed, Gray focused his attention on Natsu, who grinned up at him like an idiot. He would find something humiliating to guilt that jerk into as retribution for this.

The host called out to the crowd, asking them to applaud and cheer as he pointed to each man on stage to get a sense of who they liked most, and Gray did his best not to pay attention to the roar of noise when it was his turn. How could you even tell who everyone was the loudest for? He had no idea girls could scream so much for men in white shirts.

Once the roll call completed the host ran over to a rope at the far end of the stage, ready to pull a that would release water over everyone. Anticipating the ice cold splash, Gray folded his arms and braced himself.

The water that crashed down over his head was lukewarm from sitting in the sun, and didn't cool him as much as he'd hoped. Under everyone's gaze, Gray could feel everyone's judging gaze on him, and while he wished he wouldn't blush, he felt his cheeks grow warm. In fact, on display under the noon sun, with a damp shirt clinging tight to his skin, it felt like he was overheating in general.

Lucky for him the ocean was right there. Gray decided that Natsu's punishment could be having to find a way across the hot sand on his own, because as soon as Gray was allowed off stage, he was racing for the water. Those girls they'd picked to judge just needed to hurry up and hold up the names of whoever they thought looked best and…

Gray blinked in surprise, taking in the results. A whopping nine out of ten girls lifted a sign bearing his name up, and another round of squeals went out from the crowd. The host laughed, bounding over to the judges, and stopped by the one girl who'd voted for someone else.

"You look like the type who enjoys going against the grain," he said. "What made you disagree with everyone else?"

"This is a wet t-shirt contest," the girl said. "He took his shirt off the moment he was splashed."

-o-

"Don't look so glum. It's not like there was a prize for winning anyway, other than getting your ego stroked, and you got that."

"I'm allowed to be embarrassed that I was disqualified from a wet t-shirt contest, Natsu."

Natsu laughed, wrapping his arms tighter around Gray. In the end, it had proved emotionally impossible to ditch him, so Gray was again carrying him across the sand. He went bridal style this time, hoping to still embarrass Natsu somehow. Unfortunately, Natsu was adjusted enough to needing to be carried one way or another that it had no effect. In fact, the shameless little brat seemed to enjoy being able to make eye contact with Gray while they walked.

"We speak of this to no one," Gray said.

"That's fine. Juvia will want a repeat performance, and I didn't like how all those girls were so excited by you."

"Then don't make me strut in front of them again."

The idea of Gray strutting set Natsu giggling.

"I mean it. That was humiliating."

"Fine. I'm sorry." Natsu reached up and kissed Gray on the cheek. "They're gonna be here all weekend, so it can be my turn tomorrow. Bet you _I_ can get all ten judges. I know how to keep my pants on."

Natsu hadn't possessed any muscle definition for almost a year, and Gray doubted he'd land a single vote when evaluated by all those pervy girls. But rather than say as much and risk brusing Natsu's pride, he snorted and said, "First off, it was my shirt. Second, some of us don't need to learn the hard way that we don't like putting our boyfriends on display. The last thing I want is someone else trying to beat me to your pants."

Natsu made a face. "What does _that_ mean?"

Gray glanced away from Natsu, grinning deviously. It had been a whole year of therapy and medication, and Natsu was in better shape than he used to be. If they started at the right time, things might be manageable.

"If you behave while we're on vacation, then maybe I'll teach you."


	40. Bonus Chapter 2

It took Gray three months to explain what "beat me to your pants" meant, and Natsu was less than pleased with the wait time. That Happy found out about his curiosity over the term and told everyone in the guild not to explain it to Natsu only upped his irritation, as the chorus of snickers that ran through the building whenever Gray teased him about the idea made his feel like the butt of some joke. He knew Gray would be embarrassed in that contest, but the amount of retribution Gray decided to get for it was way too much, and Natsu was sitting at the edge of his metaphorical seat waiting for the right moment to balance things back out.

There was never a good moment. When Gray took him to the park to see the fall foliage, Natsu was too caught up in the sight to remember his plans to hide all of the clothes Gray shirked beneath fallen leaves, and Gray was able to redress himself before anyone passed and saw him in his birthday suit. When they went to an aquarium and an octopus spat ink all over Gray's face, Natsu was too busy laughing to think to snap a photo, and Gray used kept his Devil Slayer markings on display for the next week and told everyone he was training his control over how they spread across his skin, so there was no chance for others to see how absurd he looked on their outing. Even when Natsu tried to tell everyone the _real_ reason Gray was wasting so much magic, they all dismissed the idea. Someone getting squirted in the face with ink was too outlandish a story to be true, and Gray wasn't so prideful that he'd maintain his Devil Slayer markings for a week straight just to hide a little ink splatter. (And he _did_ keep them up around the clock, since he lived with Happy.)

Natsu was about ready to give up on his payback for Gray's payback. His mind was anywhere but Gray, in fact. Gray had left the guild early to deal with something important in the apartment, a faulty pipe or some other issue. As the one who couldn't crank a wrench and didn't manage the funds to hire a plumber, Natsu hadn't paid much attention to the problem. All he knew was that Gray needed to be there while something was fixed, and Erza was taking him home after he finished helping Mira with the dinner dishes.

Running orders to tables was still off limits to Natsu, although he occasionally snuck one out when Mira was busy. Aside from that, he mostly did back room kitchen help. Mira let him prep vegetables, wash dishes, turn a burner down on the oven, and any other little thing that took little energy. Chairs were placed at the end of each counter so he wouldn't tire himself out standing as he sliced lettuce, and patronizing as Natsu found that, he did have to admit that it was nice to be able to sit while he worked.

That night was a busy one. Fried had gotten severely drunk earlier in the evening as some sort of drinking game, and ended up confessing his love to a similarly drunk Laxus, and now there was a celebration of their apparent joining as a couple. Mira handled most of the added work, afraid of overtaxing Natsu, even if he he'd gotten to be good at recognizing for himself where his limit was and not overdoing it. (In Gajeel's words, it was damned miracle that he'd been able to learn such a thing, but Natsu had been forced to admit eventually that it was a valuable skill to have.) While Natsu might have the lighter load of the two of them, however, he still found himself finishing one task, just to find another two crop up. It came as a tremendous relief when Erza peeked her head into the kitchen to retrieve him.

"I'm escorting Lucy home before Cana talks her into anyone, so I need to get Natsu now."

"Oh, but I'll never get to everyone in time without him," Mira said, which was a lie. Mira was some sort of superhuman when it came to running the guild, and she only ever pretended she needed anyone's help to make them feel good. But Natsu still took comfort in knowing that he at least made her work a teeny bit easier.

"You'll survive," Erza said. "Gray will smother me in my sleep if I leave without Natsu."

"Only because he couldn't beat you when you're awake," Natsu said, holding his arms up for Erza to lift him easier.

Being a superhuman in her own right, Erza carried Natsu on her back and Lucy, who was a little more drunk than Natsu expected, in her arms. Throughout the walk home Lucy giggled about any inane thing that crossed her mind, most of which had to do with Erza finally realizing she was a princess. By the time Erza dropped Natsu off at Gray's doorstep, he had a month's worth of embarrassing stories to dangle over Lucy's head.

Erza bid him farewell with a wink and a "You two have fun," which was a decidedly weird way to tell someone good night and sweet dreams, but then Erza had always been a little weird. Natsu thought nothing of it until he opened the door and was hit by the strong scent of roses.

He had read about this before. When Lucy ran out of books for him to read while Gray was away on a job, she'd started borrowing indiscriminately from Levy and Erza's collections, and those two read books that Lucy was too embarrassed to touch.

Natsu stepped inside cautiously. His vision was one thing that had barely improved since starting on the Suraci's pills, and the dimly lit apartment was hard to make out the details of, although familiarity told him where the furniture was. It would be easy to flick a light on, but Natsu wanted to see where Gray was going with this.

He sniffed, looking for Gray's scent beneath the rose, and thought his boyfriend might be in the bedroom. The obvious next course of action was to go in there and see what Gray had in store, but after a moment's thought Natsu turned to the kitchen sink instead. There wasn't anything particular that he needed to do in the kitchen. He just wanted to see how long Gray could last before altering his plans.

After two straight minutes of washing his hands, Natsu felt Gray's arms wrap around his chest.

"Hey," Gray whispered, lips up against Natsu's ear. "I have a surprise for you."

Feeling Gray's breath on the back of his neck, Natsu went rigid with nerves. This was something he'd wanted. Something he'd long wondered about. Something he entirely expected to underperform on with his condition. When Gray moved back, Natsu swallowed hard and gathered up the courage to look back and see exactly what the surprise was. When he turned around, however, Gray had already retreated back into the bedroom.

This was the moment of truth! Over a year of teasing by Cana about what he might be able to accomplish in bed would either be disproven or validated tonight.

Natsu strode purposefully into the bedroom, then froze at what he saw.

There were no real roses, but Gray must have forked out to get candles that didn't have an artificial tinge to their scent. To match the dim flickers that led up to the bed, Gray had frosted the walls with facets of ice that reflected the dancing flames.

Gray himself lay on the mattress. He was completely naked, and remained decent only by the sheet tastefully arranged to fall over his waist. Ironically this means he was more covered up than he normally was when in bed. He eyed Natsu as though the fire slayer had his pre-Suraci's figure, which made Natsu self-conscious of his utter lack of muscle definition.

"Feeling up for a little more activity before bed?" Gray asked. "I can take you for a ride I know you'll love."

With that, Natsu fell apart, ducking his face into his hands and biting down hard on his lip to keep from bursting out in laughter. It was impossible to feel anxious over Gray's attempt at seduction.

"H-hey? What's wrong?" Gray pushed himself upright in bed, then hopped off to hurry over to Natsu. "You aren't that tired, are you? Mira thought we ought to shoot for morning if we were going to do anything, but I didn't want to risk you being wiped out for the rest of the day."

Objectively, Natsu realized that Gray was referring to his disease and how easily an exciting morning could result in a nap from lunch to dinner. But because Gray said what he did right after dropping such a cheesy attempt at seduction, Natsu's brain still interpreted Gray's concerns as posturing. As if Gray was such a stud that he leave anyone spent for the day after the _ride_ he took them for.

"Natsu?" Gray tentatively slid a hand under Natsu's to feel his boyfriend's cheek, as if contact would let him detect anything amiss. "Hey. Speak to me."

Certain he would burst out in laughter if he removed his teeth from his lip, Natsu stayed silent. His only visible reaction was the faint trembling of his shoulders as he struggled to regain control of himself. Gray, misinterpreting this for extreme fatigue, leaned in closer to try and make sure Natsu wasn't in danger of another attack. It had been over a year, but the last one did enough damage that Gray was determined never to let Natsu suffer any further degeneration ever again.

Natsu seized the moment when Gray leaned in to grab him, pulling himself forward so that their lips met. If he focused on what his tongue did, it helped draw him out of what Gray said. Hopefully Gray would mistake the occasional chuckle that escaped for him experimenting with his kisses.

The tactic worked. It only took a second before Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu and pulled him closer, and they had yet to break away for air when Gray swept Natsu off the ground and carried him towards the bed.

"You're up for this," Gray asked as he set Natsu on the mattress.

"I'm down with it."

As Gray was already naked, he set to work stripping Natsu down, working at his belt while Natsu shrugged off his vest. He tossed the belt across the room when he managed to undo the clasp, and flipped Natsu from his butt to his back to pull his trousers off.

"Have you done this before?"

"No. You?"

"Not with a man," Gray admitted.

"Uh oh." Natsu smirked up at Gray. "You know what you're doing, right?"

"I know more than you do." Gray smirked back. "Told you I'd be the first to get into your pants."

"Oh! Is that what the pants thing meant?" Natsu asked. His expression brightened as he asked, eyes widening as innocent curiosity beat out the lust that filled them seconds before.

"It means something better than you expected, doesn't it?"

"It definitely doesn't mean what I expected."

"Well."

Gray reached for Natsu's scarf, but Natsu grabbed it and held firm. The scarf stayed on.

Gray tsked. "You know I can't reach your neck like that."

Smirking up at him, Natsu said, "You have the rest of me to work with."

"True."

Gray leaned forward, kissing Natsu again before moving to nibble on his ear. No sooner had he done so than did Natsu grab the sheets and roll over, wrapping himself up as he turned in bed.

"Uh… Natsu?"

"I'm sleepy."

"…what."

"I'm sleepy," Natsu repeated, turning his head so that Gray couldn't see his smirk that reached from ear to ear. "You can get in my pants some other time."

"But… But you…"

Natsu could _smell_ Gray's arousal, and he knew how badly Gray wanted to protest. Claiming fatigue, however, was the ultimate get out of jail free card for Natsu. No one dared press him to do anything when tired, lest they trigger an attack. Gray above all others wouldn't take the risk, especially not for sex. It wouldn't do to taint the memory of their first time like that.

"Fine. I can wait until morning."

"Mm… I think I'll still be tired in the morning."

"When, then?"

Natsu thought about it, counting the days Gray made him wait to learn that he was thinking about sex in the first place. Wouldn't it have been nice to have that much of a heads up instead of coming home one evening to the surprise that he had been judged fit enough to attempt a go? "Maybe in three months."

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not _that_ mad."

"Your mad at me."

Natsu looked back, pushing himself up to give Gray one last kiss for the night. "Only a teeny bit. You'll like it better when I've had more time to recover anyway."

"Are you sure you want to do this? You're raising my expectations now."

Gasping with fake offense, Natsu asked, "Are you suggesting you have low expectations of me?"

Gray hesitated before grabbing a corner of the sheets and pulling it over himself. "You know what, I'm really tired to. 'Night, Natsu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who remembered that I don't like sex scenes should have seen this coming. (It was a toss up between Natsu being petty, or one of them turning out to be too ticklish to bear it. The latter sounded funnier, but the former implied less abstinence going forward.)


	41. Bonus Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T PROOFREAD THIS BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINISH IT SO SORRY FOR ANY WORD DERPS!

Natsu was standing on a ladder in the record room when the door banged open and someone shrieked, and he grimaced at the noise. So long as the ruckus was contained to the upstairs, everyone else in the guild could handle it, but _they_ were clearly intent on coming downstairs. It was only a matter of seconds before it became _his_ responsibility. It always went to hell when things became his responsibility.

He had time to shelve two more books before the children burst into the record room. Leo ran in first, screaming and laughing. For as mellow as Lucy tried to make herself out to be relative to the rest of the guild, she easily had the craziest kid. Then again, she had a child with Sting, so it was entirely likely that all the crazy came from Leo's father. He was followed by Levy's twins, and then by Silver, a raven-haired boy with brilliant, blue-green eyes, and Natsu stopped paying attention to who all was involved in this latest game (tag?) when he saw his son.

They'd flipped a coin over the name. Natsu and Gray both wanted to name him after their own father, and apparently you were only allowed to use the fact that you had a life-altering disease to argue that you deserved special treatment so many times before it became an invalid excuse.

It was an intense debate. Probably the most intense thing Natsu engaged in that entire year. Gray had played a much more active role in their having a son, sure, but Natsu would have happily taken the bulk of the work if it weren't for his health.

On the subject of his blasted health, the kids took one look at him and immediately quieted down, dialing down their noise so they whispered every scream and laugh they would normally make for the other adults. Natsu could only shake his head in exasperation. Just because he couldn't chase them around didn't mean they had to avoid making too much noise around him.

There were a great many things that Natsu had gotten used to in the years since he first developed Suraci's. He no longer moaned about how he couldn't take jobs off the board, and took pride in the fact that he could still help around the guild. He left well in advance when there was somewhere he needed to be at a given time, knowing he wouldn't be able to run, and would need to stop periodically to sit and rest. He was conservative with what little magic he'd regained, using it only when needed. (Since he didn't have enough magic for combat, that mostly meant times when Silver begged.)

He might have wanted to go on jobs with Gray, but having to stay home meant he had more time with their son, and he _lorded it_ over Gray the _he_ was the one Silver always sought out first for help. If he couldn't run off and join in on Silver's training sessions, he could still give pointers while watching Silver practice at home. The only part that really killed Natsu was that, of all people, it was his uncle who Silver most took after, and insisted on training with.

Mostly because he was ten times more worried for Silver's safety during those training sessions as he was for Gray when his husband went on an SS-Class job. As a matter of precedent, Gray got himself killed far less often than Silver's uncle screwed up royal. Erza and Lucy alternated between agreeing with Natsu and finding it amusing that he of all people should be worried about how safe something was. Gray worried too, probably. Mostly, Gray seemed jilted by the fact that his son didn't want to learn magic from his accomplished Papa.

But aside from that _major_ safety concern, Natsu did appreciate that Silver inherited whatever smart gene skipped over his Daddy. Even if it was a little embarrassing to ask have a six-year-old son who was smarter than you. Pity the Dragneel family possessed no common sense gene. At least Silver wasn't attempting necromancy, so it could be worse, but Natsu still felt his blood drain when he saw Silver try to climb one of the bookshelves.

"Get _down_ from there!" Natsu called out. "You don't know how to fly!"

"Only 'cuzz Happy won't _teach_ me!" Silver shot back.

"That doesn't mean you get to go around pretending he has!"

The other children all froze immediately, the game abruptly ended now that the _fragile_ grownup objected to something one of them did. This was why, for as much as he liked kids, Natsu hated being the adult in the room. Levy hammered home to Shutora and Yajeh that they weren't to ever give Natsu trouble. At all. _Ever_. Or there would be repercussions. Because Natsu was sick and only the naughtiest little boys and girls would make things hard for him. And when all the other little kids whose parents also told them that they needed to not wear Natsu out saw that the twins, who were the oldest of the lot, would drop everything around Natsu to spare him the trouble of policing them, they followed suit.

Now Silver was the only one who knew that he could still run around and scream in his Daddy's presence, and even he became docile when the other children did, because the twins would stare at him in disbelief if he acted up. How could _Natsu's son_ not realize that children weren't supposed to make a ruckus around _Natsu?_

Natsu complained about it once to Levy, feeling guilty about how he couldn't speak up without spoiling the children's fun, but she'd been unsuccessful in convincing the twins that there was a difference between causing trouble and having fun. No doubt they inherited _that_ trait from their father.

"You can keep playing," Natsu said, even though he knew it was an effort in futility.

The kids looked at one another, unsure what games were safe to play around Natsu.

Sighing, Natsu descended the ladder. He knew a trick that could send them running back up to Lucy is a matter of seconds. "Alright. If you guys are done with your game, you can help me with—"

His foot slipped. He was only one rung from the floor, but Titania—Natsu _still_ couldn't believe that Elfman let Ever name his _son_ something so _unmanly_ —screamed as if he'd tumbled from the top of one of the massive bookcases.

"I'm not hurt," Natsu assured them, pushing his glasses back up after they'd fallen out of place. "I'm okay. It's alright."

Any expression but 'I'm fine' was fair game. Gray taught _all_ of them to go running to the next nearest adult to report that Natsu needed help if he ever uttered the words 'I'm fine'.

Silver gave Titania a shove to stop the boy from screaming, but still leaned over to make sure his daddy really was okay. Unlike the other children, he knew the signs. He had to know them, because when Papa wasn't around, it was his job to make sure Daddy wasn't pushing himself too hard. Daddy knew not to push himself, but he forgot sometimes when he was in charge of Silver. He knew how to make the special tea that kept Daddy going all day and when Daddy needed to take his medicine and which neighbor to bang on the door of if Daddy ever collapsed. And for as ashamed as Natsu was at times that is son needed to know all that, he thanked the heavens that Silver had yet to run to the neighbors for anything.

Nevermind that Natsu never wanted to have another attack, especially after having come so far in his recovery. It would be monumentally unfair to Silver to put him in a situation like that.

Silver studied his daddy's legs for any signs that they might be trembling, and upon assuring himself that they were straight and sturdy, nodded his approval. "Daddy's telling the truth."

Curse Gray. Curse Gray with every foul spell known to man, god, and demon for teaching the children not to trust Natsu to look after himself.

"Well, we all agree there's nothing wrong with me and you're all just standing there, how about you help me shelve these books?" Natsu asked, gesturing to the bookcase behind him.

The children gaped. None of their heads even came past the third shelf, and the bookcases almost reached the high ceiling. The task was a daunting one even when you weren't a small child with no patience for things like sorting alphabetically. Half of them were still learning the alphabet, Natsu knew, even if Silver thought they all had to be pretending that the alphabet was hard because no way could _anybody_ struggle with something so _simple_.

Honestly, it probably was a good thing that his uncle jumped at the chance to play teacher for the little braniac.

Levy's children fled immediately, Leo and Titania close behind, with Silver and Kiseki (Erza's purple haired little boy with an allegedly unknown father—although Jellal certainly doted on him like nothing else) bringing up the rear. Only little Oberon, who was all of three and had yet to show whether or not he had either of his parents' brains but certainly had his mother's fascination with books, stood and considered helping Natsu with the shelves.

Natsu beamed down at him. Oberon was his favorite after Silver, and he'd be happy for the company, even if the boy would spend all his time pulling books off the bottom shelf.

But Silver was too smart for anyone's good, and had been taught not to make any unnecessary work for his daddy. When he saw his cousin waddling towards the bookshelf, he called out, "C'mon, Obby! Let's steal Auntie Erza's cake!"

This was the kind of dangerous venture that Natsu ought to discourage—especially since cake was serious business for Erza with Kiseki's little sister due in only a few weeks. But then on the other hand, it wasn't like Erza was in any condition to give chase. Natsu let Oberson run off after Silver. His brother would never know what Natsu chose not to prevent, and Mavis would find the whole situation amusing to watch.

Oberon was the last up the stairs, but Silver stood in the doorway after everyone else had past, watching his daddy for any signs of trouble.

It was frustrating that he couldn't play with them, and that his own son felt to need to be on watch for any problems all the time. But Natsu would be lying if he said he wasn't touched to see Silver care. Grinning, he gave the boy a thumbs up.

Silver grinned and returned the gesture before slamming the door shut, and Natsu grabbed the next book to shelf. Mood better than before the children came downstairs, he hummed a tune to himself to drown out Erza's cries of indignation.

-o-

Family game night was an awkward affair that Mavis and Gray insisted upon. It mattered to them that they all stay in touch, seeing as they'd all grown up without any relatives in the picture. It wasn't that Natsu preferred that his relatives stay _out_ of the picture, and his sister-in-law and nephew were always welcome. But there were some relatives who had opted not to be in the picture when he was little, and Natsu felt he saw enough of them when they swung by the guild.

That wasn't entirely fair. He did owe it to Zeref that there even was a medication that he could take to help him regain more use of his body. But on the other hand Zeref _did_ start a war with them that one time. And Silver preferred learning magic from him, too. And that last one was unforgivable.

Games went in phases. First they played an entirely luck based one with nothing but dice rolling for Oberon, and then when he got bored, they switched to one which mixed strategy and luck. Since Mavis had no taste for _anything_ strategy where he perfect plans were easily dashed by luck, and since Natsu usually burned out for the evening around the same time as Oberon, the three of them would beg out, Natsu snuggling up with his nephew so the little boy wouldn't throw a fit about how his bedtime was earlier than everyone else's, and Mavis reading him a bedtime story.

Once Oberon was asleep and the second game ended, Natsu was often on his own to watch the third game. This had less to do with Suraci's and more to do with the Dragneel family's genius gene skipping him. Game three was a high strategy one, where brilliant little Silver teamed up with his papa (and sometimes welcomed his uncle into a three man team) to beat Auntie Mavis. Natsu wasn't valuable as a teammate even when wide awake, and suffered a crushing defeat whenever he played one his own, so he was relegated to the position of spectator.

That night's game must have been too much for Gray to keep up, because he bowed out in the first round and left Silver to turn to his uncle for help. Any other night of the week Natsu would already be curled up in bed with Silver at this point, but the little tyke refused to go to bed when there was a chance to prove that he was as smart as the grownups, and Natsu refused to go to bed when Silver was up.

Gray moved Oberon carefully out of the way before sitting down beside Natsu, watching their son through the door. As always, the board was set up and Silver placed so that Natsu could see him even if he had to crawl into bed early.

"I think he takes too much from your side. If I didn't know better, I might think he wasn't mine at all," Gray said. "We should have named him Igneel after all."

"His hair is _black_."

"There's definitely black on your side."

"He should take more after you," Natsu muttered. "He hardly acts like me anyway. He's too responsible."

"I worked hard to not be as crazy as you. I don't think he got his personality from me."

Natsu sighed. Silver certainly hadn't gotten it from anyone else in Natsu's family either, which could only mean he'd learned to act that way because his daddy was sick.

"He _should_ take more after you. It would beat ending up like me."

Gray glanced down at Natsu, lying stomach-down on the mattress and clutching a pillow as he watched their son.

"It's going to be okay," Gray said. "I got tested, remember? The disease is recessive, and I'm not a carrier. It's something we'll be on the lookout for if we get to having grandkids, but he's safe. You should be more worried about living vicariously through him than anything else. Besides, I'm sure he'll end up at least as good as you are, and we'll be glad for it."

Hearing that his grandchildren might be at risk for ending up with his affliction didn't grant Natsu any consolation, just like Gray reminding him regularly never fully alleviated his fear that one day Silver would wake up and not be able to run anymore. And Gray could tell Natsu not to live vicariously through their son until the end of time, but it still made Natsu smile to see Silver run and play and be _active_ in all the ways that Natsu used to be. Whether Silver ended up in Fairy Tail or put that brain of his to work in research, Natsu never wanted to see Silver slow down.

But he still appreciated Gray's efforts, and offered up a smile.

They had this conversation at least once a week. More often, if Silver sought out another adult for something that Natsu couldn't manage. Like doing anything past six. Natsu could tolerate that he wasn't always able to help his son with more scholarly matters—he liked having a smart kid almost as much as he liked gloating to Gajeel that his kid was smarter than the twins. The matter of Silver and Natsu and brains had nothing to do with his disease. It the ways that his sickness got in the way where he might have otherwise been able to be there that got to him.

He mentioned _that_ to Gray before in the context of grandkids, and was far from pleased when Gray pointed out how delayed Natsu's onset was. He didn't Silver to lose an infant to the condition. He didn't want a grandchild who would grow up never being allowed to run or play or learn magic the same way their parents could. It hadn't been fair to Natsu to know what that was like and lose it. It wouldn't be fair to that child, never having the chance to experience it. It wouldn't be fair to Silver, who already had to be attuned to his parent's health, to have to go through the same process with a child once he left the nest.

That talked about it a lot. Often enough that Gray could tell without asking where Natsu's mind went without having to ask, and gave him a playful smack on the head.

"Silver's _six_ , Natsu. We have a long time before we have to think about grandkids."

"Hopefully we have a long time."

"Natsu, he is six."

"You never know. Romeo—"

"Six."

"Fine." Natsu sank his face into the pillow, unwilling to face Gray as he admitted defeat.

"C'mon now." Gray hooked a hand under Natsu's chin and pulled his head back up. "Silver's fine. And he's smart enough to know to play it safe once he's older. You know that."

"I guess…"

Gray raised an eyebrow. "You doubt our son?"

Natsu shot upright, getting to his feet on the mattress fast enough to make himself dizzy. "H-hey! No fair! You can't frame it like that!"

Beside them, Oberon stirred.

"Shush. You'll wake Obby."

Because Natsu still looked flustered and ready to yell more, Gray grabbed him by the sides and pulled him down to a sitting position, then put a hand behind his head to hold him in place for a kiss.

The intent of this was, primarily, to soothe Natsu. Keeping him from waking Oberon was only a secondary goal. So that Oberon woke with a shriek when Silver cried, "Daddy! Papa! _Gross!_ " was no major crisis. For Gray or Natsu, at least. Mavis had to abandon her post at the opposite end of the board to tend to her son, which gave Silver the opportunity to peak at what tiles she had to lay down, which meant his attention was off his parents, who seized the chance to steal another kiss.

"Stop fussing so much," Gray said when they broke away. "You made Silver look."

"I can't believe _you_ just told me to stop fussing."

"I can't believe I had to tell _you_ to stop fussing," Gray said, and leaned again.

Natsu stole a glance in Silver's direction to make sure he wasn't looking before meeting Gray's lips. Sooner or little the kiddo was going to have to get over his disgust at the sight of people kissing, but for the time being, Natsu saw no problem with humoring Silver. In fact, meddlesome as it could be at times, there was something endearing about his attitude. Natsu didn't look forward to Silver growing up. Not because he dreaded a sick grandchild, but because Silver was too precious as he was.

"Maybe it's not so bad," Natsu muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

He wanted to run. He wanted to go with Gray on jobs, and take their son on light assignments and be the one to teach him magic. He couldn't do that, because he was sick, and it would only make his health deteriorate if he tried. But if he'd never fallen ill, Natsu suspected he wouldn't have had the chance to realize he could love Gray. There would be no husband. No family diners where they bantered for the fun of it. No _Silver_. And that was incomprehensible.

It wasn't perfect. A perfect world would have him realize he and Gray were perfect for each other without him getting sick, but that wasn't what happened, and quite likely wasn't something that could have happened. But you didn't need perfection to be happy, and Natsu couldn't imagine giving up the happiness he had.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is set at some ambiguous point after the current arc. I'm just assuming since Mavis is alive and Natsu needs Zeref to live that he'll probably come out alright in the end. As for why him being here came out of left field... I'm sorry. I wrote "uncle" at random once and then was so enamored to the idea of Uncle Zeref that I couldn't bring myself to leave it out. In all fairness, there was as much buildup for all the kids being born, so it's not like Zeref ending up on decent terms with everyone when it's already implied that he was looking for a cure for Natsu is that out of the blue compared to the rest of the chapter.
> 
> Anyway, I just really wanted to do a 'much later' scene like this. It seemed warm and fuzzy and stuff. I do a lot of fics where couples have kids, but not a lot about them actively being parents. And since Natsu has a genetic disease, I did want to at least lightly touch on concerns that he might have for that down the road.
> 
> Incidentally, on the subject of genetically inherited diseases that Natsu is worried about, how he and Gray came to have a child, and the detail of Gray playing a more active role in their obtaining a child, you are free to explain this in whatever way you wish. But do realize that I did post my 13th mpreg fic in the past week. (9th under this user name.) Just thought I'd mention that.
> 
> Anyway, thanks to everyone for sticking with me on this one! I'm a little sad to be done with it...


End file.
